CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Back to the Mother Ship

“What have you two idiots done with my baby?!” Connie Zorgoochi shrieked, springing out of her chair as Clive and Chooch entered the pizzeria kitchen. She furiously pounded on Chooch’s chest and shook Clive, making his glasses fall off.

“Where’s my Luno?” she shouted. “And don’t try to tell me that’s him!”

She angrily kicked the Luno Bot crumpled in the corner.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Luno Bot droned. “Um, no thank you. I just want to sleep. I love you.”

Exhausted from sleepless nights of worry, Connie collapsed back into her seat. She wearily explained that after a few days of Luno refusing food, she decided enough was enough and brought him his favorite meal, her special eggplant Parmesan.

“And when he refused that, it didn’t take me long to figure out he was a robot, so if you two don’t tell me where my boy is, I’m going to turn you into a garbage disposal”—then she turned to Clive—“and chop you up and put you in a pot of sauce! Now where’s my son?”

“You look like you could use a hug,” Chooch said, smiling, arms open wide.

“Tell me where my son is,” growled Connie. “Now.”

Chooch immediately hid behind Clive, who delivered a thoroughly informative account of everything that had transpired since Luno left the pizzeria several days ago. He was sure not to leave out the multitude of technical details of the Quantum mother ship, the velocity at which they traveled, and the more interesting aspects of the plumbing system. He could not comprehend why Connie didn’t share his fascination with these riveting details and was more interested in Luno, who was far less intriguing from a scientific standpoint.

Chooch fearfully clutched the Luno Bot to his chest as Connie sat in stony silence with her head in her hands. After a few moments, she drew a deep breath, steeled herself, and stood up.

“Geo told me this day would come, but I never believed him,” she said, making her way to the walk-in freezer. “Come on, you two. We have a galaxy to save.”

Clive and Chooch followed Connie over the debris, through the freezer, and into the Pyramid Room. They stood by watching her search the crumbling walls, shaking her head and muttering to herself.

Her eyes rested on a golden pizza cutter mounted on a wall and she climbed over a fallen ceiling beam to get to it. She squinted at the words engraved on the circular blade and turned it like a dial from mild to medium to spicy to extra spicy and then finally to super hot.

“Why did I marry into this crazy family?” She sighed, shaking her head. She pulled down hard on the handle, which immediately caused a low decibel hum to pulsate throughout the room.

“Look,” she said, pointing up through the giant hole in the ceiling to the roof of the pizzeria.

The large coiled antenna perched on the very top of Zorgoochi Intergalactic Pizza glowed in time to the throbbing hum. Connie explained to Clive and Chooch that right at this very moment, a secret sub-radar signal invented by great-great-great-aunt Genia Zorgoochi, was being beamed to antennas atop the other Pizza Pyramid pizzerias throughout the spiral arm of the Mezzaluna Galaxy. The pizzerias were now officially on Super Spicy Alert for the first time since the dark days of the Great Pizza War of Deep Dish vs. Thin Crust.

The signal was used to announce the current state of pizza in the galaxy, as well as summon the Pizza Pyramid members, but being that all of them were now slaving away in the Quantum kitchens, it was the members’ spouses and children, the junior members, who answered the call and who were assembled on the roof of the pizzeria a few hours later.

“I can’t believe they actually captured him!” said Tony Galattico as he and several of the Junior Pyramid members boarded the massive trash barge hovering over the pizzeria.

“Yeah!” Frankie Fazul Jr. replied. “I never thought Vlactron could! I mean, he’s Luno Zorgoochi!”

Concetta Cosmo agreed, stating that the guy was, like, invincible. Then she turned to Zoola Zeta, who was quietly shuffling along behind them, head cast down. Concetta barked at her to get a move on. Zoola looked up, snapping out of her funk, and picked up the pace.

The kids and their remaining parents, about three dozen in all, were safely aboard the barge. Since the automatic functions were turned off, Chooch had to manually pull up the heavy gangplank himself and once it clanked shut, he gave Clive the thumbs-up.

It was a long, tense journey to the Baccala Nebula, where the Quantum mother ship was moored. Chooch rocked back and forth, hugging the Luno Bot, muttering, “A life vest is located under your seat. When instructed to do so, slip it over your head, and then pass the straps around your waist and…”

This did not help the morale of the already-terrified adults and children, who certainly had every reason to be scared. They were just regular people trained to make pizza, not do battle with an intergalactic tyrant bent on taking over the galaxy.

The boys and girls sat grimly silent, holding back their tears as Connie, who was a Zorgoochi, but only through marriage, assumed leadership and told them that ever since Vlactron kidnapped the Pyramid, Quantum has pretty much been the only pizza available in the spiral arm of the Mezzaluna Galaxy.

“If we don’t fight back,” she declared, “Vlactron will take over the rest of the galaxy with that artificial pizza of his and eventually the universe and we’re not going to let that happen, are we?”

They all immediately stood up and shouted “NO!”

Then everyone recited the Pizza Pyramid Pledge: “We solemnly swear to make the best pizza, use only the freshest ingredients, and be a beacon of what is good and wholesome in the galaxy. PAX, AMORIS, PIZZA!”

The cabin was suddenly charged with the spirit to bravely fight for the two things they loved most in the universe: their family and pizza!

And they would need that bravery, too, because all they had to fight with was what they had to cook with: pizza cutters, large pizza paddles, ladles, pots, pans, etc.

