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Samantha
I unwrap myself from Brad’s protective arms around 6:00 am the next morning. He’s still sound asleep and barely moves when I get up. The ride home, coupled with the events of last night, must have him exhausted. We fell asleep before we could eat anything. I thought it would be nice to fix him something before I leave for class. I also want to tell him about Garrett.
This is the first time I’ve ever had to take an exam on a Sunday due to my professor needing to leave early for personal reasons. I took the day off from work so that I wouldn’t feel rushed.
I take a shower and get dressed. I leave the room quietly, careful not to wake Brad and go into the kitchen. I open the blind to the nearly full parking lot, turning it up just a tad to block out some of the light. The sun is just coming up. I can’t see it from my view, but the light radiates off of it. There’s not much movement outside at this time of the morning. I imagine everyone is just waking up. In an hour, the parking lot will be almost empty.
I’m almost done making breakfast when I hear the shower turn on. For some reason, it makes me smile and brings unclean thoughts to my mind. Minutes later, the shower turns off.
I’m standing next to the fridge, pouring us each a glass of orange juice when I hear a voice clear. I look up and into Brad’s steamy eyes at the end of the bar. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of those eyes. I assess the rest of him slowly. One arm rests on the edge of the bar. His body is at a slight angle, leaning onto his arm. His dark hair is combed back. His shorts hang low on his hips. His bare chest puffs out toward my stare. I grip the neck of the bottle tightly at the sight of him. My eyes snap up when he clears his throat again.
I put the glass down and quickly turn away to replace the orange juice into the fridge, but mostly to feel the cool air across my heated skin. It has to be a sin to feel this way from just a look. I can’t help the blush that overtakes me every time I see him. I blow out a deep breath and turn to face him.
“You’re up early,” he says to me.
“Yeah, I made breakfast,” I say like it explains everything. He looks at me skeptically. It’s not every day that I make breakfast. In fact, I think this may be the first time I’ve done it on a weekday since we moved in. I usually lay cuddled up next to him until the last possible moment before I have to leave, and grab a coffee and a piece of fruit on my way out.
“Is everything okay?” He asks.
“I think so.” I eye the food warily. My appetite is suddenly nonexistent. I get a sick feeling every time I think about Garrett. He’s become unpredictable now. “Are you hungry. You didn’t eat last night.” I motion to the plates that I made with eggs, bacon, and pancakes sitting on the bar. I slide a glass of orange juice in front of both plates and take a seat.
“Smells good,” he says. He sits on the stool next to me. His expression is still unsure. He leans over and places a small kiss on my lips. “Thank you.”
My stomach flutters from the small contact.
“I wanted...” I stop.
“I’m actually...” He stops.
We both speak at the same time.
“Go ahead,” he says to me.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.” I manage to get out. I try to keep my expression null. I don’t want to alarm him. It’s not that big of a deal. I just think it’s important that he knows. I don’t want to keep secrets from him.
He nods as he cuts into his pancakes. He forks the separated pancake along with a piece of egg and puts it into his mouth. I swallow hard. If he were a stranger, I would be disgusted that he just stuffed his mouth to the brim. But he’s not a stranger, and everything that he does seems to excite me.
I’m staring. He repeats his action. It’s annoyingly delightful.
“I ran into Garrett the other day on campus.” The motion of Brad’s mouth turns from fast to slow as he looks at me. It’s a curious and confused stare. “I didn’t really run into him. It was more like he stopped me, and we talked for a few minutes.”
Brad finishes chewing the food in his mouth and swallows. He grabs a napkin and wipes his lips. He gives me his full attention and waits for me to continue.
“He was acting weird. He told me that he still loves me, and he wants me back.” I give Brad the condensed version of our conversation.
Brad looks as if something clicks inside his head. “So, that’s why he’s been acting so strange. I brushed it off, thinking it’s just the way he is, but now that you say this...” His hands curl into fists on his lap. I wonder what he’s thinking.
I cover his hands with mine to try and calm him down. “Brad, it’s not a big deal. I didn’t give him the answer he wanted, and he let me go. I think he truly understands now. I just wanted you to know.”
Brad’s gaze turns stoic, but I can see straight through him. “What do you mean, he let you go?”
“He said what he needed to say, and I walked away from him. He didn’t try to stop me.” I feel bad about leaving out the small details, but Brad is obviously angry. Hearing that Garrett put his hands on me could send him over the edge.
His eyes close as he swallows hard. The muscles in his arms and chest are rigid. His eyes open as he stands and steps between my legs. He holds my face in his hands. His thumbs brush across my cheeks as he gazes intently into my eyes. I sense that he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he tilts his head and kisses me softly on my lips, lingering there for a few seconds.
He pulls away. “Okay,” he says.
A chill runs through me at the loss of contact. I wonder if the whole transfer of energy concept is real. While this was one of the most profound kisses Brad and I have ever shared, I now want to tear Garrett to shreds.
“Okay,” I respond.
