Monday morning while Linda made breakfast, Owen called Hedden and arranged for Bruce to be excused from his classes and to be waiting in front of Bates at nine-thirty.
Linda prepared a mug of coffee for each of them to drink during the drive to Basingstoke; they needed the warmth and the boost of caffeine. They were both anxious, and the weather suited their moods. The sky was low, iron gray; the temperature frigid. Their sleep had been restless and in the hush of the rushing car they were awkward with each other. Finally Linda twisted the dial on the radio until she found a Beethoven symphony that filled their silence.
Owen thought they’d arrive early at Hedden, but because of Monday morning traffic, they pulled into the drive in front of Bates Hall with only a few moments to spare. Bruce stood in front of his dorm as straight and radiant as a flame, his red hair shining in the gray day. He hopped into the back seat of the car.
“Hey, guys!”
Owen asked, “How was New York?”
“Awesome. Except, Dad, we saw some homeless people? Sleeping on grates, you know? One guy was about my age. I gave him a dollar, but Whit says not to, they just buy booze or drugs.”
“Did you like Whit’s parents?” Linda inquired.
“Oh, man, you’ve got to meet them! They are like Mr. and Mrs. Albert Einstein. Their house is like a museum. They have more books than we do.”
Owen searched for something, anything, to keep things seeming normal until they got to the hospital. He and Linda had agreed not to discuss Emily’s accusation with him beforehand. “Did you see Alison?”
“Yeah. Twice. Her place is extreme. Ultramodern, like a space station. She and Whit and I and a bunch of their friends went to dinner at the Paramount. I brought you some postcards. It is such a cool place. New York is the best. So, how’s Emily?”
Cautiously, Linda said, “Well … better, I think. I guess we’ll find out in a moment, won’t we?”
Today the counseling room seemed too small. Dr. Travis had to bring in another chair. Bruce, smelling of sunshine and fresh air, dressed in baggy sweatpants, a rugby shirt, and his J. Crew anorak, his feet enormous in sneakers, seemed to overwhelm the room with his masculinity.
Emily came in after everyone else was settled. Her face was blank in that hateful way all adolescents had of barricading themselves from adults.
“Hey, Emily,” Bruce said, easily, naturally.
Emily didn’t reply, but sank sullenly onto her chair.
Owen watched his son carefully. Bruce was relaxed and good-natured. Innocent. If he weren’t, wouldn’t he be just a little nervous?
Dr. Travis began. “Thank you for coming in, Bruce. We need your help. We’re getting to the root of Emily’s problem, and … I’ll let Emily speak.”
Emily’s eyes were dry, but as she spoke her face flushed. She looked across the room at her stepbrother with anger in her eyes. “I told them. I told Mom. I told Owen. What you did.”
Bruce had thrown himself down carelessly on his chair, bum on the edge, long legs sticking out in front, arms crossed over his chest. At Emily’s words he looked puzzled. He glanced inquiringly at Owen, at Linda. “What I did?”
“I knew you would do this!” Emily growled. She turned to Linda, face creasing. “Mom, I knew he would do this. He is such a liar.”
“Do what?” Bruce asked. He looked genuinely puzzled.
Owen said, “Emily says you raped her.”
Bruce’s head jerked back. “What? No way!” He looked at Emily. “Hey, Emily. Come on.”
“It’s true!” Emily said vehemently. “You know it’s true. When Mom and Owen were at the writers’ conference. You came into my bedroom the first night, and you raped me the second night in my bed, and you raped me the third night in the barn.”
Bruce looked at his father. “Dad, why is she saying this stuff?”
Before Owen could speak, Emily shouted, “Because it’s true! Because you scared me and you raped me and you hurt me and I thought I could forget it but I can’t, I never will!”
Bruce looked puzzled, then certain. “This is because of Jorge,” he said.
Emily cried, “You shit! No!”
“What about Jorge?” Owen asked.
Bruce shrugged. “You know. What Alison said. Everyone knows. Emily went apeshit at Jorge. Then she tried to off herself. Figure it out. If anyone raped her, he did.”
“No!” Emily said.
“That’s why you beat Jorge up?”
“Well, yeah. Because”—Bruce shrugged, looking abashed—“I mean, I heard that he’d frightened her, and I wanted him to leave her alone.”
“That’s not true!” Emily protested. “You’re lying about everything.”
“Hey, Emily, they can ask anybody at school. Casey and Merrit saw you screaming at Jorge.” Bruce looked at Owen. “Ask them. Ask Casey Mestapapoulos and Merrit Frobisher.”
