The moment of truth felt more like a crappy rainstorm, frizzy hair, and a bout of nausea.
Oh yeah, and don’t forget the headache.
After a few days of nonstop of soul searching, crying, laughing at her own idiocy, too much tea with Sabrina, a lying-through-her-fingertips update email to their court mediator, and major work avoidance, Mackenzie O’Brien had finally made up her mind. For sure.
The final court hearing would happen in three hours and seventeen minutes, which left just enough time for an impromptu trip to the hair salon where she’d chop her hair off and hope that if Gabe had chosen to stay with her, he’d like her new style in spite of the fact that he had always loved her long, wavy hair.
And if he didn’t?
She couldn’t worry about that.
She had spent far too much time worrying about what Gabe would decide.
She hoped he would choose her at court.
She hoped she’d be leaving the courthouse a married woman.
But she couldn’t lose herself if he chose differently.
She’d be okay.
She had to be okay.
***
He wasn’t okay.
He had lost sleep. He had lost his appetite. And he was about to lose his mind.
He had allowed his feelings to rule him for far too long.
Time for his brain to make a damned decision for a change.
He couldn’t worry about how his decision would impact her.
Gabe collected some things that he thought she should have and prepared himself to say a final goodbye.
Driving to the courthouse, he refused to think about it anymore.
His brain was the driving force, and his feelings had to take a back seat.
Because his brain had never hurt him as much as his heart—and Mackenzie—had.
***
Shorter hair made a lighter spirit, and it was that spirit that carried her into the courthouse. Though Sabrina had taken the day off specifically to accompany her to the courthouse, Mackenzie had banished her, promising she wouldn’t slit her wrists or cause a dramatic scene or scream and cry and beg Gabe to reconsider.
Those scenarios only mattered if he decided against staying with her.
And she had built enough of a life that though she didn’t want to live without him, she could.
She’d survive.
Though her pride didn’t mean anything to her, she had already promised that she’d let him go if that’s what he needed.
If that’s what he wanted.
Please don’t let that be what he wants.
After checking in at the registration window, Mackenzie slipped into the restroom and pulled her wedding veil out of her bag. She had stopped at her mother’s house to retrieve it while she knew her mom and sister were at an appointment.
Carefully holding the pearled edge, she slid the comb into her shorter, wavier hair. She watched herself transform from an insecure maybe-soon-to-be-ex-wife into a blushing bride once again.
Taking a deep breath, she watched her eyes brighten as she draped the front of the veil over her face.
She’d be mortified to enter the courtroom like this, especially if he didn’t give her a sign that he wanted to stay together.
She’d be signing divorce papers in her wedding veil.
She shuddered at the thought.
How humiliating that would be!
Her stomach twisted and knotted and threatened to spill its meager contents, but she pressed her hand to the back of her neck and forced herself to think only positive thoughts.
Positive thoughts had to save her marriage.
They had to.
If she didn’t hurry and leave the restroom, she’d never go through with her plan. And she’d probably miss the hearing, too.
Hands shaking, she pulled the door open and nearly passed out at the full courtroom. This was going to be worse than she imagined.
But Gabe was the potential prize, and she’d strip down naked if it would prove to him that she was ready to make a life with him. Forever.
A crying baby pulled her out of her silent self-talk and almost made her run out the door.
What was she thinking? How could she do this to him?
Was it fair to force him into a childless life or deny him his greatest wish of a biological child?
Though she could hear people whispering, she was finally happy to have the veil. At least it hid her blushing face and moist eyes.
As if coming out of a yearlong coma, she startled when she heard her name called.
This was her moment.
But where was Gabe?
She could barely see past all the people gawking at her. The lighting wasn’t great in the courthouse, and to top it off, a fluorescent bulb kept flickering, disorienting her. The baby started crying again. Mackenzie gripped her belly, tormented by the needy cry.
Just as she was about to turn around and walk out the door she had so assuredly walked through, a warm hand gripped hers.
He looked so serious. So sad. So ready to say something.
Was it goodbye?
She could hear nothing but her own breath and the rise and fall of her expectations.
They had made a deal.
And he didn’t show a sign of taking her back.
She couldn’t blame him.
He needed more. He needed the old her, and that was just one of several things she couldn’t offer him.
“It’s okay.”
She wasn’t sure if the words came from him or from her, but for the first time in over a year, she knew the words were true.
No matter what happened, it was all going to be okay.
