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Christmas—Back by Popular Demand
I love Christmas. I mean I really love Christmas. And if you’re anything like me—somehow I have a feeling that might be the case—it’s the fondness for the holiday that can so easily get us into difficulty.
The trouble with Christmas is that we allow the overcommercialization of the season to get the better of us. We get caught up in the man-made hype and treat Christmas as a popularity contest or final examination rather than a time of rest, reflection, and joy.
In our fantasies, Christmas comes as a beautiful horse-drawn sleigh to carry us gently through the season to the sounds of the clippety-clop of horses’ hooves and the jingling of sleigh bells. We visit friends and loved ones, exchange lovely tokens of our love and esteem for one another, and indulge in warm and meaningful conversations. Our grateful children frolic in the snow, amazed at the generosity of their parents.
But in reality, Christmas comes at us like an eighteen-wheeled, supercharged, nitrous-burning, straight-six, diesel-powered, self-propelled juggernaut of a big rig fueled by consumer credit, and lots of it. It screams for us to get on board.
The thirty or so days between Thanksgiving and Christmas become a blur as we tear through the season, feeling obligated to stop at every turn to decorate, shop, clean, cook, bake, wrap, and send. The rig is programmed to go faster and faster because there is so little time and so many miles to cover before the journey’s end.
This machine needs fuel—and credit cards are the combustible of choice. We are terrified at how often we need to refuel.
With so many mandatory parties, pageants, and projects, we find little time to sleep. We feel ourselves being consumed by guilt and obligation, so we try to counteract those feelings by charging (please let it be deferred billing) bigger and better gifts and buying the approval and adoration of everyone on our list. The only thing that matters is getting to the finish line by Christmas Eve. We arrive worn-out and disappointed.
“In our fantasies, Christmas comes as a beautiful horse-drawn sleigh to carry us gently through the season. But in reality, Christmas comes at us like an eighteen-wheeled, supercharged, nitrous-burning, straight-six, diesel-powered, self-propelled juggernaut of a big rig.”
Credit Changed Everything
No doubt about it, celebrating Christmas now is a far cry from what it was even thirty years ago, thanks to the evolution and escalation of consumer credit. No longer must we concern ourselves with whether there’s enough money to buy and do all that our hearts desire. Credit-card companies have made it quite socially acceptable to have it all whether we can afford it or not. Little by little, we’ve allowed ourselves to have what we want now and worry about paying for it later.
The more we have, the more we want; the more we get, the more we need to feel satisfied. It seems that no matter how fantastic Christmas was last year, we are compelled by merchants to make it even bigger and better this year.
When it’s all said and done, it seems the gift-giving—which is what really started all of this in the first place—has become all but divorced from the actual impulse, from the love or the kindness. It’s just shopping; it’s just money; it’s crossing names off lists and moving on.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can decide right now that Christmas for you and your family will not be dictated by the retail industry, which has its sights on your wallet and your wealth.
Selective Amnesia
Here’s the problem. We live eleven months of the year as if Christmas will never come again, then we go into a panic when it does—concluding that we have no choice but to put everything on the credit cards “just this one last time.” And then it happens over and over again.
Blame it on what I call selective amnesia. People who suffer from this condition fall into some kind of seasonal coma. They block Christmas from their minds until it’s too late to plan ahead. And it’s little wonder. For many, Christmas is no longer the most blessed but rather the most stressful time of the year. And expensive. But somehow we all manage to get through it, many with a pile of new debt and a solemn vow to start earlier next year. We just don’t want to think about it.
If your resolve lapses into unconsciousness somewhere around Valentine’s Day, how grateful you must be that I’m here to jolt you back to reality.
Predict and Prepare
So you may be asking, “Is there an antidote for this condition?”
The answer is yes, and it can be found in these two words: predict and prepare.
Predicting is the easy part. If you can read a calendar, you’ve got this nailed. Christmas is never early, never late. You always know exactly when it will arrive. The trick is to stay focused on where you are in relation to December 25, both chronologically and financially.
Preparing is another story. There are probably as many variables that play into preparing for Christmas as there are personalities and financial situations. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. Finding a plan that fits your financial condition, your family situation, and your comfort zone is the key.
