For dinner, he cooked a wonderful Irish dish called colcannon. Mia and Matt wolfed it down before disappearing to the living room to watch Freaky Friday on DVD.
Danny studied the empty plates. ‘You’re drugging them, aren’t you?’
Ross looked pointedly at hers. ‘My cooking is the drug.’
‘I was trying to be nice.’
‘You don’t know how to be.’
He poured two glasses of red wine and picked up his laptop. ‘Come outside.’
She was still shaken by what he’d said in the car. Ross hadn’t pressed her for an answer, just changed the subject and collected Matt and Mia.
Danny remained at the table. ‘I’m not that kind of girl.’
His voice deepened. ‘Oh yes, you are.’
He disappeared through the back door and out into the darkness carrying his laptop.
Her bare toes curled around the rung on the kitchen chair. ‘If you’re going to write, I’m not coming,’ she called after him.
‘I want to show you some photos,’ he called back. ‘You bring the wine.’
‘Yes, Mustah!’ Danny dropped her feet to the floor and muttered, ‘Great, now he’s going to show me his etchings.’
She told Matt and Mia where they’d be, collected the wine bottle and glasses and followed Ross outside.
He’d booted up the laptop and was sitting in his favourite spot on the verandah, the light from the screen shining on his face. Danny took the other chair and placed the wine and their glasses on the deck between them. She considered getting drunk. If she was comatose, she wouldn’t have to concentrate so hard on keeping her hands off him. Ross made things worse by dragging Danny’s chair closer.
‘These are photos of my family,’ he said. ‘I’ve seen what yours look like.’
She tapped her fingers nervously on the arm of her chair. There was something very serious about a man showing a woman photographs of his family. ‘Have you got one of Uncle Carmine’s nose?’
Ross ignored her.
Breda Fabello had silvery blonde hair and hardly any wrinkles. She had Matt and Mia’s sapphire blue eyes and Ross’s determined jaw.
‘I don’t believe she’s your mother,’ Danny said. ‘She doesn’t look haggard enough.’
‘Next time she calls, I’ll get her to tell you about the night I was born—that should alleviate any doubts. She’ll give you all the grisly details about how I got stuck and they needed forceps to get me out. It wasn’t as if I planned it.’
Danny looked at his nose. ‘I bet I know which part of you got stuck.’
‘Cruel, Daneka, very cruel.’
Ross had inherited his black eyes from his father, but not the mellow, contented gaze. Vito was as dark as Breda was fair. He had a thick black moustache, black hair threaded with grey, and a wide, handsome smile.
‘Oh, my goodness,’ Danny leaned closer, ‘he’s so handsome.’
Ross picked up his wine and took a sip. ‘I’m a chip off the old block.’
‘And so modest,’ she cooed.
‘They used to fight like cat and dog when we were kids, and then disappear to their bedroom to make up. Of course, they’ve mellowed a little as they’ve gotten older, but the spark is still definitely there.’
Danny thought about Daniella and Patrick disappearing in the middle of the day and how she’d disapproved. It didn’t seem to have done Ross any harm knowing his parents settled their differences by making love. He showed her a photo of a hugely pregnant woman with long, blonde hair and almond-shaped eyes a surprising shade of nutmeg brown. ‘That’s Carmel, right?’
‘Right before she hatched Kevin and his amazing nose.’
‘How is his nose, by the way?’ Danny enquired.
‘When I saw it last week—blooming.’
‘They’re redheads!’ She exclaimed when Ross showed her a photo of Aoife and Annie. ‘Where did that come from?’
‘Granny Concepta O’Rourke, bless her heart.’
The twins had curls like Ross and Matt. Their hair hung about their shoulders in a shawl of red, gold and copper ringlets. Annie the artist had a sweet smile and limpid brown eyes, but Aoife’s challenging gaze and wild red mane reminded Danny of a lioness.
‘I must remember to tell her that, she’ll love it.’ Ross pointed at the screen. ‘That’s Deirdre, the youngest.’
‘The Big Girl’s Bottom Drawer?’
He tutted. ‘The Bride’s Big Book for Her Bottom Drawer.’
Danny topped up her wine. ‘She looks just like Patrick, except her skin’s fairer.’
