Big Book of Job-Hunting Hacks

When I was laid off in midcareer, I thought that finding another job would be a quick and easy process. After all, I had been in the educational technology business for quite some time working with the likes of Apple Computer. Write a résumé, make some phone calls, and a job will follow, fast. However, I was caught off guard when I entered the grieving process after losing my job because of an asset acquisition. Everyone goes through a period of grieving after a significant loss, which could be the death of a loved one, loss of a spouse by divorce, loss of a physical function through permanent injury, or loss of a job. Losing a job frequently triggers a period of grieving as severe as that caused by death or divorce. For verification, ask anyone who has been let go.

The severity of the grieving process caused by job loss is proportionate to the separated worker’s rank, compensation, and age. Midcareer workers usually suffer the most because they have the most to lose in terms of status, rank, and compensation. They are likely to have significant mortgage or rental payments, automobile payments, credit card payments, childcare expenses, college tuition payments, insurances payments, and more. Being forced to deal with all of those responsibilities will throw most laid-off workers into the classical stages of the grieving process.

Swiss-born psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross worked with terminally ill patients and their loved ones and noted certain patterns that emerged in the dying process. In her book On Death and Dying, she states that there are five stages in the grieving process:

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

The length of time one stays in the grieving process is proportional to the closeness of the bond between the two individuals. The closer the bond, the longer it takes to move ahead and restore normal life balance. Most people work through the grieving process using their own resources, but others require professional help from a psychologist, psychiatrist, clergy member, or career counselor.

In my work as an executive recruiter, I have seen laid-off workers go through a grieving process parallel to that experienced by death of a loved one. However, it is usually abbreviated because workers quickly become preoccupied with finding another job, a time-consuming task that pushes the worker through the grieving process. I have noted the following stages of grief when counseling, and consoling, job candidates who have lost their jobs, especially those in midcareer.

After hearing those torturous words from the boss or the human resources director, “We have to let you go,” most workers say aloud or silently, “This can’t be happening to me. I’ve given my blood, sweat, and tears to this company, and there is no reason why I should be laid off.” Many workers refuse to believe they were asked to leave the premises and petition the boss and HR director for reinstatement. If that does not work, they persist in seeking reasons for dismissal that make sense to them. They want more than “We’re having a reorganization.” Some take it to the next level and demand to see their boss’s boss or the president or CEO. Usually, the appeal to a higher authority bears no fruit, and the laid-off worker leaves the premises dejected but still in denial.

After leaving the premises, some workers take it to the next step, seeking help from a colleague in the company. Some ask a company friend to intercede with the boss or human resources director to reinstate their jobs. Others seek the help of a lawyer to have their employment reinstated. These initiatives are rarely successful.

A person who has just been told that their presence in the company is no longer needed feels a great sense of humiliation. When it happens, it seems that the eyes of all coworkers are on you. You feel that they know that you were sacked. Word travels fast. The most humiliating event is being walked out of the workplace accompanied by a security officer as though you committed a crime. It hurts like nothing else and sets you up for the next stage, anger.

A worker enters the anger stage of the grieving process when attempts to become reinstated have failed, and when the humiliation continues as more people become aware that you were let go. Anger is usually directed at three sources: the company, the boss, and the human resources director, the one who frequently delivers the bad news. If not resolved quickly, the anger stage will prevent the fired worker from thinking clearly and planning the next step, rebuilding their career. Usually, workers in the anger stage will hurl epithets at the boss and the company to anyone who will listen. Some will curse using language heretofore unused. Some will lose it completely and resort to violence by physically injuring the human resources director or the boss. When you find yourself in a prolonged stage of anger, do everything possible to move forward, like seeking counseling from a psychologist, a career coach, or a clergy member.

Fired or laid-off workers lose that sense of professional identity that sets them apart from the rest of the pack. Frequently, laid-off workers enter a stage of pessimism, inadequacy, helplessness, and despondency, which is manifested by constant complaining to family members, friends, colleagues, and anyone who will listen to their tale of woe. Unfortunately, for some workers it goes beyond constant complaining, and they enter a state of depression that requires clinical help from a psychiatrist. However, most work through this stage of the grieving process by activating their network of family and friends for support and encouragement.

Acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process for those who have lost their jobs. In previous stages of the process, you may have tried to resolve the problem but to no avail. You are not going to be rehired. Period. You must put the past behind you and move forward, but on your own terms. Acceptance is a liberating process. It closes the grieving stage and enables you to move forward to rebuild not only your career, but also your entire life. In a sense, being fired or laid off can prove to be one of the best things that has ever happened to you. When you accept your situation, you take total ownership not only of your career, but also of your entire life.

Put aside your regrets of the past.

Put away your fear of the future.

Move forward with confidence.

Workers at every rank can move through the grieving process using these resources: the Internet, print and digital books and magazines, a career coach, a friend or family member, faith-based resources, an outplacement service, and common sense. I have witnessed let-go workers use some or all of these resources to move forward successfully. Here are five initiatives to hasten your trip through the grieving process:

The first thing most let-go workers do is plunge into the job-hunting process, and that is a huge mistake. First, take a well-deserved break. Consider beginning the process by going out to an upscale restaurant or pub today or tomorrow, preferably with a trusted friend. Go out and let loose. Have a good time. Lift your glass and get it off your chest shouting the title of a song made famous by country singer Johnny Paycheck, “Take This Job and Shove It!” Pay in cash and leave a generous tip. While you are at dinner, begin planning the next step—leaving the house and having more fun.