Perhaps you’re the type who finds early Christmas shopping and preparation to be counterproductive. You overbuy. Or you second-guess yourself. What seems perfect in July is all wrong come December. You can’t get creative or excited about the holidays until the season arrives. Besides, you’re not crafty, so making gifts is out of the question. The way you need to prepare is to begin stashing cash now to fund your famous two-day blitz when you will get everything done start to finish.
If, on the other hand, you are a quintessential plan-ahead soul with crafter’s blood coursing through your veins, you cannot imagine choosing to wait until the last minute. And if forced into that position by financial constraints, you’re a basket case just waiting to happen. You’re ready to get started when you finish reading this.
Compelled to Get It Right
There were many years when I saw Christmas as a final exam. I had to get it right because there would be no do-overs. Whatever felt good, whatever the kids wanted and others expected—that’s what I did. And when it was over, it wasn’t really over. I limped my way into each New Year suffering from a horrible hangover of new debt piled on top of the old. Month after month, the ghost of Christmas past haunted me with bills that lasted much longer than the stuff I had bought.
The sense of urgency and bright lights of the season can trick us into believing we are Christmas magicians, that by some miracle we can do it all and easily pay for it later. Let’s turn down those lights right now. You don’t have to give in to those urges. You can choose to approach the season with realistic expectations and a plan, so you can enjoy all the season has to offer and still step into the New Year knowing that everything is paid in full.
Think This Through
While you may be tempted to jump right into creating a gift list, that’s not the place to start. Back up another step. What do you want this year’s holidays to look like? If you want to experience a warm and meaningful time with family and friends, pouring all of your resources into gifts may not be the best way to accomplish that.
The way to control your holiday spending is to come up with a plan. If past Christmases have left you in debt and less than satisfied, now’s the time to start strategizing while your past financial fumbles are fresh in your mind—and the next holiday season is some distance in the future.
You know what they say about hindsight being 20/20. Your fuzzy vision becomes frighteningly clear around January 15, when all the holiday bills start rolling in and you lock eyeballs with your ATM withdrawals—crumpled receipts stuffed in your wallet—now all neatly lined up on your bank statement for review.
Here is the painful truth: A little bit here, a lot more there—it all adds up. Rather than wonder about and weep over all the money you spent, determine that you will not allow your emotions to spark a repeat performance. Plan to do better next year.
What Was I Thinking?
I’ll never forget the year I had a very ambitious idea to host a Christmas boutique in our home. I’ve always enjoyed crafts, and the thought of turning our house into a little country store for one weekend in early December sounded like a lot of fun. With any luck I’d end up with enough cash to pay for Christmas.
I invited a few friends to participate, and the word traveled quickly. Before I knew it, I had fifteen participants.
From the moment I decided to go through with this quasi-commercial venture, I became obsessed with the details. Because of the sheer volume of merchandise that would be showing up, I decided to relocate our furniture to the garage and basically move out of the greater portion of our house.
I’m told the event was quite a hit. People lined up around the block long before opening time on the first morning. During the four-day affair, hundreds of people patronized my boutique.
While the entire event remains mostly a blur, I do know that I overplanned, overprepared, overworked, overspent, and overexpected. Basically, I made a fool of myself.
By the time I settled up with all of the selling participants and accounted for all the time and money I had spent on advertising, I ended up with precious little profit.
My clearest memory of the event is that it ruined my life because I went way overboard. It took months to put the house back together, and I still feel the pangs of boutique burnout.
Never once did I consider repeating the idea, and that’s a shame, because it was quite successful. Had I taken the time to systematically analyze what I did wrong, what I did right, what I could do to fix the wrongs and repeat the rights, there is an excellent possibility I could have salvaged the idea and turned it into a seasonal cottage industry.
Most of us don’t have the option of giving up on Christmas the way I threw out my boutique, nor would we want to. That’s why evaluation is important in taking back control.
Consider the Past
As you go through the exercise of considering your Christmases past, don’t let guilt and fear enter the picture. Think of yourself as a paid consultant who has been brought into a corporation to look at ways to make the company more efficient and more profitable.
