There was light, and then more darkness. There were voices muffled in the distance. They came closer and retreated again.
A shot fired out. I heard a scream and then…nothing.
After a few minutes, or perhaps several hours, I thought I might be moving. Someone’s moving me? I felt as if I were asleep but with mild audience participation.
Then I smelled something warm, familiar, and lovely, and I struggled to open my eyes. But I was tired, so tired. My lids were too heavy to lift.
“My dearest one. My darling.” Austin’s voice was suddenly very clear. He lay over me, weeping.
“You have to change her.” It was Eve. She sounded desperate. “There’s not much time.”
“That’s not what she wanted. It’s not what we wanted.” Austin’s voice was ragged.
“Too bloody bad! You can’t just let her die like this!”
“I can’t do it.” Austin sobbed. “I promised to keep her safe. If I change her, I will end her very life—I’ll never forgive myself.”
“Her bloody life’s about to end anyway!” Eve roared. “Get out of my way, then. I’ll do it myself!”
“No.” Austin sounded deadly, as though he would stake Eve if she moved closer. “I’ll do it. Leave us alone at once.”
A garbled litany of curse words streamed out of Eve’s mouth. Then she was gone.
“Blake.” Austin’s voice cracked as he laid his head on my chest. “I’m so sorry. I’ve failed you. I let that devil get her hands on you…Balkyn warned me about her, but I never thought this could happen…” He wept for another minute. “I will kill them all for this. I will obliterate every last one of them—burn them to the ground!”
No, I thought. He couldn’t let what had happened to me make him seek revenge against the rebels. Chase was only one person—one evil person. A war was exactly what she wanted.
My eyelids fluttered, but I couldn’t get them to open.
“Blake? Can you hear me?”
I couldn’t answer. The words just wouldn’t come out.
“I don’t want to turn you, darling.” He went quiet as he gently stroked my hair. “I know it’s not what you want… Especially after what happened with Rose. But I am too selfish to live without you. I can’t let you die. I won’t live in a world without you.”
He took my hand in his. “I understand that you might never forgive me for this. Please know that’s nothing compared to the hell I will live in for the rest of my existence.”
Austin went quiet for another minute, or perhaps I’d drifted in and out of consciousness. Or am I dead? Oh, please don’t let me be dead. Not yet. I’m not ready to leave him!
I tried to reach for Austin to tell him it was okay, but my body didn’t respond to my wish. I lay there, unable to cry, unable to call for him.
If this is death, it’s quite a disappointment!
But then I felt him. He put his big hands on my chest, saying words over and over again under his breath. They were just out of reach—I couldn’t make them out. But then he put his face against mine and whispered, “Forgive me, my love.”
He plunged his fangs into my neck. I couldn’t see him, of course. But when a vampire bites you, you’re quite sure of it.
The pain was intense, far worse than having a rock hurled at me. I couldn’t cry, and I couldn’t writhe. I just lay there as he sucked the blood—the life—from me. I felt an incredible pull as the blood rushed to my neck all at once. My whole frame shook. The sensation was like an unbearably high-pitched sound, but instead of hearing it, I felt it, as though my very existence got so intense that it shattered.
My body wasn’t working properly, but I could still feel every cell shake and quiver as the life force was sucked out of me and drained away, leaving my limbs heavy, weak, and useless. I went cold in stages. First my feet, then my calves, my thighs, my belly. My chest. My heart.
An icy feeling replaced what once had been warm. I felt myself floating away from the chaos that was overtaking my physical self. In that moment, I felt terror. Is there still a choice? Part of me fought to stay, but part of me wished I would die. Perhaps death was a disappointment. But it had to be better than this searing pain and flood of ice through what had once been my home.
My poor body. I wept for it, but no tears came.
Austin didn’t stop. The freezing cold spread from my chest to my neck, my ears, my face…I was numb. There was nothing left.
Finally, the prince released me. He put his face against mine. His hot tears ran down my icy cheek. “My darling. It is done.”
He stayed like that for a long time, crying.
What happened next couldn’t have been sleep, since vampires didn’t do that, but it was a bit like going in and out of consciousness.
All of a sudden, it was bright daylight. I was in a room. A woman was taking my pulse, then my temperature.
“Why’re you taking my pulse?” The words came out slurred, as if I’d drunk a quart of champagne. “Aren’t I dead?”
She smiled. “You’re not dead just yet. But the fever’s come on. It won’t be long. Close your eyes and rest, my dear.”
“But where’s the prince?”
Either she didn’t answer, or I dropped out again.
I came back with a start. “What?” I sat up straight, and the room swung around crazily, as if I were riding a surfboard on very choppy water.
