“So, is it hard to stand here and look at it?” Audrey came to stand beside her mother, who surveyed the freshly cleared foundation where her home once stood.
“I guess.” Her mom shrugged. “I’ll miss the house. But we’ll build another. I think I’ll really miss the things that we weren’t able to save inside it.”
In a few days it would be October. The worst of the summer heat was over for Blithe Settlement, at least for the next several months, after which the sun would scorch the earth again. But this morning, Audrey needed a sweater for the first time since April. And for now, the brisk temperature and morning breeze were a welcome change. Audrey breathed deeply and relished the first nip of autumn on her nose and cheeks.
“I suppose none of it really belonged to us anyway,” her mother continued. “‘The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.’”
Audrey glanced sideways at her mother with a smirk.
“I know,” her mom said. “It’s trite. But it’s true. Look what I have. I have a husband who has loved me for more than thirty years, and we have a home together even if we don’t have a house right now. I have a beautiful daughter who has loved me for nearly thirty years, who will soon be married and having my grandchildren.”
“Mom—”
“I know.” Paula raised a hand. “You and Brent have hit a little rough patch. It’ll be the first of many. But you’ll work it out. Anyway, my point is this: if God never gives me another thing in this life, He has blessed me so richly that I can’t even begin to thank Him.”
Her gratitude was contagious. Audrey felt it, too. She had her parents, and her father was recovering well from his depression. She had Brent, who loved her at last. And while she could never right the wrongs of her past, she at least had the chance to live better from now on. Thank you, Lord, for that chance. The feeling washed over her soul like she’d wanted to let the rain wash over her body that night at the Prickly Pear; the night Brent had proposed. Audrey took hold of her mother’s hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Audrey,” her mom began, “I’ve always tried to let you live your own life without butting in too much. Even when I thought you needed more than a good talking to, like when you let Bobby move in with you. I’ve tried not to push you too hard. I should have been a little nosier at times. Maybe I should have been a little more insistent that you do some things differently. I’ll always think, on some level, that what you suffered at the hands of that man was my fault.”
“Mom, no—”
“I think I like Bobby even less than you do, honey. To watch somebody treat my child in such a way–my baby...” Her voice broke and her face contorted with sudden emotion. “And to just have to stand by and watch, and be powerless to stop it...” She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath, struggling to regain control. “But him coming to know Christ. That’s a good thing. And if he is really trying to quit drinking and change, if he’s really trying this time, that’s a good thing, too.
“But even if he’s lying, or if he’s not lying and he just fails, that part of your life is over now. Regardless of what he decides to do with the rest of his life, that part is over for you. Don’t let it haunt you forever. Don’t let it make you angry and bitter. Don’t let it turn you from the man who loves you.” Her mom stroked Audrey’s hair, pushing a lock behind one ear, like she had so many times when Audrey had been a girl. “Let it go, honey.”
An unexpected sob shook her. Then another came, and another, and she let them keep coming. It felt like a tidal wave, all this sadness and joy, anger and fear, regret and repentance. But after the wave had crashed, drenching her soul, then returning to its source; it left peace in its wake.
She wanted to fall to her knees and weep for all the trials she’d put herself through, as well as for the grace and mercy that God still extended despite all the years she’d gone her own way. But her mother pulled her into a tight embrace and held her for what seemed like an eternity.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered through repentant tears. “God, please forgive me.”
“Shh.” Her mother stroked her hair.
The sound of tires on gravel reinstated her sense of time and place, and the tears abated.
“Now,” Paula pulled free from Audrey’s clinging embrace and smiled, her own eyes brimming. “Go on over there and work it out.”
Brent had stepped from his truck and stood, leaning against it, watching them.
Audrey nodded and kissed her mother’s cheek. “I love you, Mom.”
Brent stood straight as she approached. The uncertain look on his face pierced like a knife to the heart, and the knowledge that she’d put it there only served to twist that knife. For her, there was no doubt how she and Brent would end up.
And Bobby...well, Bobby had the right to live his life, and go to church, and get saved. And Brent had the right to walk him through it. That Brent would do that only underscored the fact that he was exactly the kind of man who would always try his best to do the right thing. And wasn’t that what she’d always wanted?
When she reached him, she clutched a handful of his denim jacket and kissed him without preamble. He tensed, in surprise no doubt, but only for a second or two before his arms slid around and he took over, wrapping her in his warmth.
“Hey!” Her dad’s voice, coming from the direction of the small stockyard, pierced their little bubble. “Cut that out and get to work!”
A slow smile emerged on Brent’s face, mirroring hers.
“April tenth.” Audrey straightened his jacket as best she could from within the circle of his arms.
His brow furrowed. “What?”
“It’s a Saturday. Check your calendar. I’ve already checked on the church, and it’s available. The bluebonnets should be out, so we could get some pictures made in that field just west of there. Carlene has already agreed to be my maid of honor, or would that be matron of honor? You should probably decide who your best man is gonna be.” The slightly bewildered expression on his face made her pause. “What?”
He shook his head and grinned. “Nothing.”
