Therefore comfort one another with these words.
1 THESSALONIANS 4:18 NKJV
Poor guy. In one horrible, terrible, rotten, no good, very bad day, Job, the richest man on earth, lost it all. All his cattle, sheep, oxen, donkeys, camels, and all but a handful of servants. In twenty-first century language his job, career, company, capital, retirement funds, wealth, and staff vanished.
But that wasn’t everything. Beyond the sorrow of seeing everything he had spent his life working for stolen or destroyed, Job lost something even more precious—his children. All ten of them were killed.
And if that were not enough, the only comfort Job’s bitter wife offered was the advice to “curse God and die.” Even worse, the next day Job lost his health as he awakened with a body covered in swollen, oozing, angry red boils.
Devastated, despairing, deflated, and depressed, he desperately needed a little comfort. Grief-stricken, anguished, crushed, and pummeled with pain, he longed for the comfort of a true friend. Sadly, none came.
Oh, his “friends” came by but not to comfort Job. They showed up to talk at him but failed to listen to him. Even though they were physically present, they were emotionally distant and completely failed to connect with him. They offered him neither sympathy nor empathy. They failed to help, strengthen, or encourage this broken man. Instead, they criticized and condemned him.
Job said he expected them to offer him hope, but like a barren oasis to a thirsty caravan, they offered him only dust (Job 6:14–20). As comforters he called them “a bunch of pompous quacks” (Job 13:4 MSG). Frustrated, Job eventually could not stand it any longer and cried, “You are miserable comforters, all of you!” (Job 16:2).
Needless to say, their failure to comfort Job in his overwhelming grief, sorrow, and suffering nearly destroyed their relationship. Never underestimate the power of comfort to help another and enhance a relationship.
Secret #11
Comfort others when they are suffering.
Like Job, the apostle Paul also experienced unimaginable suffering in his life. At one point he reminded the Corinthian Christians that he had been in filthy prisons several times, been flogged severely, and been exposed to death repeatedly. Five times he had received from the Jews the awful whipping called “the forty lashes minus one,” in which a man was whipped with a leather whip fixed with pieces of bone and lead so as to inflict the maximum amount of damage (2 Corinthians 11:23–24). Three times he had been beaten with Roman rods. He had been shipwrecked three times and had spent a night and a day in the open sea. He had even been stoned by the Jews but had miraculously survived. He had experienced difficult traveling year after year, which included fording rivers, fending off robbers, being endangered by desert sun and stormy seas, and being betrayed by those he thought were his brothers. He had experienced many long and lonely sleepless nights, many missed meals, and had been cold and naked (2 Corinthians 11:25–27).
On top of all of that, Paul felt the heartache of trying to oversee newborn, struggling churches (2 Corinthians 11:28). None of those churches gave him more grief than the church at Corinth.
Bruised and scarred, Paul’s pain-racked legacy of suffering makes his words about comfort and suffering all the more powerful. In fact, he opens his second letter to the Corinthians with a powerful reminder that God comforts us, so that we can comfort others.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 CORINTHIANS 1:3–4 (EMPHASIS ADDED)
This title for God is the Old Testament language of a sufferer crying out for God to treat him with mercy, kindness, love, and tenderness. Paul opens his talk about comfort and suffering by reminding us that God has a huge heart for the hurting. He is tender with the hurting and near to the brokenhearted.
When we are blinded by the pain of suffering and struggle to maintain perspective, it is important to remember that God is “the God of all comfort.” Later in his letter to the Corinthians, Paul refers to God as the one “who comforts the downcast” (2 Corinthians 7:6).
Paul uses the word comfort nine times in five verses (2 Corinthians 1:3–7). The word Paul selects for “comfort” is a compound word, combining para—”to come alongside of”—and kaleo—”to call out or invite.” It means “called alongside to help.” It is not something we can offer others from a safe distance.
The Psalms are full of wonderful statements describing the Lord as the Helper of the afflicted. God is seen as “the helper of the fatherless” (Psalm 10:14), “our help and our shield” (Psalm 33:20), “our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).
The term comfort is further connected to the Latin root fortis, which means “brave.” Comfort is not a synonym for “ease, softness, or a settled feeling.” It is a synonym for “courage, bravery, and strength.” Paul doesn’t mean that God comes to the aid of the afflicted and offers them a cushy life. He’s saying that God comes alongside the afflicted to give strength, courage, boldness, and bravery.
God is the source of every type of righteous comfort imaginable—strength, wisdom, encouragement, hope, help, mercy, and compassion. When we suffer, God is near. He comes alongside us to comfort us. He does this in all our troubles. His help extends to every area of hardship we encounter. God is our source of comfort.
In his first public sermon, Jesus stood in the synagogue, took the scroll of Isaiah, turned to a prophecy of the coming Messiah, and applied it to Himself. In doing so, He proclaimed He would be the Comforter.
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’S favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn.
ISAIAH 61:1–2 (EMPHASIS ADDED)
Three years later, and hours before His arrest and ultimate crucifixion, Jesus wanted to comfort His disciples. In the coming days, they would need strength, courage, and boldness. Jesus promised that they would be given another Comforter, one with the same DNA as Jesus—that is, the Holy Spirit.
And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever.
JOHN 14:16 AMP (EMPHASIS ADDED)
The Comforter …the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things.
JOHN 14:26 AMP (EMPHASIS ADDED)
Notice how many words the Amplified Bible uses to describe the Comforter—Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby. God, the Holy Spirit, is available to comfort His children. He gives us courage and strength to face the afflictions before us, no matter what they are. And through the Holy Spirit, He is able to play any role of Comforter we need, be it Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, or Standby.
