Chapter 2

 

Facing the Truth

 

~

 

Even Ida manages to make it out of the classroom before my feet can even move me past our row. Another pencil nudge from Nia, and I put one foot in front of the other to make my way toward the door before my fingers close around the handle.

“Well, that didn’t go so bad.” Nia takes one look at my bunched-up shoulders and sighs. “I mean, at least Derrick didn’t act like his usual tool self. And look, you took great notes.”

Merely shaking my head, I pull on the handle and slip into the warm, spring mountain air. The year is almost over, one that I managed to maintain academically but let fall apart personally. Next year will be better; hell, tomorrow will be better. It has to b—

My thoughts are invaded by a loud thud against the wall of the science building. I’ve heard that sound before. It’s hardly the first time Derrick has tried to hit me, or someone else, with a soccer ball. The black and white ball is gone before my eyes can track it, the force causing it to ricochet back toward its owner while a nasally bystander laughs at our expense.

“Cut it out, Derrick. Can’t you find someone else to stalk?”

I spin toward Nia, my eyes pleading with her to not egg him on. She may be tiny, but she’s obviously done watching me shy away from my bully of an ex-boyfriend.

“The next one won’t miss. Will it?”

I turn my eyes on Derrick, getting my glare in order before meeting his eyes. Why does he still have power over me, even from this distance, in broad daylight? Granted, most people have left this area, and he knew that. He managed to convince me to make out with him against this very wall after class.

“Nobody’s looking, so stop being a prude,” he’d jab, with a fake smile curling his lips. “You’re ashamed of showing others you’re with me, aren’t you? I know you don’t really love me.”

Makes my skin convulse just thinking about it, about his hands on me, owning me, not loving me. His lips forcing themselves onto mine, outside for anyone to see, seems more like a statement of his bounty and pride than showing me tenderness. I can still feel his teeth on my neck, biting me and marking me. All of the motions on top of the vile words that caused just as much damage to my psyche.

“We get it, you can play with your ball, now leave us alone before I call for campus security.” Nia takes out her phone and preps to hit the alert button on her app.

“It’s okay. He was just leaving, weren’t you, Derrick?”

The voice responding to Nia is somewhat familiar, but it takes me a minute to register it as Tim’s before I turn to see him wheeling himself over, with Shan right behind. This is humiliating, only adding to the damaged image I’ve already revealed to the guy I’ve been pining over.

Though Derrick knew an audience wasn’t in his best interest, he was rarely one to care. His coach was in good with the dean of students, something he was sure to hold over me plenty of times. Even though he didn’t care much for anyone but himself, he may have accepted Tim’s words and backed off, even if for the purely “saving face” factor, yet once he saw Shan not far behind, someone he perceived as a threat to his claim over me, I could see his muscles bulge and expand within his patented soccer jersey, along with his anger.

“This is none of your business, stick boy.” Derrick seethes, jerking his pointed finger in Shan’s direction. “If you think you’re getting into her pants by coming to her rescue, you’ve got it all wrong. She doesn’t like pussy mamas’ boys, and that’s all you are, isn’t it?” Derrick walks over to Tim and Shan, but his crony, Chas, stays spinelessly behind.

My body moves by an outside force as Nia grabs onto my arm and we come together like magnets, watching the three boys face off all because of me and my crazy ex. Thankfully, neither Tim nor Shan look at us as Derrick approaches; I couldn’t bear to meet their eyes.

Shan remains silent, but Tim doesn’t. “We’re just stopping some good-ole-boy bullying at our college, man. No need to mess with these ladies, is there? I’m sure you have something better to do with your time, right Pelé?”

Tim is older, having been forced to leave for a couple years to regain his strength enough to return to school after a horrible accident. He may never fully recover the use of his body, but that has no impact on his quick mind. Everyone knows he’ll be in line for a TA position. Derrick would be crazy to mess with someone so beloved by the staff and students alike. His story made national news, bringing Crimson State to the spotlight as well, and Derrick can’t live without his spotlight.

“My beef isn’t with you, Tim. It’s with your little friend behind you. Tell him to leave my girl alone and everything will be just fine.”

