Bet you thought I was gonna get yelled at for using bad words in front of my daughter, didn’t you? Well, I did, but I explained to Leah that the phone call was from a supervisor at work who had messed up the vacation time we had scheduled in November and had also shorted me on my paycheck. Totally believable, and both situations would have warranted the language I used, so things were almost totally cool with my foxy lady, although she told me I better not ever do it again or she would smother me with a pillow while I slept.
It was 6:30 a.m. and we were pulling out of the garage to drop Emilee off at daycare before going to work. Project 109 had four agents working at the daycare as teachers, which made me feel better about leaving her there. It was nice to physically see the agents every morning when I dropped her off; if there had ever been a day I didn’t see them I wouldn’t leave her there, but so far, they had shown up every morning like clockwork.
Anyway, as we pulled out of the garage and backed out into the street, Leah grabbed my arm and said, “Stop honey! I think those three kids across the street are trying to get our attention.”
I looked over my shoulder and felt my blood turn to ice. At the end of the cul-de-sac the Trinity kids were crossing the front lawn of a house right across the street from ours. To all outward appearances it looked like they were headed to school with their backpacks and lunch boxes, but I knew better. The house across from us had been vacant for six months, but now the “For Sale” sign was gone and I would bet my last dollar that the little monsters were probably using it for a temporary lair to spy on me. Later today, I would have to call Higgins and let him know, I didn’t trust the little cretins to keep their word about waiting two more days for the BM4 competition.
Briefly, I daydreamed about dropping the car in reverse, gunning the engine and mowing down the children with the back end of my Toyota, but it would be impossible to explain that to Leah or any of the other nosy neighbors who might be watching at that moment, so I settled for turning around and approaching them with my side of the car; there was no way I was gonna expose my wife to any imminent danger. My car was slowly approaching the children when Leah let out a startled cry.
“Oh my god, what’s wrong with your hands and arms?!” she yelled pointing to them in wide-eyed panic. D’oh! Think fast Joe!
Smoothly I told her, “Easy honey, it’s a special body paint that periodically glows after absorbing light, and I was messing around with it late last night to use on Halloween. Pretty cool, huh?”
She looked doubtfully at my arms and asked, “Are you sure it’s safe? That stuff doesn’t look normal. You know your skin is sensitive and you’ll probably end up getting a rash from it. And don’t get any of it on the baby, god knows what chemicals that stuff has in it!”
Patting her arm, I said, “Let’s see what these kids want.” Rolling down my window I glared at the Trinity through slitted eyelids.”
“Is there something I can help you kids with?” my voice held a slight undertone of menace.
“Hey mister! We saw you at the Game On! yesterday when we signed up for the BM4 competition. Our family just moved in here a couple of days ago. Pretty cool that we’re neighbors, huh?” It was the little blond boy speaking.
Gritting my teeth, I said, “Yeah, that’s swell. Anyhoo, gotta head out to work now, see you at the competition!”
Gunning the engine, I prepared to quickly drive away, until Leah grabbed my arm motioning for me to stop and called past me.
“Hi kids! Welcome to the neighborhood. What are your names? I’m Leah and this is Joe!”
The three children looked uncomfortably at each other for a moment before the girl spoke. “I’m Mary and this is uh, Joseph and um, Judas.”
“Wow, your parents must be Bible thumpers or something to pick those names!” I said laughing nastily. “Tell me, am I right?”
The dark haired boy Joseph mutter in a low voice “Or something. You’ll get to meet them very soon, then we’ll see who’s laughing.”
Leah punched me lightly in the shoulder and scolded me. “Don’t be so rude, my gosh somebody woke up cranky today! Sorry, kids, he’s not a morning person. Joe told me all about the competition, I bet you three are good enough to beat old grouchy pants here and his geezer friends!” She playfully pinched my arm as she spoke.
The irony was staggering. My wife was wishing these devil children the best of luck and hoping they would beat us in the contest. I wonder if she’d be as nice to them if she knew they were going to swallow our souls after winning. For about the gazillionth time I wished Grams and the spoon were here with me, I desperately needed help. Grams wasn’t going to show up though, and I felt completely alone. At least when Leah knew about the whole thing I felt like I had someone to talk to and use as a sounding board, but trying to convince her again might have terminal consequences if Project 109 felt she was a liability.
“Yeah, good luck kiddos, see you in two days through the scope on my M240b!” I growled, pulling the car away from the curb.
“Why do you have to be so mean? They were sweet kids and just wanted to say hello!”
I turned to my wife and said, “Sorry honey, I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m just nervous about the competition. There’s gonna be a lot of people there and they said it might even be televised. You know I’m uncomfortable around crowds. I’ll try to relax and not be a jerk.”
Kissing my cheek softly she said, “You’ll do fine, the important thing is to have fun! My gosh, it’s not like it’s a life and death situation, the cash prize is only an X-Box and $250.00 anyway.”
I had to turn away from my wife and look out the window at that point, I didn’t want her to see the blood drain from my face or the grim expression that I’m sure I was wearing after that last comment. Dropping Emilee off at the daycare (and yes, the four ‘teacher’ agents were there), we drove the rest of the way to work in silence.
It was a truly unexceptional day at Ultra-Speedy. I called Higgins and Franklin to let them know about the Trinity staying in the house across from us and the competition in two days. Higgins was extremely apologetic about the mall incident, stating that the two agents who had been deployed to protect us had been found dead, their bodies stuffed in a dumpster behind Sears. He promised beefed up security around our house, and told me that both him and Franklin would personally oversee my family’s protection during the competition, and would lead the security detail themselves since Leah had insisted that her and the baby would be there to support us and cheer us on. It was the last place on Earth I wanted them since I didn’t trust the devil children, but she wasn’t backing down.
Next, I called Max and James, filling them in on the details of the competition. I had texted them the night before to give them both a general idea of the contest and both were game, albeit a little skeptical about our chances to win. To let them know just how important and necessary it was for us to win, I fed them a story about how I was depressed and going through a midlife crisis, and that winning this event would make me feel that I was good at more than just being a schlub mailman. Max and James promised that they would bring their ‘A’ games.
This call was about more than the competition though, I needed help dealing with what I told them were my “personal demons” which was completely true, although they didn’t know I was using the phrase in a literal sense or I’m sure they would’ve committed me to an institution for sounding crazy. As it was, I had a list of things I needed both of them to do for me which would sound truly bizarre to the average person. These guys were my close friends however, and after telling them what I required, I emphasized the importance of following my instructions to the letter and doing exactly what I asked them to do, eliciting a promise from the pair to carry them out in their entirety or to let me know immediately if they couldn’t execute any of my commands. Like true friends they accepted the challenge, even after I told them that I couldn’t explain why they were doing all this weird, random stuff for me until after the contest was over.
Nothing I was asking them to do was illegal in the strictest sense of the term, okay so maybe one or two things were, but nobody would get hurt, and since we were a super-tight crew they embraced my weirdness with open arms and minds. Everybody should have friends in their life who are willing to descend into madness with them, it makes life more interesting. Thanking Max and James, I hung up and felt a sense of peace. Win or lose, I had done everything I could possibly think of to ensure the safety of my family. Triple Squishy would spend the next two nights practicing tactics and honing our BM4 skills, but beyond that, all we could do was wait.
The rest of my day was spent in the repetitive cycle of stuffing letters in boxes, and I was emotionally and physically drained after Leah and I picked up Emilee and headed home. Finishing all of the routine chores around the house I fell into bed at 6:30 while still in my uniform and slept until morning.