****
The guineas that Jim brought from his brother’s place, made more noise than anything Audrey ever heard. But she hadn’t had to sweep crickets off the front porch, so she hadn’t complained. This morning they screeched and clucked as they scurried out of her way. She could have sworn he’d only brought three or four, but it seemed like every few days one more appeared, and they made every bit as much racket as twenty.
“Sorry I’m late,” Audrey called as she threw her purse in her desk drawer and turned on the computer.
No one started the coffee, so she put a fresh filter into the coffee maker and started measuring the usual amount. She turned, coffee pot in hand, to head down the hall for some water, just in time to witness Jim trying to sneak from Carlene’s office.
He was straightening his glasses when he realized he’d been caught. Traces of suspiciously red lipstick still lingered, smudged around his mouth.
“Um, you’re late.”
“I’m surprised you noticed.” Audrey pointed to the corner of her mouth.
Jim pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began wiping his own. He examined the new stains on the white cloth, then folded it with a telling smile, put it back, and continued down the hall.
Carlene didn’t emerge until Audrey finished preparing the coffee and turning on the pot. Her freshly applied lipstick was flawless.
Audrey sat behind her desk, shot her friend a grin, and shook her head.
“What?” Carlene asked, all innocence.
“You’re so easy.”
A slow smile spread across Carlene’s face, and she sat on the corner of Audrey’s desk, crossing one leg over the other as elegantly as she could considering the bump of her belly clearly showed now. The bell on the front door jingled, and Bobby walked in.
“Well, well. Look who’s here. Should I just go ahead and call the police now?” Carlene kept her voice low, but not so low that Bobby didn’t hear her warning.
Audrey shook her head. “No. It’ll be fine.”
For an awkward moment they all just stood and looked at each other. Bobby relented, took his old, worn baseball cap off, and looked down first.
“Could I speak to you in private, Audrey?”
Audrey nodded and glanced at Carlene who was clearly reluctant to leave the room. Finally, however, she hopped off Audrey’s desk.
“OK. I’ll just be in my office. With the door open. You call me if you need anything.”
Bobby watched as Carlene left the room with deliberate slowness. After she’d gone, he looked down at his boots and swallowed hard. He took a few steps toward her desk.
“I don’t know where to start,” he said finally. “I know you don’t want to hear anything I have to say, but I had to take a chance coming here today.”
Audrey folded her arms and leaned back in the chair.
“I’ve been going to AA meetings. For about a month now. I haven’t had a drink in all that time. Not one.”
He smiled, and her heart lurched. For an instant she saw the precious child he must have once been, an impression she’d only ever had of him when the hard lines of his face had been completely relaxed in sleep. But she had seen it then, just as she saw it now. There was a good man inside him. Lord, help him.
“I really am tryin’ this time. I know you’ve heard that from me a hundred times, and I don’t blame you for not believing me. I’m not trying to sneak my way back into your life. I know you’re with Brent now. I know you’re gonna marry him. He’s made it pretty clear to me that he’s your man now.”
Bobby paused and swallowed, then he cleared his throat. “I’m glad for you, baby. I am. I know how much he means to you, and I’m not here to try and ruin that.”
“What are you here for, Bobby?” Her quiet question seemed to make him even more unsure. He clutched his cap in both hands and took a deep breath.
“I...I need to ask your forgiveness. You most of all, Audrey. For the way I treated you, the things I did…I truly never wanted to, and I want you to know it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t what made me so angry all the time. You were the one good thing I had. I didn’t deserve you then, and I don’t deserve you now. But I want you to know how sorry I am. Please don’t cry, baby. I’m sorry.”
Audrey hadn’t even realized the tears had pooled in her eyes. But when she blinked, they spilled over.
Bobby had tears in his eyes, too. But this time, maybe for the first time, he tried hard to hold them back. He looked down and made an effort to compose himself. “Please forgive me,” he said, wringing his cap in his hands, his voice little more than a whisper.
This time Audrey followed the prompting when it hit her. She rose from her chair and came around her desk. For a split second Bobby looked as if he might turn and run. He actually took a step backward as she approached. That was ironic. But he relaxed when she clasped his hands in hers, ball cap and all.
“I forgive you, Bobby.”
A tear did roll down his cheek then. He swallowed and looked down again as he nodded. “Thank you.”
He smiled in a way she’d never seen before. He looked relieved, and he looked happy, even joyful.
Her part was done. She let go of his hands and backed up a step. But he reached out and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Panic flared and her hands went up reflexively to push him away. But he only stood there holding on.
“I’m getting baptized on Sunday,” he said hoarsely. “It’d sure mean a lot to me if you were there. Will you come?”
Audrey nodded.
“You will?”
“I’ll be there.”
He let out a deep breath, as if he’d been holding it for years. Although she couldn’t see his face, locked in his embrace as she was, she could almost feel him smile.
“You are so precious to me, Audrey,” he whispered against her hair. “You’ll never know how much you’ve meant to me.”
Epilogue
“Look, look, look, Jim!” Carlene held out her arms to her daughter, who stood on shaky legs and grinned hugely, displaying four little teeth. “She’s gonna do it! Come on, Abby! Come here to Mama!”