“Since this is the last week of school, I have an idea. It’s been a while since we’ve gotten out of the apartment to do something fun. Would you like to go to the movies tonight, and maybe out to dinner afterward? We could make it a private celebratory graduation thing, just the two of us.” He completely changes the subject. He returns to his stool and proceeds to eat his now cold breakfast.
This conversation actually went a lot different than I’d thought, and with everything going on, I’d completely forgotten about his graduation. He’d said he didn’t want anyone to make a big fuss over him, but it would be inconsiderate to not acknowledge it. It’s a huge deal. His mom is having a party at her house to celebrate in a couple of weeks. I figured that would be enough since he hates surprises. So, I pushed it to the back of my mind until then.
“Yeah, I think that would be fun.” And a good way to get both of our minds off of things for a few hours. I think to myself. “This time, you pick the movie.” I smile his way, and he lifts a brow in turn.
He smirks. “I get to pick the movie, huh?”
“Well yeah. It can’t be all about me all the time, and it’s your celebration.” I waggle my brows playfully, making him chuckle. His laugh is the best sound after the serious nature of our morning. It calms me and makes me forget, even if only for a little while.
“Good. I’ll drop you off at school and pick you up when you’re done with your classes.” He finishes off the last of his breakfast, and I’ve barely touched mine.
I stand and grab my nearly full plate and Brad’s empty one.
“Need some help?” Brad stands at the same time.
“No. I’ve got this.” I look him over from head to toe. “You should probably put on some shoes...” I pause to get another look at his chest before he covers it up. “And a shirt.” I turn away from him to discard the leftover food, rinse the plates, and put them in the dishwasher. I can hear his laughter as he walks down the hallway and into the room.
***
I ASKED BRAD TO PICK me up an hour later today. I want to stop by and see Emily before she leaves for summer break. I take my last exam and hurry across campus to her dorm. I made a show of wearing my headphones, just in case that familiar voice was to call me again. So, I’d have a valid excuse to ignore him.
Emily’s room door is wide open when I walk up. The side of the room that I used to occupy is empty. They never assigned her a new roommate, because of the timing, but she’ll have one next semester. On the other side, Emily’s bed has been stripped down to the mattress. Her suitcases lay open on the empty mattress, and others closed up in the center of the room. She’s standing in the closet, removing clothes from hangers, and stuffing them into her luggage.
I knock on the open door three times, causing her to jump. When she sees that it’s me, she smiles.
“Well, don’t just stand there. Come on in,” she says with a wave of her hand.
I walk over and sit my mini shoulder purse on the bed. She immediately puts me to work, handing me a shirt that she’d just pulled off of a hanger.
“I was wondering if I’d get to see you before I left,” she says. Her boyfriend, Calvin, is taking her on a week-long trip. They’re leaving in the morning, and from there they’ll visit with their families for the rest of the summer.
“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t dare let you leave without saying goodbye.” I’ve hardly had a chance to see her in the past couple of weeks. Each time I tried, something stopped me.
“It’s not goodbye, silly. The summer will fly by, and I’ll be back before you know it. Besides, I doubt you’ll even notice I’m gone with Bradley keeping you company.” She nudges me with her shoulder.
She’s right, I will have work and Brad to keep me occupied, but I’ll still miss her. “It won’t be the same without you,” I admit with a small pout. Even though we don’t see each other every day, just knowing she’s not close by is saddening.
“You have my number. Call me or send a text. I’m never too busy for you. You know that.”
She hands me the last shirt from the closet and grabs the hangers, stuffing them into the side of a basket filled with towels. She studies me for a moment, then pulls me over to sit on my old bed. She takes a seat in the nearest desk chair.
“Is there something going on that you want to talk about?” Her forehead squinches together.
She knows that Garrett and I dated in high school. She knows all about how he broke my heart and most of everything that’s happened since I ran into him here. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her about what happened this week.
“Is this about Garrett?” she asks.
“Yes.” I finally say. “He...” My thoughts are a jumbled mess right now. “He told me that he still loves me. That he wants me back, and he can’t stand seeing me with someone else.”
Her eyes widen in shock. “He did what?” she whisper-shouts. “How could he?”
“Believe me. I’ve wondered that same thing since he had the nerve to say it.”
“I hope you told him to go screw himself.”
Her calm anger is comforting. She gets me. There have been many moments when I wish I’d never seen Garrett again. Many moments when I wanted to tell him that exact thing. It was on the tip of my tongue when he said the words, but for some reason, the words wouldn’t fall from my lips.
Many moments...
But there was also one moment...
One moment that I’m ashamed of...
The moment when he touched my skin.
I’m angry with myself for enjoying his touch. If Garrett would’ve kissed me, I don’t think I would’ve stopped him, and I’m angry because I know that I would’ve kissed him back and liked it. That one moment makes me feel guilty, even though I did nothing wrong.
“I couldn’t,” I answer honestly. “I wanted to, but I couldn’t.” A tear drips from the corner of my eye, and I quickly wipe it away. “He was a breath away from my lips, and I didn’t move. What does that say about me, Em?”
Her expression changes. The sincerity in her eyes does nothing to ease my guilt, but I appreciate it all the same. “You’re human, Sam. We all have our moments of weakness.” She grabs hold of my left hand. “You obviously still feel something for him.”
