Hazel didn’t ride Cinnamon when Saturday came around. The equine vet, Stan, said it would be fine to, but she wanted to go on a long ride, and she couldn’t bear the thought that he might suffer, so this time she took Sherbert, who was a bit livelier. They had a good ride along the bridleway on past Heritage Cove and ventured down to the beach for a good canter. The rain had come last night and this morning the beach was practically deserted, the tide well out, allowing them a clear path along near the water’s edge.
The salty air against her face felt like a spritz of energy as she enjoyed the speed, the freedom, pulling Sherbert to a slow canter, trot, then walk when they spotted people in the distance. She looked behind them. ‘Never mind, Sherbert, we can go fast all the way back if you like. We’ll turn here.’
She was just pulling the horse around when she heard a young voice call out her name.
She turned Sherbert back again and sure enough, it was Abigail running towards them in a wetsuit. ‘Whatever are you doing? It’s miserable out today!’ Hazel laughed and lifted a hand to wave at Gus who wasn’t far behind his daughter.
‘I haven’t been to the beach yet. I couldn’t wait any longer to go in the sea.’
‘And I didn’t want her getting hypothermia,’ Gus grinned as he reached them, a sweatshirt on his top half, checked shorts that showed off tanned legs, his trainers paired and in one hand. He put a hand on his daughter’s head briefly, but Abigail was more interested in Sherbert, who was curious about her too.
‘Which one’s this?’ Gus asked.
Abigail tutted. ‘This is Sherbert, Dad. He got his name because he’s fizzy like the dip.’
‘That’s right,’ Hazel chuckled.
‘Not riding Cinnamon?’
‘I’m hesitant to push him. I’ll leave it this week, but next Saturday I expect I’ll be out on him again.’ She stroked Sherbert’s neck. When she’d seen Gus at the stables yesterday, he’d asked about Cinnamon and she’d told him their vet had done the ultrasound and that there was no more damage. ‘It’s good to give this one a turn on a long ride. You appreciate it, don’t you, Sherbert?’
The horse’s ears twitched in response.
Abigail might love horses but when she saw another girl heading down their way, she dashed over to join her. ‘Careful!’ Gus called over loud enough for her to hear but not so loud he startled the horse.
‘She’s making friends.’ It was good to see them settling in. ‘The cove is a beautiful place to swim, no matter the weather. And the water is nice and calm today.’ The waves at the water’s edge beside them rolled in gently, the foam frothing on the shore before the water receded again.
‘We came down from The Street, down what Abigail calls “the secret track”.’
Hazel laughed. ‘It stops too many tourists, we locals love it.’
‘It’s truly beautiful down here.’
‘It gets my vote.’ Despite the drizzle that had just started, it didn’t detract from the beauty of this part of the coast.
When Gus heard squealing behind him, he ran a hand across his face. ‘I told her not to climb on those rocks.’ He sounded exasperated.
‘The kids around here love the rocks. And it keeps them out of our way, doesn’t it, Sherbert?’
‘Did you get a good run along here?’ Gus asked with one eye still on his daughter and the friend she was with.
Those rocks could be slippery, she didn’t tell Gus she’d seen more than one kid hurt themselves. But then she’d also seen countless others have a whale of a time. ‘It’s a great run. With the tide out a bit further, I can see if anyone is around, I wouldn’t want to go at speed if they were.’
‘Very wise.’ He looked up at her and added, ‘I meant what I said, you know.’
Her hands steadied the reins as Sherbert moved his head, keen to appraise himself of his surroundings while they were stationary. ‘What was that?’
‘When I said that you did everything right for Cinnamon after he was hurt. You had the first aid kit, you comforted him most importantly.’
‘Thank you.’ She leaned to rub Sherbert’s neck to keep him content. ‘I was panicking inside but doing my best not to let Cinnamon feel my anxiety. It’s just the blood, you know.’
‘I know.’ His soft voice whispered towards her on the breeze.
‘Good to have a vet in the village, though, in case I can’t get hold of our regular next time.’
