Pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
JAMES 5:16
Doc. Dubya. Fats. MJ. Big Boy. A-Rod. J-Lo. The Red Baron. Baby-kins. Stonewall. Romeo. Ace. Old Faithful. Maverick. Honey Bunch. Champ. Caped Crusader. Pookie Bear. Old Camel Knees.
Old Camel Knees? I bet that’s a nickname you haven’t heard recently. But it can unlock the door to better relationships. Track with me as I explain.
Jesus was the virgin-born Son of God. After Jesus was born, Joseph and Mary had other children, at least four boys and several girls (Matthew 13:55–56; Mark 6:3). James was the eldest of these, making him a half-brother of Jesus (Galatians 1:18–20). Like his siblings, James was unwilling to believe that Jesus was God (John 7:3–5) until after Jesus rose from the dead (1 Corinthians 15:3–7). After James’s conversion, he rose quickly to a place of top leadership in the church at Jerusalem (Acts 15:13–21; 21:17–18; Galatians 2:9–12).
Viewing prayer as a primary means of ministering, James devoted himself to going to the temple, kneeling on the stone floor, and praying for his flock. Tradition holds that he spent so much time on his knees that thick calluses built up, like those on the knees of a camel. So James was called “Old Camel Knees.”
When intense persecution hit Jerusalem, many in the church were scattered across the Near East. Hated by both the Jews and the pagans, they faced severe trials, hostility, and persecution.
James prayed for them.
Also James wrote them a letter to encourage them. That letter is found in the Bible and is named after its author. At the end of the letter, James drops in a word of advice based on his experience.
Pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
JAMES 5:16
James knew that one of the best ways for his scattered flock to remain strong and close was by praying with and for each other. Prayer is an often overlooked secret to better relationships.
Secret #9
Pray for one another.
Though the apostle Paul was driven by a sense of calling unlike few men in history, he was a wisely relational man. He got his start under the tutelage of Barnabas (Acts 9:27), who gave him ministry experience in Antioch (Acts 11:19–30) and took him along on a church-planting journey (Acts 13:2–4). Paul later “paid it forward” by investing deeply in the lives of Luke, Titus, Silas, and Timothy, as they ministered alongside him.
The role of friend was one Paul took very seriously as he taught, modeled, encouraged, and especially prayed for others. Fortunately for us, he recorded many of the prayers he offered on behalf of his friends. From those prayers we learn a great deal about how we can pray for our friends.
In one sitting, I read the content of each of Paul’s prayers, in four translations. Wow! Reading them all at once shook me, convicted me, challenged me, and powerfully encouraged me to pray for others. (These prayers are found in Romans 1:8–10; 15: 5–6, 13; Ephesians 1:15–19;3:14–19; Philippians 1:9–11; Colossians 1:9–12; 1 Thessalonians 1:2–3; 3:11–13; 2 Thessalonians 1:11–12; Philemon 4–6). Looking at all these prayers together helps us learn how to pray for others.
The first thing that jumps out as we study Paul’s prayers is his repeated mention of how consistently and constantly he prayed for others. Obviously, Paul viewed regular, consistent, frequent, fervent, constant prayer as a primary responsibility toward his spiritual children. Note the words italicized below:
• Romans 1:9 (NKJV): “Without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers.”
• Ephesians 1:16: “I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.”
• Colossians 1:3 (NKJV): “We give thanks…. praying always for you.”
• 1 Thessalonians 1:2 (ESV): “We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers.”
• 1 Thessalonians 3:10 (NLT): “Night and day we pray earnestly for you.”
• 2 Thessalonians 1:11: “We constantly pray for you.”
• 2 Timothy 1:3 (NKJV): “Without ceasing I remember you in my prayers night and day.”
• Philemon 4 (ESV): “I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers.”
Look back through those verses and observe the drumbeat repetition describing the consistency of Paul’s prayers for his spiritual children: “without ceasing,” “have not stopped,” “praying always,” “always,” “night and day,” “constantly.” You get the idea that he never skipped a day, let alone missed an opportunity, to pray for his friends. Every time they came to mind, he offered a prayer on their behalf.
Maybe you’re like I am. I will pray a lot when there is an emergency or crisis, but I tend to slack off when the pressure’s off. I need to learn to pray more consistently, even when there is no crisis. If I did, maybe there would be fewer crises.
