WHAT A SAD TIME THIS WAS FOR CURTIS. HE’D TRIED TO KEEP HIS mind fairly occupied over the last four days, but the day had finally arrived for him to see his mother. As a minister, he’d preached at a great number of funerals, too many to count, but this would be the most different and most painful that he’d attended. It would be the funeral he’d never forget for as long as he lived. Not to mention how heartlessly his sister was still treating him. She’d ended up calling him late Sunday night, telling him that the funeral would be on Wednesday, but when he’d tried to ask additional questions, she’d told him that she didn’t have time for it. She told him that he didn’t even have to come to her house if he didn’t want to. It was her opinion that it would be better if he drove straight to the church and simply walked in with them once they got there. Curtis had been speechless and near tears right after she’d said it. But it was obvious that she meant every word.
He tried respecting the way she felt and knew she had every right to be upset with him, but he’d been hoping that she’d at least try to stay civil. He had hoped that she would let bygones be bygones for the sake of the family, because even he had decided to do the same in regard to Charlotte. He hadn’t wanted Charlotte riding over to Chicago with him and Matthew, but he knew Matthew would never understand their leaving her. She’d been waiting on pins and needles, wondering whether she’d be able to go, and finally Curtis had agreed. He decided that he might actually need her support when all was said and done.
Now, though, they’d picked up Alicia and were just pulling up in front of Trina’s massive brick home, located in the south suburbs. Thankfully, the church was just a few miles away.
Curtis turned off the ignition, and they all got out of the car. Matthew held his sister’s hand, and Charlotte and Curtis walked behind them. Curtis noticed his mother’s brother immediately.
“Curtis, is that you?” the man said, smiling yet tearful.
“Uncle Bradley? It’s so good to see you,” he said, embracing him.
“Boy, it sure is good to see you, too. It’s been a long, long time. And who is this handsome little fellow right here?”
“This is my son, Matthew, and my daughter, Alicia.”
“I already know Miss Alicia. I met her a couple of years ago. But it’s nice to meet you, Matthew.”
“It’s nice to meet you, too, Mr. Bradley.”
“That’s Uncle Bradley to you.”
Matthew smiled and looked at his father.
“And what about this beautiful young lady standing next to you?” Uncle Bradley asked.
“This is my wife, Charlotte.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Uncle Bradley,” she said.
“Likewise. I’m sorry it had to happen under these circumstances, but it’s still nice to know you.”
“So who all is in the house?” Curtis asked.
“My wife, Samantha, and a few of our cousins. And, of course, Trina and her family. Go on in. I was just standing out here getting some fresh air and thinking about my baby sister.”
“I understand,” Curtis said.
Alicia opened the door, and they all walked in one by one.
“How’s everybody doing?” Curtis said shamefully. He felt so out of place, and it was his own fault.
“Fine,” most of his relatives responded, but it was obvious that they weren’t too sure who he was.
“I’m Curtis, Pauline’s oldest child.”
“Oh, okay,” one of the women said. “Pauline used to talk about you from time to time. I’m her first cousin, Etta Mae, and this is my sister, Rayzene. We live in Cincinnati, but you probably don’t remember us. Your mother brought you and Trina over to see us a couple of times, but both of you were barely toddlers. Then, by the time we saw Pauline again, you had gone off to college.”
“Well, it’s nice to see you again,” Curtis said.
“Boy, where you been?” Rayzene said nastily.
“It’s a long story.”
“What kinda story you talkin’ about? Because all I know is that you worried your mother half to death. And that’s probably the reason that cancer came back and got her.”
“Rayzene!” Etta Mae shouted. “Leave that child alone. You always sticking your nose where it don’t belong. And anyway, we didn’t drive all the way here just so you could start up some mess.”
“Hmmph. Well, quiet as kept, I think it’s a shame when children disown they own mother.”
Curtis felt as small as a church mouse. He wanted to shrivel up and die. Right then and right there. He didn’t have the courage to look at Charlotte or his children. As strong as he was, he didn’t even have the courage to defend himself. Rayzene was a monster.
“Now, who’s this gorgeous little thing right here, Curtis?” Etta Mae tried to smooth things over.
“This is Charlotte, my wife. And this is my daughter, Alicia, and my son, Matthew.”
“Pauline talked about Miss Alicia all the time. She was so proud of you, baby.”