‘Happy to lend a hand whenever you need.’ He took a few steps away from the horse and waved over to Abigail. ‘That’s far enough,’ he called through open hands. They were climbing on the higher rocks now. ‘Abigail, off please!’ He turned back and rolled his eyes Hazel’s way.
She wondered if he wanted to stay here the way she did. But he had other priorities at the moment. ‘I’ll leave you to it, you’ve got your hands full.’
He looked about to protest but then puffed air from between his cheeks, accepting there was no way around it other than to divert his attentions.
Hazel had been organised and full of energy today, especially since seeing Gus down on the beach. It had been an unexpected surprise and one she wouldn’t mind repeating sometime soon. Since returning from her ride on Sherbert, she’d taken another hay delivery, mucked out stables, refilled hay nets, swept the yard and the middle of the stable block, reordered stock and returned phone calls, including one to her mum, who wanted to know how Cinnamon was doing. And now, as early evening descended, she and Arnold had already finished grilled tuna for dinner and with the horses in the paddocks, it was time to kick back for a while.
‘Hard day?’ she asked Arnold, pouring him a glass of wine. Sometimes she hated asking that question, but she was more relaxed than she’d been in a long while. She blamed the sea air for her blurting out the question before she could filter.
Thankfully Arnold seemed as relaxed as she was tonight. Perhaps, like her, it was the relief of no more dramas, no injured horses or riders. It was a good day. ‘Not a bad day, as it happens, although Mum’s phone calls to check up on us get a bit much.’
‘She had you checking the fence again?’
‘Yup,’ he laughed. Both of them knew it wasn’t that she doubted her children, it was more that these horses were hers and their dad’s, or at least they belonged to all of them, and Hazel knew while the paperwork and the admin were one thing to let go of, their parents would never let go of caring for the animals they’d loved over the years.
‘I suppose it’s nice Mum and Dad are still invested in Heritage View,’ said Hazel. ‘It’s nice we have the support.’
Arnold sipped his wine but then looked at her. ‘Don’t tell me you’re going to bring up that guy James brought in, are you?’
‘The proposed hired help, you mean? No, wasn’t going to say a thing.’
‘What’s going on with you? You look… happy, relaxed.’
‘And that’s a bad thing?’ She sipped her glass of red. ‘I had a good morning on Sherbert, that’s all.’ She wasn’t going to tell him she’d also bumped into Gus on the beach. She saw him a lot at the stables but seeing him elsewhere always felt that bit more exhilarating.
‘You haven’t hired someone without me knowing?’ Arnold was suspicious, especially when he added, ‘Don’t tell me, you’re back with James, you’re in love all over again.’
Another sip of wine. ‘Now you’re being crazy. And stop trying to read too much into me not being miserable.’
‘He’s desperate for you to get back with him, you know. You must see that.’
‘How would you feel if we got back together?’ she wondered.
‘Not up to me,’ he shrugged.
‘Don’t you like him?’
‘I don’t mind him, if he makes you happy.’
‘He did, once. And since when have either of us confided in the other about our love lives?’
He sipped his wine. ‘That’s a good point.’ He patted his stomach as though they hadn’t already had dinner and he looked heavenward when he saw the oven timer and realised he still had fifteen minutes to wait for dessert, the apple crumble still warming. ‘But while we’re on the subject, should we talk about the other man in your life, then?’
‘What other man?’
‘A certain village vet.’
‘Arnold, seriously.’ She picked up her glass of wine, mostly to hide her reaction, lest it gave something away. ‘He’s a client, a very important one for our finances. And a bit of a knight in shining armour for Cinnamon.’
‘He did a good job with Cinnamon. I won’t deny that. And I wouldn’t like to be in his shoes if he hadn’t.’ He ducked out of the way when Hazel went to swipe him around the ear at his teasing. ‘He’s keen, I’m telling you.’
‘He’s only interested in me because Denby lives here and he wants me to teach Abigail.’
