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Bradley
The last thing that I want to do is hurt her after she’s been through so much. Love has a funny way of making you believe and slapping you in the face for falling for it. I suppose Sam came along to test me and make me stronger, but that’s a reasoning that I can’t get on board with. I’m trying hard, but I’m not sure if I can be who she needs me to be right now. I’m conflicted.
The rational side of me knows that what happened wasn’t her fault. My Sam would never do anything to hurt me. She wants nothing to do with the guy that broke her heart. I’m reading too much into the situation.
But there’s another side that scorns her for not knowing that it wasn’t me that held her so close. How could she not know, or maybe she did and didn’t care. Maybe I underestimated how much she cares for him. What if I had it wrong this entire time? Could it be possible that she still loves him?
I’m trying to love her just as hard as I’ve always done regardless of how difficult it may be, but every time I look at her, I see him. It saddens me to touch her and hurts me to lie next to her in our bed, a bed that they also shared. I can’t get the image of them together out of my head.
I can feel her hurt and often hear her cries at night when she thinks I’m asleep. I want to comfort her, but my pride won’t let me.
The truth is, I haven’t been able to sleep much since I found out. I’ve turned to the bottle more than I should have the past couple of nights. I don’t drink myself into a stupor, but I do consume enough to take the edge off, just enough so I can hold her until she falls asleep without wanting to pull away.
I’m not giving up on us regardless of how hard it may be. I just need a little time to get my head together so that we can move forward. This is my demon to deal with, not Sam’s. I hope she can hang in there long enough for me to find us again.
Today is my graduation day, and while I’m happy about it, I’m not able to live in the moment as I’d planned. My mind is preoccupied with thoughts of what to do next. Where do we go from here, and how? I barely recall walking across the stage to receive my degree.
The last thing that I want to do tonight is to go to a party, but mom has been planning this party for weeks. She would never forgive me if I didn’t show up.
I follow Sam’s eyes to Nate and Phil, approaching us in the parking lot with cautionary steps. I’m not surprised to see them. I knew they wouldn’t miss this, but I can’t help wondering how much they know. What kind of lies did the guy walking close behind them spill?
My eyes shoot to Sam beside me when she sucks in a sharp breath. Her body stills at the sight of Garrett, and my blood begins to boil. I didn’t expect him to show his face here after everything he’s done. What type of person could continue to intentionally hurt someone else, someone they claimed to care about?
I grab Sam’s hand and squeeze lightly to offer some type of comfort. With the way I’m feeling at this moment, I can only imagine what Sam is feeling. Despite the tension between us, I would never let anything happen to her. I don’t want to see her hurt again. I need to get her away from here.
“Breathe, Sam,” I whisper so only she can hear.
She finally averts her eyes away from Garrett to look at me. Air seeps from her mouth. Her grip loosens in my hand as she tries to relax. Her eyes plead for me to do something.
“Mom, do you mind if Sam rides with you? I’m going to talk to the guys, and I’ll be right behind you.” I smile as best as I can at mom, but she sees right through me.
She squints her eyes in question, looking from Sam to me. She knows that something is not right, but now is not the time to bring it up.
“I promise I won’t be long.” I kiss mom on her cheek before returning my attention to Sam. I place my forehead on hers.
“Thank you.” She whispers.
It’s hard watching her walk away with how she’s feeling, but I know that she wasn’t ready to face her monster. I don’t even know if I’m ready to face him. I brace myself for an onslaught of questions and stares when the guys reach me.
Nate scratches the back of his head as he looks over my shoulder with sad eyes. The tension in the air is thick.
“Nate. Phil.” I say to my friends. I go one step further and decide to be the bigger man about this. “Garrett.” I spit out.
My reaction doesn’t seem to faze him. He’s just as arrogant as he’s always been, only a lot worse now that I’ve gotten to know who he really is. As much as his smirk annoys me, I refuse to make a scene here. I won’t let him ruin my day any more than he already has.
“Hey, congrats, man.” Nate pulls me in for a bro hug, and Phil follows his lead.
Garrett doesn’t dare come close to me. I almost wish that he would so that I’d have an excuse to release the rage inside of me.
“So, what now?” Nate continues. “Marriage? A couple of kids?” He says jokingly.
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot, actually, but Sam and I have a lifetime to make it happen.”
I glance at Garrett just in time to see the sly smirk disappear from his face. It wasn’t a lie. I have thought about it. I’ve thought about many things this past week, and though we have some work to do, I’m confident that we’ll get there. I want Garrett to know that what he did will not deter me. I want him to know that even though he may have broken us, we’re not beyond repair.
“Your mom invited us to the party tonight. I’ll stop by for a little while, but...” Nate looks to Phil, and Garrett then back to me.
I hate that he’s in a position where he feels he has to choose. Instead of shining a light on the elephant, I give him an easy out. “I understand if you can’t come. I know it’s not your kind of party. You’d probably be bored out of your mind without the booze and ladies.”
Nate and Phil let out a cool chuckle.
“I should get going. I promised mom I wouldn’t take long. You know how she can be. I’ll see you guys around. Thanks for showing up today.”
We say our goodbyes. I walk away, hoping I never have to see Garrett’s face again.