Audrey stopped slicing into the chocolate pie on the counter and held her breath, waiting expectantly. Beside her, Brent set a stack of dessert plates down and also turned to watch.
Abby bounced in place a few times, as if testing her knees. Then with another grin she lifted one foot and put it down again, stopping to catch her balance. Then she did the same thing with the other foot.
“That’s it, Abby, come on!” Carlene encouraged her.
It took about four wobbly steps for Abby to make it to her mother’s arms, at which point she was swept up and covered with kisses as all the grownups burst into cheers and applause.
Abby answered with a high pitched squeal.
“That calls for a piece of pie.” Audrey laughed and turned back to her task, slicing and serving a piece for each of them.
Carlene and Jim were great parents. And Abby was the light of their life and a joy to see. Brent especially enjoyed watching the baby, who would officially be a toddler any minute now. Maybe soon the Lord would bless them with a baby of their own.
Soon, Lord. Please.
She handed Brent two plates laden with pie and forks, and he turned to pass them on to Jim and Carlene. Audrey sighed quietly. She had hoped to be pregnant in time to tell him on their first anniversary. A smile touched her lips at the reaction he would have had. But their anniversary would be here in three days time, and no pregnancy. Maybe next year.
A light knock sounded on the kitchen door. Audrey licked a smudge of meringue off her thumb and went to answer it, smiling to find Bobby on the back stoop. She swung the door open and he stepped inside.
Bobby had been true to everything that had happened in his life. He’d been sober for over a year and a half, a faithful attendee of AA by his own admission, and an even more faithful attendee at church. If she hadn’t witnessed it first hand, Audrey would never really believe such a change was even possible. But, praise God, it was.
“Well, it’s getting late.” Carlene’s smile vanished and she pushed her chair back away from the kitchen table, clutching Abby tightly, and reaching for her diaper bag.
Bobby looked down. “It’s OK, Carlene, y’all don’t have to leave. I’m not staying.”
Carlene still had not forgiven Bobby. She had grudgingly admitted that his conversion had probably been sincere. But she watched and waited expectantly for him to fall back into his old patterns of living.
Audrey closed the door quietly. “You’re welcome to stay, Bobby. You want some pie?”
Brent offered his hand and Bobby shook it. “Um...no...thanks.”
Jim stayed neutrally where he was.
Bobby’s gaze slid back to Audrey, and she noticed for the first time the sad longing that Carlene swore she always saw when he looked at her.
“I just came to say good-bye.”
“Good-bye?” Brent furrowed his brow. “You going somewhere?”
Bobby nodded and returned his attention to Brent. “Yeah. It’s time I moved on. I have a cousin who has a chain of feed stores out in West Texas. He’s opening a new one in Lubbock. He’s gonna let me manage it for him. He’s a good Christian guy. And I’ll get better pay, better hours, benefits...” His voice trailed off and he nodded as his attention slid back to Audrey. “It’ll be a good move for me. A chance to really start over. Everyone knows me here and hardly anybody really thinks I’ve changed for good.”
Carlene looked down at her shoes.
“Bobby—” Brent took a step toward him, the lines of his face furrowed in concern.
But Bobby held up a hand. “I’m not looking for a geographical cure. Just a fresh start. I could go to AA every night of the week in Lubbock. And I will if I have to.”
It felt like a blow to the chest. He was leaving. After all that happened.
Her mind flashed back to a time when she’d sat in church, not believing that the Lord was working a change in his life. She had promised to do anything God required, if He would just make Bobby go away for good. Those might have even been her very words. And now it was coming to pass.
God had required that she forgive Bobby, and she had. Truly and completely. And now he was leaving. For good. And she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. Tears pricked her eyes.
“Well, I’m happy for you, Bobby.” She closed the gap between them of her own accord, and reached out to pat his arm. “I know you’ll do fine.”
Bobby leaned toward her and placed a quick kiss on her cheek.
“You take care of yourself,” she whispered hoarsely. “Let us hear from you, OK?”
Bobby nodded and swallowed hard.
Brent extended his hand and Bobby shook it again. “You leaving tonight?”
“Tomorrow morning. First thing.”
Brent nodded. “Let us know when you get there and get settled. Let us know you’re OK.”
Bobby took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “I will. Thanks for everything.” With a final nod Bobby turned and left.
Silence engulfed them except for the rumble of his diesel engine as he drove away. Instinctively Audrey reached for Brent and he was there, pulling her into a warm embrace, then cupping her face tenderly, brushing away her tears.
“Maybe we should go.” Carlene’s quiet assertion broke the silence.
Audrey sniffed. “No.” Then she turned and picked up the other two servings of pie and carried them to the table. “Come sit down and eat your pie. And be sure and give plenty to Abby. If you won’t, I will.”
Carlene smiled at her and sat down. “You just want to get her all sugared up before bedtime, don’t you?”
“I just like to help keep things interesting for you.”
“Just you wait.” Carlene took a bite of her pie. “Your turn’s comin’.”
Audrey felt her smile return and glanced at Brent.
Soon, Lord. Please.
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