Claire ushered Bec into the treatment room and helped her up onto the examination table. The woman in front of her had good colour and didn’t look like she was about to collapse. Perhaps the muesli bar Julie had convinced Bec to eat had done the trick and bumped up her blood sugar. Claire was utterly bewildered as to why Bec had been in the cemetery at the crack of dawn on the verge of fainting. All Julie had said was, ‘Hugo,’ as if that explained everything. It explained nothing.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘I don’t know. I just don’t feel like me.’ Bec grabbed Claire’s wrist tightly. Frantically. ‘I’m scared, Claire. I know this sounds crazy but I’ve got this premonition that something awful’s happening to me. But I don’t know what. I’ve had no energy for weeks. Nothing tastes right. I hurt all over, but today’s worse. I mean, every part of me aches like I’ve slept on rock-hard ground.’
As vague as it all sounded, Claire had learned long ago that listening was her best diagnostic tool. ‘I can examine you, but I understand if you’d prefer to go to Colac.’
‘I don’t have time to go to Colac … God, what time is it?’
‘Six-thirty.’
Bec paled and struggled up from her pillows. ‘I have to go. The kids will be waking up and Adam needs breakfast.’
‘I’ll ring him.’
‘No!’
Claire recoiled. ‘How about I do a quick examination and get you out the door.’ She started with pulse and blood pressure. As she slid up Bec’s sleeve, she noticed bruises on her inner arm. ‘What happened here?’
Bec stared at the florid marks. ‘I don’t know. I’ve been bruising easily lately. I’ve got a lot on my legs too. I just figured I was clumsier than usual.’
‘Let’s take a look.’ Claire was trying hard not to jump to sinister conclusions but an exhausted pregnant woman who was bruising easily needed a blood test to rule out a nasty blood disorder.
Bec shimmied out of her capri pants. Remembering Bec’s comment about sexy underwear, Claire was surprised her underpants were as plain and boring as her own. She saw the bruises she’d been talking about. ‘Can you roll onto your side?’
Bec moved gingerly, sucking in little gasps of breath. Claire stifled her own gasp, thankful Bec couldn’t see her shocked expression. Bec’s lower back and buttocks were streaked with purple and red welts. In one place the skin was broken. Claire carefully eased Bec onto her back.
‘I’m just going to check the baby and examine you down there, okay?’ Claire checked the baby’s position and then listened to the heartbeat, thankful it was thundering away at a healthy rate. ‘I know it’s uncomfortable but can you lift up your bum?’
She eased down Bec’s underpants and asked her to press her ankles together and drop her knees to the side. Pulling the examination light into position, she carefully inspected the area. This time the gasp slipped out.
‘What? Am I bleeding? Oh God, I knew something was wrong.’
Claire covered Bec with the modesty sheet and tried not to cry. ‘The baby’s fine, Bec. It’s you I’m worried about. Has someone attacked you? It’s just it looks …’ She forced herself to say the words. ‘It looks like you’ve been raped.’
‘Raped? Don’t be ridiculous. I’d remember if—’ Bec’s bewildered face suddenly crumpled and her body shook. ‘Oh God. Oh God. I get these flashes of Adam that come and go. They make no sense but they leave me feeling sweaty and sick.’
Claire felt ill. ‘Did Adam rape you last night?’
‘I don’t know. I know that sounds stupid, but I can’t remember.’ Her voice broke. ‘I can’t remember anything. I’m losing my mind.’
‘You’re not losing your mind, but I’ve got to ask you this. If there’s any part of you that believes Adam is capable of raping you, please tell me.’
Tears slipped down Bec’s cheeks. ‘Once, in our kitchen, he said it was a game but it felt like rape. I convinced myself it wasn’t. But I remember it happening. I don’t remember anything about last night except for these flashes. I’ve had them before but today they’re a lot worse. They terrify me.’