My guess is that most of us would have to say that the frequency of our prayers for those we love is too little—and often, too late. I encourage you to establish a set time, at least once a day, when you pray for your loved ones.
Paul was not only consistent in his prayers, he was also constant in his gratitude. Again and again he mentions how thankful he is for his spiritual children and the work God has already done and is doing in them. Read the following verses and note Paul’s heartbeat of gratitude:
• Romans 1:8: “First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you.”
• 1 Corinthians 1:4: “I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus.”
• Ephesians 1:15–16: “Ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you.”
• Philippians 1:3: “I thank my God every time I remember you.”
• Colossians 1:3: “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you.”
• 1 Thessalonians 1:2: “We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers.”
• 1 Thessalonians 2:13: “We also thank God continually.”
• 1 Thessalonians 3:9: “How can we thank God enough for you?”
• 2 Thessalonians 1:3: “We ought always to thank God for you.”
• 2 Timothy 1:3: “I thank God, whom I serve … as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.”
• Philemon 4: “I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers.”
Do you thank God for your loved ones every day? Or are you like I am, often taking for granted that God has given them to you as a gift, that He is already working in their lives? We should learn from Paul to spend time each day thanking God for others.
Maintaining strong relationships can be one of the most discouraging tasks we ever face. Some go through stretches when it is, at best, three steps forward, two steps back.
Paul built and maintained effective relationships with people who could have worn him out and driven him crazy. But they didn’t make him bitter, cynical, or discouraged. Why? He always thanked God for them. What I find challenging is that Paul was not only thankful for the faith of the Romans and the influential Thessalonians, but he was also grateful for the carnal Corinthians. His Corinthian children were always struggling to follow his leadership. They continually fought with each other. They got off track easily, quickly, and often.
We should note not only that Paul was grateful, but also what he was grateful for. He didn’t thank God for the people’s good health or easy lives. Instead he was grateful to God for what He had done in their lives, what He was doing in their lives, and what He would do in their lives. Paul’s basis of gratitude was spiritual, not physical or material. I am not saying we shouldn’t thank God for the physical, material, educational, and vocational blessings He gives our loved ones. But the primary content of our gratitude should be focused on the spiritual work He has, is, and has yet to do in their lives.
Paul was not only consistent in his prayers and constant in his gratitude, he was also confident in his expectation. He prayed believing that God was not finished yet. God still had more and better ahead. Let’s look at several examples:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another.
ROMANS 15:13–14
Notice that Paul bases his prayers on the confidence he has in the people for whom he prays. Because God is in them, they have goodness, knowledge, and ability.
I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge—God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
1 CORINTHIANS 1:4–9
Note that this is what he prays for the Corinthians, his most troublesome group of spiritual children. Yet he is confident that one day even they will end up blameless, because God is faithful. We can pray for our friends with great expectation and great confidence because we are praying to a great and faithful God.
I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.
PHILIPPIANS 1:3–6 NKJV
Note carefully verse 6. Paul says that he prayed from a foundation of confidence that the same God who had begun a good work in these people would complete it. I like how Eugene Peterson renders this verse in The Message: “There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” There will be times when others disappoint us. We must be like Paul and remember that our faith is not so much in them as it is in God, who is at work in them. As long as they are breathing, God is not finished working.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,
for ever and ever! Amen. EPHESIANS 3:20–21
Read these verses again, slowly. What an encouraging promise! We pour our hearts out to God on behalf of our loved ones, and it not only makes us feel better, it accomplishes something. God is able! He can do far more than we could ever imagine or guess or request in our wildest dreams. He is powerful. His power works in us and in our loved ones, so that it ultimately adds up to His glory.
Too often the aim of our prayers is much too low. Paul prayed expecting that others wouldn’t just barely make God’s team and ride the bench but that they would hit spiritual home runs and end up in the hall of faith. God is able and willing to work. He can do more than we can ask or imagine.
