Janessa
It took three days before they moved me from ICU to a regular hospital room, but I still felt like I wasn’t any closer to going home. I’d been here another two days since then, but the doctor wanted to keep me a little longer. Not that the police wanted me to leave the area even when I was released from this horrid place.
That wasn’t entirely fair. The nurses and doctors had been great, but I was a lousy patient. Ever since the asylum, I hadn’t done well being in places like this. I wasn’t chained to the bed, and no one was hurting me, but it didn’t stop me from remembering. Every time I drifted to sleep and woke up alone, my heart raced and I had this sudden fear that I was locked away again. My mom had been diagnosed with PTSD after we’d been rescued, but times like this made me wonder if I didn’t have it too.
My parents had been taking turns sitting with me until I’d chased them both off. I loved them, but they were driving me crazy. I hadn’t had any alone time with Seamus since being moved from the ICU. As soon as my parents left the room together, Seamus claimed the chair next to my bed. He didn’t say anything yet, and the contemplative look on his face didn’t tell me much. I reached for him and he grasped my hand, but there was a distance in his eyes that hadn’t been there when I’d first woken in the ICU. It was like the Seamus who had poured his heart out to me had vanished once my parents entered the room. I wanted him back, but I didn’t know how to make that happen.
“Seamus, what’s wrong?” I asked, unable to take the pensive silence another moment.
“I’m surprised your parents left you alone with me. I don’t think your dad is too happy right now. I’d go so far as to say that if we weren’t in this hospital, he’d have tried to remove my balls already for daring to hurt his baby girl. Can’t say that I blame him.”
“Would you stop blaming yourself?” I asked.
“You can do so much better than me, Nessa. Why didn’t you go to college? You could have met some nice guy, someone educated. I’ve fought hard to get where I am, but there’s blood on my hands, baby.”
“Do you think my dad’s hands are any cleaner, Seamus? Or anyone else with the Dixie Reapers? They’re my family, and I know they keep me safe. Just like you would keep me safe.”
He smiled faintly. “I’m glad you have that much faith in me.”
“Seamus, I… I know you think I’m too young, but I’ve known for five years you were the one I wanted. That hasn’t changed. It hurt, seeing you with that blonde, and it hurts even more knowing there were others. A lot of others. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t bother me because it does.”
“I know, and I’m so damn sorry, Nessa. If I could take it all back, I would. I didn’t think I ever had a shot with you.”
“So, what happens now?” I asked.
He laced his fingers with mine, then leaned over and gently kissed me. His lips were soft, yet firm as they brushed against mine, and I heard the heart monitor go crazy as my heart started racing. He chuckled softly and pulled back.
“Guess I shouldn’t do that again until you’re out of the hospital,” he said.
“But you do want to do it again?”
“Oh, yeah. I could kiss you all day long.”
I bit my lip, wondering if he’d think I was a bitch for saying what was about to come out of my mouth, but all things considered… “Seamus, I don’t want you to be offended, but considering your past, if we’re going to explore this more, I’d really like for you to get tested.”
He sat back, the smile wiped from his face. “That’s a fair enough thing to ask. I only wish you didn’t feel it was necessary, but I understand. For the record, I’ve never been with a woman without a condom.”
“I’m sorry for asking you to get tested, but I’d feel better if you did. I think we all know that condoms aren’t foolproof. Neither is the pill from what I’ve heard. There’s no guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy except not having sex. And while I’m sure the condoms kept you safe enough, what if they didn’t? Are you willing to chance it?”
What I was really asking was if he was willing to risk him carrying something and passing it to me, but I didn’t want to put it quite that way. I didn’t want to be a complete bitch about it, but I seriously was concerned. If he’d been with that many women, and they looked as skanky as the ones at the clubhouse the night I’d gotten in town, then I definitely wanted to make sure he hadn’t contracted something. I wanted to be with Seamus, but I also wanted to know for certain that it was safe for us to be together. If that made me mean, then so be it.
“If that’s what you want, then I’ll run over to the clinic after your parents get back. I’m sure those tests take a few days or more to get results back.”
“You don’t hate me for asking?”