The day following your night on the town, make a written list of activities for the next seven days that you can do alone. Do not include anything work-related. You will have time for that later. Include in your list all of those things you could not do when you were working because your job sapped all of your time and energy. (Remember those irritating text messages at 10:00 p.m.?) Plan to leave the house each day to participate in physical activities such as visiting museums and art galleries, playing golf, swimming, hiking, skiing, biking, mountain climbing, and exploring locations that arouse your curiosity. Make sure they take place away from home. At the conclusion to this week of physical activity, move forward to the next step, leaving town.

If you have enough discretionary income, leave town for a week, preferably alone, to a faraway national or international destination. You can find attractive and reasonably priced travel deals with a bit of research. How would you like six days in Ireland? London? How about nine days touring the Grand Canyon, Sedona, Monument Valley, Bruce and Zion National Parks? Getting out of town is the best remedy I know to forget about the past, particularly about that nasty employer who had the temerity to let you go. The hell with them! Move on. You can live without them. Truth be known, you never really liked working there. Other jobs are out there, as you will discover upon returning home from your vacation.

Make a list of all of the good things that you still have: your spouse or partner, children, family members, friends, intelligence, job skills, energy, and education. Your former employer could not take all of that away from you. Most of all, you still have your attitudes and opinions, which you will use moving forward. You are still intact.

In addition, record the personal possessions that your work has enabled you to acquire (i.e., the best of the basic three: food, shelter, clothing). While millions in the world will go to bed hungry tonight, you will not. Be thankful for what you have and remember that you are among the most fortunate people in the world, a worker in the United States. While millions of people from around the world are banging on the door of America in order to get a job, you are already here. As a midcareer worker, most likely you have reached an income level in your previous job that placed you in the upper 15 percent of the income bracket. Looking at the numbers always puts things in perspective.

When you are out of a job, there is a tendency to hear only the bad news. Tune out the media babble about the dire state of the economy and conduct your own research. Study the numbers from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Department of Commerce, and the Pew Research Center.

Also, look at the employment rate (as opposed to the unemployment rate) in America and others countries. As I discussed earlier, we have had an average employment rate of 94 percent over the past seventy years. Look at European countries, like Greece, where the employment rate is a mere 75 percent, and you will count your blessings. It does not get better than living in America when you are looking for a job.

For some fortunate workers, work-life balance was never a problem. Their employers were cognizant of the fact that life existed away from the office, storefront, or construction site and planned the workday accordingly. However, for others, especially those whose jobs were technology-driven, work never seemed to go away. Tweets at 10:00 p.m. on a Tuesday from the boss. Texts at 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday requesting a work-flow summary for a meeting on Monday morning. An e-mail at 7:00 p.m. on Friday “asking” you to show up for an emergency meeting the next day. What did you usually do after work? Did your last job, where you worked sixty hours a week, leave you so exhausted that you can’t recall when you last visited an art museum or seen a movie? Were there any “afterwork” hours, or were work and personal life one and the same?

Define your life priorities beginning with family responsibilities: spouse, children, parents. Next, write down what brings you pleasure and satisfaction in your life outside of work and after fulfilling family responsibilities. In your last job, how much time did you devote to those strictly personal pursuits? One hour each day? Maybe a few hours on the weekend after the usual household chores? Vow that you will never again permit an employer to control your life. This is your life. Define it on your own terms.

Did you really like your last job or did you go there every day solely for the money? Do you want to continue working in your specialty or would you be happy to move forward to something else? Many workers fall into a specific area in the workplace for which they really have no particular liking. It may have been the need to pay off the student loan after graduating with a master’s and the most easily accessible job that had an above-average compensation level was one in sales, first as a territory sales rep, then as a district manager, and most recently as a regional sales manager. You were on the road more than 50 percent of the time, rushing from one airport and hotel to another. You were constantly making pipeline reports and evaluations of your subordinates. Did you really enjoy that? If not, define and write down your five ideal jobs. Are you ready to move to a new career? Will one of your five ideal jobs provide the compensation you need to maintain your desired style of living and meet current living expenses?

If your financial situation is such that you can make a change, do it now. Why wait until you are thinking about retirement?

Transitioning to the acceptance stage of the grieving process is a prerequisite for moving forward to defining a new you, independent of job rank or title. However, it is important to evaluate your financial situation to make sure that you can meet obligations related to your own personal well-being and that of your family and your dependents. In succeeding chapters, we’ll examine the financial ramifications of job loss and what you can do to minimize the impact. Stay tuned.

• All let-go workers experience a period of grieving.

• Accepting the fact that you were laid off and that having no chance of having your job reinstated is a liberating experience.

• Put away the regrets of the past.

• Forget your fears of the future.

• Move forward to another career in America, the breadbasket of the world where jobs are always available for those who know how and where to find them.