Claire’s mind didn’t want to go to the dark and awful place it was fast sliding towards. A place where men treated women like meat. ‘You’ve been saying for weeks nothing tastes right. That you’re forgetting things. Do you think—is there any chance he might be drugging you?’
‘Surely if he was, I’d know—’ Bec’s eyes widened into shining blue pools. ‘When I told him I was pregnant, he started making me peppermint tea most nights.’
‘No. I just thought he was being considerate because I was so tired.’
‘Does the tea taste odd? Sorry, you’ve told me everything tastes odd at the moment. Does it make you sleepy?’
‘I’m already exhausted when he gives it to me!’
‘Right, okay.’ Claire’s mind was running though scenarios. ‘Since you started drinking the tea, do you feel different in the mornings?’
‘Yes.’ Bec said it softly but it was the first thing she’d said with authority. ‘I wake up woolly-headed and I don’t have any energy until the afternoon. I thought I had a virus that just wouldn’t go.’
‘I don’t think you have a virus but I can’t say for sure until we do blood tests.’
‘Oh.’ Bec’s head dropped and her shoulders sagged—it was like watching a facade fall—and the proud and condescending woman disappeared. ‘Claire?’
‘Yes?’
‘Things with Adam are awful. Before the fires, he could be difficult but now … He controls everything I do, from the clothes I wear to where I go. Before I got pregnant he was insisting we do some kinky stuff but I never thought he’d …’ A tear ran down her face.
Guilt slammed Claire for every assumption she’d ever made about Bec. ‘I’m so sorry. So very sorry. I didn’t know.’
‘No one knows.’ Her hand gripped the sheet. ‘Just like no one knew I was leaving Adam for Hugo.’
‘You were Hugo’s mystery woman?’ Claire knew she was gaping. ‘We thought she must have been someone in Melbourne.’
Bec raised her face with a familiar chin tilt. ‘No, it was me.’
Claire didn’t hesitate—she leaned in and hugged her tightly. As she did, shame flowed through her veins, reminding her that two years earlier, her reaction to this news would have been very different. ‘Although he never told me your name, he told me how happy you made him. He loved you to pieces.’
Bec gulped in a shuddering breath. ‘He was my soul mate. And the universe took him and left me with a burned and damaged husband. It was awful. I was utterly alone and grieving for Hugo, but I had to consider the girls. I mean, what sort of woman leaves her husband when he’s disfigured and a hero? So I stayed. I’ve tried to make it work.’
‘Well, you don’t have to try to make it work any longer!’ Anger bubbled through her hot and strong, all of it directed at Adam Petrovic. ‘It doesn’t matter that Adam’s your husband. Or that he saved lives. Rape is rape. He has no right to hurt you. I’m going to take photos and swabs and we’re testing for drugs. We need to call Shane.’
Bec sat up fast and winced. ‘The girls!’
‘Do you think Adam will hurt them?’
‘I don’t think so. God, I don’t know. But he’s going to wake up very soon and notice I’m not there.’
‘I’m guessing he doesn’t know you were at the cemetery, right? I know! Text him and tell him we’re having a CWA breakfast meeting. Say you’re so vague, you’ve only just realised you didn’t leave him a note. Then ask him to take the girls to school. After that, Shane will be involved.’
‘He’ll see my car at the cemetery.’
‘Phil can park it behind the clinic.’
‘Oh God! Oh God!’
Claire caught Bec’s flailing hands. ‘Bec, you’re not alone. I’m going to make sure you get all the help you need. Is there anyone you want me to call? Your mother?’
‘No! She’ll tell me I’m crazy and how lucky I am to have him.’
‘You’re not crazy. Please remember that. It’s the drugs making you feel that way.’
‘Like everything’s going on around me but I’m not really part of it?’
‘Yes, and it’s screwing with your memory. What if I call a friend for you? A mother from school?’
Bec shook her head. ‘Since the fires, my world’s got so small. There really isn’t anyone except the CWA.’