“But I don’t love him,” I interject.
“And you don’t hate him,” she says. “I can understand how that’s possible, especially considering the history you shared with him. You’re still attracted to him, and I can clearly see why. His good looks are a treat in itself,” she says with a wink.
Her comment makes me giggle.
“Just don’t forget who he truly is. He’s the guy that doesn’t care about your feelings and treats girls like a piece of meat. He’s the guy that broke your heart. If he ever tries to touch you again, give him a swift kick in his balls.”
I nearly choke on my spit, laughing so hard at Em. This is what I needed, reassurance. Someone to tell me that I’m not a horrible person.
I help her pack the rest of her things, while we chat about our plans for the summer. Neither of us is ready to part when it’s time for me to leave, but Brad will be here soon, and I don’t want to keep him waiting.
I walk out into the parking lot in front of the dorm to wait for Brad. He should be here by now. I take my phone out to check for a missed message or call, but I don’t get the chance. Just as I thought things couldn’t get worse, they do.
Garrett stalks toward me like he’s on a mission. I steel myself for whatever he has to say. He stops directly in front of me and looks me square in my eyes. My heart thumps viciously in my chest. I open my mouth to ask him what he wants, but my words are cut short by the force of his arms, pulling me to him. The impact of his mouth crashing into mine jars my senses. My eyes widen. My arms hang limply at my sides. His lips are familiar, soft, and smooth, but unwelcomed.
It takes me a few seconds too long to realize what’s happening. He’s suddenly wrenched away from me. My heart fills with dread when I see Brad. His furious eyes are focused on Garrett, who smirks spitefully back at him. I can hardly breathe as Brad cocks one arm back. The scene plays out in slow motion. His fist connects hard with Garrett’s face. Garrett stumbles but the force doesn’t knock him out. Garrett spits blood out of his mouth onto the concrete. His smile doesn’t falter.
“What the hell are you doing?” Brad says to Garrett.
When Garrett doesn’t answer, Brad looks at me for an explanation, but I have none. I’m just as confused and put off by what just happened as he is.
“Just as sweet as I remembered,” Garrett speaks, and we both turn to look at him.
“What?” Brad asks.
“Our precious Sam. Still so sweet,” he says. His tongue slides across his bottom lip.
“I’m not yours, Garrett,” I manage to croak out.
“Maybe not today, but...” his words linger in the space between us. His eyes roam over me.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Brad’s fists roll at his side again in preparation for another punch.
“Oh, she didn’t tell you?” Garrett looks at me and winks, almost as if he’s confirming that we share a secret. I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“Tell me what?”
“Tell him what?”
Brad and I say at the same time.
“When the cat’s away...” Garrett says.
“What’s your endgame here, Garrett? What are you trying to do? You can’t have me. So, no one can. Is that it?”
“I can have you anytime I want, babe.” He uses his old pet name for me. “As a matter of fact, I have.” His eyes skirt over to Brad. “To be honest, I had no intention of going after Sam when I found out about you two. I’ve always wanted the best for her and for her to be happy, but being this close to her, and you... I wanted it to be me. So, I told her how I felt; that I still love her, and she walked away from me.” His expression softens when he looks at me, but only for a second. “But she didn’t say no.”
I stare at him in disbelief, trying to figure out what he’s talking about.
“I went over to your apartment to return your phone.” He crosses his arms over his chest. His expression is hard and daring. “When I got there, no one was home, and I guess in your rush to leave, you’d left the door unlocked. Even at that point, it was curiosity that invited me to go inside. I wanted to see this setup you’d told us about when you stopped by the dorm. I’d given up on getting her back. You, leaving your phone behind, couldn’t have come at a better time.”
“What did you do, Garrett?” I ask frantically. Deep in the back of my mind, I already know, but I need to hear him say it. I want him to tell me that my thoughts are wrong.
His cold eyes snap to mine and back to Brad, who’s bristling beside me. “I did what you couldn’t,” he says to Brad. “I must say, babe,” he says, looking at me. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Oh, no. No! No!”
I think back to that night. The messages from Brad. The Blindfold. The cream. The feel of his hands and mouth all over me. Him penetrating me over and over again. I pleaded for him to continue. I craved for more of him. I enjoyed it, but I didn’t know.
I bring my hands up to my mouth. My skin burns from the heat of his eyes. My eyes well with tears. I was so wrong about him. He’s nothing close to the boy I used to love. The Garrett I knew was a cheater, but he wouldn’t take advantage of me like this. I don’t understand how he could hurt me again. The contents of my stomach threaten to spill from my mouth.
Brad swings his fist at Garrett again, but this time Garrett ducks. He doesn’t try to hit Brad back. He’s amused by this turn of events. He reaches for me, and I step back.
I glance at Brad. I’ve never seen him so angry. “Fuck you, Garrett!” He shouts, and I jump, shocked by the intensity of his words.
My head begins to spin uncontrollably. My knees weaken. I feel myself falling and then...
Nothing.
