Black dress, black fishnets, white go-go boots.
My hair up in a high ponytail.
A velvet choker tight around my neck.
I stood in Jesse’s bathroom and checked out my appearance as if seeing myself for the first time. This was my first day working at a prestigious salon in the heart of Beverly Hills. I knew that I’d be dealing with beautiful people all day long, and I wanted to do my best to blend.
“You know, it ought to be a collar,” Jesse said, coming up behind me and putting one strong hand on my throat, covering the choker.
I stared at the two of us in the mirror. Jesse had a turquoise towel around his flat waist and nothing else. His dark hair was wet from his shower, and he smelled faintly of a spicy aftershave. As always, he was as handsome as his head shot. A movie star coming to life in front of me.
“Black leather,” he said, “with silver hardware.”
An interesting statement for the first day on the job, I thought but kept the observation to myself. I already knew better than to respond with some wisecrack comment. Jesse could be unpredictable.
“Buckled tight,” he continued, dropping his towel now and stepping behind me.
I tensed immediately, not knowing what he was going to do.
“You’re nervous,” Jesse said, taking my hands and placing them gently on the edge of the pink ceramic sink. “Aren’t you?”
“Yeah ...” That was true enough.
“I’m going to make you forget your nerves,” he promised, and I felt him slide the dress up in the back, revealing my bikini panties.
“Aw,” he whispered, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “You wore white panties. Black and white, down to the core. Just like a good girl. Adhering perfectly to the salon’s strict dress code.” His warm fingers slid the panties past the tops of my thigh-high stockings. “But what’s this, baby? You’re breaking the rules?”
I didn’t know what he meant, and I looked into the mirror once more, meeting his eyes as he gazed back at me. “Your ass is all black and blue.”
Now I lowered my eyes as a shudder worked through me. The welts and marks from my most recent caning were only slowly fading. Jesse admired his handiwork for a moment before pulling my hips back hard against him. I didn’t even think to resist—I simply gave myself over to him as he started to fuck me, smoothly, evenly, sliding his cock in and out at a hypnotic pace.
“You’ll be at the counter, helping people, and thinking about how sweetly I fucked you this morning, and how hard I’m going to fuck you tonight.”
And now my breath caught, because Jesse understood. Yes, I could come from being taken this way, but only if he dirty talked to me. “Normal” sex was never enough. “We’re going out,” he continued, slipping his hands up under my dress now and tugging my bra down to reveal my breasts. He twisted my nipples as he spoke. “You and me. We’re going to a special place I know. And they have a dress code, too, just like your fancy high-end salon. But in this case it’s ‘Dresses optional. Collars mandatory’”
He sped up the rhythm now, pinching my nipples fiercely as he fucked me. “So you think about that, Cody, while all the newness of your job makes you feel dizzy and off balance. You think about that, and tonight, I’m going to clear everything up for you.”
And then he pulled out suddenly, unexpectedly, and gave my ass one hard slap before walking out of the bathroom.
I stood there for a moment, staring once more at my reflection, seeing an entirely different girl than I had moments before. I looked at my eyes, at the glow in the dark depths, looked at my flushed cheeks, and thought, Jesus, they’re going to know I just got fucked. . .. But one thing was for sure: Jesse was right. I didn’t feel nearly as nervous now.
THE SALON WAS THE BIGGEST PLACE I’d ever worked, with celebrities coming in hourly, often using a private elevator in the back. There was an espresso bar and an international newsstand and a whole bank of manicure/pedicure stations, their chairs facing a wall painted with a detailed mural of Paris.
“You understand that you never let a client off the phone without booking an appointment,” Carmen told me. She was in charge of reception and had set aside the morning to train me. “If we can’t book the desired stylist at that time, you offer another time. If the time is more important than the stylist, you find another stylist.”
I nodded.
“And you’re pleasant, even if someone is irate. That’s the number one priority.”
“But you can put them on hold,” a pixie blond girl next to me grinned. “I’m Nina,” she added, “and that’s my favorite trick.”