Ross was silent for a moment. ‘Pat hated her from the moment Ma brought her home from the hospital.’
She waited to see if he’d say anything more, and when he didn’t asked, ‘Why?’
‘Because he wasn’t the youngest anymore. He was always doing things to her, hurtful, nasty things. We had to watch him all the time. Once Pat deliberately took Deirdre up into a tree and left her there crying because she couldn’t get down again.’ He stared at Deirdre’s smiling face. ‘My mother always made excuses for him, but eventually even my dad lost patience and whaled the living daylights out of Pat, but it only made him more sneaky.’
Taking her cue from Ross, Danny kept her eyes on the screen. ‘I didn’t like him much.’
‘Neither did I,’ he admitted.
‘I was jealous of him.’
Ross turned to look at Danny. ‘Jealous?’
She huddled in the chair. ‘It’d always been just me and Daniella, just the two of us, and suddenly along came Patrick and…well, she had somebody else who meant as much to her as I did, more in fact.’
‘It was bound to happen sometime. Daniella probably would’ve felt the same when you found somebody.’
Danny snorted. ‘That was never going to happen. Nella was the home-and-hearth type, not me.’
Danny, you’re a lot more ‘home and hearth’ than you know, Ross thought, judging by the way you guard those kids. He wondered if she realized how firmly entrenched she’d become in the role of family guardian. ‘Aoife and Annie are total opposites—were you and Daniella the same?’
She took her time answering. ‘She was the kind, sweet, good twin. My mother said I was just like my father, and he walked out on us when we were teenagers. I could be naughty, but I wasn’t that bad. Half the time I got into trouble was because I was sticking up for Nella.’ Old resentments simmered in her voice.
Ross wished he could tape what she’d said and play it back to her and then her grandparents and uncles. It might make Danny wake up to the lousy way she’d been treated by her family in the past, and ensure her newly discovered relatives took better care of her in the future.
‘Danny, what was it like when you found out that Nella had breast cancer, just like your mother?’
She seemed surprised by the question—nobody had ever asked her before.
‘They didn’t have regular examinations, and by the time I realized…’ Danny shrugged, ‘it was too late.’
There it was again, the assumption that it had been her job to take responsibility for her mother’s and sister’s health.
‘My grandmother’s a twin, too. Her sister died of breast cancer, and one of my mother’s cousins.’
Ross struggled to keep his voice even. ‘Do you get checked regularly?’
‘Of course I do. I’ve got an appointment soon.’
He cupped Danny’s chin and turned her face towards him. ‘Don’t ever miss an appointment, do you hear me? Not ever. If you do, I’ll—’
She seemed taken aback by his intensity. ‘What?’
He forced a smile. ‘I’ll make you do the cooking for the rest of the year.’
‘Now who’s being cruel?’
‘Danny…’ Ross caught her face between his hands. ‘Seriously…’
She shook her head. It had been a wonderful day. Why spoil it by talking about something so ugly? It was a beautiful night. He was beautiful. Danny leaned over and kissed him.
Ross resisted. ‘Can we just—’
‘No.’ She kissed him again.
‘You’re just trying to distract me.’
‘Is it working?’
He caught her by the arms and put some distance between them. ‘Danny, I want to talk about this.’
‘I don’t.’ She grabbed him by the hair and dragged him back.
‘Ouch! Is this your idea of seduction?’
So much for moonlight or seduction. ‘No. This is romance.’ She got to her knees. ‘Seduction comes later, when I knee you in the balls, you moron.’ She clambered onto his lap, forgetting it was already occupied. His laptop crashed onto the deck. ‘Oh my God!’ Danny gasped, ‘I’ve broken it! Your writing!’
Ross didn’t care about the laptop. ‘Forget about it, I’ve got backups.’ He wrapped his arms around her hips. ‘I want to talk about your breasts.’
Danny was annoyed. She’d wanted the day to end the same way their birthday had, but he’d ruined it. She grabbed the hem of the cream silk shirt and jerked it up. As usual, she was bra-less. ‘Here!’ she yelled. ‘Ask them anything you want!’
