Chapter Four

WHEN MY ALARM woke me the next morning, I hit the Snooze and stared at the ceiling, mulling over the conversation Rachael and I had had at the café. Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted my ignorance to parenting, or mentioned dating. Now that I knew I was a sucker for a pretty girl, I could avoid falling into this trap again in the future. I pouted at the red numbers on my alarm clock and didn’t want to get out of my warm bed.

The only things I had to look forward to were a frustrating job and my single existence in a tiny apartment in this busy city.

I shook my head. This wasn’t a fair line of thought. My job paid well, and I liked my coworkers. My apartment was perfect for Franny and me, in a cute neighborhood not too far from work.

I have nothing to complain about.

So why did I feel so let down because of one hesitant sentence?

My alarm blared again, and I smacked it off and climbed out of bed. Franny poked her head up, her ears half-cocked and her head tilted.

“I’m up, no more snooze.”

I didn’t blame her for not liking the sound of the alarm. I hated it.

A shower, a green blouse and gray slacks, my hair up in a half pony, and then I was staring at my oatmeal. I still wanted to be friends with Rachael. I hadn’t ruined that by playing the dating card, had I?

After I ate, Franny and I looped the complex once, but the morning sun through the trees didn’t do much for my mood. Parents were helping their kids into cars or to the bus stop down the street, the kids’ backpacks larger than they were, bouncing as they ran.

“I just don’t know, Franny,” I said quietly, but she continued ahead, from bush to tree trunk to the railing of one of the apartment staircases. A little dog out on an upper balcony barked, and Franny hardly looked up. “See, you can ignore what’s bothering you. But you’re a dog. Your whole existence is lounging or having a good time.”

I had to get over this so I could go to work and do what I was supposed to do without rehashing conversations in my head and worrying.

“I should be more like you, right?” I asked. “Just go with the flow.”

We approached my apartment, and she bounded up the stairs. When I let her inside, she waited for me to take her leash off before hopping over to her favorite spot on the couch.

“You be a good girl while I’m gone.”

She lay her head on her paws.

“Wish I could stay here with you.”

I grabbed my lunch and my purse and headed back out.

 

I COULD MAKE it until lunchtime without taking a third break to walk to the Ani-min collection point. Really. I could.

“So what you’re saying is…” I started, rubbing my temple, and thankfully, Craig, our lead IT guy, elaborated yet again.

“We don’t have computers compatible with the old system anymore, but the files are all text files, and we have those on old hard drives. So, I can get you the hard drives, and you can search the files.”

“And there’s how many hard drives?”

“Fifty-seven.”

“But when I try to search them…”

Craig sighed. “Your computer will want to index them first. Which is going to take an hour or two. And then you’ll get results.”

I crossed my arms. I needed more coffee. “And I can’t use my computer when it’s indexing.”

“I really don’t advise it.” He straightened his beard with a tug of his hand.

“Can I have a temp computer to continue to work?”

“Yeah, I have extras.”

My crossed arms fell to my sides. “Oh, thank god.”

Craig dug through a closet at the back of his office and pulled out a laptop, one of the old ones we had recently upgraded from. “It’s going to take me an hour or so to set this up for you.”

“And when can I get the hard drives?”

He didn’t look up from the laptop as he typed away at it. “I’ll send in a ticket to have them shipped over from our Denver office. It’ll be a few days at best.”

“Thank you.”

I left Craig to it and swung by the break room to fill my coffee cup. I gave a longing glance toward the office’s front entrance. Then, with a huff, I returned to my desk.

Chelsea stopped by hardly ten minutes after I sat down.

“How’s the record hunt?” she asked, chewing gum.

I hoped my expression reflected the correct level of disdain. “We finally have a solution for the old sales archive. But it’s going to take me a week and a half just to gather the data.”

“How!”

“Because it’s all on old hard drives I need to scan? I can’t even use my computer while it scans, I have to use a temp.”

Chelsea shrugged. “You can work on your projects while it scans, then.”

I nodded, stirring my coffee. Sometimes, it helped being reminded of the few things going right. “Thank goodness. I already need to catch up, this’ll be my chance before the audit really starts.”

“Are the newer systems easier to search?”

“Yeah. Don’t need to worry about them at all.”

“You got this, girl.”

I smiled weakly, and she left me be. The rest of the day crawled by with an underlying anxiety that this would soon become too much work for me to do without overtime. And for a dozen different security reasons, I couldn’t work from home. Which left the Franny problem to figure out.

As the afternoon was winding to a close, the buzzing of my phone caught my attention.

“Holy shit, she’s messaged me!” I whispered, scrambling to open the Facebook app.

Rachael: There was a raid at the park after school today! Caught another Felesana with a bunch of twelve-year-olds! It was awesome.

She still wanted to talk to me. She still wanted to talk to me! My joy left me wiggling in my seat and having no idea what to say back.

Ann: Kick ass! I’ll need to force myself out to another raid soon.

Rachael: Yeah, before Felesana is switched out for Donalyne or Lorelai.

“How do you know all this?” I whispered, unable to keep the smile from my face.

Before I knew it, it was time to go, and I headed home feeling lighter. But when I rushed back out with Franny and checked the park, she wasn’t there. We finished out the walk at a slower pace.

At least she was talking to me.

 

ALMOST TWO FULL weeks passed in a haze of spreadsheets and phone calls and compiling sales data on a master spreadsheet when time allowed. Working on the little laptop as my computer scanned the hard drives was awful, which made me feel spoiled by technology. But progress was slowly being made. It was proving to be as much work as I had feared, but otherwise the audit wasn’t that bad…so far.