“Mom, Owen, he’s lying,” Emily cried. “I mean, part of it is true. That night Jorge tried to kiss me, he just put his arms around me, and I don’t know why, I freaked. I mean, I’ve had a crush on Jorge, and I still really like him; I don’t know what happened, I thought I wanted him to kiss me, but when he put his arms around me I got all scared, it was like he was going to rape me like Bruce did, and I started hitting him and telling him no.” Tears spilled down her face. “It was so embarrassing. He must think I’m a retard. He’ll never talk to me again, I know it. I hate myself, I just want to die.”
“You want to die because of what happened with Jorge?” Owen asked sharply.
“No!” Emily lifted her head and confronted them all, Dr. Travis, Owen, Bruce, Linda, with her reddened, blotchy, anguished face. “I wanted to die because of what Bruce did to me. It ruins everything, it ruins Mom and Owen, it ruins the farm for me, it ruins Hedden, it ruins everything I do, everywhere I turn. I’ve lost everything! Don’t you see? Now when a guy I really like tries to kiss me, it only makes me scared, it makes me want to puke, all I can think of is Bruce and how he held me down, how he raped me!”
Now Bruce was as angry as Emily. “What is your problem? I didn’t rape you, and you know it. I don’t know why you’re saying this stuff, but it sure as hell just isn’t true.”
They stared at each other, enraged.
“Take your time, Emily,” Dr. Travis said.
Emily took a deep, cleansing breath. She looked directly at Bruce. “I tried to die. I thought that would be the easiest for us all. But I didn’t die, and I’m not going to try again. You raped me, Bruce, and I’m not going to lie anymore. I’m telling everyone, Mom, and Owen, and I’m going to tell Zodiac and Cordelia, and everyone at Hedden will know …”
“You fucking psycho, don’t you dare.”
Emily’s head whipped back at the sudden venom in Bruce’s voice. Owen and Linda and even Dr. Travis recoiled in surprise.
“Bruce,” Owen said warningly.
“You just want to ruin everything for me, don’t you, you stupid bitch.”
“Bruce,” Owen said again.
“Bruce, your language is not acceptable,” Linda told him.
Bruce glared at his stepmother. “My language is not acceptable? Emily’s trying to ruin my fucking life and you’re all worried about my language?” He turned to look at his father and now his calm had disappeared. His face was red, sudden tears glimmered in his eyes, and his jaw contorted as he tried to keep from crying.
A slight shadow of satisfaction crossed Emily’s face as she watched Bruce’s agitation. Bruce saw it.
“Look at her!” he said to his father. “Now she’s happy. She’s fucking with my life and now she’s happy.”
Emily cried, “I am not fucking with your life. I just want my own life—”
Bruce interrupted her. “You’ve always been jealous of me. Now you want to take everything away from me.” He turned to Owen. “Don’t you see, Dad? She’s just a conniving bitch. She wants to keep me from getting into Westhurst. She wants to stop Alison from liking me. She wants to stop everyone from liking me. Christ, Alison will freak out if she hears this shit!”
“Bruce, Bruce,” Linda said, as if calling to him across a sudden void. “Honey, why are you saying this? Why would Emily want to hurt you?”
Bruce looked at his stepmother, anguish in his eyes. “I don’t know! Maybe she’s pissed off because I never hang out with her anymore. You know, like on the farm, this summer, I think Emily and her friends …” He looked away, suddenly embarrassed.
“Had crushes on you guys?” Linda suggested.
“Yeah. And you know, we weren’t interested. I mean they’re all so young. Like they wanted us all to go on a picnic at the hilltop. And we wouldn’t. But we weren’t cruel or anything. We just ignored them …”
“You are such an asshole,” Emily said.
Bruce glared at Emily. “You have always been on my case, ever since you moved to the farm. You hate it that it’s my farm, that you don’t have any place that’s yours. You’re like some kind of spook, following me everywhere, wanting anything that’s mine.”
“You are so sick,” Emily spat.
“Yeah, well, I went to Hedden first. Where did you go? You had to go to Hedden, too, didn’t you? I mean, did you seriously even consider going anywhere else? No. And now you can’t stand it that my friends are higher-classed than yours …”
“Oh, please,” Emily snarled.
“And I’m more popular than you, my grades are better … you just can’t stand it! You want to do some damage to me. Admit it! You want people to think you’re better than I am.”
“Oh, you’re clever, Bruce, you’re really clever,” Emily retorted. “Turning it around, making people think I’m crazy, but it won’t work, because I’m not crazy. They’ve tested me. I’m not nuts. I’m angry. And I’m a fucking survivor. You probably wished I was dead, but I’m not. I’m not going to die and I’m not going to lie any more about what you did.”