Curtis could see Alicia’s eyes filling up, and Charlotte placed her arm around her.
“And Matthew, you’re just about the cutest little boy I’ve seen in years.”
“Thank you,” he said, blushing.
“And I’m your aunt Samantha,” the other woman offered. “I’m your uncle Bradley’s wife.”
“It’s good to meet you,” Curtis said.
Rayzene stared at Curtis but didn’t say anything. She definitely didn’t like him.
Now Curtis wondered if it would have been better for him not to come here. Maybe he should have taken Trina’s advice about going directly to the church.
Charlotte took a seat on the plush, tan sofa, and Alicia and Matthew sat down next to her. A muscular-looking man walked out into the living room.
“You must be Curtis,” he said.
“I am.”
“I’m Jason. Trina’s husband.”
They shook hands, and Curtis said, “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“It’s good to meet you, also.”
“How is my sister? Is she hanging in there?”
“It’s hard on her, but she’s trying. You can go in and talk to her if you want.”
“Man, I don’t know if that would be good.”
“Go ahead. Our bedroom is at the end of the hall and to the right.”
“Baby, go on,” Charlotte said.
Curtis didn’t respond to either of them, but he slowly walked toward the corridor. He braced himself for whatever Trina’s reaction would be.
When he arrived at the door, which was half open, he knocked.
“Come in,” she said.
“Hey. Jason told me I should come see you.”
She turned her back to him and finished brushing her hair. It was still long—thick, wavy, and beautiful—just the way he remembered it. She was thirty-eight, but she didn’t look a day over thirty. Interestingly enough, most people never guessed that he was already forty.
“Trina, please let me talk to you.”
“About what, Curtis? The way you abandoned Mom and me? The way you left Chicago and deleted us from your life like we were nonentities?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I want to talk to you about. I was wrong. Dead wrong. But after what I went through as a child, I just didn’t know how to deal with my pain. All I knew was that I couldn’t wait to leave and that it was best that I never look back. At least that’s what I was thinking at the time. I just didn’t see how else I was going to heal if I didn’t.”
“I had scars, too, Curtis. But I never would have left you or Mom.”
“I know. And like I said, I know that I was wrong.”
“Well, I just hope you’re happy. I hope you got whatever you were searching for and that you’ve enjoyed being without us.”
“I’m not happy. As a matter of fact, my life started falling apart weeks before you called me on Saturday.”
“Well, that’s not my problem. And after I lay my mother to rest today, the only family that I’ll be concerned about are my husband and children. And, of course, Alicia.”
Curtis leaned his head back against the wall and silently prayed for God to help him with his sister. He opened his eyes and smiled when he noticed how elegant her master bedroom was. She was definitely a class act. He could tell from her diction and the way she carried herself and now from her excellent taste. She looked and acted the part of a woman who had everything together. He was very proud of her.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to finish getting ready before the limo arrives,” she said.
“That’s fine, Trina, but I’m not giving up on you. Mom is gone and regardless of what I did, I know she would want you and me to be here for each other.”
“You’re probably right, but it’s still not going to happen. You and I have lived very separate lives since we became adults, and I’d really like to keep it that way. There’s no reason to change what the reality is. It’s true that you are my brother, but it’s only in the biological sense. Emotionally, you don’t mean a thing to me.”
Curtis watched her turn her back to him again, and this time he started to walk out of the room. Before he did, he glanced over at her.
“No matter what you think of me, Trina, I do love you. You’re my baby sister and nothing will ever change that. And although you don’t believe it, I loved Mom, too. It’s the reason I started sending her a little something every Mother’s Day.”
“Oh, you mean those thousand-dollar checks?”
“Yes.”
“Well, just so you know, she did cash them, but she never spent one dime of it on herself. She saved all of it and then when she met Alicia and found out that you also had a son, she started two trust fund accounts for them. She split the total ten thousand between the two of them. And before she became ill, she purchased a second life insurance policy for one hundred thousand dollars and split it equally among Alicia, Matthew, and my two children. So don’t think you were doing anything special for her, because you weren’t. Your money didn’t matter to her in the least.”