‘Let me guess, you still won’t.’ He held up his hands as he pushed his chair back from the table and went to get the bowls ready for the dessert.
‘I’m trying.’
‘How, Hazel?’ She tried to gauge whether he was as irritated as he sounded. One minute they were okay, the next he remembered how she was making life difficult around here. ‘We’re losing business and I’m worried James is going to persuade you that you’re so helpless you need this outsider to step in. Which is not what I want, and I know you don’t deep down.’
Her brow creased in confusion. ‘What do you mean, James will persuade me I’m helpless?’ The question reminded her of Gus’s kindness, his belief in her and that she’d done everything right for Cinnamon when he was hurt. Gus had a faith in her that James didn’t seem to have, despite the years they’d known one another.
‘Nothing.’ He found the ice-cream and the scoop and dropped them on the table. ‘I shouldn’t have said it.’
‘You shouldn’t, but you did. Do you think James makes me feel like I can’t get back to how I was before?’
‘Hey, I never said that.’
He hadn’t, but now she thought it herself. ‘Do you think he’s holding me back?’
Arnold looked to be considering his words carefully. ‘He’s always been there for you, I can’t deny that, but I don’t think he sees how important it is for you to overcome your fears. I think he’s helping by providing practical solutions like taking on help, which might well be sound business answers, but he doesn’t necessarily factor in what you really want.’ He shrugged. ‘This place, full time, doing everything you once did. That’s what you want.’
Arnold had inherited the same patience and understanding as their dad, who was level-headed even under the most trying circumstances. And now Arnold, who had spent very little time with her ex, had summed up exactly the way James was. He wasn’t unsupportive, he wasn’t absent, he just didn’t get it. And Hazel had to wonder if he ever would.
‘I do want that, you’re right, but I can’t get over my worry that something may happen if I’m teaching a young or an inexperienced rider, like it did before. I still remember that boy falling, the way his body contorted on the ground, Arnold. That memory haunts me.’ Although not as much as his furious parent coming at her with a pitchfork, telling her it was all her fault, blaming her, making threats. ‘And then what if I agree to teach Abigail and she wants to go out on hacks? That’ll make it so much harder out and about, I’ll be even less in control.’
‘From what I’ve seen, she’s capable.’
‘Most are, right up until they’re not,’ said Hazel. ‘Remember I told you about the young lad – must’ve been four or so years ago now – Mum and I were with six riders on a familiar path and all of a sudden there was a car in the ditch. It was unexpected, out of the ordinary, it startled Mum’s horse, which frightened the one behind and the one behind that.’
‘The domino rally,’ he grinned. ‘Not funny, but it’s exactly like that.’
When one horse got spooked, the others very easily picked up on it and soon became out of sorts. It was fine if you were confident as a rider to reassure them but if you weren’t, it made things so much more difficult.
‘The boy at the back closest to me had obviously never been on horseback when a horse was agitated,’ said Hazel. ‘He had a couple of years’ experience under his belt, but he’d never been in that situation before. I could see the fear in his eyes, the terror mounting in his horse. In the end, I dismounted, took charge of his horse, and he begged to dismount too. It took me forever to coax him back on the horse because he was terrified it would buck like the one at the front had.’
‘And you’re worried you’ll be out on a hack with Abigail and something similar will happen?’ Arnold had been using his hands around the ice-cream tub to warm the insides, getting it ready for scooping out. But now he looked at his sister and asked, ‘What would you do if it did?’
Fear flooded her insides and Arnold, looking much like their dad, sat there with all the patience in the world until she said, ‘I’d get off my horse and find something nearby to secure him. Then I’d calm the other horse with my voice, with my touch, the rider too.’ As she spoke, she could hear Gus’s voice in her head telling her she was capable, that she was able to do all the right things, the way he’d told her the day Cinnamon was injured. The memory of him putting his arm around her too drifted back and she wished she could feel that same way again: believed in, safe.
