67
Not My Will, Lord

That night was a sleepless one for Robbie as he tried to put the events of the last days into focus.

How deeply he felt the loss of Isaiah! At least half a dozen times he told himself he’d have to discuss things with the doctor, only to be painfully jolted back time and again to the realization that he would no longer be able to do that in this world.

He felt a weight of responsibility such as he had never experienced before in his life. Not only were there the burdens of his personal questions, there was another element in his thoughts that he had scarcely considered until Ying had come to him two hours ago. The rioting and fires had left several church families homeless, more than could be handled in the village with relatives and friends. The mission-school rooms and hospital were already filled to capacity.

What could the mission do to care for these people?

Suddenly Robbie realized that all of them, including Ying, were looking to him for guidance and leadership. The reality of his new role that events had thrust upon him was as jarring as any of the events themselves.

He had to make decisions about the mission and its people. It was now completely up to him to care for Ruth and Shan-fei, and to a lesser extent, Miss Trumbull and Ying. They would all be looking to him for their needs, their guidance, and their protection.

Protection . . . that could well be his primary concern at the moment, with Wang still on the loose. Was it possible that after all that had happened, he would still come after Robbie, or his family, again? Perhaps Pike was wrong. Maybe after two defeats, with his followers scattered and apparently deserted to his lieutenant, the old warlord would give up his futile thirst for revenge.

But could Robbie take that chance? Could he trust to that slim hope? Wang’s hatred had already survived more than twenty years. It seemed more likely that these defeats would only intensify his hatred still further.

God’s mercy would protect, of course. But now that he had more than himself to consider, he had to think of the possibility of removing Ruth and Shan-fei from the reach of Wang’s hand. Might not his responsibility for them dictate that he take them away from Wukiang for a season? Was it best for them, or for the mission, to remain? With Robbie and Ruth and Shan-fei gone, perhaps the hostilities would settle down. Would he only bring further needless suffering on the local Christian population by remaining as an ongoing target of anti-British sentiment?

“Dear God, what would you have me do?” he prayed when his mind was so full of thoughts that nothing made sense. “I know you can protect us. But how is it your will to do so? Direct me, Lord, to know your will.”

Committing his concerns to God, and feeling drowsy at last, Robbie turned over and fell asleep. When he awoke before dawn, after only some three hours of sleep, he felt a peculiar sense of expectancy. He rose, dressed in haste as best he could, and went out.

The morning was quiet and still. Making use of Pike’s crutch, which was far too short but at least kept him from falling, he hobbled toward the river, then upstream toward the wooded area.

Grief-stricken with the morning’s remembrance of the past night’s terrible events, Robbie yet felt God’s presence all around him. Slowly he walked along, his spirit quiet, feeling a peaceful oneness with the gently flowing river beside him.

“Lord,” he breathed, “you have something to say to me. I can feel it, but I can’t yet perceive the words, Lord.”

On he walked for some time, turning back toward the mission at last just as the sun broke over the eastern horizon. Slowly gathering strength from his prayerful solitude, he felt God gradually stirring him up toward . . . toward something! A change was coming! He could sense that the Lord was pointing, directing his steps. But toward what . . . where?

When he arrived back in time for a somber breakfast with his daughter and mother-in-law, prepared in the hospital by a number of the village women who had brought provisions for the ravaged mission, he still had no definite direction. But the sense of expectancy pervaded his spirit throughout the day. After breakfast, at the urging of the women, he lay back down in his bed, dozing off once or twice.

By noon he could remain in bed no longer. His leg was painful, and he would probably limp for weeks, if not months. But the bullet had gone clean through, bleeding had been minimal, and one of the men from the village came to pack it with some medicinal herbs. Against the protests of the women, he got up again, and with Ying’s help made a few alterations to Pike’s old crutch so that it was transformed into a satisfactory cane for the larger man.

Isaiah Wallace and Pike were laid to their final rest that afternoon. Robbie conducted the simple service. And despite the tense conditions that made many of the local church members nervous to associate themselves with the mission, there was a huge turnout, though no formal announcement of the event had been made. The greatest testimony to Wallace’s unique ministry was that a great number of those coming to pay their last respects to him were not associated with the church at all, but rather unbelievers who now realized how deeply they had been touched over the years, in ways they had never been fully aware of, by his godly service and charity to them.

Pike received more of a send-off than he could ever have hoped for. But Robbie grieved that out of the scores of folk who passed by the graves, he was the only one who knew anything or cared about the old seaman.

Later that afternoon, Robbie walked out to the old camphor tree, sat down for a few minutes quiet reflection. Ruth brought him a cold drink, but after a brief conversation left him to help her grandmother in the hospital.