Curtis was crushed. All along, he’d been hoping that his mother was using the money for something she really wanted. He hadn’t cared what it might be, but he’d always hoped that maybe she would use the money to purchase something personal—items that would remind her of him whenever she used them. But it hadn’t happened, and now he felt guiltier than ever before. His mother had died and he hadn’t given her anything. He hadn’t made any positive impact on her life in any way. Again, he wondered what he was doing there. He’d wanted to pay his last respects, but now he knew he didn’t have the right to. He was no different than a stranger on the street. His feelings, his opinion, his pain, didn’t mean anything. Not to Trina, certainly not to Rayzene, and probably not even to his mother.
He walked out of the room and back toward the front of the house. There were at least twenty new people standing in the living room. Everyone was dressed in black, and they were conversing in small groups. Some were even laughing, but unfortunately, Curtis didn’t know most of them.
Charlotte stood and strolled over to where he was standing.
“Are you okay?”
“Not really.”
“Do you want to go outside and talk?”
“No. Let’s just stay in here until the funeral director gets here.”
Curtis saw Matthew playing what must have been his little cousin’s handheld video game, because they were both sitting on the couch raving over it. Alicia was sitting next to another teenage girl who looked to be her age. Curtis knew immediately that these children were Trina’s. The niece and nephew he had never met, his own flesh and blood. Ironically, her children and his children were very close in age. He and Trina had a lot in common. They shared similar personalities, and they both liked the finer things in life, even though he had toned his particular tastes down a few notches, right after moving to Mitchell. He didn’t want to admit it, but she treated him exactly the way he would have treated her, if she had been the one who had walked out on him. He would probably never forgive a sister who walked out on their mother. It was no different from the way he was having a hard time forgiving Charlotte for her actions. Curtis deserved every ounce of cruelty that Trina was offering him, and he didn’t blame her for it.
The funeral procession moved slowly down the road with a black Cadillac leading the way. Two black limos and a number of other vehicles followed behind it. More than anything, Curtis had wanted to ride in the first limo with his sister and her family. Not for any prestige, but he truly wanted to be in Trina’s presence. She didn’t want him to, but still, Curtis wanted to be there for his sister if she needed him. She was trying to stay strong for everyone else, but he wasn’t sure how she was going to take seeing their mother lying in a casket. She’d probably viewed the body at the funeral home sometime yesterday, but this wouldn’t be the same. This would be the very last time she’d be able to see their mother physically. The mother she obviously loved and adored so much.
Alicia and Matthew exchanged a few words, but overall, they remained quiet. Charlotte didn’t have much to say either, but he supposed it was because he still wasn’t being very receptive. He’d been cordial, but his conversation wasn’t anything to brag about. He just couldn’t forget about the DNA test and how they wouldn’t have the results until the day after tomorrow.
When they pulled into the church parking lot, each driver lined up his vehicle, one after another, forming a single-file line. By doing so, their departure would run a lot smoother.
Everyone exited their cars and followed the direction of the funeral representative.
“Could I please have everyone lined up in twos with the children in front, then brothers and sisters, and then grandchildren,” he said.
There were at least six other people standing in front of him and Charlotte, but he wasn’t going to push the issue. Trina would never want him sitting in the front row with her, so he was going to stay put. But she surprised him.
“Curtis,” Trina called back to him. “They want you up here.”
“Will you and the children be okay?” he asked Charlotte.
“We’ll be fine.”
“I’ll see you in there,” he said to Matthew and Alicia.
He made his way past Etta Mae and Rayzene and a few other relatives and stood directly behind Trina and Jason. He ended up partnering with his uncle Bradley, who was already wiping a river of tears. His face was completely wet. Curtis tried consoling him, but it wasn’t helping.
When everyone was ready, they proceeded up the stairs, into the church, and down the center aisle of the sanctuary. The entire left side was full, and Curtis could tell that his mother was cherished by many—had to be, since most of them had probably taken time off of their jobs just to be there.
The closer they moved to the casket, the more emotional and audible Trina became. She shook her head in disagreement with her mother’s death. The volume of her cry grew louder, and Jason held onto her when she stepped closer to the casket. She wept uncontrollably, and it was this very thing that Curtis had been afraid of.
“Mommy, why?” she spoke mildly. “How can I possibly go on without you? Who am I going to talk to? Who am I supposed to turn to when things go wrong? Oh God, please don’t let this be.”