He leaned over and kissed me again, briefly. “No, I don’t hate you, Nessa. It’s smart for me to get tested. I know a lot of the guys make it a regular thing every six months.”
“Maybe I should have one done too,” I said.
“You’re a virgin, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Yes, but…” I looked at the healing wounds on my arms and thought about those men and what they’d done to me. “What if they infected me with something? They urinated on me, and who knows how clean their knives were?”
“I’ll ask your doctor if he already ran some tests. Try not to worry about it, baby. You’re already stressed enough without adding more to it.”
“You’re going to come back, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Your parents would probably like some alone time with you. There are some things I should take care of, but I’ll come back tomorrow morning. I also want to check in with Cinder and Scratch, see if they have any leads on who did this to you. The police don’t seem to have anything concrete and I want these bastards caught and punished. You know how the law works. They need hard evidence to make a move, and right now it’s just your word against theirs.”
“Be safe, Seamus. I don’t want to lose you,” I said.
“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. If you’re sure I’m who you want, then not even your daddy will get in my way. I won’t let him, or anyone else. You’re the only woman I want, Nessa. I should have come to you sooner, and I’m damn sorry I didn’t.”
I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek. He didn’t have a full beard, but his whiskers scraped my palm. I had to admit I kind of liked him looking all rough and rumpled. He’d run his hand through his hair a million times, and it stuck out here and there. But it was his eyes that drew me in the most. Those eyes had haunted me for years, and they were no less potent now.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that he was the only man I’d ever wanted. I wanted to beg him to let me stay, to make me his in every way that mattered. Instead, I just looked into those mesmerizing eyes and smiled softly at him. If he said he’d come back, then I’d have to trust he’d be back. Yes, he’d hurt me, but part of loving someone was forgiving them. Although, if we were truly going to be together, the next time one of those sluts dared to touch him, I might have to kick a little ass and show those bitches they shouldn’t mess with the daughter of a Reaper and the old lady of a Devil.
I could hear my mom and dad coming down the hall and I tugged Seamus closer, pressing my lips to his again. “Come back to me,” I said.
“You’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me.” He smiled and stood as my parents walked in.
Dad gave him the death stare, but Seamus just gave my parents a wave and stepped out into the hall. After the door shut behind him, my dad approached the bed. The harsh look he’d given Seamus melted away as he came closer. Dad might not have been part of my life until I was fourteen, but he’d made up for lost time, and I had no doubt that he loved me. Unfortunately, he sometimes showed that love by being overprotective.
“Daddy, you know I love you, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, baby girl. I know you love me.”
“Then remember that I say this with love. Back off! You know how I feel about Seamus and all the dark looks you’re throwing his way aren’t going to do anything but make my life more difficult.”
Kalani patted his arm. “She’s all grown up, Houston. We can’t keep her locked away forever. You knew that sooner or later she’d want to live her own life.”
I wasn’t sure what surprised me more. My mom using my dad’s real name, since she usually called him Tex like everyone else, or the fact she was agreeing with me. I’d had to fight her just to get this far, and now she was siding with me? After the incident on the road, I’d thought they’d both try to put me on lockdown for the next twenty years.
“I was hoping she’d be more like twenty-five when she decided to go after a guy,” my dad said.
“I love you, Daddy, but since when has a Reaper or a Devil ever settled with a woman that old? Face it. You bikers like the young ones, which means I’m at the perfect age for Seamus.”
He snorted, but I noticed he didn’t argue with me. He couldn’t because he knew I was telling the truth. Even Mom hadn’t been much older than I was now when Dad had married her. Didn’t mean he had to like that I was right, but the sooner he realized I was all grown up and not just his little girl, the better. At least, it was better for me. I would always be a daddy’s girl, but I was ready to start my life, have a home of my own, and a man I could love -- and I knew the guy I wanted was Seamus. It had always been Seamus. “When they release me from the hospital, I’m not going home with you,” I said.
“Now wait one damn minute --” Dad was about to really get wound up, but Mom made him shut up.
“Let her speak,” Mom said. “And for once, actually listen to what she has to say instead of trying to steamroll her.”