“You stupid bitch,” Bruce growled, shaking his head in disgust.
“Stop this,” Linda ordered.
Then they all were silent. Bruce’s leg jiggled frenetically. Emily tore at her thumb.
Linda looked at Dr. Travis. “What now?”
Dr. Travis cleared her throat. “Now we take a break. Give ourselves time. Emily has come a long way today. She has overcome great difficulties and accomplished a major task by confronting her rapist.”
“I didn’t rape the stupid b—”
“Bruce.” Owen’s voice was iron.
Dr. Travis continued. “This took an immense amount of strength and courage. But that doesn’t mean Emily’s through with her work yet. She’s got to confront all the emotions engendered by such a violent act. She’s got to deal with her rage and her sorrow and her sense of betrayal. She’s got to talk through her feelings. Her strong sense of guilt.”
Owen pounced. “Wait a minute. If Bruce raped her, why does she feel guilt?”
Dr. Travis answered, “As I’ve said before, it’s common for rape victims to feel guilty. To feel that they caused the rape somehow. Brought it on by, perhaps, their physical attractiveness …”
“Yeah, right,” Bruce snorted.
Owen shot a look at his son.
“By her own fantasies of romance. By being weak. Just by being there. It’s not rational, but I assure you, it is common. Now Emily has to learn where she can find her power, power to return to the world, power to deal with men, especially power to love. To love herself, to love her family. An enormous task is before her. Enormous. Later perhaps she’ll be able to take part in sessions with you and one day even Bruce, but not yet. And frankly, Bruce is going to need some counseling, and the sooner he faces this, the better.”
Owen said, “In spite of everything Bruce has said, you believe Emily.”
Dr. Travis looked at him levelly. “Yes.”
“I’m out of here,” Bruce said, rising. “I don’t need to sit and listen to this shit.”
“Yes, I think it would be best if you left now,” Dr. Travis coolly agreed. “Our time is almost up.”
Owen rose. “I’ll drive you back to Hedden.” Looking at Linda, he said, “Then I’ll come back here.” A thought struck him. “Dr. Travis, again I have to remind you that I am adamant that this … this accusation doesn’t leave this room. If my son’s reputation is ruined, I’ll take legal action.”
“Mr. McFarland, I can assure you as I have before, no one discusses our patients outside of this ward.”
Owen looked at Emily. “And what about you, Emily? What are you saying, what will you say, to your friends?”
Emily’s face contracted into a sneer. “That’s all you care about, isn’t it, your precious son’s precious reputation. You don’t care that he raped me. You don’t care at all!” She began to cry again.
Owen held out his hands, palms up. “Emily, I do care a great deal about you. I’m terribly upset about this. I want to help you as much as I can. But at the moment I’m not sure what I can do to help. In the meantime …”
“Oh, go on,” Emily spat. “I won’t tell anyone at Hedden. I promise.” Then she cut her eyes at Bruce. “Not yet.”
Owen looked at his wife. “I’ll drive Bruce to Hedden, then come back here, okay?”
Linda asked Dr. Travis, “Is there anything else we can do here today?”
“I don’t think so. Emily needs to rest, and to spend some time with the group in therapy. Let’s keep in touch by phone. Oh, and Linda, we have Family Group every Wednesday evening. Could you come?”
Before anyone could reply, Emily said, “I don’t want Owen to come.”
Owen and Linda looked at each other.
Linda said, “Emily, honey …”
“Forget it. I don’t want either of you to come.”
Linda said, “Emily. Look … I’ll come.” She glanced at Owen whose face was like thunder. “I’ll come alone.”
“I’m taking Bruce back to Hedden.” Owen put his hand on his son’s shoulder and ushered him out of the room. To Linda, he said, “I’ll meet you out front when I return.”
Linda nodded.
Then the three women sat in silence.
Linda turned to Dr. Travis. “Is there any way we can make Bruce admit … what he did?”
Dr. Travis shook her head. “There’s no way to provide absolute proof. If Emily had reported it to the police immediately, and they’d been able to take a sample of the semen, and photographed the bruises, then there would be proof. As it is now, even a doctor’s certificate saying that Emily is no longer a virgin is not sufficient proof that she was raped.”
Linda took a moment to gather her thoughts, to put them in order. Then, taking her daughter’s hands in her own, she said, “Emily, I need to say this, just once. You must forgive me for asking, but I think you understand the magnitude of your accusation. Are you telling us the truth when you say that Bruce raped you?” Before Emily could reply, she rushed on, “If you were lying, I’ll forgive you, you know I will. It would be such a relief.”