Clive then gave an unnecessarily long-winded description of the layout of the Quantum mother ship, which was interrupted by Chooch, who assured them they had an ally in the small, but brave maintenance crew, the Arthropods. Then he asked if there was any pizza left because he was getting kind of hungry.

“Based upon our previous experience with Quantum,” Clive said to Connie as they entered the Baccala Nebula and were drawing closer to the mother ship, “I was anticipating we would be required to have security clearance, but it appears for some reason, we do not.”

The trash barge easily flew through the entranceway to the receiving bay and was soon touching down.

Chooch lowered the gangplank and then he and Clive hesitantly peeked out of the doorway. Chooch fearfully squeezed the Luno Bot.

“Not to worry, my comrades,” Xoboz said, marching up the ramp with a confident snap in his step. “Vlactron’s guards don’t come down to the rubbish sector, especially for a routine porting of a trash barge.”

Then Connie appeared in the doorway and Chooch introduced her as Luno’s mother.

“It will be our honor to serve the most respected family in galactic pizza, Madame Zorgoochi!” Xoboz said, bowing deeply.

As they descended the gangplank, Xoboz told Clive and Chooch that after he and the Arthropods helped them escape the mother ship, it dawned on him that there were over 5,000 Arthropods, but only about 1,000 guards, yet the Quantum guards ruled over them.

“But that does not make sense,” Clive said.

“Exactly!” Xoboz shouted. “Thanks to you two noble warriors, I remembered that I was once a great leader to my people!”

Xoboz then gestured to his Arthropod maintenance crew now assembled in neat military rows before them, all proudly holding cleaning tools fashioned into weapons, ready for battle.

“I also remembered what a brave and powerful race we Arthropods are!” Xoboz said proudly, to which the Arthropods raised their weapons over their heads in perfect unison.

Connie asked Xoboz what his plan was to rescue the Pizza Pyramid.

“I knew I forgot something,” Xoboz said, scratching his head.

Connie Zorgoochi smacked her forehead, rolled her eyes, and muttered, “Do I have to do everything myself?”

She looked around and spotted the Luno Bot that Chooch was holding and got an idea.

*   *   *

Right at that very moment in a cell several levels below, Luno was curled up on his bunk. He wasn’t quite sleeping, but not quite awake either, just slowly sinking into a sea of despair and hopelessness. He began to sink even deeper when—

Screeeeeeek!

The sound of metal scraping against metal brought Luno back up to the surface of his consciousness.

He opened his eyes and squinted, then sat up and blinked. It looked like the cell door had opened. He blinked a few more times and stared dumbly for a few more seconds before it sank in. The cell door was open.

He walked over and peeked out. The hallway was empty. Was this a trap? He didn’t care. He might as well die trying to escape. For all he knew, his dad, mom, and everyone else could be dead by now anyway.

As Luno crept down the hall, he heard the echo of several more cell doors creak open, and to his surprise, other pizza delivery boys, girls, aliens, and robots cautiously peeked out.

“It’s okay,” Luno whispered. “I think.”

As they gathered in the corridor, an alien delivery girl sporting a Proton Pizza uniform gasped at Luno.

“Hey!” she said. “You’re Luno Zorgoochi!”

The others surrounded Luno, gaping at him and whispering things like I heard about this guy and We’re saved!

Luno backed up as they all moved in closer, then bumped against a wall. He still couldn’t figure out why anyone would think of him as a leader of anything, but he didn’t have time to explain that he was no different from them. He pushed his way through the wide-eyed crowd and made his way to the far end of the hall. The others obediently followed him.

As he approached the thick metal door lined with large rivets at the end of the hall, Luno wondered how he was going to open it, but before he could come up with a plan, it creaked open on its own just like his cell door. This was the case as he and the others moved through the complex network of corridors, slowly making their way to the upper levels of the mother ship.

Luno thought that he could very well be leading himself and even more innocent people to their doom, but felt that he was at least doing something and not just idly sitting in a cell.

*   *   *

“HALT!” a Quantum guard shouted several levels above Luno at that very moment.

Xoboz and a dozen of his crew stopped in their tracks. General Zope and a group of lower-ranking guards approached them.

“Who have you got there?” General Zope asked.

“We caught him in the rubbish sector,” Xoboz replied.

“That’s the human Zorgoochi!” one of the guards said. “Rex Vlactron had him locked up.”

“He must’ve escaped through the trash chute in his cell,” Xoboz said.

One of the guards reminded General Zope that the scanners had been malfunctioning for the last few days, which was probably how the human had gotten through undetected.

“What do you have to say for yourself, human, hmmm?” General Zope asked.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Luno Bot droned. “Um, no thank you. I just want to sleep.”

General Zope grabbed the Luno Bot by the arm, pulled him close, and sneered, “Oh, you’ll sleep alright—forever!”

“I love you,” the Luno Bot added.

“Obviously delirious,” Xoboz said evenly.

General Zope turned to the other guards and said, “Rex Vlactron will be pleased that I single-handedly captured the human Zorgoochi!”

The guards gathered around, congratulating him.

“Oh, Arthropod,” he sniffed, turning back and glancing down at Xoboz. “Back to your duties. We’ll take over from here.”

“No.” Xoboz looked up and smiled. “We will.”

The guards looked around.

They were surrounded by hundreds of very angry Arthropods, all brandishing makeshift weapons.

Before they could reach for theirs, General Zope and his guards were immediately swarmed by a race of noble creatures, which had suffered violence and humiliation from their masters for the very last time.