“Fine,” Dad muttered.
“I’ve known for five years that Seamus was the only guy I wanted. I want to see if we can make things work, and for that to happen, I need to be here. Besides, the police would like me to stay nearby in case they think of more questions or need to me to identify any suspects.” I reached out and took my dad’s hand. “I love you, Daddy. You and Mom, but I’m suffocating at the compound. Please understand that it’s time for me to leave the nest.”
“If he hurts you, I’ll tear him to pieces,” my dad said.
“And he’s well aware of that,” I said. “The only reason he didn’t come for me sooner is because of you, Daddy. He was worried you wouldn’t approve of him, that you didn’t think he was worthy of me.”
“He’s not,” Dad said.
“And who is?” I asked.
My dad just shrugged, which told me enough. My mom sighed and hip-checked him so he’d move out of the way, then she leaned over and kissed my forehead.
“You will always be our baby girl,” she said. “But I understand that you’re ready to grow up. We love you, and you will always have a place in our home. If things don’t work out with Seamus, then you come back to us. We’ll leave your room just the way it is for right now.”
“Love you too. Both of you.”
A nurse poked her head through the doorway and smiled brightly. “Miss Rodriguez, your fiancé said you had some questions. I thought I’d see if I could answer them, and if not, I’ll page your doctor.”
I glanced at my parents before facing the nurse again. They might not want to hear what I was about to ask, but I couldn’t wait around for them to leave the room again. Besides, knowing my dad, it had already crossed his mind.
“I know what happened to me, and I was wondering if the doctors ran any tests to see if those men passed any diseases along to me? I mean, their knives could have been dirty, and I was told they urinated on me after I’d been cut. I can only imagine what types of things they could have given me.”
The nurse gave me a sympathetic smile. “Of course, you’d be worried about something like that. The doctors did request some tests, and they’ve all come back negative. You’re a very lucky young lady, even if you don’t feel like it right now.”
“Thank you,” I said.
My dad stomped out of the room and Mom just shook her head as she watched him. I had a feeling if we’d been at home, he’d have put his fist through a wall. Dad didn’t lose his temper often, and when he did, he never took it out on us, but he’d been known to put a hole or two in the sheetrock. He always patched it the next day and apologized to Mom. I think he worried about scaring her, even though he’d treated her like a queen since the day he’d found her.
“So you’re going to stay here,” Mom said after we were alone again. “Does that mean you’re going to stay with Irish?”
“Yes. I think we’ve come to an understanding of sorts. It doesn’t mean he’s claiming me right now, even though I’d agree if that’s what he wanted to do. I’m hoping we’ll get some alone time so we have a chance to figure out whether or not there’s an us. Like everyone keeps pointing out, it’s been five years, and we didn’t know each other all that well back then. We need the time and space to explore things a little and see if we’re a good fit.”
Mom smiled faintly. “That’s a very adult thing to say. I’m proud of you, Janessa. I know I was against you running off and coming here, and it hurts knowing you were attacked, but maybe this is what you need right now. Best case, you discover that he’s everything you’ve dreamed about and the two of you become a couple. Worst case, you find out you aren’t well-matched and you come home, and this time you can look at the guys around you with open eyes.”
“You just want me to hook up with a Dixie Reaper so I’ll be close to home. The only one I don’t consider an uncle is Saint, and he’s more like a brother than a boyfriend. Sorry, Mom. You’re just going to have to deal with the fact I won’t be living at the compound all my life.”
“You know I love you and just want what’s best for you. If you think that’s Irish, then I hope you’re right. Your happiness means a lot to me,” Mom said.
“You’re the best mom ever, you know that, right? You didn’t have to protect me at the asylum, you didn’t have to treat me like your daughter when you married my dad, but you’ve always made sure I was cared for and loved. I don’t care if we don’t share the same blood. You’re the only mother I remember, and the only one I want.”
My mom sniffled, and I saw her eyes start to fill with tears. She gave me a smile and squeezed my hand. “I couldn’t love you more if I’d given birth to you, Janessa. You’re a gift that I’m thankful for every day. I’ll miss you if you decide not to come home.”