Emily said, “I am telling the truth. Bruce really did rape me. I swear he did. What do you want me to do? How the fuck can I prove it to you?”
“It’s all right, Emily. I won’t ask you again.” Linda tried to put her arms around her daughter. “I’m so sorry.”
Emily shrugged away. “Go on. Leave,” she said, her voice harsh. “Just get out of here. Go off with your husband and leave me alone.”
There was no choice. At the moment that was exactly what Linda had to do.
First she used the pay phone to call Dean Lorimer, who assured them that Emily’s homework would be sent to the hospital.
“We’re close enough to the end of the semester. And Emily’s a bright student,” Dean Lorimer told her. “Her teachers have agreed that she can finish the courses if she does the required reading and writes the necessary essays.”
“Thank you,” Linda said.
“No problem. And good luck to you all.”
As soon as they’d slammed the doors of the Volvo, shutting themselves into their private world, Owen said, “What’s going on, Bruce?”
He turned to his father, his face creased in distress. “Dad, honestly, I don’t know!”
“Did you make Emily mad? Is she trying to get back at you for something?”
“No. This is just a nightmare. It’s like Kafka. I wake up and she’s telling lies about me.”
“There must be a reason.”
“Well, I told you. She’s jealous of me.”
“I can’t see that.”
“Great. So you believe her.”
“I didn’t say that. I just don’t see Emily as so jealous of you that she’d do something like this.”
To Owen’s dismay, Bruce’s shoulders buckled and he bent over, head nearly touching his knees.
“Son.” Owen reached over to rub Bruce’s shoulders.
“I can’t believe you don’t believe me. I swear I didn’t do anything,” Bruce cried.
“All right. All right.”
“I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t get it. It’s just fucked.”
“It doesn’t help if you swear.”
“What does help?” Bruce asked, his voice savage. Raising his head, he took the handkerchief his father offered and blew his nose. “I’ve got a shitload of schoolwork to do. I’ve got to write a really great essay for my application to Westhurst. I’ve got the interview coming up in December. I’ve got to keep my grades up. Everyone says it’s the hardest semester of my school career, and now Emily does this … this psycho act.” Roughly he blew his nose, then continued, “Plus, shit, I really like Alison. I mean, Dad, I really like her. If Emily fucks this up for me …” Bruce’s knee was jiggling with nerves and suddenly his voice broke as it had when he was younger. “Dad, what am I going to do?”
They’d arrived at Hedden. The grounds were empty; it was lunchtime. Still, Owen only put his hand on his son’s shoulder though he wanted to hug the boy up against him.
“We’ll get through this. Try to forget it for now.”
“Sure,” Bruce said dejectedly and left the car.
Owen called out to him, “We’ll call when something changes.”
“Right.”
Owen watched Bruce race off toward his dorm. When his son was out of sight, he still sat, working to control his breath, not sure when he’d been so close to tears.
Linda was waiting for him under the hospital portico when he returned.
She sank into the car. “I’m exhausted.”
“I know. What now?”
“I guess you and I return to the farm.”
“And?”
“And Emily will remain in the hospital, working with Dr. Travis and the other staff. I called Dean Lorimer. He’s going to see that her homework is brought to her every few days.”
“Who’s going to bring her the homework?”
Linda shrugged. “Her friends. She is allowed visitors.”
Owen’s jaw tensed. “If Emily tells her friends …”
“Owen, Emily has promised not to discuss the rape with anyone at Hedden.”
“Can we trust her?”
“She promised us …”
“Still … she’s so angry at Bruce. She seems out to get him.”
“Owen, it was Bruce who harmed Emily.” She softened her voice. “But I’m sure she won’t talk about this to anyone at Hedden. I do trust her.”
“Do you think she’s telling the truth? About the rape?”
Linda sighed and rubbed her temples. “I think so, Owen. How can we ever know for sure? I can’t believe she would lie about something like this. But I never would have believed that Bruce would have spoken to her as he did.”
“Well, he has a right to be angry.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Oh, Owen, what’s happened? I thought we’d done such a good job! I never dreamt there was such animosity between the two of them. It’s absolutely shattering!”
“I suppose a certain amount of rivalry and antagonism exists in any family. You and I were only children, so we don’t have the experience, but I can remember how my friends in high school used to get into wicked fights with their sisters or brothers.”
“Well, sure, and Bruce and Emily did, too; they had plenty of squabbles, that’s normal. But this … this is incomprehensible.”
They rode for a while in silence, occupied with their own thoughts, and then Owen said, “So what can we do?”
“I guess we can only wait.”
They said nothing else during the ride home, but kept cold company with their own separate thoughts.