Cyclone thought Guy was hilarious. That was fine.
Seraphina had a crush on Tony. That was not fine.
Matt gargled mouthwash, spit it out, rinsed it with water, and was the best actor I’d ever seen. Really, really not fine.
If I hadn’t smelled the booze, I never would’ve known he’d been drinking. As we ate—it was a spaghetti night—the only person who gave him a long, questioning look was Theresa. Chrissy, no clue. Payton, I was assuming no clue, but then again, it was a repeat of the other time. She said nothing. She kept in the background, only there when Seraphina and Cyclone went to talk to her or hug on her.
Cyclone and Seraphina really had no clue. Matt was the most charming and sober acting around them.
That was scary to think about.
He didn’t have a great history of being sober—or being drunk, for that matter. Having an affair, getting trashed, and inviting a crap ton of randoms to his place … and that was just the highlights I could remember from this summer. His being drunk but acting sober was almost terrifying.
We ate. We bowled.
After, I was right in the time frame. We were in the limo heading back, fifteen minutes to ten. If I’d been worried about how Tony and Guy would act around my siblings, I would’ve worried for nothing. Both were normal, and both did the mouthwash trick right alongside Matt before walking inside. Tony was quiet, almost competing with Payton for who was the quietest. Matt and Guy cracked jokes, and Guy loved teasing Chrissy.
As for me, I was too distracted with watching Matt like a hawk, while trying to make sure Ser and Cy had no idea I was tense as hell, so I forgot to pull Chrissy aside and talk to her about my dad. I also wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to her about it. Kash seemed sure nothing would come from it, and I still didn’t know how I felt about the whole sleeping together thing. So when I did not get an invitation to extend this party at Naveah—where I knew they were going, even though they didn’t tell me—I was mostly thinking about what I needed to finish before hitting the bed.
I needed to finish my coding, and I needed to read six chapters. And then I needed to sleep, because Kash was going to wake me up whenever he rolled in. He’d only sent a couple texts and called once before he was loading back onto the plane after his one-hour meeting.
He was in the air now and not within cell range.
I slid into bed around one a.m. My eyes felt like they were bleeding, but I fell asleep with a smile because I knew what I’d be waking to in a few hours.
I wasn’t disappointed.
His mouth woke me.
Hard. Demanding.
The bedsheets were whisked away. The bed depressed as Kash crawled more on the bed and his body came down over mine. He still held his weight up, both his arms resting beside my head, but his mouth was on mine. And it was impatient.
I opened for him, and his tongue slid inside. He was tasting me, claiming me. Commanding me.
“Fuck.” He pressed down on me, grinding into me, and I felt how hard he was. He was ready to go. “I missed you.” He whispered those words against my lips, not even lifting away to talk.
I opened my mouth, trying to reply, but he drowned the words.
“Babe, I don’t want to wait.”
I didn’t want to either.
I grabbed the back of his head, my fingers fisting into what little hair he had, and I pulled him tight against me.
I slid my hand down, undoing his pants, and I found him. I wrapped my hand around him, pulling him out and kicking his pants down at the same time.
He helped me, maneuvering, and then a savage growl left him and he was gone.
I was dazed at first.
At first.
Then I heard him ripping his clothes off and I jackknifed up. I was racing him, my heart pounding hard in my chest.
My tank. It was gone. Then my underwear, but I only got a finger through one of the sides, intending to start pulling it down my legs, before Kash grabbed them, and they were gone the next second. I heard a ripping sound and he was back over me, then I felt him, and he was inside me.
Both of us gasped at the sensation.
He stilled. “Fuck.”
I agreed, but I could only whimper from my need. It was so sudden, so overwhelming, and I was done waiting. He was pausing, letting me adjust to him, but screw that. I reached blindly for him, my legs lifting around his waist. He caught one of my legs and panted into my ear, “Jesus. I want to pound you.”
I was nodding. He felt my response. I was only too eager, and then my legs were raised even higher. He lifted my ass, moving it down and repositioned himself. With my feet over his shoulders now, he reared back, and thrust back down. Over and over. Again and again.
A better angle.
A deeper angle.
He was straight-up pounding me, and I was lifting my hips, going back at him.
I could see him in the moonlight. I was so damned grateful that Kash had insisted on windows no one could see through from the outside, though we could see out. I was so damned glad we didn’t have curtains or blinds to block us, because then I wouldn’t have been able to watch him, my eyes on him, his eyes on me as we moved together seamlessly.
We were connected.
This was emotional and physical for us.
I felt him inside me, inside my soul, reading my thoughts, feeling my emotions. We were physically together, but it was more. It was so much more.
He kept going and going, and it was rising, and I was gasping, because I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. I felt like we were one person. And then his hand reached down, pressing to me, rubbing, and I was coming with a scream.
My back arched from the climax’s power.
My vision went black. The sensations and pleasure rushed through me, and then I was replete and exhausted, and my man had waited for me to settle before he started again for himself.
