I HAVE TWO WONDERFUL SONS: Raymond, who keeps grammar books in the bathroom as he likes grammar so much and seems to consider the subject as light, entertaining reading, and Carl, who is qualified as a mediator. I discovered very early on that the skills of both of my sons were extremely valuable in supporting me in writing a book on mediation. At this stage, I bet they are both very relieved the project is over and they can return to their peaceful lives. The incisiveness and quality of their work provided immense and valuable support, and I thank them and appreciate that they were there when I needed them. Above all, I thank them for their extreme patience.
The patience of Raymond and Carl was finely matched by that of my graphic designer, Simon Olley. I know I sorely tested him in the last four and three-quarter years. I never thought it was possible for any one human being to change their mind so many times, but I did, and Simon met every one with politeness, gentleness and enormous patience. I am deeply appreciative of his very talented and astute mind.
During that first year when I was researching our physiological responses to conflict, I relied heavily on the expertise of Germaine Staunton, and also on Janice Tucker — thank you to both of them.
The plan for this book was to start and finish it in four months, but, oh dear, it is now four and three-quarter years! At the end of Year One, I sent the draft to mediator friends and colleagues, assuming that in a couple of weeks I would have made all their suggested amendments and my work would be finished. But my friend Cora Carrigg had different ideas and spent five hours telling me how the book needed serious restructuring! The kindest thing I could say to myself after Cora’s forensic work was that I had developed a training manual but had not taken into account that I would not be there with the reader to deliver it. The worst I can admit to myself is that no publishing house would have touched this book in the form it was after that first year. I then spent more than three years working on it to whip it into shape, so thank you for your enormous help and feedback, Cora.
I would particularly like to thank those who so kindly gave me specialist help: David Walsh (NLP), Judy Rees (Clean Language), Janis Magnusson and Peter Greene (publishing) and Sabrina Spillane (IT support). Thank you for your generous spirits and your time.
To those who gave me feedback on particular sections of the book — Mary Lou O’Kennedy, Mary Rafferty, Ann Walsh, Ray Flaherty, Paul Pierse, Derek Windram, Siun Kearney, Helen Harnett and Vera Hogan — I would like to extend to you all warm and sincere thanks for taking this time from your own worlds to do so.
Thank you to those I have trained to become mediators as I have learned so much from you over the years and thank you for your feedback on the S Questions Model.
And thank you to Ken Cloke for believing in me from the start, and for “giving the dumb priest the parish”!
I would also like to extend my appreciation to the staff of New Society Publishers.