In March of 2013, I got an offer from Hay House, whom I’d been hoping to work with for some time, to publish the book that you’re reading right now. I was elated, humbled, and grateful. For the first time in a number of years, I actually felt ready and excited to write a new book.
For the past few years, when people would ask me what my next book was going to be about, I would often say, “I have a few different ideas, but am not one hundred percent sure yet. I do know one thing, for sure, about my next book—it’s going to be an enjoyable experience to write.” Putting together each of my first two books was quite stressful for me, for different reasons.
When I wrote Focus on the Good Stuff, I had a lot of insecurity and fear of the unknown, since it was my first time. In addition, we had a new baby at home, so trying to figure out how to write a book, run my business, and be there for Michelle and Samantha all at the same time posed lots of challenges.
With Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken, although I had written a book before, I had more demands and expectations on my time, and we also had a two-year-old at home and another baby on the way. A busy daddy, pregnant mommy, and passionate toddler don’t often combine to make the most peaceful home environment. On top of this, the manuscript and the new baby were both due right around the same time, so the pressure was on.
For this third book, I decided I was going to create a stress-free, drama-free writing experience. My plan was to get started a little bit in the spring—gather notes and ideas, and start putting the outline of the book together. But, given the nature of my speaking and travel schedule, I planned to focus most of my attention on writing during the summer. Specifically, I planned to take the month of July off and not schedule any speaking engagements, meetings, or anything else—so that I could fully focus on the book. One of the things I’ve learned about myself in the past is that if I immerse myself in the process, I can actually write quite a bit in a relatively short amount of time. On the flip side, it’s very difficult for me to write just a little bit every day in the midst of my daily life.
Because of the nature of my business, although I try to take time off when I can, I usually don’t take a full month off from speaking engagements, events, and marketing activities in the middle of the year. The only other time I’ve done this in the past has been in December, when things are often pretty quiet business-wise during the holiday season. Taking the whole month of July off felt a little scary, but mostly exciting, given that I was looking forward to having some dedicated time to just focus on the book. I hadn’t gotten as much done leading up to July as I had planned, but I was hopeful that the month off would be productive.
However, on June 26th, we got an e-mail from the owner of the house we’d been renting for the previous two years letting us know that he was putting it on the market and he wanted us to move out. We had spoken to him about the lease the month before, and the plan had been for us to re-sign for another year at the end of July, so this was a big change in plans. All of a sudden, we had to find a new house. And, the month of July that I was planning to use primarily for writing was now going to involve finding a new house, packing, and moving—yikes!
Needless to say, this threw Michelle and me for a bit of a loop. After a couple days of panic, we picked ourselves up off the floor and began to look for a new house. Amazingly, within about a week, we found a great new house on an incredible street (at the end of a cul-de-sac with lots of kids the girls’ same age). We got the house and were elated, although now there was the issue of packing up our entire house and my office, and moving everything in a relatively short amount of time in the midst of trying to get some work done on the book so that I could actually attempt to finish it on time. The manuscript was due on August 31st—so much for the drama-free, stress-free writing experience I was planning.
While there were definitely some interesting twists, turns, and bumps in the road, and I wouldn’t categorize it as “smooth sailing” by any stretch, amazingly everything got done on time, without too much trouble. What allowed for this to happen were a few specific things. First of all, we got some great support from a number of people around us. Second of all, amazing and heroic work was done by Michelle in taking care of so many aspects of the house, the girls, and our lives. And third, and probably most important, was surrendering to the experience as it was happening. There were times in the midst of the move and the writing process when I found myself resisting what was going on. In those moments, things were very difficult, and I suffered. However, when I began allowing things to be exactly as they were—accepting and appreciating the reality of what was going on—all there really was to do was the next thing, which was whatever was right in front of me (packing or unloading a box, writing a chapter, and so on). And while it did take a lot of support, quite a bit of focus, and a few miracles along the way, it was a great reminder of the importance of rolling with life as it shows up.
All too often, we get overwhelmed by the enormity of a task or thinking that we have to do it all at once—instead of step by step, which is how everything gets done in life. Whether it’s cleaning out our garage, organizing our desk, catching up on our e-mail, or working on a big project at work or at home, when we surrender to what’s actually happening (and stop fighting against it), reach out for some support, and attempt to accomplish what’s right in front of us, little by little, most things we have to deal with, even really big stuff, can be handled with a relative amount of ease. It’s really up to us and how we relate to what’s going on.
One of my absolute favorite quotes is from Byron Katie. She says, “When you argue with reality you lose, but only one hundred percent of the time.”