I was leaning against a wall, watching Bailey with her friends. Torie. Tamara. All three of them were focused on Melissa, who looked like a minnow swimming among sharks and knowing it. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost. Bailey and the other two were protecting her, but whatever was going on seemed important.
Word had gotten out.
It seemed the entire section we’d been sitting with decided they wanted to party with Matthew Francis. When we showed, they were already in the hotel lobby. The front desk attendants were in a fit, not knowing what to do, but Matt had been in his party mood. He said, “The more, the merrier,” so everyone was allowed up.
A few more groups arrived, but Matt made the decision to shut down the open invites. No one else had been let up, instead Scott reported that the lobby was filled with Hawking University students.
“You pissed I invited my guys?”
Matt came over, a drink in hand, his eyes glazed. He was starting to sway on his feet, too. I was hoping this wouldn’t be one of those nights.
I responded, “Yeah.”
He flinched.
I glanced back to the girls. “You asked.”
“I forget how honest you can be sometimes.”
“Do you know yourself?”
He snorted, leaning beside me and watching the girls, too. “True, but I know you hold back with B. and others.”
He was right.
“Tough love, brother. You earned it too many times for me to go back and tread water with you.”
He got quiet. My point was made.
He echoed it with a quiet, “I deserved that.”
I straightened from the wall and faced him. Taking his drink, I ignored his “Hey,” and sniffed it. “Fuck, Matt. What’s in here?”
“Vodka.”
“Mixed with rum?”
He flashed a grin. “Mixed with whatever the fuck was behind the bar that would make it taste good. And what is this?” He motioned between us before he took the drink back, his head resting against the wall.
He knew me. He knew what was coming.
He tipped his chin up. “You know, it was fun hanging out with you today. You didn’t have a stick up your ass.”
I shot back, “You know, it was fun hanging out with you today, too. You weren’t acting like a drug addict with a death wish.”
He cringed. “Shit.”
I didn’t blink. “Fuck.”
His gaze grew resigned, but he sipped his drink. “Okay. Lay it on me. Tell me what a fuckup I’ve been.”
I scowled now, because that wasn’t deserved. “When have I ever done that to you?”
His eyes fell to his drink.
He didn’t respond.
“I’ll take care of you. Make you leave a bad situation. Clean up after you. But when have I ever sat and lectured you? A few pointed words here and there, but shit, Matt. You deserved those. I’m not Peter. Don’t put your father issues on me just because I’ve helped take care of you. And for the record, brother, I enjoyed today because you were part of the group. You were in there, helping. You had focus, a goal, and you were doing it because you love your sister.”
A second flinch. A third. There was a fourth by the time I was done, and he stood there, his eyes unfocused as he grew quiet.
His face fell. Whatever was there, whatever attitude he was trying to fire up, crumbled. His head lowered. His drink too, so I grabbed it before it spilled. I handed it off to Scott, who was standing behind me.
Matt let loose a low and guttural “Fuuuck.”
His head came up. His eyes closed, and a harder “Fuck!” came out.
I frowned.
“You’re right. You’re completely right and I’m an idiot.”
Seeing eyes coming to us, I motioned to the side. “Let’s head to your TV room for privacy.”
Scott moved first, heading off to make sure it was open for us. Matt sighed, trailing behind.
Bailey tipped her head back as we passed by. “Everything okay?” Her hand moved behind her, palm up to me.
I caught her fingers with mine, sliding our hands over each other and pausing to kiss her forehead. “Everything’s fine.”
Melissa and Tamara let out audible sighs. Torie just grinned, her chest puffed up, and she gave me an approving look. I shot a pointed look from her to Bailey and back again. She got my message, clipping her head up and down.
She handed her drink off to someone else.
A few people were leaving the den, looking pissed off, but the expressions changed when they saw us coming. A few guys tried to say hello to Matt, and he replied, but halfheartedly. They looked to me, thinking about it. My eyes went flat. They didn’t give me the same greeting.
Scott laughed behind me.
Going inside, I told him, “Just keep one of you in the hallway. I want the rest out there with Bailey.”
Scott nodded, taking position at the end of the hall. The other guard returned.
“Connor came in, and a few others. They’re helping to man the lobby.”
That was good. “Thanks.”
The door shut behind us, and I hadn’t taken a second step inside before Matt was already going.
“I’m messed up. I’m so fucking messed up, Kash.” He sank down on the couch, burying his head into his hands. His elbows rested on his knees.
I started forward to him, but he jerked back up.
He shot to his feet and started to pace. “I blame myself for what happened to Bailey.”
My eyebrows went up. I hadn’t expected that. “What?”
“Amanda and I started sleeping together, and because of her affair, her husband started stepping out. He was right there, ripe for Quinn to pick him up and start pimping him for her own fucked-up intents. But that was me. I set all that in motion. It’s been eating me up. I don’t know how to make it right, and I continue to keep fucking up.”
He kept pacing.
I settled back, leaning against the wall.