Startled, Ross lowered his eyes and exhaled, a sigh of pure male appreciation. ‘Hel-lo, little darlings.’
Dumb move, Danny’s left brain semaphored to the right side, really dumb move. She tried to yank her top down, but Ross trapped her hands against her shoulders.
‘Can you shut up? You’re interrupting a private conversation.’
Danny tried to wriggle away, but he slid lower in the chair, taking her with him. She started to wobble and clamped her knees around his hips to keep from falling. When the bulge in his jeans brushed against her crotch, Danny gave up the fight. A girl could only resist so much temptation before she folded. She lowered herself onto him. ‘So that’s where you keep your light sabre, Darth.’
Ross pushed against her. Danny pushed back, trying to wrap her legs around his waist, but the chair got in the way. When he leaned forward to make a gap, Danny crossed her ankles in the small of his back and did a little bump and grind against him.
Ross yanked the silk top over her head and dropped it on the deck, taking one of her breasts into his mouth. Danny bucked against him as he sucked, digging her heels into his back. Reaching between them, she unhooked the button and lowered the zipper of his jeans and slipped her hand inside.
‘Auntie Danny! Uncle Ross!’
They froze.
‘Mia!’ Danny squeaked, hastily scooting backwards and falling off Ross’s lap in the process.
‘Auntie Danny! Uncle Ross! Where are you?’
Danny snatched her top from the wooden deck. ‘Stay where you are, Mia, I’ll be there in a minute!’
Ross slumped in the chair with a hand across his eyes and shook his head. Who needed contraception with Mia in the house?
‘Put that away!’ she hissed.
He looked up. ‘What?’
She pointed to his unzipped fly. ‘That.’
‘My light sabre? Come back here and I will.’
‘We can’t!’
‘But you want to, don’t you?’ He tucked himself into his jeans with difficulty.
She nodded.
‘I won’t be a moment, Mia!’ Danny shouted back. ‘Go into the kitchen and wait for me!’
Ross inhaled and exhaled slowly. ‘It’s time the kids were in bed. I’d help, but I’m a little preoccupied right now. After Matt and Mia are in their rooms, we are going to bed; I don’t care if it’s yours or mine. I’ll even settle for the chook house and risk getting my bare ass pecked by those damned chickens.’ Ross checked his watch. ‘You’ve got twenty minutes.’
She turned and ran.
Danny got the children into bed in record time. Ross had been different tonight, different all day. He’d let her see inside his head, revealing parts of himself she sensed he normally kept private. She recalled Gaynor’s rapt expression as Ross cracked open the door to let a dreaded journalist get a glimpse inside—and knew Gaynor wasn’t the one for whom he’d been opening the door.
As she’d settled the children, she heard the shower running in the bathroom—Ross was showering again, even though he’d already washed that morning. The gesture made Danny’s fluttering belly flutter some more. She showered herself, brushed her teeth and ran Ross’s razor over her legs. She slapped on some Poison, and pulled on a short purple silk nightgown that Nella had bought her some long-ago Christmas, which she’d never worn.
By the time Danny stepped out onto the verandah running along the side of the house between their rooms, a fine, soft rain had begun to fall. It released a warm, earthy smell from the sunbaked earth and blew gently inwards. She moved closer to the edge of the verandah, filling her lungs with the scents from the garden.
One of the French doors opened, the light from Ross’s bedroom casting a pool on the wooden boards. He was bare-chested and barefoot, and wearing the same blue jeans he’d worn earlier, except the top snap was undone. Danny watched him search the deck and find her.
He joined her and looked at the thin silk moulding her body. ‘Take it off,’ he said.
She looked at his jeans. ‘You, too.’
Ross reached for his zipper as she reached for the hem of the nightgown.
The jeans hit the verandah.
The nightgown landed on a flax bush.
The wind shifted and the summer rain blew. They made love in the warm, dark night, bathed in moonlight, with the raucous whirr of cicadas to serenade them. Later, when the rain had stopped falling, they lay in the wet grass, Ross’s chest to Danny’s back, his knee between her thighs and his hand cradling her breast.
‘You sent a private investigator to Rotorua to find my family, didn’t you?’
‘Yup.’
‘That was…’ Did a word exist that would adequately describe what it meant to her? ‘Very kind of you.’