The sting of self-reproach bit Claire hard. All these months she’d actively fostered her childhood dislike of Bec when the woman had been keeping her at bay so Claire didn’t twig to what was going with Adam. What Adam was doing to her. Why, why, why had they always been so bloody competitive? She was determined it stopped now.
‘You’ve got the CWA. We’re a motley bunch, but we’re here for each other. And I’m here for you, just like you’ve been here for me recently. I really appreciated that you didn’t gloat when Matt left. Thank you.’
‘Claire, I’m petrified of what Adam might do if I go to the police.’
‘I understand.’ She knew this was a very real fear for many domestic violence victims but every fibre of her being screamed to protect Bec. ‘The important decisions are always the hardest, but this isn’t the first time you’ve decided to leave him.’
‘But I had Hugo to protect me.’
‘Now you’ve got us. And Julie and Phil. Bec, you deserve so much better than that bastard’s—’ Claire heaved in a breath. ‘Than his treatment of you.’
Bec buried her face in her hands. ‘I thought I was protecting the girls. I think I’ve made everything worse.’
‘No. Don’t go there. We can only make decisions based on the information in front of us at the time. Back then you did what you thought was best. Now, the situation’s changed and it’s time to reassess.’
‘Image is everything to Adam. He’ll try to get to me.’
‘I promise we’ll do everything we can to protect you, but to do that we need to involve the police. Do I have your permission to call Shane?’
It was a choice too many women before her had been forced to make—a choice between two types of hell.
‘Yes.’
It came out so softly, Claire barely heard her.
* * *
The entire day held a surreal quality—an awful nightmare that Bec couldn’t wake up from. Staying alert was difficult—whatever Adam had given her last night seemed much stronger than the other nights and it was affecting her more dramatically; she’d dozed on the drive to Geelong. Everyone at the rape crisis centre was kind and gentle and Claire had stuck to her like glue, never leaving her side. Bec held her hand and the few times she tried to let it go, panic surged and she gripped it again.
‘Sorry.’
Claire squeezed back. ‘No need to be sorry. And just so you know, I’m not going anywhere. Well, I might have to pee soon but you can come in with me if you need to.’
‘Thanks, but I’m traumatised enough already,’ Bec tried to joke.
Claire cried.
Drawing on a well of resilience she didn’t know existed, Bec got through the forensic examination and the excruciatingly detailed police interview. As humiliating and shameful as it felt to have somehow failed to work out that her husband was drugging her—let alone doing things to her that she couldn’t think about without shaking—telling the story of her life with Adam over the last year felt like she was taking back some sort of control. It held her up just enough to keep going.
While Claire was on a bathroom break, Bec’s phone rang yet again. It had been ringing nonstop all day and the call log said Adam had rung forty-seven times. His voicemail messages had slowly transformed from, ‘Babe, since when did breakfast go past ten?’ to ‘Where the hell are you?’, finally culminating in language that made her shudder and sweat. The police had advised her not to speak to him and to disable any location tracking devices on her phone.
This time when Bec checked the caller ID it was Scotty. She hesitated but gut instinct made her take the call.
‘Bec, thank God. Where are you?’
‘I can’t say.’
‘Why? Listen, I’m worried about you. Adam’s gone nuts. Are you okay?’
‘No.’ Her heart hammered. ‘I’ve never been less okay.’
‘Jesus, Bec. Tell me you’re safe.’
She fought tears. ‘I’m safe now, but I’ve had enough, Scotty. I’m not doing it anymore. I’ve tried to stand by him but now he’s violated me in ways I can barely comprehend, let alone cope with. I’ve got to protect myself and the girls.’
There was a gulping silence. ‘I should never have left you last night. I knew he was riled up—’
‘It wasn’t just last night.’ Her voice cracked. ‘Scotty?’
‘Yeah.’ His voice wavered with emotion.
‘He might have saved your life, but he’s not worth giving up yours for.’
‘I’ll fix this.’ Scotty sounded desperate.
‘You can’t.’ As she hung up, she heard his strangled sob.