Quietly sipping his herbal drink, again the feeling of expectancy surged through him.

“What is it, Lord?” he prayed.

Robbie closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree. He wondered how he could feel so peaceful in the midst of such heartache and turmoil. Yet was not that the true mystery of God’s peace? He considered all that remained unresolved around him—the housing needs, the medical requirements of the mission now that Wallace was gone, the continued unrest in the district, the church services—and tomorrow was Sunday. And still the threat of Wang and the violence spreading throughout the land hovered over the future.

The mission’s home office would of course send replacements, would help them rebuild, would advise in the appropriate course of action. Yet Robbie realized that Wang and the violence in the area were not just his own personal problems to consider. Though Wang’s vengeance was directed at him and Shan-fei, the cruel warlord cared not what innocents were caught in the circle of his designs. Robbie’s daughter was in danger, but so also was the very work of the mission itself. It was a critical time in the mission’s history. Persecution usually did one of two things—destroyed, or fanned the flames of the Spirit still brighter. The riots, Wallace’s death, the fire—these circumstances, though destructive on the surface, could indeed be the catalyst ingredients toward a new phase of effective ministry to the Chinese. Robbie recalled the profound quote Wallace had spoken to him many times. The application had always before been personal. Yet now Robbie realized it spoke of the future of the mission as well: “The present circumstance, if surrendered to Jesus, is the best-shaped tool in the Master’s hand to chisel you for eternity. Trust Him then; do not push away the instrument, lest you spoil the work.”

Yes, God was in control. The mission was His work, and would continue to be throughout all eternity. God’s work here in Wukiang was not done. If Robbie was to remain here, despite the dangers to his family and the mission itself, they would be under the covering of God’s protective care. Yet might not their absence, even if only for a season, be in the best interests of the long-term work?

The thought of leaving struck Robbie with a twinge of sadness. He loved this place. This was the only settled existence he had known in his life. He loved the simple Chinese people, and he loved the work God had called him to. His family was here, his friends. Could it be that he was now being called to leave all this behind? Was the work he had considered his life’s calling now at an end? What about the solemn trust Wallace had placed in him to carry the work forward? Why was he feeling the growing sense that he was to leave, when there was so much here to be done? What would Wallace say? Would it seem to the local congregation that he was abandoning the work?

“Oh, Lord,” he prayed, “remove my own motives, and show me your decision. Not my will, Father, but yours be done.”

As he uttered that prayer spoken by the Lord on the eve of His own death, Robbie heard a quiet voice deep within his spirit:

“Home.”

The moment the single word came, he had no doubt that it had come from God, and, moreover, that it spoke the Lord’s direction for him, not toward this distant country that had become his home, but rather to the homeland of his birth—Scotland!

He knew also that this simple yet unexpected word of guidance from above had been the reason for the expectancy he had sensed all day. God was directing him to take his family where they would be safe from the evil designs of Wang, and return to Scotland. No doubt, in His eternal plan, the move would somehow prove best for the mission as well. Whether he could immediately understand all the implications did not matter. Robbie’s course was set—he must obey the voice of the Lord exactly as Moses had when God told him to go into the wilderness.

All at once Robbie thought of Jamie. Since his own mother and father were now dead, it was natural that when his mind strayed to Scotland, he would think of Jamie—now Lady Graystone. They had kept in close touch through the years, and about five years ago he had learned that Derek Graystone had been killed in an Egyptian uprising. The family estate and title had thus passed to Edward.

A smile crept across Robbie’s lips. Jamie was now a lady in every sense of the term, as she had always dreamed of being. And he was now a man, though in a spiritual way he had never dreamed of. Each of their destinies had, in a sense, been fulfilled along paths neither would have been able to anticipate.

What a thrill it would be for him to take Ruth to meet Jamie. That alone would be fulfillment enough in God’s leading him back to his homeland. Shan-fei and Miss Trumbull were wonderful influences for his daughter. Yet he realized now, without having thought of it before, that he longed for Ruth to also experience a portion at least of his own Highland heritage, a heritage she could not help but experience in Jamie’s presence. What a thrill, too, it would be to see little Andrew again, and Aberdeen, and the mountains!

Suddenly excited, Robbie jumped up from his resting place, wincing when his leg reminded him of his limitations. He then strode as quickly as he was able to the hospital to share with his family the news of their prospects.

———

The next afternoon Robbie again walked along beside the slowly moving river toward a small grassy knoll where he could spend some quiet moments of prayer. Today as he made his way, however, he was not alone. Four Chinese men were with him: two young, two old.

