After Mattie and Lucy returned from the latest doctor’s appointment, Mattie sat down with her mother and told her the news. Another surgery had been scheduled.
As she’d expected, her mother struggled with the doctor’s recommendation. Now her mother was wringing her hands so hard, Mattie feared they were about to fall off. “Oh, Mattie. I just can’t believe you’ve got to have another operation in two days. What are we going to do?”
Mattie struggled to keep her voice steady and her expression neutral. Inside, however, she was doing the exact opposite. The doctor’s news had shaken her to the core.
“We are going to need to remove this cyst right away, Mattie,” he’d said, his expression grim.
“But it’s not cancerous, right?”
“I don’t know.”
She’d wanted to lash out at him. To tell him that after all the rounds of chemotherapy, she was supposed to be cancer free forever.
But instead of offering her any words of encouragement, he’d just looked at Lucy. “Trish will come in and schedule Mattie’s appointment. Then she’ll direct you to the lab. We’re going to need more blood.”
Mattie had sat there, fuming. Feeling completely ignored. Ineffectual. “But, Doktah—”
He turned to her with sympathy in his eyes. “I am sorry, Mattie,” he murmured before leaving. “I will pray for you.”
“Bayda?” she fairly yelped as he left the room.
Lucy pressed a hand to her arm. “You’re speaking Pennsylvania Dutch, Mattie.”
With some dismay, Mattie realized that she was. Which brought her into a deeper depression—usually, she always did her best to speak proper English with all the medical personnel. Speaking that way made her think she was on more even ground with them.
For her to slip into Deutsch meant she was really rattled.
And now it was all she could do to stay afloat as she tried her best to comfort her mother. “Mamm, we mustn’t get too concerned, jah? We’ve been through worse.”
After wiping her eyes, her mother straightened and attempted to smile. “Mattie, of course you’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to burden you with my worries. Of course everything is going to be fine.”
“I bet so, too,” Mattie replied. “I bet this is just a precaution.”
“Definitely.” She clapped her hands. “We need only to keep busy and not dwell so. God didn’t bring you this far for no good reason, ain’t so?” She rubbed her hands on the skirt of her dark gray dress. “I know! I think we should make ice cream. Don’t you? It’s the only thing that will cool us off on such a hot day. What flavor shall we make?”
“Vanilla?” Mattie blurted.
“That’s what I was thinking, exactly.” Reaching out, she grasped Mattie’s hand.
Her mother’s hand was cold. Cold with fear, Mattie assumed. Exactly the way she felt, too.
Even so, they looked at each other and smiled before heading into the kitchen to begin their task.
Both pretending that neither was worried at all.
Bishop Howard stared so hard at Ella, she could practically feel his piercing gaze burn into her skin.
“These things you’ve told me are hard to believe,” he said quietly.
Though her palms were sweating, she looked right back at him. “I know.”
“But they are the truth,” Loyal spoke up. “I’ve witnessed much of what Ella is telling you.”
“Oh, I believe you, Ella. I’m just greatly disturbed.”
Pure relief filled her as she looked at the man who’d done so much for her mother. He’d visited their house almost daily at the very end of her mother’s life. For that, Ella would always be grateful. “I haven’t known what to do. Dorothy has been a good friend to me. But these things she’s done . . .”
Her voice drifted off as she tried to find the words, the right words to convey her sense of worry and loss. “These things she’s done have begun to make me feel afraid,” she finally said. “Last night I could hardly close my eyes. I don’t feel safe. I don’t want to hurt Dorothy, but I also am starting not to trust her.” Finally, she added, “Quite simply, I’m at a loss of what to do now.”
“I’m glad you came to speak with me. I’ll pray on this and then will visit with her.”
“See, Ella, you are not alone,” Loyal said, his voice full of encouragement. “Together, we will all help you. I promise.”
After a few more minutes of conversation, Ella left the bishop with Loyal at her side. Though the day was warm, Ella was glad to stretch her legs. And for the time to visit with Loyal. Earlier, they’d also walked together, from Loyal’s farm to the bishop’s home.
“Do you feel a little better?” he asked.
Glancing his way, she found comfort in the honest look of concern in his eyes. Suddenly, she realized that she wasn’t alone, carrying these worries.
Loyal—along with God—was right there with her and wasn’t going to give up on her, either. “I do,” she said softly. “Though nothing’s been decided, I was grateful to share my burdens.”
“Don’t make it a one-time thing, Ella. My shoulders are broad enough to carry your worries.”