Carmen nodded. “As a last resort,” she said, “because they’ll simply hang up and call back, but if someone’s screaming at you, that’s what we all do.”
Screaming. People take their hair way too seriously in L.A.
The day flew. There was never down time. The phones rang without stopping, and the clients came in a steady stream. By six o’clock, I was whipped. At least that’s what I thought, until I headed to my car and remembered Jesse and what he’d said. Quickly, I amended the statement in my head.
I wasn’t whipped—yet
WHEN I GOT HOME, Jesse was waiting for me.
“So you’ve never been to a club?”
“Sure I have,” I told him. I’d been to clubs since freshman year of college. Coconut Teasers. The Whiskey. The Roxy
“A club club,” he demanded. “A bondage club.”
I shook my head.
“Great,” he said, once again placing his hand on the hollow of my throat, applying just enough pressure that the weight made it difficult for me to swallow. He pulled me close to him, his body hard against mine. “You’re going to be on display tonight,” he whispered, and now I sucked in my breath, visualizing the scene as he described it. “But don’t worry, baby, it’ll just be you and me, and two hundred of our closest friends.” He faced me straight on then, moving his hand up my throat to tilt my face up toward his. “You’re going to have to behave right tonight, Cody,” he said in that soft voice, the one I found most menacing. “I know it’s going to be tough for you. But I want you to try really hard for me. Can you do that?”
I nodded, and he immediately slapped my face, catching me off balance, then gripped my arms and stood me steadily before him again. The look in his dark eyes was fierce. “Can you?” he asked again, more menacing than ever.
“Yes, sir—” I whispered.
“Better,” he nodded. “That’s better.”
JESSE HAD BEEN OUT at auditions for the first part of the day and then had gone to the gym. He told me to get ready while he took a shower. But I didn’t follow his command. Instead, I sat in the living room with a glass of Jack, flipping the channels on the TV with the sound muted, not seeing a thing. My cheek stung from where Jesse had slapped me, and I had one hand against the side of my face, my fingers tripping up and down over the hot spot.
The JD in my glass got lower as the final rays of sunlight faded from the room, but I didn’t get up to turn on a light or refill my drink. When Jesse finally entered the room, clad in black, he practically disappeared into the gloom. I felt him staring at me, but I didn’t turn to face him. The glow of the silent TV was the only light.
Without a word, Jesse sat at my side. He took the remote from my hand and set it on the coffee table. I’d landed on some old black-and-white movie, and I stared at the screen rather than turning to face Jesse.
“You’re scared.”
I nodded. Tears were already streaming down my face. I wasn’t just scared. I was terrified.
He took my hand down from my cheek and traced the tracks from my silent tears.
“We won’t go tonight.”
Now I looked at him, at the brightness in his dark eyes, at the serious look on his striking face. I wondered why he was taking so much time with me. I’d only known him a short period, but I’d thought I’d nailed him. A man who got what he wanted and moved on. Had he simply not finished with me? Or did he see something in me that held his interest a bit longer?
I knew my eyes were begging when I stared at him. I wanted to please him, but my whole body was shaking.
“We’ll get there,” he said, nodding, more to himself than to me. “Don’t worry, Cody. We’ll get there.”
Now the tears came faster. I was letting him down. Visions of what he’d promised me flickered through my mind. Jesse displaying me. Cropping me in front of an audience. Hurting me. And while I wanted every single image that he’d promised, I was so worried that I’d let him down, fail him in some way, embarrass him.
“You make me want to move fast,” he said, now bringing me up so that my legs were over his lap, cradled in a safe embrace. “You make me want to do everything at once.” Again, I felt as if he were speaking more to himself than to me, as if explaining the situation out loud was helping him to process how we both were feeling. “But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook tonight.”
Had I started to relax? Had I let the whiskey work through me, the fire of it calming me?
“I promised you I’d take care of you tonight. I don’t ever go back on my promises, Cody. Do you understand that?”