She’d hold on to his love forever. Even if she couldn’t hold on to him.
She lifted the veil off her face, not really knowing what she should do next. His lack of a sign was all she needed.
She gave him the only thing she could give him at this point.
A smile.
She wouldn’t make him remember her as a whimpering, sad, pathetic woman. She’d give him the gift he had always wanted from her—her happiness. And her blessing for him to lead the life he always wanted. To become fulfilled in a relationship that met his ideals.
Maybe someday he’d tell his children about her. Maybe they could learn to be friends one day. Maybe she could find a way to be part of his life.
That would take time.
But what else did she have but time?
The bailiff called her name again. She smiled brighter.
“Shall we?” She gestured toward the front of the court as she vowed to herself that her hands would be steady as they signed away her past. And her future.
He offered her his arm as they took that one last walk down the aisle. As badly as she wanted to touch him, to hold on to him for one more blink of an eye, she shook her head gently and moved forward.
On her own two feet.
The judge read through the paperwork as if it were as inconsequential as the grocery list. Mackenzie tuned it out. There was nothing being said that she wanted to hear. Certainly nothing she wanted to remember.
Suddenly there was a ruckus in the back of the courtroom. The judge had just begun to ask them direct questions about how they had spent the mediation months. He wanted information on the dates they had taken, the dinners they had eaten, and the work they had done to try to save their marriage.
Before either of them could answer, a group of Mackenzie’s favorite people were parading down the aisle of the courtroom and making a semi-circle around Gabe and Mackenzie.
Miss Molly donned a white silk eye patch with a tiny flourish of tulle—very similar to the wedding veil Mackenzie felt burning her head. Sabrina was dressed in a set of scrubs that had a Minnie and Mickey Mouse with flowers and big kisses. She pushed Mr. Clark in a wheelchair. He was dressed in what he called his Sunday Best, complete with a boutonnière and an only halfway grumpy smile.
Her mom and sister stood beside her, smiling like goofballs. A few guys Mackenzie sort of recognized but didn’t really know rounded out the semi-circle, standing by Gabe’s side and elbowing each other as if this was the funniest thing they had ever witnessed.
“What’s going on?” she whispered to her mom. When her mom raised an eyebrow and gestured to Gabe, Mackenzie turned toward him, eyes wide and smile so far gone, she couldn’t remember ever making her lips curl upward. “I’m so sorry. I have no idea.”
“Your honor,” Gabe said, winking at Mackenzie and turning back toward the judge. “Thank you for agreeing to my unconventional request.”
“This is unconventional indeed. Let’s get on with it. We have other cases waiting to be heard.”
Gabe pulled something from his pocket and handed it to Mackenzie.
She opened the box to find her engagement and wedding rings.
She looked at him, unable to hide the confusion she felt.
“I thought you should have them. They were yours, after all. I didn’t really understand why you left them behind.”
Her shoulders began to slump. He was splitting up their property. Made sense. He wanted her to have them.
“Thank you,” she managed to say. Her voice didn’t squeak or tremble or screech.
She turned back to the judge, more mortified than ever before as she slipped the unlucky box into her purse.
“Aren’t you going to put them on?” Miss Molly piped up.
This day couldn’t get any more humiliating.
Had he invited her family and friends to witness her take-down? Was this his final revenge for having left him the way she had? Was he that cruel?
She couldn’t imagine that for even a second.
And why was everyone so dressed up?
Unless…
Was this his sign?
Even as the thought entered her mind, she watched as he bent down on one knee and pulled another box from his pocket.
She clamped her hands over her mouth, and she didn’t give two figs that they were trembling.
“Mackenzie O’Brien, I did as you asked and gave our future plenty of thought. Yes, you’ve been a pain in my ass. Yes, I hate that you left me the way you did. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize that the version of you I see now is simply an updated version of a girl I’ve loved forever. A girl I want to love forever. I don’t care how we make our family, because you are the part that matters to me. You are my family. I love you more than any stupid plan or any outdated idea of what a perfect family life looks like. You want to work crazy hours? We’ll make it work. Not sure how or if we’ll have kids? We’ll make that work, too. Just say you’ll stay with me for the rest of our lives. Stay married to me, Kenz. Please.”
He opened the box to reveal a gorgeous diamond and sapphire anniversary band.
“You didn’t have to—”
“I did. You deserve the world, and I’m going to work every day of my life to give it to you.”