Jason tried pulling her away, but Trina rested her hand on her mother’s face and just stood there. “I love you, Mommy. I love you from the bottom of my soul, and I miss you already.”
When she and Jason moved along, Curtis and his uncle moved forward. Curtis sighed deeply. His emotions were running rampant, and while he was sorry that his mother had passed, he was happy that she looked so beautiful. Her skin was flawless, and she even had a semismile on her face. It was the kind of smile that said, “I’m finally home with the Lord, and what a marvelous day it is.” Curtis was in awe of his mother and was completely in his own zone until his uncle bellowed out.
“Pauline, Pauline! Oh my baby sister. Lord have mercy.”
Curtis grabbed his uncle’s arm, trying to help steady him. Uncle Bradley wiped his face with a handkerchief but couldn’t seem to settle himself.
One of the funeral reps led him to his seat.
Curtis took one last look at his mother.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry for everything, and I hope you can forgive me. I’ll love you always,” he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. Then he walked away.
As soon as he took his seat, Rayzene lost it.
“Oh, Pauline!” she screamed. “I cain’t make it without you. Oh Lawd, why’d you take my cousin? Oh Lawd, what we gone to do? Oh Pauline, take me with you. Let me just climb in there and go with you,” she yelled.
Curtis couldn’t remember ever being more embarrassed. He hated when anyone clowned at funerals the way Rayzene was doing right now. It was so country, so uncalled for, and so disruptive for everyone else in attendance. The way she was carrying on was simply ridiculous.
“Oh, Pauline, chile, I wanna go with you,” she said.
Well, Rayzene, why don’t you do just that—crawl inside and let them bury you with Mom? At least that’s what Curtis wanted to tell her. He wondered what she’d have to say to that. It was all a put-on, and Curtis had learned a long time ago that the loudest family members were the guilty ones or merely those who wanted to be seen. They’d either treated the deceased terribly or hadn’t come to see about them when they should have. Curtis was guilty of all of the above, but even he wasn’t standing in the middle of a church acting a natural fool, yelling at the top of his lungs. Rayzene needed to sit her obnoxious butt down, and if he was her, he would fix that crooked wig sitting on top of her head.
Etta Mae shed a few silent tears and forcibly escorted Rayzene to her seat. She tried to do it in a subtle fashion. Etta Mae definitely had a lot more sense than her sister.
Curtis looked on as Alicia and Matthew stood before their grandmother. Alicia was pretty upset and so was Matthew, but Matthew was probably crying because Alicia was. Charlotte didn’t show any particular emotion, but it wasn’t like she’d been close to her mother-in-law. She’d never even seen her until today.
The service was divine. The soloist sang beautifully, and, thankfully, Trina hadn’t allowed every Tom, Dick, and minister to get up and say “a few words.” Curtis had stopped families from allowing such nonsense whenever funerals were held at his church. He remembered the time one family had asked ten ministers to say a few words, and they’d each spoken for a minimum of five minutes. Most of them hadn’t even known the deceased, so Curtis hadn’t understood why they were up there. Some even used their “few words” as an opportunity to show that they could preach. They showed everyone what they could do, trying, he guessed, to recruit new members to their own churches.
Trina read a tribute to their mother, as did Alicia. Curtis was very proud of his daughter for doing so, but at one point, he’d wished that he’d had the opportunity to say something to his mother, too. He’d wanted to play at least a small part in her going-away celebration. But he never made it known.
When the eulogy was complete, the pastor turned the service back over to the funeral director. It was time to head out to the cemetery.
But how wrong Curtis was. The director and one of his assistants moved the blanket of roses on top of the casket down toward the end and raised the lid up. They were doing that bigcity ritual again. Curtis called it big-city because it never happened in Mitchell or some of the other smaller cities he’d gone to. They were allowing the family a second viewing. Curtis was starting to get angry, because this was another one of those Chicago methods he didn’t approve of. He just didn’t see what the purpose of this drama was because all it did was upset everyone all over again. It rekindled lots of screaming and wailing with even those who hadn’t screamed and wailed the first time around. Most people were pretty calm and relaxed after hearing the eulogies, so what was the point? Curtis stayed in his seat and waited for the commotion to end. He waited for Rayzene and a few others to stop their performances. He sat there wondering how his mother would have felt about any of this. He knew she would have been humiliated, the same as he was.