Rachael and I kept up a dialogue in Facebook chat, about Ani-min mostly, but with occasional updates on work and kids, be they human or canine. Her enthusiastic words kept me going through the days, and I hoped my move toward dating had been quietly forgotten.

But I hadn’t run into her at the park. Maybe her hours had changed. Also, I didn’t check every day. But it still knocked me down a few notches every time Franny and I made it to the park, and I collected items from the raid spot alone.

Well. It was what it was.

“Sleepy?” Chelsea asked. I snapped my head up from staring at my phone.

“Oh, uh, I guess so.”

“Ready for our meeting though?”

Right, biweekly all-team meeting. “Crap.”

I stood and followed Chelsea and many of my other coworkers down past the cubicles to one of the conference rooms on the far side of the building. There were enough of us to fill two long tables, half of us with our chairs turned to see the inevitable presentation that would be projected onto the wall.

Our boss George was already there, hooking his laptop up to the projector and then standing stiffly like the secret service agent he appeared to be dressed as. No color for this man, just various shades of black and gray to his suits and dress shirts, his graying hair slicked back, the lines of his face appearing to give him an eternal frown. He straightened his tie and cleared his throat, the chatting of those around me going quiet in an instant.

“As you may have seen in the invite for this meeting, we have a special announcement.”

Oh my god, had I even read the invite? Around me, several of my coworkers nodded. Chelsea looked up at Georgie with the kind of fierce concentration one would expect from a mouse eyeing a distant hawk: on guard and hackles half-raised. I tried not to mirror the sentiment—he wouldn’t intimidate me that easily.

“I’m pleased to announce a new position opening up in our department,” he started, and a rustling erupted throughout the group as people sat up or moved cups or pens on the table. “Our team has grown considerably in the past few years, and the need for a lead project manager has presented itself. I have been, and will continue to evaluate the team to see which candidates may best fill this position. I will be posting roles and responsibilities on our department webpage after the meeting.”

George paused long enough for several hands to shoot into the air. I didn’t know what to feel—being a lead sounded like a responsibility I might not prefer, but I was one of the more experienced Project Managers, making this an obvious next step in my career. It was something to strive toward and motivate me, both with my ongoing projects and this audit.

George gestured for Priya to ask her question first. She sat up straight, her long black hair wavy around her floral-print shoulders.

“Can you summarize some of those roles and responsibilities or should we wait for your post on the department page?”

George pressed his fingertips together. “Essentially, the lead will be coordinating innovations in procedures, relaying feedback on departmental needs from the team to myself, acting as support for key accounts, and helping to train newer members of the team as needed. Further details will be on the webpage.”

I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d recited most of that verbatim from the job description. And I was no stranger to training newer folks, at least. But still, I wasn’t sure how right the lead position would be for me.

I’d have to think about it.

Other questions from the group followed logically enough. Would there be a pay increase—yes. Would the lead still have a project load—yes. Finally, almost ten minutes into the meeting, our team meeting properly began. We went over sales figures, a correction to a shipping procedure, and a lot of other little changes and reminders I half-heartedly listened to and would internalize more thoroughly when the meeting minutes would be posted later today. Sure enough, Fernando, our usual notetaker, was typing away at his laptop.

Meanwhile, I was trying to analyze the practicality of the lead position, but my mind found more enjoyment thinking of hanging with Rachael at the park, and Ani-min, instead. The heat and the dazzling sunlight and her wonderful laugh.

The meeting ended, and as I followed Chelsea out, she raised an eyebrow at me, which meant one thing— It was theory time.

“I’m sure David will get the promotion,” she whispered.

“You think so?” He was hired after me, and he wasn’t being assigned special projects like I was, and— I took a deep breath to calm the mostly unfounded jealousy. It was just her theory after all.

“I know he doesn’t have seniority, but he has the…” She waved a hand in the air. “something…of a guy who wants to climb the corporate ladder as soon as possible.”

I glanced around to make sure no one within earshot would mind our conversation. “I think we have as good of a shot as he does.”

She shrugged. “You, yes. But it’s not gonna happen for me.”

“What do you mean? You work hard and do well.”

“Sometimes, I feel like I’m more a pretty face than an asset around here.”

I pursed my lips, thrown off by her words. I hadn’t thought her to have difficulty with her self-esteem.

“I’m sorry,” she said, as we stopped at my desk.

“Try not to be hard on yourself. We all know how much you accomplish.” It was always difficult to reassure someone when I wasn’t sure about myself. But I cared about her enough to try.

“I appreciate it. But anyways. How’s the sales audit coming along?” she asked, but her perked-up expression seemed artificial.

“I’m almost through gathering data off those old hard drives. And then I can tackle the newer servers. Compiling all this information is going to be a challenge.”

“You got this. And you know George will be impressed.”

I smiled, and she smiled back, all the little crinkles on the sides of her eyes looking cute, framed by her curly hair. “Thanks.”

When Chelsea returned to her desk, I stole a glance at David, who was on the phone and typing away at his computer. There was no doubt he put in his fair share here, just as there was no doubt Chelsea was right about him and his chances. I didn’t want to feel jealous…I didn’t need those feelings on top of everything else.

And I fought against them, even after I got a notification at lunchtime from Ani-min that raids would now be sporting the legendary cat Donalyne. Of all afternoons to crawl by, those few hours seemed like an eternity of slow-loading software and frustrated clients on the phone.

Maybe, if there was another raid at the park, Rachael would be there. And maybe we would talk and it wouldn’t be awkward, and if she couldn’t be a girlfriend, she’d be a friend, which would be great too.

And maybe the clock could move faster so I could get going.

Finally, when the day was over, I hightailed it out of there.