I hadn’t spoken in so long that my voice was hoarse. “Yes, Jesse.”
“Tonight I’m ‘Daddy’ Can you do that?”
I closed my eyes as a fresh wave of fear spread through me. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Alright, girl. Go get your pj’s on and meet me back here.”
I undressed quickly. Taking off my work clothes. Slipping into a silky short blue-and-white checked pajama set. I didn’t stop to look at my reflection, didn’t pause to guess what Jesse had in mind. I hurried back to the living room and then stood at the side of the sofa, waiting for my next instruction.
“Come here, Cody,” he said, and there was no trace of a smile on his face or in his eyes. He’d turned the television off and lit the tall ivory candles that stood on the mantel. There were enough to create more light than the TV had, but the room was still dim and cavelike. “Over my lap.”
I didn’t look at his face again, simply crawled into position. Jesse’s fingers caught the waistband of my pajama shorts and white cotton panties and pulled both down my thighs. I thought he was going to start spanking me. My body was tensed for the first blow. But he didn’t.
“Now, angel, I want you to tell me one of your fantasies. Can you do that?”
“Yes, Daddy—”
“Your favorite fantasy. One that you’ve never told anyone before, because you’re embarrassed.”
“Yes, Daddy—” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut tight as I tried to think what to say. In my silence, Jesse ran his hand over my naked rear, and then right when I was about to start speaking, he tripped his fingertips down the crack of my ass, softly touching my asshole.
“Now—”
Oh, Jesus. He was going to be doing things to me while I spoke. I got that now. Shuddering, I did my best to tell him. “I’m in a school,” I said, “like a private school.”
“Mm-hmm,” Jesse murmured, and now he had my cheeks spread apart, and I could feel him simply looking at me. I wanted to hide, to burrow into the cushions of the sofa, but I held myself as still as possible, and continued.
“And I’ve done something wrong—”
“Of course you have.”
“Each time it’s different. Smoking behind the building. Making out with another girl. Drinking beer in a car in the parking lot.”
“What is it this time?”
“Reading dirty stories in a book that’s banned on campus.”
Now, Jesse had licked his fingertips and was slowly slipping one, then two, inside of me, gently finger-fucking my asshole. The pleasure was immediate, but I could feel my cheeks flaming at the same time. Shame floored me.
“And what happens to you?” Jesse coaxed.
I tried to be offhand. I was sure he could see where I was going. “You know, I’m sent to the principal’s office—”
“Wearing what?”
“Scarlet and black schoolgirl skirt, white socks, patent leather shoes. White shirt, black cardigan.” I could say it fast, because the outfit was the same every time.
“What does the principal look like?”
And now I lied for the first time. “You.”
Jesse removed his hand and spanked me hard, five times in a row. He’d caught the flippancy in my voice. But I explained quickly. “Different each time,” I told him. “I’ll see someone at a store, or in a movie, or driving next to me, and I’ll cast that person the next time I do this—”
“Do what?”
“Fantasize. Touch myself.”
“Go on,” Jesse instructed, but before I could, I felt something wet against my asshole and realized that while I’d been dressing, Jesse had gotten out a bag of toys. He slowly lubed me up, his fingertips skating around and around. I swallowed hard and then tried to continue.
“He says all the usual things, you know. I’ve been caught. Could be expelled. Whatever. Something cliched, I know. But I don’t hear a word, because on the desk is this wicked-looking paddle. Wooden, with holes in it. And I know from experience what that’s going to feel like, how much it’s going to hurt, how hard I’m going to cry. And I understand that I ought to be paying attention, but all I see is that paddle, and all I hear are my own impending sobs.”
Slowly, Jesse began to slide something inside of me, and I stopped speaking. They were balls, on a string, and I found myself shaking my head, not wanting this. How gently he was touching me, taking care of me. How he knew that I’d like this, but that embarrassment, guilt, shame—all of those emotions—would build up inside me. I felt so exposed-revealing this fantasy while Jesse was just playing with me, teasing me.