What factors have caused you to overspend in years past? Possibilities may include gift-giving, entertaining, decorating, guilt, peer pressure, family pressure, influence of media (remember that gingerbread village on the magazine cover that looked so cute and was supposed to be easy enough to complete in just one evening?), wanting to make Christmas perfect for your children, attempting to re-create your own childhood, trying to compensate for an absent parent, or waiting until the last minute.
As you look back on previous Christmases, what do you wish you would have done more? Spent time with the kids, played games, put together a puzzle, relaxed, spent time with your spouse, spent time with friends and neighbors, slept, sat in front of the fire and read an entire book, watched It’s a Wonderful Life all the way through, attended church services and sang all of your favorite Christmas carols, taken a trip into the city just to soak up the sights, taken gifts to the kids at the shelter.
What do you wish you would have done less? Mindless shopping, pageant directing, play producing, party planning, baking, cleaning, cooking, shopping, float building, card writing, worrying, decorating, running around, meeting others’ expectations, traveling on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just to keep everyone else happy.
In what ways are you still paying for the efforts of last Christmas? Credit-card bills, installment loans, soured relationships, wounded spirits, burnout, embarrassment, gifts promised but as yet unfinished or unfulfilled.
What changes are you willing to make starting right now to affect a different outcome this year? As we head into this most wonderful time of the year, you’ll be making lots of decisions on how you will use your time and your money. In fact, they may already be coming at you with full force. It takes a lot of courage to go against the flow, but it will be easier if you keep one eye on December 26. See every decision and spending opportunity in the light of what will remain when it’s over for another year.
What Really Matters
One year I asked my family of Debt-Proof Living members at DebtProofLiving.com to tell me about their best Christmas gift ever. I got every kind of response you could possibly imagine. And they were as unique as the individuals who responded. Yet every response had a deep, emotional dimension: spending time with family, welcoming a new family member, surprising loved ones with a visit, receiving a treasured possession from a grandparent. What I learned (I’ll be sharing the responses in coming chapters) is that all of the trouble we put ourselves through to spend enough money to be acceptable is often wasted. What really matters is rarely available for purchase in a store.
Whatever your personality or the scope of your goals, the secret to your success will be found in your ability to stick with your plan. The bottom line is that you want to bring wonderful memories and renewed relationships with you into the New Year—not a pile of new debt for all kinds of stuff you can scarcely recall buying.
Remember, it is not up to you to find the absolutely perfect gift that will fulfill the deepest desire of every person on your list. It’s not your responsibility to become a mind reader and a dream fulfiller. The people on your list—as much as they love and adore you—probably don’t remember what you gave them last year. In the end, it just doesn’t matter that much what presents you give, provided that your desired sentiment is conveyed.
So before you get caught up in the emotion of the season and sidetracked by all those offers of “zero interest until next year!” determine how much cash you have to spend. Compare that to the number of gifts you’d like to give and other expenses of the season. Set a dollar limit for each one and stick to it no matter what.
Doing whatever it takes to enjoy an all-cash Christmas is the very best gift you can give yourself and your family.
I know you can do it too.
One year when Jurassic Park was all the rage, my son had only one item on his Christmas list—a jeep-like vehicle that ran by remote control and squirted water from a captured reptile’s mouth. The worst part about this request was that it was made early in December, well after the shopping rush of Thanksgiving holiday sales. Online ordering was not my forte at the time, so I searched on foot at every toy store in a fifty-mile radius. The process was so mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining (because by then I had lost all the meaning of Christmas giving) that my husband and I vowed never to do that again. We put the worst behind us.
The following year I set a limit on purchases and came up with a fantastic idea that to this day my teenage boys continue to enjoy. I purchased two or three “special” items from their list of ten requests with the understanding that they may or may not get the “only thing I ever really wanted!”
What makes this tradition fun is that each gift is wrapped and hidden and the boys are given a clue where to find it. I have even made treasure maps and sent them out into the yard with a shovel! Nothing is more amusing than to have children squealing with delight on Christmas morning as they rummage through the house and yard searching for their gifts. It has provided us with the best feelings of excitement, creativity, and appreciation.
The boys are now fourteen and eighteen and still request that clues be placed in their Christmas stockings.
Amy S., Florida