When they had reached their destination, Robbie asked his friends to sit beside him.

“I have asked each of you to come share these moments with me because in a special way each of you is bound up in all this mission means to me, and all it stands for. And also because I know that Isaiah, were he here, would choose the four of you for me to share my deepest thoughts with. I need to talk with you, then pray with you, about the future of the mission.”

Robbie paused, drew in a deep breath, then continued.

“As you know, times are not pleasant for missionaries throughout China. Much of the unrest is directed at the foreign influence. Making that situation all the more dangerous here is the continued threat of Wang, who might attack Wukiang again just to get at me.

“As we learned from the missionary efforts of Paul, for a new church to thrive, it must ultimately be led by its local members. Thus, in God’s economy, these recent trials may in fact prove to be our greatest opportunity both to solidify the work of the mission and to reach out into the surrounding villages. I sense that because of Dr. Wallace’s death the local villagers might be more receptive than ever to hear the gospel. Especially if that gospel comes to them from the lips of their own people—from men such as yourselves. I believe the Lord has shown me that for a time the mission will thrive if it becomes a mission run by Chinese, for Chinese. I believe my absence will not only strengthen your leadership, but also multiply the opportunities for ministry.

“It is for these reasons, I believe, that the Lord is telling me to return to Scotland.”

At the unsettling news, each of Robbie’s friends and co-workers began to protest.

“Please,” said Robbie, “hear what I have to say. I feel I must get my daughter and mother-in-law to safety. Protecting them must be my first responsibility in God. And in the Lord’s wisdom, removing them from this tumultuous situation will at the same time further Christ’s work here. You, Nien, have been fully capable of administrating the affairs of the mission for some time. You will preach and conduct services and coordinate the overall work.”

Robbie took Ying Nien’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “God will be with you, my friend,” he said. “This is His calling upon you.”

“Chang,” Robbie continued, “you have been a faithful servant and friend of the mission and of Dr. Wallace and myself for more years than I have even been here. We are deeply indebted to you. You truly are a scriptural elder in the work here. Nien will need your support and prayer and help now more than ever. The younger men will look to you for wisdom and guidance.”

In like manner, Robbie reached across from where he sat and placed a firm hand on Chang’s shoulder. “Thank you for all you have been to this work.”

“Li,” said Robbie, turning now to his left, “you are not even yet a believer. But you have been a true friend. Dr. Wallace owed you a great deal, as I do myself—even more than you know. For your early hostilities with the doctor played a significant role in the Lord’s work in my own heart. And in recent days you have proved yourself a true man whose character we have all learned to depend upon. I know all these other men will look to the wisdom of your years to help sustain them while I am gone. And I will not cease praying that the Lord will open your heart fully to Him, as you have to His people.”

Robbie turned his face toward the old man and bowed his head respectfully.

“And you, my dear friend Kuo-hwa,” said Robbie at last, “there are no words to express my love for you and my gratitude for accepting me as you have, though I was a stranger to your culture. I will be praying for a special measure of God’s grace to fill you that you may help the others carry on in my absence. I know God will use you mightily to minister His love and goodness to your fellow countrymen.”

Robbie extended his right hand. Kuo-hwa did likewise, and the two shook hands meaningfully.

“Now, my friends, let me leave you with these thoughts. I do not leave out of fear—Isaiah taught me better than that! Nor does a part of my heart want to leave at all, for this is my home. Had I no one but myself to consider, I do not know how the Lord might lead. But we are told not to tempt the Lord by placing ourselves unnecessarily in danger. Thus, I must obey that injunction in doing my part to protect my daughter and mother-in-law.

“It is my intention to return, as soon as the Lord wills it. Pray for me as I will for each of you. I will contact the home office of Christ’s China Mission, but I am certain they will agree with my recommendation that you coordinate the work here until my return. I will also contact Dr. Taylor at the Inland Mission. I will ask him or Thomas to check upon you periodically and to offer their encouragement. But the Lord will be with you and will bless your work!

“Ruth, Shan-fei, Miss Trumbull, and I will be on our way back to England as soon as I can arrange it. Miss Trumbull has relatives to visit, but I am certain she will return with me, too. Hopefully you will see us all again as soon as the Lord directs and it is safe.

“Now, I would be honored if you would join with me in prayer, not only for each of the five of us that we can faithfully live out these new directions of God’s call upon us, but also for His blessing on the work of His Spirit here in Wukiang.”

The five men reached around to one another, making a circle of spiritual unity, closed their eyes, and lifted their hearts and voices to the God in whose service they were knit together.