If you are suffering—or, should I say, when you are suffering—remember that God is a very present help in time of need. He is the God of all comfort.
Note also that the comfort we receive from God is transferable and intended to be shared.
Praise be to … the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 CORINTHIANS 1:3–4 (EMPHASIS ADDED)
God comforts us in our suffering, in part so that we take the comfort we have received and pass it on to others. He often brings us alongside others who are going through hard times so that we can be there for them just as He was there for us. God comforts us so we can better comfort others.
The suffering we encounter will either involve us with others or isolate us from others. We will either build walls or bridges, depending on the attitude we take. The lessons we learn through suffering become planks in the bridge that leads to the hearts of others.
Rick Warren writes,
If you really desire to be used by God, you must understand a powerful truth: The very experiences that you have resented
or regretted most in life—the ones you’ve wanted to hide and forget—are the experiences God wants to use to help others.
They are your ministry!1
Our suffering, and the comfort we experience in it, becomes the key to our ministry.
D. James Kennedy was a popular pastor and media preacher. Regarding the power of suffering to enable us to better comfort others, he told of a young mother who lost her two-year-old son when he climbed over a fence, fell into a boat canal, and drowned. Kennedy went on to tell how the entire church showed up to minister to the young woman. He writes, “The grief-stricken mother later told me that while she appreciated the outpouring of concern, the presence of three people had comforted her the most: three other mothers who had lost children.”2
Think of me as a fellow-patient in the same hospital who, having been admitted a little earlier, could give some advice.
C. S. Lewis, letter to Sheldon Vanauken3
American professor Sheldon Vanauken and his precious wife, Davy, converted to Christianity partly because of the influence of C. S. Lewis. Then, when Davy was forty, she contracted a virus that quickly led to her death. Lewis’s words to Vanauken comforted him in the midst of his suffering, deepening their friendship and strengthening Vanauken’s faith. Five years later, Lewis suffered his own loss when his wife, Joy, died from bone cancer.
We all go through hard times. We all need comfort. We all need to use the comfort we find in God to comfort others as they suffer.
Alcoholics Anonymous has over two million members worldwide. They hold one another accountable to soberness, helping others do the same. Founded in 1935 in Akron, Ohio, by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, one of the secrets to its success lies in the recognition that no one can better encourage an addict than an addict.4
Seeking an even more Christian approach, John Baker launched Celebrate Recovery in 1991. People attending don’t have to qualify themselves as alcoholics, addicts, or gamblers but can attend if they desire to work through any number of “hurts, hang-ups, and habits.”5
We have run a large Celebrate Recovery ministry at our church for many years. We expanded it to serve not only those suffering from addictions but also those dealing with grief, bankruptcy, job loss, divorce, and abortion. Our groups are each led by persons who have been on the same side of the fence and have found God’s solutions to their “hurts, habits, and hang-ups.”
Sheila Walsh cohosted a popular television show, wrote several successful books, and ministered to large audiences. Yet she felt like she was dying inside. Lonely and depressed, she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital. There she confronted her long-held fears and hurts.
With the experience of a veteran sufferer, she writes, “Some of God’s most precious gifts come in boxes that make your hands bleed when you open them.”6 She continues, “You do not come out of the desert empty-handed. You come out with a pocketful of gifts that are to share.”7 And she wisely adds, “Not a moment of our lives is wasted in God’s economy.”8
Regarding the ministry of comfort she concludes,
The words God spoke to me in the desert were to become my loaves and fishes. They formed the lunch that I could bring to Christ in the starving masses of His people.9
Ruth Graham is the daughter of famous parents—evangelist Billy Graham and his wife, Ruth Bell Graham. She has lived a life with unexpected sorrow and pain and confesses,
My own story is not tidy. Nor is it simple. My story is messy and complicated and still being written. I have known betrayal, divorce, depression, and the consequences of bad judgment. I have struggled to parent my children through crisis pregnancy, drug use, and an eating disorder. I have known heartbreak, desperation, fear, shame, and a profound sense of inadequacy. This is not the life I envisioned. Far from it.10
Yet Ruth found comfort in God. Because of her history of anguish, she developed a deep desire to take the comfort God had given her and comfort others who were in pain.
I was willing to touch hurting and broken people with the same grace God had shown me when I was hurting and broken.11
1. Go to them in person as soon as possible. If that is impossible, at least call.
2. Put yourself in their shoes. Ask God to help you understand what they are feeling right now.
3. Give them a hug.
4. Say little, listen much. Save long lectures and sermons for another time. They probably don’t need information as much as they need consolation.
5. Briefly share how God has comforted you and brought you through your own suffering.
6. Read a scripture that has encouraged you in your suffering.
7. Remind them that as long as God is still breathing, there is still hope.
8. Help them reframe the picture of their affliction and refocus their thinking to a God perspective.
9. Pray for them aloud in their presence as you would want someone to pray for you if you were suffering.
10. Follow up on their progress.
Make up your mind to be a comforter. Use your wounds to be a wounded healer. Allow your brokenness to build a bridge to the hearts of others who are hurting.
Notes
1. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002), 247.
2. D. James Kennedy, Turn It into Gold (Ann Arbor, MI: Vine Books, 1991), 34.
3. Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy (New York: Harper & Row, 1987), 134.
4. Quoted from, “This is A.A.” (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1984), 20.
5. Taken from the home page of the Celebrate Recovery website, http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ (accessed Aug. 14, 2011).
6. Sheila Walsh, “A Winter’s Tale,” in The Desert Experience (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2001), 172.
7. Ibid., 178.
8. Ibid., 180.
9. Ibid., 180.
10. Ruth Graham with Stacy Mattingly, In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2004), 13.
11. Ibid., 168.