You need to have close relationships.
You want to enjoy close relationships. You want to have the type of relationships that God will gladly bless.
You hope to love and be loved in relationships that hold through tough times.
Of course you do.
We all do.
And you can.
But you need to go about it God’s way.
God is a relational God. As a Tri-unity, He has eternally existed in relationship with Himself. He created man and walked with him in the cool of the day in the Garden of Eden. He sent Jesus to restore the relationship between God and man, a relationship that was marred because of man’s sin. God has witnessed every relationship in history and possesses infinite and perfect knowledge and wisdom.
The New Testament is a highly relational book. The letters to the churches (Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, etc.) were written to be read and applied in community. Gracing the pages of the New Testament are insights into how to truly “do life” together.
Christianity is a relational experience. A religion is a system of beliefs and external practices. But Christianity is more than a religion. It is a relationship with the living God that opens the way to better relationships with others. Tertullian, an early church leader, quoted the prevailing pagan view of Christians in the second century: “How they love one another and how they are ready to die for each other.”
The prayer we frequently refer to as the Lord’s Prayer—”our Father in heaven”—is a relational prayer. Note the plural, communal nature of the petitions: “give us today our daily bread,” “forgive us our debts,” “lead us not into temptation,” “deliver us from the evil one” (Matthew 6:9–13).
The “one another” commands of the New Testament are relational guidelines. Throughout the New Testament, Jesus, Paul, James, Peter, and John give specific relational imperatives linked by the phrase “one another.” Based on the umbrella command to “love one another” (John 13:34–35), the New Testament includes thirty-one additional relational imperatives, such as
“Be at peace with each other” (Mark 9:50)
“Wash one another’s feet” (John 13:14)
“Be devoted to one another in love” (Romans 12:10)
“Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10)
“Live in harmony with one another” (Romans 12:16)
“Stop passing judgment on one another” (Romans 14:13)
“Accept one another … just as Christ accepted you” (Romans 15:7).1
Woven through these “one another” commands are ancient, fundamental, nonnegotiable principles of successful relationships. These “secrets” have served as the building blocks of successful friendships, families, and marriages for thousands of years.2 There are many fine books that emphasize one or two of these secrets and help us to apply them wisely, but none of these building blocks will be as effective unless we start with a foundation of solid biblical principles.
Though all thirty-two of the “one another” commands are significant, many of them overlap. I selected thirteen of the most important (Accept, Love, Honor, Serve, Forgive, Be Honest, Encourage, Pray, Make Peace, Comfort, Invest, Carry, and Endure) and added a foundational assumption (Admit) to come up with fourteen practical, powerful people principles that cannot help but enhance and strengthen your relationships.
These fourteen “secrets,” if applied, will help you become a better neighbor, friend, parent, grandparent, sibling, marriage partner, employee, or boss. The most introverted person can become a better “people person,” and the natural extrovert can improve to become a master at relationships.
I suggest you read it slowly, with a pen in hand, marking key ideas and making notes in the margins. Try to put into practice what you learn. Ask God to help you apply what you read.
Study this book one chapter at a time. Discuss how each member of the group strives to live out these truths in real life. Pray for each other. Practice what you learn as you “do life” together with those in your small group.
Most of the time, we know what to do—but we often need reminders. Relationships are too valuable to shortchange. Reread this book every year and keep applying what you learn.
Notes
1. Here are all thirty-two “one another” commands from the New Testament:
1. “Love one another” (John 13:34–35; 15:12, 17; Romans 13:8; 1 Peter 1:22; 4:8; 1 John 3:11, 23; 4:7, 11–12; 2 John 1:5).
2. “Be at peace with each other” (Mark 9:50).
3. “Wash one another’s feet” (John 13:14).
4. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Romans 12:10).
5. “Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).
6. “Live in harmony with one another” (Romans 12:16).
7. “Stop passing judgment on one another” (Romans 14:13).
8. “Accept one another … just as Christ accepted you” (Romans 15:7).
9. “Instruct one another” (Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16).
10. “Greet one another with a holy kiss”(Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26; 1 Peter 5:14).
11. “When you come together to eat, wait for each other” (1 Corinthians 11:33 NIV1984).
12. “Have equal concern for each other” (1 Corinthians 12:25).
13. “Carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2).
14. “Be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13).
15. “Be kind and compassionate to one another” (Ephesians 4:32).
16. “Forgive each other” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13).
17. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).
18. “In humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).
19. “Do not lie to each other” (Colossians 3:9).
20. “Admonish one another” (Colossians 3:16).
21. “Make your love increase and overflow for each other” (1 Thessalonians 3:12).
22. “Encourage one another” (1 Thessalonians 4:18; 5:11; Hebrews 3:13; 10:25).
23. “Build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
24. “Spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24).
25. “Do not slander one another” (James 4:11).
26. “Don’t grumble against one another” (James 5:9).
27. “Confess your sins to each other” (James 5:16).
28. “Pray for each other” (James 5:16).
29. “Live in harmony with one another” (1 Peter 3:8 NIV1984).
30. “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9).
31. “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others” (1 Peter 4:10).
32. “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another” (1 Peter 5:5).
2. I refer to the biblical principles of relationships as “secrets” because these principles are tragically overlooked and underapplied.