“Don’t stop, Cody. Keep talking. No matter what I’m doing.”
“Yes, Jesse,” I said, and then quickly, “Yes, Daddy—” I tried my best to focus. “He puts me over his lap and lifts up my skirt. He takes my panties down to my ankles, and then he spanks me, as hard as I’ve ever been spanked, with that cruel paddle. I’m crying from the very start—”
Jesse slipped another ball inside me.
“—crying so hard, and he says he’s sorry he has to be so strict with me—with all of us girls—but that he does have our best interests at heart. He knows not to stop just because we’re crying. He understands how to make a real impression, how to take us beyond our limits. Or where we think our limits are.”
“And where are your limits, Cody?”
He wasn’t letting me get away with anything. If I could focus on the story, I could forget that Jesse was sliding these balls inside my asshole, one after the other. But when he spoke, I was right back in the living room, upended over his lap, my pussy a lake of juices. My cheeks cherry-hued.
“I don’t know—” I told him honestly.
“In your story.”
“Oh, yes. . . . You know, it changes. Sometimes, I put my hands back to stop him, and he has to bend me over the desk, get something else to use. A cane. A crop. His belt. It depends on what I need...”
Jesse lifted me off his lap now, surprising me, and pulled my panties and shorts all the way off. Then he bent me over the arm of the black leather sofa and got behind me. I heard the sound of his buckle, and then felt the warmth of his cock against my skin. “What do you need now?”
As he spoke, he started to fuck me, and as he fucked me, he began to pull the balls out of my ass. One at a time, so that I couldn’t even think. But I knew better than to stay silent. Already, Jesse was training me. My mind worked furiously, trying to figure out what he wanted me to say. What the right answer was. I knew that Jesse wouldn’t be satisfied with a simple fuck session. God, I wouldn’t either. But I didn’t know what he expected from me.
“What I always need,” I murmured, failing, I knew as I spoke.
Jesse laughed. His voice dark. He was slamming inside of me, and the beads were gone, and I felt emptied. I understood he was going to take my ass, and I also knew that wasn’t the finale.
“Punishment,” I said, my chin to my chest, words almost too soft to hear. “Discipline—”
Jesse agreed. “You do need discipline in your life. But what do you think you need right now?”
He’d know if I lied, if I told him something else. But I couldn’t say the words. I just couldn’t.
Jesse pulled out. “Spread your cheeks, Cody. Wide apart.”
I’d been in this position for him before, but I knew he wasn’t going to fuck my asshole. Not yet. He had some thin little switch, and before I could breathe, before I could beg, he was using it, right down the center, the pain cutting me, cutting through me. He worked with finesse, slicing that mean implement to the right or the left, before landing another perfect blow down the center, so that I felt as if he were splitting me open. And when he thought I was done, he dragged me over his lap once more, not for any teasing fmgerplay this time, but for a ferocious over-the-knee hand-spanking that left me keening for breath. I was liquid as he positioned me finally how he wanted me, dragging me down on the carpet to fuck my ass, reaming me with his cock while I set my head on that soft old shag and wept.
“Does Daddy always know what you need?” Jesse hissed in my ear.
“Yes, sir,” I choked out. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Then you ought to trust me in the future.” His voice was menacing. He was still on me, in me, holding me down with his weight. “I gave you a reprieve tonight, Cody. A get-out-of-jail-free card. I won’t take pity on you again—”
He pulled out of me, and I thought he would leave me there, a mess on the floor, to pull myself together. But he didn’t. He lifted me in his arms and carried me to his bedroom. He stripped the top of my pajamas over my head, so that I was totally naked, and then took off his own clothes.
“You’ll go to sleep tonight with my cock in your mouth,” he said, his voice so deep. “Like a pacifier. Suck it sweetly, girl, and I’ll take care of you in the morning. Suck it like a good girl should.”
“Yes, Daddy,” I said, as I took up my position.
Like a good girl.
The words echoed in my head. Mocking me. But, hell, even if I’d never actually be a good girl, I could always pretend.