The next morning Meredith gathered her books from her chambers and headed below stairs to wait in the castle yard. It was earlier than the appointed time to meet the carriage that would carry her to Blackwood Castle, but Meredith was hoping to avoid her sister. Last night they had argued about her acceptance of the governess position, and Meredith didn’t want to revisit their quarrel before meeting her charges. Starting on the right foot was important.
Meredith and Felicity rarely had disagreements, but when they did, neither was quick to admit to being wrong. Mama said they were both too stubborn for their own good—a trait they had inherited from their father. And like Papa, she and Felicity had an innate desire to contribute something worthwhile to the world. If anyone should be able to understand Meredith’s desire to teach, it should be her sister. Felicity’s refusal to see anything through Meredith’s eyes disappointed her.
She swept past her sister’s closed door, noting the chamber was quiet. Felicity was likely still abed, since sleep was a precious commodity at her advanced stage of pregnancy. When Meredith reached the end of the corridor, she raced down the stairs. If the duke caught her running, he’d chastise her for unladylike behavior. But he and Julian were out for a morning ride, and she truly wanted to escape the castle before her sister woke.
Meredith was halfway to the front door when Felicity strolled from the drawing room wearing a blue print cotton day gown fashioned to accommodate her expanding belly.
“There you are,” her sister said. “I was beginning to wonder if you had changed your mind about the governess position.”
Meredith drew to a reluctant halt. She was put out with her sister, but she also loved her a great deal and hated being at odds. “I am on my way to the castle yard to await Lord Blackwood’s carriage. I suppose you are disappointed that I didn’t come to my senses overnight.”
Felicity smiled ruefully. “This morning Julian reminded me of some of the things I said at supper, and I realized I owe you an apology. I would like to blame everything on my pregnancy, but that is the coward’s way.”
The rigidness of Meredith’s spine melted a little, but she hugged the books close to her chest. She wasn’t quite convinced that her sister’s comment was evidence of her acceptance of her decision.
Felicity came closer to place her hand on Meredith’s shoulder. “Please, try to understand that I only wish to see you happy. If our situations were reversed, I believe you would feel the same. You have a home with us as long as you need it, therefore, entering service is unnecessary.”
Meredith swallowed a groan. She should have kept walking and pretended she hadn’t seen her sister. “I haven’t much time. Could we postpone this discussion until later?”
She would be returning to Danby Castle that evening because it was the only way her family would agree to allow her to take the position. No matter how many times Meredith had pointed out that residing under her employer’s roof was not only acceptable, it was expected of a governess, Felicity and Mama had refused to listen. Julian had been quick to agree with them, too.
She suspected everyone except the duke believed she would forget about her unsuccessful Season and return to London next year, but she wouldn’t. The marriage mart was the most unnatural phenomenon she’d ever experienced. How a lady was supposed to decide if she wanted to marry a man after only a few dances baffled the mind. If she had paid attention to her initial reservations and stayed in Bath, she wouldn’t have humiliated herself.
Felicity sighed and turned back toward the drawing room. “We will have approximately ten minutes on the ride to Blackwood Castle to discuss this further. I don’t wish to leave it until this evening.”
“Wait a moment. Are you coming with me?”
Felicity disappeared into the drawing room without answering, but she was back a few moments later with a pair of kid gloves and her bonnet. She stopped in front of a looking glass hanging on the wall and donned her hat. “You can’t go alone. You require a chaperone.”
“I am a governess now. Arriving with a chaperone will appear ridiculous.”
Felicity shrugged as she secured the bonnet’s ribbons beneath her chin, her reflection copying her movements. She spun around to face Meredith with a determined gleam in her eyes. “You are an innocent young lady, and I won’t have the locals spreading gossip about you.”
“What do you think will be said about you for gallivanting around the countryside in your state?”
“There is nothing improper about calling on the neighbors, and I expect everyone will commend me for protecting my younger sister’s reputation.”
“You are impossible,” Meredith mumbled and stalked for the front door. Felicity followed her outside.
“I am completely impossible,” she chirped happily. “I almost pity you for having such an impossibly caring sister.”
Meredith rolled her eyes. It was hard to argue when her sister agreed with her. She found Felicity’s knack for playfully twisting another’s words amusing—most of the time.
“I’d planned to practice my elocution in the carriage,” Meredith said, “but it will feel awkward now. Making a good impression is important.”
“I am certain you have no cause for worry. Lord Blackwood seemed satisfied by the duke’s personal recommendation.”
Meredith was more concerned with impressing the earl’s wife. Danby had been tightlipped about his neighbors at dinner last night, forcing Meredith to send her lady’s maid on a mission to learn everything she could about the residents at Blackwood Castle. What she’d learned did not put her at ease.
Reportedly, Lady Blackwood tossed aside governesses like a debutante discarded ball gowns. There was a chance Meredith wouldn’t make it through the first morning before the countess turned her out, and her stomach had been fluttering with nerves all morning.
“I wish you were more concerned with earning my approval.” Her sister inhaled sharply and held her breath a moment before slowly exhaling.