On Julie and Phil’s insistence, Claire had driven Bec back from Geelong to the Langs’. When she woke in their spare room it was dark and she immediately tensed. The distant sound of the girls playing with Charger reassured her and she sank back onto the pillows. They were safe. Shane had arrested Adam and his bail conditions meant he couldn’t come anywhere near her or the girls.
‘Hey, sleepy head.’ Claire was sitting in a chair at the end of the bed, crocheting.
‘You’ve become an Afghan addict.’
‘It relaxes me. How’s the head?’
‘Feeling a little less fuzzy.’ She heard Ivy laughing and she was suddenly frantic. ‘Claire, how am I going to tell the girls?’
There was a tap on the door and Julie popped her head around it. ‘Bec, the police are here. They want to talk to you.’
‘Again?’ Bec sank back onto the pillows, trying not to cry. ‘But it’s late. I’ve already told them everything I can remember.’
‘Shane says it’s to do with another matter.’
Claire rose and Bec said, ‘Please, stay. I don’t have a single secret left that you don’t know.’
Claire gave her a sad smile and sat as Shane and an officer she didn’t know walked in. ‘Sorry to bother you again, Bec but Scotty Ferguson came down to the station a few hours ago. He’s made a rather interesting statement about your husband’s business activities.’
‘Does Bec need a lawyer?’ Claire asked.
‘I’m not involved in the business, if that’s what you’re asking,’ Bec said. ‘The only time I’ve had any input was when Adam was in hospital. Even then it was only marketing and design advice.’
‘Have you ever seen the accounts?’
‘No. Adam never wanted me to have anything to do with the business. When he was ill, Scotty managed that side of things. Why?’
‘What can you tell us about the tomato crop?’ the other officer said.
She had no idea what he was asking. ‘Do you mean the varieties? I think it’s Romas and Black Russians. Maybe some cherry…’
‘Have you visited the greenhouse?’
‘No.’
‘Have you ever visited the property before or since the fires?’
‘No. There was never a reason for me to visit. Before the fires, Adam used the old sheds for framing and Scotty lived in the house.’
The barrage of questions was making her sweat and it promoted an old memory. ‘Oh, wait. I did go there once. It was the Christmas before the fires. I remember, because we were on our way to Lorne for our summer holiday and Adam made a detour to the vineyard. It was hot and Gracie wanted to get out of the car and talk to Scotty. Adam insisted we stay in the car. Have I done something wrong?’
‘Shane, is this absolutely necessary on top of everything else?’ Claire asked crisply.
‘Just one more question,’ Shane said, sounding every inch a police officer. ‘Do you have any knowledge of your husband’s million-dollar cannabis crop?’
Bec stared at him open-mouthed.
‘Good. That’s exactly what Scotty Ferguson told us. You’re in the clear, Bec. Thanks for answering our questions.’
‘Cannabis?’ she squeaked. ‘He’s been growing cannabis?’
‘For years, apparently. Scotty’s given us a very detailed account of the business before and after the fires. It explains Adam’s behaviour on the day of the fires. He certainly saved two lives but his motivations were not as pure as we’ve been led to believe.’
‘I can’t believe it. Is that what he’s been drugging me with?’ She’d been living with a stranger.
‘No. Your blood tests show he was using a mixture of prescription sedatives.’
‘That’s why you’ve had a bitter taste in your mouth and a constantly runny nose,’ Claire said. ‘It will all go away in a few days once the drugs are out of your system.’
‘But I don’t understand. If Scotty’s known about the cannabis for years, why did he confess today?’
‘You’ll have to ask him that,’ Shane said. ‘He’s currently in the lockup but he’ll appear in front of the magistrate in the morning. We’re not opposing bail. Adam’s been re-arrested and we’ve transferred him to the Melbourne Remand Centre for Scotty’s safety. Given the rape charges and the cultivation and sale of cannabis charges, he won’t be getting out any time soon. I hope that gives you some peace of mind.’
It gave her safety, but peace of mind? Would she ever have that again?