Only very few people have trodden this path of believing, loving, forgiving and healing. I have written this book to communicate hope and knowledge and to show by the example of my own life that miracles are possible when taking it. I also know that only reading this book once will rarely give you more than a vague idea of what is possible. In order to find true and fulfilling love you need patience and perseverance. That’s why I am asking you to read this book again and again. There will be times in your life when everything seems to be hopeless. Sometimes there will be setbacks. Sometimes you will be full of anger and hatred. Sometimes you will be absolutely sure that everything is your partner’s fault. Sometimes all you will want to do is separate.
That’s why a book like this has to be read more often. Read the parts that are important to you as often as you can so that you are reminded that there is an alternative, that there is love in the other person, that carrying on does make sense. With every reading, especially if you leave gaps in between, you will gain new insights. If an insight moves you deeply, talk about it. Talk to your partner. Talk in particular about your feelings. Read the parts that are important to you aloud to your partner. Ask them to read this book too – or at least the important bits.
Don’t try to make excuses. In order to transform a relationship, initially it is sufficient for one of you to make a firm decision to move forward. This person will develop so much love and strength that on a deep level the other one will be touched and somehow changed too. But be careful! I know people who have got lost on this path – people who suddenly became too enlightened for the rest of the world. Every catharsis brings with it the danger, especially for women, of making increasing demands on their partners. ‘I have come this far but my husband doesn’t want to develop with me. He doesn’t understand what it is all about. He is cynical about it, judgemental and unconsciously craving for acceptance. How can I stay with someone like that? How can I transform the relationship…?’
This kind of approach manoeuvres you into a trap. When you move forward in your personal development there’s no gold medal for achievement, only the challenge of finding new levels of compassion and forgiveness. Maybe you are now able to express your own truth more bravely. Maybe you have undergone a painful process that has brought you closer to yourself. Maybe your partner and the people around you haven’t come this far. Maybe they are all still trying to hide behind their respective roles. Maybe they still have secrets and condemn others. All that should not rob you of your peace of mind. The others don’t need new demands or condemnations from you, but new understanding and fresh compassion. They need somebody whose help they can accept.
Of course all this is easier when two people commit to each other. Of course it would be ideal if both you and your partner read this book. If initially your partner isn’t willing, that shouldn’t be an excuse for you to stop. Don’t forget, they are only your mirror. Something important for your own healing is equally locked and uncommunicative inside you, and you are just as unconscious of it as your partner is of the facets that you recognize so clearly. Maybe you are reading all this eagerly but you lack the strength to act accordingly. Maybe on an unconscious level you don’t really want to share the book with your partner but are only seeking ammunition in your ongoing war. Remember, on a deeper level, your partner will notice immediately whether they are truly invited into a new kind of relationship or not.
The most important thing is not to give up, no matter how difficult things get and how often you seem to fail. If you take on board all the messages contained in this book, then things can feel even worse in the beginning. When the love inside us is pushing its way out into freedom, sometimes it can seem as if we are losing control over our lives. In such moments take the book and read it, so that your mind can calm down. Love needs another opportunity to work inside you. For that, you have to tame your judgemental, suspicious mind. You have to unlearn a lot, shed old habits and practise new things repeatedly until they are processed sufficiently and can sink into the foundations of your consciousness. There they can germinate, like new seeds, in order to blossom at the right time.
It is not easy in these confused and ignorant times to rediscover and liberate all the love that is buried inside us. But if you invest true courage and honesty in the process and seek the path to love and fulfilment with all your heart, then life will surely lead you onto that path. Take note of where the answers to your innermost questions come from. Trust what heals and helps you and not what others find healing and helpful. God rarely looks like an old man with a grey beard. And when we meet love, it rarely has wings.
In whatever form help appears, we have to make the decision to receive it. In the end it is always down to us to make peace with the world as it is. In the end it is not about finding a suitable partner, it is about reconquering life for ourselves. Nobody else can do this for us. But if we ask for it, all the powers in Heaven and Earth will support us in this greatest of all tasks.