What, no flowers?” Claire’s sarcastic tone grated, painful to her own ears as fingernails scraping across a chalkboard. “No jewelry?”
From his own corner of the love seat, a pokerfaced Max cracked his knuckles. “Thought I’d try something different.”
“By hiding away at the office all day?”
“By not using gifts to earn your forgiveness. That never really worked, did it?”
Struck with the enormity of what he was saying, she swallowed a sarcastic retort. Max’s behavior was a direct answer to prayers: she’d asked for a transformed husband, one who understood that all the diamonds and roses in the world did not make up for the pain his absence caused.
His brows rose slightly. “If the counselor were here, she’d suggest we try that exercise. Remember how—Sweetheart, you’re doing the Jenna eye-roll thing.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Okay, okay. I remember how.”
“I just think we should slow down here and have a productive dialogue.”
“I don’t want to.” She looked at him. “I want my pound of flesh.”
He smiled. “All right, let me have it. You be the extractor of flesh and I’ll be the listener.”
“A heart-to-heart instead of flowers?”
“Yep.”
“My mind has nowhere to place that scenario. This is the first time you blatantly let me down since . . . since . . .” She waved a hand, not knowing what to call that time during which she’d left him, moved out, looked for comfort from another man, filed for—
“Since our mending.”
The tension fizzled. Her muscles relaxed. “We’ve come a long way.”
“An incredibly long way.”
She sighed. A short while before, when Max walked in the door after being gone all day, she’d received his bear hug. She’d felt great comfort in his return, but it also reignited anger.
So they withdrew to the master suite for privacy. Three hundred acres and it was the only place available to them on a cold winter’s night. Claire knew she had to get used to that idea. The presence of Erik, Tuyen, and her in-laws was nothing compared to a dozen guests inhabiting the place. Maybe it was all a pipe dream, thinking she could grow into the role of matriarch and keeper of the safe harbor.
“Claire, what is it?”
“I wonder if I’ve bitten off too much. I know God is my safe harbor, but most of the time I still can’t grasp that as a reality. How can I run a retreat center? I’m at my wit’s end with the four people who are here right now, and they’re family!”
“What I heard you say was . . .” He smiled crookedly as he echoed the prescribed phrase that was supposed to help them communicate better. “I heard you say you’re scared. I heard you say we are a team and I let you down today. Did I get that right?”
Claire replayed his words. They wove themselves in and around her agitated emotions. Like gold embroidery floss they stitched and designed. Finally a pattern emerged. He understood.
She nodded.
“I am so sorry,” he said.
Again she nodded.
“Can I talk now?”
“Sure.”
“I had an awful day. Nothing went right. I wasn’t a help to anybody. I just got in their way, but I kept at it, not wanting to admit what a gutless wonder I was to leave here this morning.”
“Hm. Hm. This is when I have to keep my opinion to myself, right?”
“Yes, for now. For this exercise. I suspect you see things the same way.”
She smiled, but kept herself from bouncing up and down in ecstatic agreement that yes, indeed, he had behaved in a cowardly fashion. “Okay. What I heard you say was that you’re scared too.”
“How’s that?”
“You’re afraid to live in this emotional space where you can’t fix a thing. Where your dad is falling apart, your niece is crying for help, your son is a wreck, and house reconstruction moves at a snail’s pace.”
“I guess so, considering the mere mention of all that makes me shudder.”
“So, we’re both afraid. Fear is sin. It means we’re not trusting God. We should both confess it and move on.”
“Move on together.”
“Yes.”
He scooted across the love seat and took her hand. “You’re okay with a gutless wonder on your team?”
“Oh, Max. It beats a fool all puffed up with machismo.”
He tilted his head and peered at her through squinched eyes. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
She laughed until tears ran down her face. “Yes, Max. I love you just the way you are.”