35

Jackson found Avery at the neighborhood park not far from the precinct. She sat on one of the wooden benches, hands in her lap, staring straight ahead, her gaze lost somewhere along the horizon. He watched her for a moment, taking in her now familiar features and marveling at how her entrance into his life had changed something inside him. It had brought back that spark of life he hadn’t even realized was missing.

Knowing it could have been her he’d lost today in that warehouse swept through him. He stopped beneath the shade of an oak tree, a dozen paces from where she sat. The reality that she could have been the one to take the bullet had shown him one thing—that he wasn’t ready to lose her. Seeing her now with his own eyes was the only thing that could assure him that she was okay. Alive.

He slid onto the seat beside her, wishing there were something he could do to make the hurt and pain she was feeling disappear. But that wasn’t going to happen today. “I got the call about Mitch. I’m so sorry.”

She looked up at him, the faint hint of a smile masked by tears. “I needed some time off alone to clear my head. At least according to the captain.”

“If you want me to leave—”

“No.” She reached up and clasped his hand. “Please. Stay.”

He laced her fingers together with his, then pulled her closer. She leaned against him, nuzzling her head against his shoulder. It had been so long since he’d felt this way. Since he’d felt comfortable with another woman. Avery had walked into his life, surprising and unexpected, and while he might not know what the future held, he did know that he wanted them to face it together.

He looked around, all too aware of the open space surrounding them and of her vulnerability. Too much had happened in the last twenty-four hours for her to be taking risks. If someone was after her . . .

“Does Captain Peterson know where you are?”

“Don’t worry. My shadows are over there.”

He could see it in her eyes. She wasn’t going to let whoever was behind this rob her of her freedom, especially after what she’d lost. He might not agree but also knew that she wasn’t the kind of woman to run and hide from a situation. Confining her would only make things worse.

“Do you want to talk?”

“I’m not sure I would know where to begin. With everything that’s happened . . . It’s still so unreal at the moment.” She leaned back and looked up at him. “I’ve learned, though, that once you start having to tell people about a tragedy, trying to believe you imagined it all doesn’t work anymore.”

“I know.”

It had been that way with Ellie. How many times after she died had he walked into their bedroom, forgetting for that split second that she wasn’t there anymore? Every time he broke the news to a family member or friends, the reality that she was gone forever came crashing in on him. He didn’t think he’d ever get past the gut-wrenching pain of losing her. Until one day he woke up and realized he had to move on. But the day-to-day process had never been easy. Never short-lived. And the long-reaching fingers of pain and loneliness still tried to grasp him when he least expected it.

He leaned back against the bench, shoving aside his memories of loss. This wasn’t the time to dwell on his own past. “Tell me what happened.”

“It was supposed to be a routine search.” She pressed a tissue to her eyes that were still puffy from crying. “I had the search warrant. The teams were set up in the front and in back. But the moment we stepped into that warehouse, everything fell apart. It all happened so fast, like they were expecting us.”

“An ambush?”

“Not according to the captain.” She shrugged, clearly still mentally processing what had happened. “But they were armed and started shooting before any of us could react. By the time I turned, Mitch was already lying on the floor. Blood everywhere. They killed him, Jackson. Shot him in cold blood as if his life wasn’t worth anything.”

“I know how close the two of you were.”

“I realize that death is always a possibility with this job, but when it happens right in front of you, it seems unreal. I had to tell his fiancée that there wasn’t going to be a wedding. His parents that their son wasn’t coming for a visit next month.”

“I don’t know. It’s never easy, no matter how prepared you think you are.”

“Did you know that Kayleigh quit her job to move here from New York a few weeks ago so she could be closer to Mitch? And now . . . and now there isn’t going to be a wedding. Mitch loved her. I mean really loved her, and that’s saying something for him. In all the time I knew him, he was nothing more than a player until he met her, then everything changed.”

He pulled her closer to him, letting her head rest against his shoulder again. “Tell me about Mitch. Before last night, I’d only talked to him a couple of times. He always seemed like a nice guy.”

“He was. Hardworking. Honorable. A bit of a goofball, but not when it came to his work. He was good at what he did. He loved the Falcons and followed them religiously, had a crazy passion for trivia and superhero quotes, and ate sushi, of all things.” Good memories brought with them the hint of a smile in her eyes. They would be something to hold on to in the coming days and weeks. “We talked a lot about faith during our all-night stakeouts. Mitch always told me he hoped I was right about there being a God who loved him, but he’d seen too much in this life to believe that there was a God who really cared.”

“It wasn’t a choice you could make for him.”

She lifted her head and glanced at him. A shadow crossed her expression again. “I know.”

“I have to say, though, I understand where he was coming from.” How many times had he stood over a homicide victim and wondered where God was? But God wasn’t the one to blame for man’s actions. “Sometimes it’s hard not to question. We spend our lives taking down the bad guys, trying to bring order to a world where injustice wins out more often than not. But neither can we blame God for man’s choices. That’s what always seems to help me hold on to my faith. The reality of God is bigger than the failings of man.”

“It’s still hard to accept,” Avery said. “And honestly, it makes me want to think twice about everything I’ve always believed about heaven and hell. But I also know I can’t pick and choose what I believe about God.”

“Because God stays the same no matter what we believe about him.”

“I know that despite what I do or think, God is still sovereign. I don’t want a watered-down faith, but sometimes it just hurts so bad . . .”

Jackson tightened his arm around her. “So what happens next?”

“The captain expects me to go home and take the rest of the day and tomorrow off.”

“Good.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know if I can. My partner was just murdered. I have to find out how this could have happened.”

“Do you really think you’re emotionally ready to be in there questioning the suspects?”

“Now you’re beginning to sound like the captain.” She looked up at him and frowned. “I know the routine, Jackson. This isn’t the first time I’ve lost someone I cared about. I know the steps of grief and the process. But this is something I have to do. This isn’t just about a serial killer anymore. I need to go back to work and find out why this happened. Because there’s something else at play now as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mason Taylor was in that warehouse. He was arrested along with the other men who shot at us. According to the captain, Mason was working undercover to bring down a ring of arms dealers Robert Sourn is allegedly involved in.”

“And I take it that isn’t what you think.”

Avery shook her head. “I think there’s a whole lot more involved than trafficking weapons.”

“I know you think Mason’s involved with the department leaks.”

“Yes, but while I admit that I’m looking at things from a somewhat biased angle, everything is still too convenient. They were there, waiting for us with their loaded weapons.”

“When Ellie died, I wanted—needed—to blame someone, but what was there beyond the disease that took her away from me?”

“I can’t let this go.”

“Then don’t. But maybe you need to focus on one case at a time. Find the rest of the girls involved in this trafficking ring, but don’t give up on your brother’s case.”

“And if there is a connection somewhere?”

“Then one will lead to the other.” Jackson hesitated, then decided to go ahead and tread carefully on ground he knew she would fight him on. “I do think that the captain is right about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Take the next thirty-six hours to get some rest. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to think clearly and solve this case. Spend some time with Tess and your family. Spend some time praying and asking God for direction.”

“Why do you always come across as wise and discerning . . . and put me in my place? I guess asking God for help is where I should have started.”

He squeezed her hand. “You’d better watch out, or you’re going to give me a big head.”

“I’m serious. Today reminded me that we don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that I need the kind of balance you bring to my life.”

“Good, because I don’t plan on going anywhere.”