She knelt in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her tears seeped into his collar, but she couldn’t hold them back.
“I love you, Gabe. I will never, ever put you through that again.”
“Kiss her already, will you?” Mr. Clark’s grumpy voice startled Mackenzie, but Gabe’s smile broadened.
“I have to do as the gentleman requests.”
He slipped the band on Mackenzie’s finger and planted a kiss on top to seal the deal.
Then he kissed her lips, making a promise to love her the way she wanted to be loved. Forever. Again.
For good this time.
The judge banged his gavel and dismissed “the circus” from his courtroom. Gabe led her down the aisle again, only this time she clung to his arm.
He lifted her into his arms when they reached the door.
“I’m carrying you over every threshold for the rest of my days. Not risking any bad luck.”
She kissed him as he carried her into the lobby.
“You guys wait here a minute, ‘kay?” Sabrina instructed them before gesturing for all of their divorce-turned-wedding guests to follow her and Mr. Clark.
Gabe pulled her on his lap on a creaky bench. How different this place looked than the first day they had come here for the divorce months ago.
Light shone through an ancient stained glass window down the corridor. The colors of hope were a stark contrast to the dusty and dark paneling she had noticed during their first hearing.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” she asked, running her finger along his jawline.
“More sure than ever.”
“My schedule?”
“We’ll make it work.”
“My cats?”
“I’ll buy stock in antihistamines.”
“Babies?”
He smiled. “Do you remember how sick and in pain you were during the pregnancies? I wouldn’t wish that on you, my love. We’ll figure things out. If you want to try fertility treatments, we’ll try them. If you want to adopt, we’ll do that. Heck, if you want to hire a surrogate and plant our embryo in someone else’s uterus, we’ll do that. I don’t care how we have a family. I only care that you are in it.”
Possibilities lightened her spirit. Ideas poured through her mind. Love filled her heart.
“We’ll make it all work,” she promised. To him and to herself.
“Damn straight.” He reached to the back of her hair, sliding his hand under her veil. “You cut your hair?”
Her stomach twisted. He had always loved her long hair.
“Deal breaker?” she asked, only half joking.
His lips quirked into a semi-smile. “Nah. There are no deal breakers here.”
She started to kiss him but was interrupted by Sabrina yelling for them to come outside.
Though she argued that she could walk on her own, he insisted on carrying her out the front door.
She smiled as the sun glimmered across the faces of their loved ones. They lined the path to the parking lot with little bottles of wedding bubbles which they blew as Gabe carried her past them. Gabe’s friends slapped him on the back and hollered suggestions on how to spend their wedding night. Gabe blushed a little, but his smile was full of intent.
“I recognize the tall guy from around town, but who are the others and why are they acting like your best friends?”
“The silverback gorillas back there? Those are my poker buddies. I know you don’t want me to drink, but after you left I started hanging out with them once a week. Sometimes I have a beer or two. I’ll stop if you want me to, but I’m hoping you can compromise about the new me.”
She bit the inside of her cheek. “Of course you can keep doing what you’ve been doing. If you can handle it without being an ass, then you go for it.”
He planted a wet kiss on her forehead.
“I’ll try my best to never be an ass to you again.”
“Maybe I’ll join you in the occasional drink. I have to admit, the beginning part of drinking had a certain appeal.”
“As long as you’re with me.” Gabe tightened his grip on her.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
He kissed the tip of her nose and nearly tripped.
“You can put me down, you know.”
“Never. Where are your keys?”
She reached into her purse and handed them to him.
He didn’t unlock her door as she had anticipated. Instead, he tossed them to her sister, who wagged her eyebrows as if she knew something Mackenzie didn’t know.
“You’re coming with me.”
“I am?” Her words came out on a cloud of desire. Breathless.
“You bet. And I’m not letting you leave my bed until we both decide we’ve had enough.”
“I guess we’ll never be leaving bed, then.”
“I guess I’ll have to learn to live with that.”
He placed her in his car and nonchalantly stroked her breast as he pulled away. That simple touch was enough to turn the flames he had been stoking into an inferno strong enough to burn down the town.
“Please drive fast.”
“And risk having Jenkins stop us for speeding?”
“I’d say it’s worth the risk.”
Mackenzie O’Brien watched the speedometer increase at the same pace as her heart. He noticed her staring at his handsome face—a face she would never tire of looking at—and reached over to squeeze her knee.
And once they made it home, he kept every promise he had made to her.
Over and over and over again.