“I wake up every morning, deal with my hangover, and swear that I’m not going to party again. I swear that I’m going to do something right, preferably for Bailey, but if not her, then for someone else. Ser. Cy. And I don’t know what happens. I lose track of time. Or I get bored. I have no clue. Then I’m always, always at a bar or at Naveah drinking with the guys. You used to party with us. I know the guys don’t want me to say anything, but they miss you.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear either.
It didn’t matter. Matt kept going and pacing back and forth. “I’m not a drunk. I’m not an addict. Yes, I like both. I really like both, but I can stop. I did tonight. Shit’s not too messed up. I mean, look at who’s out there!” He swept his hand out, gesturing toward the hallway. “I don’t want those people out there. I’m a lot of things, and I’ll admit that I’m a bit of a dick. I don’t know those people, but they’re Hawking students. My sister’s a Hawking graduate student, and my sister wants to have fun and be normal today, so hell. I’m throwing a fucking Hawking party for my sister. And she’s having fun. It’s the same reason you’re here, chilling, even though I know you’re itching to break some necks and kick everyone out. Bailey. We’re doing this for her.”
Now he stopped. Now he swung his head my way. And now his eyes were telling me I needed to say something here.
Fuck if I knew what.
I grunted. “You’re right.”
An emphatic nod, and he threw his arms in the air. He started pacing again. “I know! I know I’m right, and why am I right? Why aren’t you pissed at me?”
“Why would I be?”
“Because I’m a fuckup! You should be pissed at me.”
I put my hands in my pockets, rolling my shoulders forward. “I gotta admit, I can usually follow your thoughts. This? No clue. You blame yourself for Bailey being kidnapped?”
“Yes!” He cocked his head to the side. “No! I don’t know. It sounds stupid, now that I’m hearing it out loud.”
“Quinn’s to blame for the kidnapping. Or if anyone else, blame me. I wasn’t there. I knew shit wasn’t right, but I still went off anyways. You boning Amanda Bonham didn’t set that in motion, and I’m pretty sure Amanda boned you because her husband was already boning Quinn. So you were being used, in an odd, extramarital affair way.”
He froze in place, his eyes glued to me. “Holy fuck,” he whispered. “You’re right. You’re so right. I’m as much a victim as Bailey—”
“No.”
“I’m almost as much a victim as Bailey—”
“Try again.”
“Amanda used me.”
I nodded. “Better.”
“Still, man.” He raked a hand through his hair. “You don’t know how much guilt’s been racking me. I was going to try to get my life together.”
“God forbid.” My tone was dry.
“I know.” He shuddered, then smirked. “I know you’re being a smartass. I’m being serious—I mean about the victim stuff, not the other stuff. I really do need to get my act together.” He expelled a snort that was half a laugh, motioning for the hallway again. “Bailey’s younger than me and she’s going to cure computer cancer within the year. What am I doing?” He gestured around the room. “I’m still throwing ragers in my penthouse floor that Daddy pretends is mine, just like how I don’t really do crap at this hotel. The assistant manager is getting paid what a manager does for a reason, with extra to take the name demotion.” His snort was only a snort now. No laugh. “I know whose idea that was.”
“It was mine.”
His head whipped back to mine. “You messing with me?”
I shook mine. “It was my idea.”
He scowled. “Are you sure my daddy issues shouldn’t translate to you?”
I grinned, leaning my head back. “Calm down. You weren’t ready to handle anything real before.” I leaned my head forward. “You are now.”
He quieted.
“I think you need to, because you’re slipping into old habits. One bender. Don’t make this night your second. You had fun at the game with us. I know you didn’t like a lot of those guys, but it didn’t matter. You never paused or stopped. You distracted them so your sister could enjoy one football game. And now,” I nodded to him, “you’re slipping again. Don’t slip.”
His eyes were shining. He swallowed whatever he was feeling.
“Kash,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “I’m a mess.”
“Matt—”
A knock sounded on the door.
Matt cursed.
A head popped in.
Scott found me, but I was already moving. I saw the alarm, and that was enough.
I was crossing the room as he said, “We got a call. You need to go.”
That was enough.
I paused in the doorway, looking at Matt. “Will you—”
He waved me off. “Go. I got her.”
A clip of my head, up and down, but my feet didn’t move. I was rooted in place.
“Matt,” I called.
He looked up again, but he didn’t say anything.
“Turn it off. Just think about Cy, about Ser, about Bailey. Think about them and you’ll do fine.”
As pep talks went, it sucked. I knew it. I knew he knew it, but it was the best I had in me. I felt he was searching for something more, but then we were moving down the hallway.
Scott was next to me. “We got a call from your guy. He said he’d brief you on the plane, but…” He hesitated.
I growled, “I don’t have time for this—”
“You’re going to have a guest on the plane.”
Shit.
“Who?”
We’d gotten to the main room, and it seemed more people were in there. That meant people were crashing, but Scott wasn’t looking at them. His gaze was pinned on Bailey as he answered, “Victoria.”
That wasn’t going to go over well.