“There, now.” Eve was right beside me. She took my hand in hers and guided me back against the bed. “You mustn’t move around like that. You’re not ready.”
I blinked at her. If the room had been filled with bright sunlight before, now it was blindingly bright. Eve’s eyes burned with an intensity I’d never seen before. I could see every one of her eyelashes, every strand of hair curled to perfection on her head.
I looked on her with new eyes, eyes that saw every little detail I’d never noticed before. The pale luster of her skin. The tiny lines on her lips. The stitching on the tunic she wore. Every small detail jumped out at me as if my vision had improved a thousand percent.
“How many days…?” It hurt to talk.
“Two.” Eve grabbed a cup and shoved its straw into my mouth. “Here you go.”
I shook my head, refusing to drink, but she glared at me. “Do it now. It’ll help the crappy way you feel. Trust me.”
I pushed the cup away and was surprised to find the small action left me feeling completely drained. Apparently, the rest of my body hadn’t caught up to my eyesight. “Where is he?”
Eve pursed her lips, her aqua eyes blazing in the bright light of the room. “Outside.”
“Is he okay?”
She scoffed. “Still blubbering, I expect.”
“Eve…” But my strength was gone. I lay against the bed, too weak to say more.
“Please.” Eve brought the cup closer. “Drink. I can’t have all the people I care about going off the deep end.”
I wanted to ask what she meant and why Austin was outside blubbering and what had happened to Balkyn and Chase and the rebels… But my body refused to cooperate.
She put the straw inside my lips. I hesitated. I didn’t want to drink blood. It had nothing to do with where it had come from—I knew it had been donated. It was because the idea repulsed me.
I wanted a chocolate croissant. I wanted toast and ice cream and tarts. I ran my hands over the thin blanket covering me and noticed how cold my body felt. I wanted my old body. I wanted to be warm. I wanted to be hot, to sweat. I wanted Austin and Beast and the warmth of a fire near me. I wanted chocolate. I wanted to want chocolate. I wanted to feel my heart beating, my pulse racing—whether with fear or desire or exhilaration, it didn’t matter.
I wanted to feel human.
I pulled away from the straw. “Eve. Please.”
I weakly wiped my face. If I hadn’t been one-hundred-percent sure that vampires could cry, I now had all the evidence I needed. “I don’t want to do this. I want to go back.”
“Shh, shh, it’s all right.” Eve’s eyes filled with tears as she gently brushed the hair back from my face. “But you have to drink something. You’ll feel awful until you do. Once you’ve gotten a bit of strength back, I can tell you everything that’s happened.” Eve looked at me hopefully. “Can we agree?”
I nodded. I might not want to drink from the cup, but I desperately wanted to find out what had happened since I’d been turned. She put the straw back into my mouth, and I took a tentative small sip. The blood was as I’d imagined it—tangy and thick. But it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. I drank deeply, draining the cup in a matter of moments.
“It’s not so terrible, is it?” Eve got up and brought me more.
“It’s no chocolate croissant.” But I finished the next cup and then another.
“There you go. That’s a good girl.” Eve propped the pillows behind me so that I could sit up. “Are you feeling better?”
I flexed my fingers and wriggled my toes. “I am. But am I… Eve, am I dead?”
“No, thank the gods.” A tear ran down her cheek, and she wiped it away. “You’re a vampire. Your life is just beginning.”
“But… But…” I felt overwhelmed. Tears ran down my cheeks. “How is this happening? How am I crying? How do I feel if my life is over?”
She took my hands in hers. “You can feel my touch, can’t you?”
“Yes, but—”
“And you can see the room around you, the sun shining through the windows. I imagine your vision’s improved.”
“Yes. But my heart’s not beating. I can’t feel it anymore. It’s gone.” I broke down and wept. I felt as if I’d lost a beautiful friend I’d had my whole life.
Eve let me cry. When I’d finished, she gripped my hands. “It’s not gone. It’s been transformed. Think about wood, Blake. It’s a tree, then it’s chopped down and used for a fire. It becomes ashes. But those ashes go back into the ground, and the tree begins again, perhaps as something else this time. Just because your human life is behind you doesn’t mean it’s the end. This is only the beginning. Your existence continues, transformed to the next stage. And it’s a good stage—I promise you. I’ve no regrets about becoming vampire. I didn’t choose this life, and neither did you. But it’s a gift, a chance to protect those we love for their eternity.”
“But Austin…” I wiped my face. “He didn’t want this for me. He didn’t want to do it—I heard him before he turned me. It broke his heart.”