As Ella thought about how much he’d gone out of his way for her over the last few weeks, she glanced his way again. “Loyal, I want you to know . . . that I truly feel grateful to you. Over and over, you have done so much for me. And you didn’t have to do any of it.” Privately, she wondered why he had. After all, she had nothing to give him in return.
“I haven’t done all that much. Just encouraged you to talk to some people.”
“I wouldn’t have spoken with the bishop if not for you.”
“Maybe not today, but eventually you would have.”
“You sound so certain. Why?”
“There’s a strength in you, Ella. A strength that shows you are used to being independent. You are a formidable woman.”
He was smiling, and before she knew it, she was smiling, too . . . at the image. She, Ella Hostetler, a formidable woman? How could that be?
Usually she was always the one person who tried to blend in with the wall, not assert her will. “I’ll take your words as a compliment.”
“You should! You are a remarkable woman. And helpful, too.”
“How so?”
“Well, you’ve helped us with Katie.”
“Katie? That was no trouble. Katie is a dear. Such a joy.”
“Such a handful,” he corrected with a laugh. “We love her very much, but she has her moments that try my patience.”
“As do we all.”
Loyal blinked. “You’re right. My brothers and I like to tease about Katie, but above all, we are always grateful for her.”
“Oh, I know that. As for Katie, I have a feeling that she just wants some attention,” she murmured, thinking for a moment of her own childhood. She’d loved her family dearly and had never minded being an only child. She’d simply accepted it as the way it was.
But sometimes, when she’d looked at her parents and witnessed a look pass between them, she’d feel left out. Like the proverbial third wheel.
And in her awkwardness, she’d attempted to be a little louder to get their notice.
But, of course, her noise and fussing hadn’t created the results she’d craved. Actually, all that had happened was she got sent to her room.
In no time, Ella and Loyal reached the farm. Unable to stop herself, she scanned the yard, looking for changes. There were many.
“You’ve been busy,” she said. “Why, you’ve whitewashed the barn and weeded all the flower beds.”
“I’ve been making my brothers come over to help.” Looking as eager as a child, he stepped toward the front door. “Would you . . . I mean, do you want to see how the finished floors turned out?”
“Of course.”
He held the door open as she walked inside. But the moment her foot touched the smooth planks, now stained a dark cherry red, she couldn’t contain her gasp. “Oh, Loyal, everything looks so different!”
“It’s the floor . . .”
“Look how much whiter the walls are!”
“I painted those, too.”
She turned, noticed that the curtains that her mother had made for the kitchen had been taken down. Now only shiny white window frame and a clean, bright window appeared over the sink.
“The curtains are gone.”
“Yes,” he sputtered. “They were pretty, but not really to my taste.”
She’d always thought those curtains were ugly. Actually, she’d never seen the need for them in such an open house surrounded by land. “Whose taste do you think they were?” she asked, doing her best to keep her expression earnest and thoughtful.
Right in front of her, Loyal looked positively tongue-tied. “Well, I don’t know—”
Feeling sorry for him, she pressed her hand to his arm. “I’m teasin’, Loyal. I never liked those curtains.”
“Truly?”
She nodded. “Truly.”
“Whew. It’s nerve-racking, not knowing how to act. I want to show off the changes, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“Loyal, I’ve told you that I would’ve liked to have made changes. I just wasn’t able.”
“Yes, but those changes were your ideas, not mine.”
“I like your changes. I promise.” With a bit of a shock, she realized that she still held her hand on his arm. And that she was standing too close to him.
Her eyes widened. Just as he slowly reached out and held her waist. Not hard. Gently. To hold her in place.
Her breath hitched. No man had ever held her before. And now she couldn’t imagine another man’s embrace ever feeling so right.
Their eyes met. His eyes flickered. A new awareness entered in them, and it had nothing to do with pity or worry or being a protector.
It all had to do with being a man and a woman together and the awareness that came from being alone. It had to do with attraction and desire and all the things she’d dreamed about but had at times resigned herself to thinking that those things might never happen for her.
Loyal swallowed. Ella found herself watching the muscles in his neck shift and move.
Noticed a faint band of perspiration on his brow.
And for just a split second, she imagined stepping closer to him, finally kissing him. The two of them declaring their love.
All such foolish, foolish things.
With a start, she stepped back. “I should probably get on my way.”
Loyal mirrored her movements, stepping back, too. “Oh. Yes. Of course. I’ll take you back right now.”
She turned and walked out in a rush, feeling her cheeks heat, her feet stumble.
Because all she wanted was to feel his touch again. To feel, for one more moment, that she was a woman. A pretty woman. Worth his time.
Worth everything.