‘I should have known you didn’t need my help,’ he grumbled. ‘It was a waste of time and money.’
Danny stroked his knee. His bark was so much worse than his bite. ‘Was it expensive?’
‘I’ll have to write a book just to cover the cost,’ Ross complained sleepily.
Her hand slid down his thigh. ‘I’ll help pay for it.’
He was suddenly wide awake. ‘How? You are, as you so poetically put it, on the bones of your arse.’
‘I’ll work it off,’ Danny promised.
She pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. ‘How long do you think it will take?’
‘About fifty years.’ He reached for her hips, settled her in the right spot and groaned. ‘That’s if you don’t kill me first.’
The interview with Gaynor was published the following weekend, accompanied by a photograph of Ross taken at the interview and another of him on the red carpet at one of the John Doe premieres, flanked by Kevin Spacey and Marisa Tomei. Gaynor had managed to add a few hints about the true nature of RF O’Rourke’s relationship with the mysterious Danny who insisted she was only his sister-in-law.
‘Cow,’ Danny said when she finished reading the article. ‘She’s got no right to lead people up the garden path.’
Ross was sprawled in his chair on the verandah, enjoying the morning sunshine and reading the sports section. He wore a pair of raggedy jean shorts and no shirt. It amused Danny how much more Ross liked those old shorts and his Chargers T-shirt than the Armani suits hanging in his closet. ‘Speaking of gardens, I’ve got grazes on my elbows and knees. Can we please just cut the crap and go to bed in my room tonight?’ he asked.
‘No. All that clandestine running between rooms twice a night turns me on.’
Danny didn’t want the children to know they were sleeping together. She still didn’t believe that what she had with Ross would last. He reined in his frustration. Physical intimacy, Danny understood; it was the intimacy between a couple that happened after they climbed out of bed that she struggled with. Watching her grapple with it was like watching a baby take its first steps. All Ross could do was be there to help her up when she fell.
He’d spoken with Danny’s grandmother that week.
‘So you’re Uncle Ross?’ Pania asked.
‘Yes, ma’am,’ Ross replied.
‘Yes, ma’am, he says.’ She sounded amused. ‘You sound like a boy scout, but I saw you on the television and you’re no boy scout, Uncle Ross. I hope you’ve got my granddaughter’s best interests at heart.’
‘Absolutely, Mrs Smith—and besides, I’ve seen a photo of her uncles.’
She chuckled. ‘Uncle Ross, I think I might like you.’
Ross handed the phone over to Danny. She pressed it against her shoulder. ‘What was that all about?’
‘None of your business.’
He was glad she’d made contact with her mother’s family. Family was important. A fact which Ross knew he’d lost sight of in the past couple of years. But at the same time, it helped strengthen Danny’s stubborn resolve to remain independent and never rely on anybody but herself. At this rate it might take Ross years to wear her down, but he was every bit as stubborn as she was, and wouldn’t give in until he got her up the aisle and a ring on her finger, which shocked the hell out of him. Ross knew that Danny loved him. Her body told him every night when they made love. It was just her brain that was having trouble catching up. Everything would work out. He just needed to give her time and space to adjust.
At least that’s what he thought until Danny came home a couple of days later and suggested he might like to take the children home to San Diego to spend Christmas with his family—without her.
Danny had gone for her breast screening with a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Nobody in their right mind actually enjoyed the trip to the breast clinic, but Danny had been through it many times and she had far nicer things to occupy her thoughts. She closed her eyes, listened to the music playing through the headphones, and thought about what Ross had done to her in the damp grass outside his bedroom the night before. Twice. She was still smiling when the doctor took her into the room to say they’d found a small change in her left breast.
Danny listened in silence, too dumbfounded to take in what she was hearing. She made arrangements to return the following week.
The doctor wasn’t happy at the delay. ‘Danny, we need to see you right away. It might be nothing, but we need to get onto this.’
‘I know. I need to make some arrangements first for the kids. Please— just give me a week, OK?’
Reluctantly, the doctor agreed.
She touched her left breast. It didn’t feel any different, and Ross had certainly never mentioned feeling anything wrong, and he was on more intimate terms with her boobs than she was. The other shoe had finally dropped.