“It’s all about him, is it?” Eve sat back. “Well, boo-hoo. He didn’t have a choice. He was bawling like a baby, but if he hadn’t turned you, I would’ve. It was not your time, Blake. You’re here for a reason—I know that.”
“But isn’t that playing God?” I lay back, exhausted again. “Who gave you, or anyone else, the right to decide whether it was my time?”
Eve leaned forward, eyes burning. “God did. God gave us this power. I believe that so long as we use it for good, it’s as God intended.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it. I’d never thought of it that way, and exhausted as I was, the subject was too difficult to mull over. “Tell me what happened. Tell me everything. And then tell me why the prince isn’t here.”
She sighed. “Chase hit you with that rock. The little beast hit you hard. You lost a lot of blood. You lost consciousness, of course. The guards went to kill her, but Balkyn told them to stop. He shot her in the leg, though, so she couldn’t fight anymore. He said she was going to be traded, and the battle would end. He got his revenge, I’d say.”
“Good.” I cracked a smile. “That wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be a martyr for the rebel cause. She wanted them to keep fighting.”
“That’s because she’s a right loon.” Eve shook her head. “Anyway, the guards brought her to Austin while Balkyn ran for help. As soon as Austin dealt with her, he left the front lines to return to you. I’m pissed at him at the moment, but I was rather impressed that he put you first.”
“Why are you mad at him?”
Eve waved me off. “We’ll get to that part.”
“So what happened to Chase?”
Eve shook her head. “Austin wanted to kill her. He was about to kill her, but Rhys and I reminded him that was exactly what she wanted and the reason she’d gone after you in the first place. She didn’t want the rebels to make peace with the vampires and retreat. She wanted an all-out war, even when her own people knew they couldn’t win. She didn’t care. Austin backed off in the end. He made the trade, and the rebels retreated. But they’re not finished with their campaign. We still have to worry about the king and queen, of course, not to mention Gwyneth and Dallas.”
“What do you mean?”
“Gwyneth and Dallas made it back to the castle. They brought her parents and Winnie and Remy with them—there’ve been rebel threats against them, and Gwyneth felt safer having her family guarded. But we’ve word that the rebels are increasing their numbers down there. Some who survived this battle went south to join their camp.”
“Then this was all for nothing?” I cried. “I thought showing mercy would help them see the truth.”
Eve reached for my hand. “It was not for nothing, I assure you. Many of the rebels we spoke to admitted to being disillusioned with their cause. Not all of them want to fight. Their army is weakened and doesn’t stand a chance against King Black.”
“But they’ll all die for nothing, just as I said.”
She sighed. “We can’t make their decisions for them. Perhaps the king will show mercy.”
I snorted. “He’s just as apt to grow wings and fly.”
“I’m going to the settlements. I was waiting to make sure you were awake and intact.”
I sat up. “I’m going with you.”
“Absolutely not.” Eve shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous! You were only just turned. You don’t even know what you’re doing yet.”
I gathered my thoughts. If Eve was leaving for the settlements to protect our friends, I was going with her. But we didn’t need to argue about it just then. “Is Rose okay? And Balkyn? What about Tamara and Shaye?” I groaned. My friends had probably watched the whole terrible incident from the windows. “And please tell me what’s going on with Austin.”
“Rose is much improved. She actually excelled at fighting, which surprised me. You remember how flustered she always was in her human life.” Her smile quickly faded. She was probably worried that Rose was a sore subject. “Shaye and Tamara are beside themselves, of course. They saw Chase attack you. They were quite hysterical.”
“And…now?”
Eve’s face softened. “They are thrilled that you are still with us. They know they can’t see you yet. Tamara’s been taking good care of Beast. She had the staff make him a roast chicken. He ate the entire thing—she said it was therapeutic for him.”
“That’s very kind.” I felt a pang of jealousy. “Does he seem…does he seem to prefer her?”
Eve snorted. “Of course not! She merely took pity on him—the poor thing was whimpering and crying for you. I even saw Austin trying to console it. I thought I was hallucinating.”
I nodded, overcome with emotion. I missed my friends and my pet terribly. Underneath it all, I was worried my life would never, could never, be the same.
“It’s going to be fine,” Eve said as if reading my mind. “That’s what I keep telling Balkyn, too. He’s safe, but he feels terrible, of course. He blames himself for what happened to you.”
I shook my head. “It’s not his fault. I’m the one who told the guards to let Chase loose. Who’d have thought she’d move that fast—and try to kill me?” I laughed, but I felt no humor. “But I don’t care about her. I’d rather never think of her again. I do want to know why Austin hasn’t been here. I haven’t been able to sense him at all. Whatever is the matter?”
Eve’s eyes rose to the door. “You’ll have to ask him that yourself.”