Chapter Twenty-five

“Hi Gwen, it’s me again,” Carter spoke into the phone in his study as he rapped his fingers against his broad cherry desk. “Calling to say how sorry I am for how our morning ended the other day and for all the horrible things I said. I’d really like to talk to you, so could you call me back? Please?” He slammed the receiver down, threw back a shot of whiskey, then chased it with a long draw of beer.

Her cell had gone right to voicemail. Again. It was the tenth time he’d called today, the thirtieth time in the last three days. Of course, he hadn’t left that many messages. That would be overkill. Five a day were enough to express his regret and attempt to make amends. Plus, she’d get the notice of all those missed calls. If they didn’t grab her attention, maybe the giant bouquet of foxglove, lavender, and shamrocks he’d sent to the physical therapy office would. Or maybe the giant stuffed panda with the pink bow he’d sent on Tuesday, or the necklace with the mother and daughter pendant he’d sent just that morning.

Despite his gifts, all he’d gotten was stony silence. It was driving him mad. So much so, had he known where she’d moved, he might have gone there, held a boombox above his head and blasted a pathetically melancholy song to beg for forgiveness. Fortunately for her neighbors, Gwen hadn’t given Judith a forwarding address. But his security firm was on the case so he’d likely have it soon.

Until then, there was one last, whiskey-inspired resort. Show up at Walter Reed, bare his soul in front of a bunch of wounded soldiers, and soften her heart. But the smarter, less drunk side of him cautioned against this desperate plan. Gwen was nothing if not private. She’d die of embarrassment if her private business were broadcast to her clients and co-workers. Better instead to give her a few more days to cool off, let her listen to his voicemails, and hear the sincerity and urgency of his voice.

Eventually she’d change her mind, wouldn’t she?

…

Emerson flipped open the Style section of the Washington Post. “Ooh, lookie what made the front page.” Her new roommate shoved the newspaper across the break room table. Since she’d moved into his townhouse, they’d spent every waking hour with each other. Thankfully, he’d seen the light and his break from Sebastian had become permanent.

Gwen scanned the headline. “Mary Poppins Helps Kids.” Dread inched up the back of her scalp. It had to be a feature on how much had been raised for the children’s hospital at the gala. She unfolded the paper to find what she most feared. A full color spread of some of the biggest donors at the Kennedy Center function, including a shot of her and Carter, hand-in-hand, with her obviously pregnant belly on full display. The caption named him and referred to her as his mystery date. She winced at the evidence of their once-abundant happiness.

Emerson sighed. “Well, I’ll say one thing. You two looked great together.”

Overwhelmed by sadness, she tore her eyes away from the page and the image of her once joyous face. “Yeah. Too bad it was all part of the plan.”

Why had there been a plan at all? Why couldn’t Carter have simply been up front from the beginning, asked for the right to control the company shares, and avoided all the deception? It would have saved them both a lot of time and heartache.

More than a week later, that pain still burned like hellfire. She’d thought some time and distance might ease her wounds, but as much as she tried to force Carter from her mind, her thoughts wandered to replay all the time they’d spent together and how good she’d felt with him. He’d seemed happy, too. Loose and relaxed, open to experiencing new and spontaneous things. Had that been manufactured as well, just a part of his plan? If so, why was he trying so hard now to get back on her good side, sending extravagant gifts as if she’d never declined Anderson money? Probably only because his parents were furious at him for driving her to move out.

She swallowed a sob. Not for the hurt she’d felt when she’d left River View for good, but because of what could have been between them, if only Carter hadn’t been so distrustful. But he was damaged, probably beyond repair, and he’d never realize what he could have had.

Her cell phone rang again, the caller ID flashed an all too familiar phone number. Sighing, she hit the cancel button and sent the call straight to voicemail.

“Was that him?” Emerson asked.

“Who else would it be? No one besides you and Stan ever calls. I swear this phone hasn’t had this much activity for as long as I’ve had it.” A moment later a chime rang alerting her to the waiting voicemail message.

“Are you going to listen to it?”

“Why should I? It’s probably just more of the same. ‘I screwed up. Please forgive me.’” She imitated his voice, then shook her head. “Sorry, it’s too late for that.”

How could she ever trust his motives or believe anything he ever said again? He hadn’t trusted her, and for that, alone, she couldn’t excuse him. Ever.

“I’ll never forgive him for what he did to you,” Emerson said. “I still don’t understand why you don’t cancel the whole Walk It thing and stop the research trials. He doesn’t deserve your effort.”

“I’m not doing it for him or his stupid company. I want to see this through for the soldiers and other amputees. If the shoes work like I think they will, they’ll make a real difference.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re too good for him.”

She forced a smile. “Thanks. You’re sweet. But it doesn’t do me any good to dwell on his massive shortcomings. I’m moving on and I’m already happier without him.” The lie singed her tongue.

“Uh huh,” he said, without meeting her gaze, then flipped past the Style section page.

A commotion erupted in the hall outside the break room.

Kelley’s voice echoed, “Sir, you can’t go back there.”

“I just called her,” Carter’s voice boomed, determined and defiant. “She’s expecting me.”

The hair stood on the back of Gwen’s neck.

Emerson’s eyes popped. “He’s here. Do you want me to deck him? I’d love to have a reason to touch his face, even if it’s to punch him.”

She stood. “No, I’ll deal with him. Obviously he can’t take silence for an answer.”