Arnold smiled. ‘Remember how as kids we called Dad the horse whisperer? Well, you and I are both just as good as he was. You did it with Cinnamon when he was hurt, you did it in the last lot of storms when plenty of the horses were unsettled, not knowing what was going on.’ He opened up the ice-cream and pushed the sides of the tub to assess its softness. ‘If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about a hack for now; agree to a lesson providing it’s in the school. Do a few of those first and you’ll know how Abigail and Denby are together, you’ll know how you feel. Take it from there.’
She put her head in her hands. ‘I wish I had your level of belief in me.’ Or Gus’s, even.
‘Your confidence will come back, I know it will. What happened happened. It wasn’t your fault, you know that, but you lost your nerve. I think it’s high time you got—’
She sniggered. ‘Do not say, “Got back on the horse!”’
And then they both began to laugh. ‘It’s an expression and a good one. We practise it here, we did as kids. We fell off, we got back on again. And you won’t get your confidence back unless you take a chance. And Abigail likes you.’
‘I like her. She’s brave, she knows a lot about horses, she isn’t daft.’
‘Then she’s the perfect young rider to start with.’ He pulled on the oven mitts ready to pull out the dessert, courtesy of Celeste at the Twist and Turn Bakery. ‘I’ve got waiting lists for teaching, that’s money we could be earning. You don’t have to leap back in and teach every kid who comes our way. Start with one. Abigail.’
And the oven timer pinged as if to put a full stop on his demands. Fait accompli.
Now it was up to her to take the next step.
It took Hazel a few days to think through what Arnold had suggested, what she knew to be true, and along with memories of the way Gus had encouraged her, she knew she could do it. She also had a breather from James and his business suggestions too, as he’d gone away for a few days, playing golf with clients.
By Monday, she finally felt ready to tackle her nemesis. She was really going to do it. She was going to offer to teach Abigail, in the school at first, take it from there. And the thought of it made her happier, despite the trepidation.
Hazel finished her morning jobs – the turnout to the paddocks, grooming, mucking out, tacking up horses, and preparing young riders for Arnold’s lesson – and come mid-morning, she grabbed the list off the fridge of the few things they needed from the convenience store. She wouldn’t have time to walk there and back today with a lesson looming at midday, but she had time to drive, park up in the village and get everything they needed. And she’d have just enough time to drop in on Gus too.
With her shopping on the front seat of the car, Hazel parked on the street outside the veterinary practice. She brushed her pale-blue T-shirt and the thighs of her jodhpurs to make sure she wasn’t covered in straw or anything worse and she made her way up the path towards the main door.
But she stopped when she raised her hand to knock and heard voices coming through the open window at the front.
Was Gus with a client? She waited, unsure whether to go inside or not. But when the voices became raised, she left the porch and went over to the window. She recognised Gus’s voice but any warmth she felt at hearing his velvety tones faded when she saw him mid argument with a tall, slim woman with the same pale skin tone as Abigail. It had to be her mum, still in their lives, after all. And she looked pretty upset.
Hazel knew she should go. But something kept her feet rooted to the spot.
She looked again and could see fury in Gus’s expression. The woman was backing away, perhaps having had enough, maybe because she was scared?
This man was the same man she’d seen that night after art class, not the one who’d watched her and his daughter as they bathed Denby, not the man who’d talked with her about his feelings and worries over his daughter, the man who’d cared for Cinnamon professionally and with that little bit of extra attention horses needed to feel at ease. She knew from their own family business that that sort of personality trait wasn’t taught; it was intrinsic. And the man before her now certainly wasn’t the one who’d enforced her self-belief when he put an arm around her.
Hazel stood rooted to the spot, her heart beating hard, her palms clammy, terrified that if she walked back to her car, Gus might see her, and she didn’t want to have to hear him try to explain away what she’d seen and heard. Not that she could make out the words; the tone and the fury were enough. Just as it had been the night of the art class.
And she knew then that she couldn’t teach his daughter. Not when she’d been reminded, yet again, that when you taught a kid, you answered to their parents.
And those parents could be unpredictable, spiteful, and almost ruin you.