He slid in and out, slower, almost torturously, until I nodded and he began moving again. This time for him. This time he was relentless, and I loved it.
I loved him.
I loved that we had this.
I loved that he seemed to want me more and more, need me more and more, because it was the same for me. I was addicted.
I came a second time, just on the heels of his release, as he dropped down and ground into me before gasping. His entire body rested on me, giving me his full weight for a moment. I knew I would only get this from him for a second, and then he kissed the side of my jaw, a feather whisper of a caress, at the same time that his hand ran down the length of me. It went to my hip, leaving a trail of tingles in its wake, and once at my hip, his fingers curled in slightly as he pulled out and went to the side of me. His entire body was pressed to mine, and he reached for my hand, lacing our fingers.
A soft chuckle from him, one that warmed me, and he pressed another tender kiss to my shoulder. “’Morning.”
I grinned at him, too satiated to move my head any farther. I turned, just watching him from one eye. “’Morning.”
His eyes warmed, and again I was thankful for the moon.
Looking at the clock behind him, it was just past five thirty in the morning, so it was still dark. “How was your flight?”
“Long.” He dropped another kiss to my shoulder, his hand moving with mine as he began to rub our hands back and forth over my stomach. “Meeting was good, though. Productive. I’m glad I went.”
I wanted to ask, but I was scared to ask, and then screw it. I asked.
“Did it have something to do with your grandfather?”
He tensed, and I knew I shouldn’t have asked. Bringing him up always brought this result.
Kash didn’t move away. He remained tense, but it was like he couldn’t peel himself away from me. He moved more to his backside, his head resting on the pillow beside mine. His side was still plastered against mine. Reaching down, he lifted one of my legs and pulled it over his, and his hands began running up and down the inside of my thigh.
“Yes. I can’t say what yet, because I don’t know if it’ll pan out, but yes. I wouldn’t have gone, otherwise.”
I rolled my head on the pillow to see him more fully.
“Does that mean that when you travel to another continent for a one-hour meeting, the likelihood it’s got something to do with your grandfather is pretty high?”
His top lip moved up. “Very high likelihood.”
I nodded. “Good to know. That’ll save my questions.”
And another one I was a bit hesitant about but still wanted to know.
“Um.” I bit my lip. “I want to know how you’re fighting him. I want to know—”
I stopped, because he pulled away from me, sighing as he sat upright. He didn’t get out of bed, but he sat there. His head folded down and he raised his knees up, resting his arms over them, his hands dangling. He hadn’t just pulled away from me. He took his hand away, he took his kisses away, and I was feeling the cold.
My heart hurt.
I bit farther down on my lip, wanting to apologize, but fear was literally squeezing my heart.
What was he going to do against his grandfather? What moves could he make against him? Was he thinking everything through? Was he—
“You can’t know.”
He stopped my thoughts, twisting around, and I felt slapped again. Not by his words, though. Not even by his tone, because he sounded so exhausted, already too exhausted. I was slapped by the look in his eyes.
Haunted.
Torn.
He had ghosts that I didn’t know about. I felt them then. I knew it then: his agony went deeper than anything I’ve felt. It was a strange feeling, an odd sensation, as if I was feeling someone else’s skin over mine but I couldn’t see it wasn’t my skin. I could just feel it wasn’t mine. But instead of shrugging it off, I wanted to reach for it. I wanted to drag it in to me, make it mine, and that’s what I wanted to do with his ghosts.
“Who I am. Who I come from. Who I’m fighting. It’s already touching you. I have to stop it from taking you over. And it will, so easily. That’s on me. That’s my burden to bear, and I’m doing it so that you don’t carry it one bit. There are things I will do, people I will use, people I will hurt, and I cannot tell you. I tell you, and it’s over. You feel that world, and I won’t let you. You’re in school. You’re doing the thing you’ve been wanting to do for so long. I won’t take that dream away from you, and don’t make me take that away from you.”
A single tear.
I was affected, and I was swimming in emotions, but most of it was just pure love for him. Yeah. He had ghosts. And now it was confirmed that he wouldn’t share them with me.
I smiled sadly at him. “I love you, but I won’t fight you. I will only say that any burden you have, I carry regardless, because I carry you, too. It goes both ways.”
He whispered back, “I’d never let you feel that pain.” He leaned down, bracing himself so he didn’t fall, and kissed me. His mouth found mine in the sweetest kiss.
I felt an invisible hand grabbing my heart and crushing the life out of it.
He moved to kiss the corner of my mouth before he got out of bed.
He masked his haunts, running a hand down the side of my face. “Can you sleep?”
I caught his hand. “Hold me.”
He glanced to the clock. I had an hour before I needed to get up for the day, and he made his decision.
I knew he wouldn’t sleep, but neither of us spoke on that, either. He slid back into bed, curling his body around mine, and he wrapped his arms tight. I fell asleep like that.
He was gone when I woke an hour later.
He’d already gone to work.