When both Dreaminators are assembled, I pick up the instructions again – they’re pretty short. On the first side of the single sheet is a repeat of the photo from the box cover, and ‘a letter to the buyer’ that gives me a pang of guilt, because I didn’t buy it at all. Still, I’m too excited to find out about it to worry that much, and I read the whole thing aloud to Seb.
THE DREAMINATOR (TM)
A Letter to the Buyer
Hello!
Thank you for buying the Dreaminator! You are now the proud owner of a revolutionary concept in sleep and dream management. I am delighted that you have made this purchase and I am confident that a world of amazing adventures awaits you – and all while you are fast asleep!
My name is Kenneth McKinley. You may know me from my appearances on stage, radio and television …
I glance up at Seb. He shakes his head.
He’s never heard of this fella, either, but then it must have been ages ago, judging by the yellowed paper and the design and everything. He’s probably dead by now.
Based on teachings and traditions from all around the globe, the Dreaminator (TM) harnesses the deepest powers of your sleeping brain to allow the user to become conscious in his or her dreams – yet remain asleep!
THESE ARE WAKING DREAMS!
That’s right! With practice, you will be able to recognise when you are dreaming while you are dreaming, and make choices about what happens.
Say goodbye to frustrating dreams that you do not understand!
No more nightmares! When you literally control your demons, you can send them packing!
Happy dreaming!
Kenneth ‘the Mystic o’ the Highlands’
McKinley
Seb is doing his rapid-blinking thing as he tries to take in what I have just read out.
‘So …’ he begins and then trails off. He tries again. ‘So … you can be awake even though you are asleep?’
‘Sounds like it.’
‘But that doesn’t make sense.’
I shrug. I have to say it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, either. I turn the sheet over and start reading again.
What are ‘waking dreams’?
Waking dreams are sometimes called ‘lucid dreaming’. This is a term devised in 1867 by the Frenchman the Marquis de Saint-Denys who first described the extraordinary ability to be fully conscious and direct your dreams while you are asleep.
The DreaminatorTM combines the teachings of Saint-Denys with philosophies and traditions from other cultures – such as Native Americans, West African animist religions, Buddhist meditation and Western ‘New Age’ thought – to create a powerful tool.
The DreaminatorTM uses the unique and mysterious properties of crystals to create a charge of ultra-low-level energy around the sleeping person. Coupled with the ancient power of the pyramids – known since the time of the Egyptian pharaohs – this creates an astonishing combination of forces.
Now you can have ‘waking dreams’ whenever you sleep!
Fulfil your wildest desires, enact your craziest fantasy! All from the safety of your own bed.
When you wake, you will be just as refreshed as after a good night’s sleep.
‘Awethome!’ breathes Seb again. ‘I wanna try it!’
The instructions say to position the Dreaminator above your head while you sleep, and, minutes later, we have found four triple-A batteries in the kitchen drawer and put two in each unit. Then, by balancing the little bedside cabinet on each of our beds in turn, I have fixed the screws into the ceiling, and hung the contraptions over our beds with the little on-off switch hanging down within reach of my hand.
I read out the last bit.
How to dream the Dreaminator way!
1. Go to sleep as normal, at your normal time, with the DreaminatorTM turned on.
2. During a dream, you may become aware that you are dreaming. To test this, simply ask someone else in the dream, ‘Am I dreaming?’ They will almost always answer with the truth.
3. Another dream test is to look at a clock or to read. Numbers on clocks and printed words are usually jumbled or indistinct during dreams.
4. Finally, try to float! Even the laws of gravity are under your control!
5. To wake up (for example, if you do not like the dream and no longer wish to control it) simply say to yourself, ‘Wake up!’ If this does not work, try holding your breath for a few seconds and then expelling it forcefully.
6. If you do not wake yourself up deliberately, your dream will end naturally as your sleep cycle finishes and you will wake up as normal.
Remember – perfect results may not be achieved straight away.
Happy dreaming!
I put down the sheet of instructions and puff out my cheeks. ‘Well,’ I say to Seb, who is gazing up at the Dreaminators hanging from the ceiling. ‘What do you make of that?’
‘What does he make of what?’ says Mam, standing in the doorway.