I
can’t believe I actually had sex with Sara Hamilton. I can hardly process that I’m holding her in my arms right now.
I look down at her. She really is beautiful. I love the way she looked as she orgasmed. I love the feeling I got having sex with her.
She kisses my cheek.
“I need to freshen up before we go back out there,” she tells me. “I’ll be right back.”
“Yeah, take your time,” I respond.
She gets up and scurries off to the bathroom, grabbing her clothes along the way. I lean back in bed. Holy shit. Everything still feels so surreal.
I reach for my pants and pull my phone out of the pocket. I send a text to Rachel.
“Hey,” I begin. “You’ll never believe what just happened.”
Normally I’m not one to gossip about my conquests, but Rachel will keep this quiet. And I need to tell someone else. It still feels like it didn’t really happened.
“What’s up?” She texts back.
“I just had sex with Sara Hamilton.”
In response, I get a series of eye-roll emojis. Clearly Rachel isn’t taking this as seriously as me.
To her credit, Rachel has been telling me to ask her out for a long time. And I mean a long
time.
She’s always said we would be a good match. I have to agree with that. The sexual chemistry between us is crazy.
Sara comes back from the bathroom looking as stunning as ever. It’s incredible how fast she was able to clean herself up.
“Hey!” she starts. “The bathroom is free if you want to use it.”
I jump up from my seated position and take her place in the bathroom. I grab my clothes along the way. When I get in there, I get dressed and try to freshen myself up a bit.
At the very least, I try to not make it look like I just had sex. I manage to clean myself up pretty well, and we go back to the rest of the family.
The rest of the visit goes shockingly smoothly. I sometimes forget that we aren’t actually dating.
It just feels so natural with her. At first, I have to put on a show for my relatives. Still, it isn’t long before I can set that aside and just let myself be natural around her. It’s so easy to do this with her.
I guess I should be glad that I can fake it so easily with her. I am glad, but for other reasons.
Our sexual chemistry thankfully also translates to romantic chemistry. Or, rather, fake romantic chemistry.
I see others smiling despite themselves when they look at us. Even my most sour-faced cousins can’t help but soften their scowl. We’re that cute together. I’ll have to remember to tell that to Rachel.
Even her kids and I get along great. They’re really great kids. She takes good care of them.
They’re well-behaved and smart but also curious and friendly. It’s the perfect combination. We’re like a real little family.
I feel myself bonding with them. I think they’re bonding with me too. We’re having a great time together, honestly.
It feels weird to admit, but this is one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. I feel so happy and content with Sara by my side. Maybe pretending to have this good of a relationship is having a real positive effect on me.
It doesn’t help that I have a crush on Sara either.
I’m sitting in the living room laughing with Aunt Adelaide and some of my other family members when my cousin comes in with a box.
“What do you have there?” I ask.
“Your father’s ashes,” she says. She walks over and hands them to me. “I suppose you might want them.”
I feel like all of the air has been sucked out of the room. I feel my hands shaking as I hold the box. Sara looks at me with concern.
“Oh…” I say, not knowing how to respond.
My cousin huffs. “You’re welcome. You weren’t there in the end, so you have him now.”
The room is silent for what feels like minutes. Or maybe time is just dragging on as my heart races in my chest.
I don’t know why I’m reacting like this. I feel so silly. My father and I weren’t close.
Still, it feels bizarre to hold him in my hands like this. Shouldn’t he be in a coffin? Or at least an urn? This is just a box.
Just a box containing the man who gave me life. I think he regretted doing so when he found out I was a lesbian. I want to feel anger or sadness or something.
But I don’t know what I feel. I just know that it’s overwhelming.
Aunt Adelaide stands up.
“Get out,” she demands icily.
My cousin looks shocked. “What?”
“Get out,” she repeats.
“Aunt Adelaide!” She exclaims. “What do you mean get out? She needed those.”
“You’re being cruel,” Aunt Adelaide says with a flash of anger in her eyes. She takes my cousin by the arm and leads her out of the room. No one stops her.
I can hear that they’re still talking as they make their way out of the room, but I can’t process what they’re saying. Sara takes the box from my hands and gently places it on the table next to us.
I stare at my empty hands, trying to process what’s happened. People around us begin to talk again, wanting to fill the uncomfortable silence.
Sara takes my hands in hers and squeezes them. She gives me a warm smile.
I feel the overwhelming tidal wave of emotions begin to calm. It’s replaced with the comfort that she’s giving me right here in this moment. I smile back.
I realize that I don’t just have a crush on Sara. I love her.
I want to shout it out in the middle of this room, but that would be too much drama and turbulence for one night.
I have to tell her though. I need to tell her that this isn’t a charade any more. I love her.
I love Sara Hamilton.
When everything has settled, Sara leads me back to our room. I let her, considering how exhausted I am. Now that we’ve had sex, it’s like the physical barrier between us has been broken.
I hold her in my arms and she cuddles up to me. I want to tell her, but for now, we should just enjoy each other and sleep.