Stomping out into the hall, her heart seized. It was Carter all right, but he didn’t look like himself. In his customary Armani business suit he looked drawn, his skin pale, and he hadn’t shaved in days.

“Carter? Are you all right?” Despite her solemn promise to hate him forever, she couldn’t help but be concerned for his welfare. Though she wouldn’t reach out and hold him, to try and make it better. He’d caused whatever pain he was enduring. He could wallow in it.

He swallowed deeply, his eyes sunken pits. “I’ve been calling you.”

“I know.”

“And I’ve sent you gifts.”

Crossing her arms, she bristled at the thought of him using money, once again, to buy her. “Also, something I know. They were lovely. I’m sure the hospital’s ladies auxiliary put them to good use.”

“Why didn’t you call me back or acknowledge the deliveries?” His voice was filled with confusion. Obviously he wasn’t used to being turned down.

Too bad. He’d better get used to it.

“Because I thought you’d get the hint after the first day.” The distinct scent of alcohol wafted toward her. Had he been drinking? It was only nine o’clock in the morning. She cocked her head. “Are you drunk?”

He waved her off. “Not since last night.” Glancing over her shoulder he asked, “Can we go somewhere a little more private? There’s so much I want to say to you to make this right.”

Emerson must be lingering. That was okay. Though she didn’t need him to protect her, it was nice to know he literally had her back.

“No, I’m fine right here. Although it hardly matters since there’s nothing you can say to change things between us.” The baby kicked hard, causing Gwen to grunt then press her palm against her lower abdomen.

“Is she okay?” Carter reached his hand toward her midsection then halted mid-air.

“She’s great. Just like me.” She mashed her trembling lips together. “We’re going to be just fine.”

“But you left her things at River View.”

Gwen shook her head. “No I didn’t. I’ve got everything I need.”

“But what about a changing table and a crib and…”—he scratched his head—“everything else? I thought it takes a ton of stuff to take care of a baby.”

She counted on her fingers. “I can change her on a blanket spread-out on the bed. A wicker Moses basket works just fine. As for clothes, I’ve got an extra drawer in my dresser. The basics are covered. Believe it or not, Carter, I don’t need a mountain of things. I never did. That stuff Judith bought? It was always intended to go to someone far more needy.”

He swallowed hard. “I know. The D.C. Home for girls. My mother told me.” His voice was hushed. “I’m so sorry, Gwen. I misjudged you. About everything. I should have been upfront about the proxy shares from the beginning and I shouldn’t have tried to manipulate you into signing them.” His voice was tight. “I let my past cloud my judgment.” He glanced down at the industrial grade carpet and his clenched jaw ticked. “You see, my marriage wasn’t exactly forged in heaven. Everyone I knew tried to warn me, said my ex was only in it for my money, but I was sure I knew better and ignored them. Turns out they were right. After years of riding the gravy train I learned she never loved me, and cheated on me the whole time. When it was clear we were headed toward a split, she got pregnant with her lover’s boyfriend and tried to pass their child off as mine to ensure a larger settlement. Those lies gutted me and hardened me from opening my heart to anyone else. Worse of all, they kept me from seeing the real you. The beautiful, generous, loving person you are. I’ll be forever sorry. For everything.” He drew a deep breath and fixed her gaze. “Especially for what I said about you being a foster child. It was uncalled for.”

Her breath caught as tears sprung to her eyes. Even though Judith had told her the highlights, his story was gut-wrenching. But she refused to cry. No, despite the fact he’d just laid himself bare and uttered the words she’d longed to hear, she would not shed one single, solitary tear over Carter and what could have been between them if he hadn’t been a giant, hellish ass. They’d been through too much, had too many misconceptions and arguments to try again. She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, too.” Her lips mashed together, biting back the torrent of emotion that threatened to overflow.

He took a step toward her, his expression earnest. “I’ve messed things up so horribly. Both for you and the baby. For myself. But I’ve learned my lesson and I’ll never jump to conclusions like that again. Ever.”

“That’s good. Because you’re smarter than that. I’m glad you’ve learned from your mistakes. They’ll help make you a better man.” Though someone else would benefit from his lessons because it sure as hell wouldn’t be her.

He nodded, taking another step toward her. “I was wrong.”

She stiffened her shoulders. “You were. I never did anything to warrant that behavior. I was good and kind to you and your family, but all you did was accuse and misjudge me.” Gwen leveled her gaze at him. “You broke my heart.” Her lips quivered. As painful as it was to admit, it felt good to tell him and release her pent-up pain.

“Is there any way you could ever forgive me? Allow me the chance to mend it?” He edged closer, intensifying the scent of stale alcohol. “Can we start over? I want a future with you and a chance to be a father to your child.” His voice was tight as he extended his hand toward her, beckoning her close.

Was that supposed to be some sort of a proposal? If so, it was the lamest one she’d ever heard. Gwen couldn’t deny her own still obvious feelings for him, but he hadn’t exactly made a strong case for marriage. She wanted her future husband to be thoroughly besotted with her and to propose out of that crazy, head-spinning love, not to assuage his guilt or help him fulfill some tortured sense of obligation.

Shaking her head, she bit back tears. “Even if I could forgive you and consider a future, there’s no use. I’ve accepted a transfer to the military hospital in Landstuhl, Germany. The baby and I will be moving right after she’s born.”