Paul was not only consistent in his prayers, constant in his gratitude, and confident in his expectation, he was also consumed with his flock’s spiritual progress. He prayed that they would know God and all God had available for them (Ephesians 1:17–19); that they would have inner strength and live open to Christ, experiencing the full dimensions of His love (Ephesians 3:14–20); and that they’d learn to live wisely and bear spiritual fruit (Philippians 1:9–11). Paul also prayed that they’d be in step with God’s will and live well as they worked for Him with glorious and joyful endurance (Colossians 1:9–12); that they’d overflow with love, strength, and purity (1 Thessalonians 3:11–13); and that God would make them holy and whole inside and out (1 Thessalonians 5:23–24). Paul prayed that they’d be fit for what God had called them to be; that God would energize their efforts (2 Thessalonians 1:11–12); that they’d experience spiritual encouragement and empowerment in their words and works (2 Thessalonians 2:16–17); and that as they shared their faith they would understand just how amazing it was (Philemon 6).
Unlike most of our prayers, which tend to be based on physical needs, vocational challenges, and financial circumstances, Paul’s prayers are consumed with the spiritual state of his loved ones. I’m sure he mentioned other areas of need on occasion, but what comprised the vast majority of his requests was their spiritual condition.
Beyond that he prayed they would not remain at their current levels of spiritual maturity. Repeatedly his prayers are entwined with requests for their ongoing spiritual development and progress. For example, Paul asks that they would “[grow] in the knowledge of God” (Colossians 1:10) and “increase and abound in love to one another and to all” (1 Thessalonians 3:12 NKJV). He also tells them he prays that their “faith grows exceedingly, and the love of every one of you all abounds toward each other” (2 Thessalonians 1:3 NKJV).
As I read Paul’s prayers, I come away with the strong sense that I need to make some changes. The content of my prayers is too often temporal, external, and superficial. We can learn from Paul to focus our prayers on that which is most important—the spiritual development of our loved ones.
To fully capitalize on the power of relationships through prayer, we need to pray not only for each other but also with each other.
Evelyn Christenson wrote several bestselling books about prayer, including What Happens When Women Pray. She views praying with others as a powerful, yet often untapped, secret. She writes, “[People praying together] is the secret that has undergirded me with physical strength when there was none in my body. It has called down God’s powerful movement in ministry. And, amazingly, this secret has resulted in an exchange of my finite limitations for so much of God’s promised infinite power…. I have experienced awesome results from my solitary prayers; but I have also found the added comfort, support and love of those who have faithfully and persistently prayed with me.”1
Jesus prayed for His followers (John 17), but He also encouraged them—and us—to pray together. He said that praying together gets results.
“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”
MATTHEW 18:19
Here’s how Eugene Peterson paraphrases this statement in The Message: “When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action.” Imagine that! By praying together, we invite God’s active involvement.
Jesus also promised that praying together draws us closer to God and to each other.
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” MATTHEW 18:20
I had a roommate during my first year of college who was a really great Christian guy. (He is a US Army chaplain today.) But our personalities were so different that we struggled to get along. After several weeks of frustration, we mutually decided that we needed help … from God. So we made a covenant to pray together every night at eleven o’clock. It was a small thing, but it made a huge difference. It drew us closer to God and to each other.
Praying together not only works with friends and roommates, it especially works with married couples. Over the past twenty years, dozens of surveys have revealed the positive benefits of prayer on marital happiness. For example, one very recent survey states that couples who pray together “hold hands more often. They make love more often. They respect each other more, compliment more, and bicker less.”2
According to Les and Leslie Parrott, “Prayer is a more powerful predictor of marital happiness than frequency of sexual intimacy.”3 Another study showed that couples who frequently prayed together were twice as likely as those who prayed less often to describe their marriages as highly romantic. They also reported higher sexual satisfaction. Most tellingly, with a national divorce rate of one out of every two marriages, of those couples who were married in a church, attended regularly, and prayed together as a couple, the divorce rate was only 1 out of 1105!4
Apply what you have read. Take the next few minutes and pray for the close people in your life. Even better, pray with them.
Notes
1. Evelyn Christenson, from the Foreword to Elmer L. Towns, Prayer Partners (Ventura, CA: Regal, 2002).
2. Quoted in The Fort Worth Star-Telegram, “Praying Together Means More Than Staying Together, Authors Say,” February 14, 2008.
3. Les and Leslie Parrott, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2006), 150–151.
4. This statistic is quoted in Building a Foundation for the Family, an audio series by John C. Maxwell, (Injoy, 1992).