Meredith frowned. “Are you all right?”
“Of course.” Felicity sounded suspiciously out of breath. “You must know we enjoy having you with us. Julian is no more eager to see you go than I am.”
Felicity and her husband would keep Meredith into her dotage if she would allow it, but her lot in life was not to become pampered and useless. Of that much, she was certain, but she couldn’t deny the twinges of homesickness she experienced when she contemplated separating from her family when they returned to Bath. Her nephew would change so much between visits, and she would miss all the baby’s firsts. A splinter of doubt wedged itself into her heart.
“I am grateful to you and Julian. Truly, I am.” She craned her neck to search for signs of the Blackwood carriage, praying it would hurry before her sister could discover the chink in her armor.
“Take heart,” Meredith said with false cheerfulness. “Perhaps Lord Blackwood will find my qualifications lacking. I could be back within the hour.”
Her qualifications were not really a source of worry. Meredith had always excelled at her lessons. Even before her sister had married Julian and a tutor was hired for her, Meredith’s education had been exemplary. Felicity—having learned medicine at their father’s side when he was still alive—had introduced Meredith to the study of human anatomy, deductive reasoning, and Latin, which was an advantage many ladies were never given. Meredith was as capable of educating a gentleman’s son as she was of teaching his daughters.
Her sister kneaded her lower back with both hands, wincing slightly. “I wouldn’t complain if we were back within the hour.”
Meredith shook her head in disbelief. Despite her sister’s denial, she was not well. She had been grimacing on and off for the last three days. “Felicity, I believe you should go lie down. Remember how bumpy the lane is. You will be miserable even on a short drive.”
“I will be all right.” The tense lines on her forehead said otherwise.
“I do not need a chaperone,” Meredith insisted. “Lady Blackwood will be there, but if I promise to take my maid, will stay you behind?”
“You needn’t worry about—” Felicity squeezed her eyes together and hissed, clutching her stomach.
Meredith slipped her arm around her sister’s waist to assist her back inside the castle. She waved off a footman when he tried to approach, knowing Felicity was too proud to accept his help.
Meredith guided her toward the staircase. “You are returning to your chambers. Perhaps Julian should send for the midwife.”
Felicity leaned against her. “I am not in labor. I had early contractions with Reid, too.”
“I recall you lying down when you had them, so no more arguments.”
They climbed the stairs, and Meredith escorted her sister to her chambers. Once Felicity was in bed with pillows propped behind her back, Meredith sat on the edge of the bed.
“I will send word to Blackwood Castle that I won’t be able to assume my duties until tomorrow.”
Her sister’s face softened, and she captured Meredith’s hand. “Meri, don’t you want to fall in love and marry someday? You love children. Are you willing to forego the chance to become a mother?”
Her sister’s question initiated a dull pang beneath her breastbone. Meredith had begun the Season with dreams of following her sister’s example and finding a good man to love. But when she’d overheard Lord Hessenford speaking about her to a group of gentlemen at Almack’s, her hopes were crushed. She could still hear the derisive sneer to his voice as he proclaimed her an idiot and the men’s guffaws when he’d imitated her stutter.
Her cheeks heated at the remembered humiliation. “Becoming a governess would allow me contact with children.”
“It wouldn’t be the same.” Felicity gently squeezed her hand. “Remember how sweet it was to hold Reid in your arms the first time? Some day you will hold your own babe if only you are patient.”
Meredith glanced toward the door. It was better to avoid thinking about what she would be losing by pursuing this path and focus on what she would gain—a purpose. “Lord Blackwood’s carriage will be here any moment. I should go meet the driver and ask him to relay my message. Surely, the earl and countess will understand the need to delay.”
Felicity’s shoulders sank. “I might not agree with your choice, but if you insist on taking the position, you should arrive as expected. As you said, it is important to make a good impression.”
Her sister’s support meant a lot to Meredith. She smiled and leaned forward to place a kiss on Felicity’s forehead. “Please try to rest while I am gone,” Meredith said.
Felicity held on to her hand as she tried to slip from the side of the bed. “I only want you to be happy, Meri.”
“This will make me happy. I cannot abide a life of idleness any more than you can.”
Although Felicity had married a man she adored, she hadn’t been able to give up her love for medicine. She restricted her ministrations to their servants for propriety’s sake, except in dire situations. Julian had never tried to stop her from saving lives, as she had done when the local midwife sought her assistance in a breech birth earlier that spring.
“How many burns, cuts, and bumps have you tended since we settled in Bath?” Meredith asked. “How many sniffles and irritable bellies?”
“A fair number, but there is a need, and I love—” Felicity’s eyes widened. Perhaps her sister was finally coming to understand. Eventually, she nodded. “I have been overstepping my bounds, have I not?”
“Perhaps a bit, but I know you are well-intentioned.” Meredith patted her sister’s hand before releasing it and turning toward the door.
“At least take your maid when you go. I am holding out hope you will reconsider marriage, and safeguards must be taken to protect your reputation.”
“I will, and please stop worrying.” It was a wasted effort on Felicity’s part. Meredith would not be changing her mind.