“I’m not your girl, Derrick.” I spit out his name and curse my damn jaw for allowing the words to escape. “Not anymore,” I manage, in a reduced yet powerful whisper.

Now they are all looking at me, and though my first instinct is to disappear into the shadows, to shrink and shy way, I remember that’s what got me here in the first place. I let Derrick rule our relationship and make me feel like I was at fault for his temper. I know better now, and he will never change. This last chance I gave him proved that to me, but I don’t think he’ll ever understand.

“You say that now, but you’ll be back. You’re predictable, April. You’ll always come back.”

I clamp my jaw down tight this time. There is nothing to say in response, and I am not getting into some quarrel with him in front of everyone. I don’t want their pity or the shame I feel to overwhelm me in front of their eyes. I just want Derrick to leave, and with a wave of his hand meant to dismiss me, he clomps away.

“Sorry, guys. I didn’t mean for you to get involved.” There I go again, always apologizing. I’m supposed to be working on that. Supposed to be.

“What she means to say is, thank you.” Nia’s voice is strong yet soft. “Derrick’s a jerk, and everyone knows it. You don’t need to apologize for him, ever.”

“No biggie, ladies. It’s all part of the knight in shining armor thing I’ve got going on.” Tim uses strong arms to move his shiny, silver wheelchair in all directions in his fashionable vest and slacks—dressed to the nines as always. “But I can’t take all the credit. My man Shan here is the one that told me to hang back a minute. Guess his spidey-senses also pick up on damsels in distress. Not that you can’t take care of yourself, I mean, not to discount women’s strength, you know.”

Though Tim stumbles over his last few words, Nia and I are both smiling at him. I’m even managing to hold my own when his eyes land on my bruise.

I need better makeup.

Nia’s finger-poke into my side causes me to laugh out loud. Why am I so good at embarrassing myself?

“Ha, I forgot how ticklish you are,” Nia sputters as Tim and Shan break into a group chuckle.

Instead of turning bright red like usual, Nia’s snorting laugh gets me going as well, and I relish the moment of pure happiness and absent worries. This is who I want to be: lighthearted, easygoing, and surrounded by people who are kind, not controlling. I spy Shan wiping a tear from his eye and take a moment to enjoy my stolen glance through the curtain of curls that have covered my eyes. Then I push them slightly, draping them to the side to hide my bruise while I attempt to tap into my confidence by daring to catch his eye.

In a mere moment, the sounds from the others fade away, and I am snatched into another world, somewhere only Shan and I exist, where the sadness of my past, and worry about what he thinks of my current state, disappear. These seconds drift by slowly. If rain had been falling, I’d be able to tap each droplet with the tip of my finger, allowing them to bounce into each other without busting as they descend toward the ground. It’s like magic. Shan is there with me, his eyes locked with mine, the rise and fall of our chests matching, and I stay. I don’t shy away. I don’t run; I stay.

 

“April. Earth to April.”

“It’s no use. She’s busy keeping Shan mesmerized.” Tim’s wheel squeaks as he moves back a tick and the spell is broken.

My darn hand, which isn’t listening to what I want in the least, moves up and shifts my curls behind my ear. Shan’s eyes move to the black and blue hidden poorly behind the beige gunk I have plastered on, and I downcast my eyes.

“Derrick’s bad news. I hope you stay away from him for good this time. He doesn’t deserve you, and no one deserves that.” He nods his head at the alarming color beneath my skin.

Shan’s words kindle a fire in my cheeks. I can’t let him leave like this. What must he think of me? A girl who stayed with someone long enough to have to bring his mark with her wherever she goes. It will eventually fade, just as my feelings for Derrick finally dwindled and sputtered out, beaten away by his vicious words and cruel strikes.

“It’s definitely over,” I reply after a few seconds of silence. “Some people just can’t change.”

“Those are the ones who can do the most damage. It’s the ones who love them that change.”

We wave our goodbyes and offer up more “thank yous” to the guys. Nia and Tim exchange numbers for “study group purposes,” she claims, and all I can think about as we leave that spot is the painstaking grief latched tightly around Shan’s words. He’s known someone just like me. Someone who has been hurt, maybe even worse than me. And here I am making eyes at him, when all I am doing is reminding him of her.