I gave her a sly look. “You know, you’re not that old. At twenty-seven, you could easily have another baby. Maybe two. I don’t think Dad would argue if you said you wanted more kids. The two of you are awesome parents, even if Dad can be overbearing at times. Besides, Noah and Clayton could use a little brother or sister.”
“Noah was a miracle. Your dad and I discussed it and decided that it would be better if we didn’t have more kids, then Clayton came along as a complete surprise. Your dad hasn’t advertised it, but he had a vasectomy after Clayton. He’d talked about getting one after Noah, but he missed his appointment. My pregnancy with Clayton was rough, and the doctor said it would be best if we didn’t have more babies.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I had no idea. I’d thought you just didn’t want more right now.”
She sat in the chair next to the bed and reached for my hand again. “The three of you are a blessing to me. As much as I would love a houseful of kids, it just wasn’t meant to be. Besides, keeping up with Noah and Clayton is a full-time job.”
“Speaking of… where are they? You and Dad have been here almost twenty-four hours a day since I woke up in ICU. Who’s taking care of my brothers?” I asked.
“Scratch and Clarity offered. The boys have been having fun with their two sons. Noah is thrilled someone else has his name.”
“How weird is that?” I asked. “It’s not like Scratch didn’t know about Noah. Did he just like the name or something?”
“From what Clarity said, they had planned to call him Nolen but somewhere between the labor and delivery, when the forms were filled out, Noah was put on his birth certificate so they just went with it. He’s a cutie,” Kalani said.
“Hard to believe that it wasn’t all that long ago none of the bikers we know had kids, and now it seems they’re popping up everywhere.”
Mom arched a brow at me. “And if you and Irish hit it off, you’d better use double protection or you’ll be next on the list of mommies. If the Devil’s Boneyard men are half as potent as the Reapers, you’ll be knocked up if he just gives you a certain look.”
I snickered but knew she wasn’t wrong. At nineteen, I wasn’t ready for kids yet. I loved my brothers, and I’d babysat them plenty, and it had proven to me that I needed a little more time before I had one of my own. But I definitely wanted children someday. I figured Seamus would prefer not to use condoms -- didn’t most guys? -- but we hadn’t discussed whether or not I’d be on birth control. Even though I was a virgin, I’d been on the pill for four years. When I’d turned fifteen, my periods had been so heavy and painful, Mom had asked Dr. Myron if there was something that could help.
My brow furrowed as I realized I hadn’t been taking them since I’d been in the hospital. I’d packed them, but they were probably in my bag, wherever that was. I knew my truck had been impounded so it was possible my bag was still in the truck. I didn’t know what length of recovery I would have before Seamus and I could be intimate, but I should probably talk to the doctor before I was checked out, whenever that would be. The last thing I needed was a surprise pregnancy.
I didn’t think Seamus would be too thrilled over having a baby right away either. We hadn’t really discussed children, but after he’d been kicking up his heels the last five years, I didn’t think he wanted diaper duty our first year together. If we even decided we had a future. As much as I thought I loved the man, maybe living with him would make me change my mind. Maybe I’d built him up in my head to be something he wasn’t, or maybe we just wouldn’t mesh well at all and would fight constantly.
I was trying to look at this logically, even though I wanted to throw myself into his arms and beg him to never let me go. I hadn’t done a single impulsive thing in my life, until I’d come here uninvited, and look how that had turned out. No, I needed to keep my head on straight and not rush into something. If life had taught me anything, it was that making a rash decision could have bad consequences. Not that I was sorry my dad had knocked up my mom, because I was really grateful to be alive, but my grandparents had tried to ruin my dad’s life and had damn near ruined mine, all because of two impetuous kids rushing into something.
Whenever I got out of this hospital, I’d go with Seamus and we’d talk and get to know one another, as adults this time. I’d just have to remind my surging hormones that I needed to go slow. It wouldn’t be easy, especially since his kisses were so damn addictive. Already, I was looking forward to the next time I could feel his lips on mine. And if that felt sinful, I could only imagine how wonderful the rest would be. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be easy moving slowly with Seamus. If I fucked this up, my parents would never let me hear the end of it.