Danny was too numb to cry. Her first thought was to make sure the children were going to be alright in the weeks and months to come while she got on with the job of trying to defeat this monster that kept devouring the people she loved.
She loved Ross; he was the other half of her, closer even than Nella had been. He understood her better than her sister ever had, because they were so alike. Ross cared about her, really cared. He didn’t make empty promises the way her father and Patrick had. Ross showed what he felt and thought about the people he loved by doing things for them, even things he didn’t want to, like coming to New Zealand when he’d much rather have stayed in his turret writing—and paying for somebody to find Danny’s family, even though it was in his best interests for her to become more dependent on the Fabellos.
Danny now understood why Nella hadn’t wanted Patrick to know she was sick. If the expression in Ross’s eyes when he looked at her turned to pity and revulsion, it would kill her more surely than any cancer. Danny didn’t know if she could stay strong for Ross and the children and fight the disease as well.
At first, when she told Ross she thought it would be a good idea if he took Matt and Mia to San Diego for Christmas, he looked pleased. ‘You’ve got leave over Christmas?’
‘No, I’ve got to work. What Emergency Department ever shuts down for Christmas?’
He frowned. ‘Why would I want to take Matt and Mia to the States for Christmas if you can’t come, too?’
‘Why not?’ Danny asked. ‘You’ve been saying how much your family wants to meet them ever since you came here. I’ll be at work the whole time, so it doesn’t make sense for the three of you to hang around here.’
He searched her expression for clues, but Danny had on her best poker face. ‘It won’t bother you being here on your own for Christmas?’
‘I won’t be alone, I’ve got Van and Dee and Lloyd. Somebody from the hospital is always throwing a party most nights between Christmas and New Year, so I won’t miss out.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ Ross said abruptly. ‘What’s wrong?’
Danny’s resolve wavered. ‘Nothing’s wrong. I need some space. You’re not the only one who likes your solitude, you know. I thought if anybody would understand, you would.’ She summoned a look of exasperation. ‘Come on, Ross, you know neither one of us is cut out to be half of a couple! We’re too much alike.’
Ross’s expression hardened. ‘Speak for yourself, Daneka. Call me an idiot, but I thought the reason we were so well matched was because we were alike.’
Danny shrugged.
‘You know what you are?’ he asked.
‘No, but I guess you’re about to tell me.’ She braced herself.
‘You’re a coward. When are you going to stop making excuses for why something shouldn’t happen and start finding reasons why it should?’
She wouldn’t look at him. ‘Be quiet: Matt and Mia will hear us fighting.’
‘Stop treating them as if they’re five years old! People fight! The important thing is that they learn to compromise and make up again! You’ve never learned how to compromise.’
‘Oh?’ Danny spat. ‘Like you have?’ The anger drowned out her fear and helplessness—if there was one thing she could rely on Ross for, it was a good fight and an even better fuck. Danny winced at how easy it was to make something so special sound so ugly and crude.
‘You realize Matt knows we’re sleeping together?’
That took the wind out of her sails. ‘He does?’
‘He’s not blind. He’s going to be twelve next month.’
‘I know that.’ Danny didn’t need him to remind her when Matt’s birthday was; she’d been around for every single one.
Ross was hurt and furious, and lashed out with the most lethal weapon he had—his tongue. ‘You’re incapable of having a positive, adult relationship because you’re still a child. You’re emotionally retarded, Danny.’
She flinched.
Thanks to a last-minute cancellation, Ross managed to get three seats to the States close to Christmas. Matt and Mia were excited at the thought of meeting their American family, but upset that Danny wasn’t coming with them.
‘I’ll be right here waiting when you get home,’ she reassured them. ‘Uncle Ross will be with you. Just think of how great it will be to meet all your cousins.’
Danny and Ross were barely on speaking terms, so she gave Matt and Mia the Christmas presents.
‘I’ll call you as soon as we get to my parents’ house,’ Ross said stonily when the time came to leave.
‘Thank you.’ Her smile was strained.
Doubt niggled at him. ‘Danny, are you sure everything’s OK?’
‘Yes. See you in two weeks.’