Chapter 13

The long chocolate suede coat parts to reveal the dark brown cardigan that is open slightly at the throat and a multi-coloured patchwork suede skirt. I take in the details in one glance because I’m trying not to look at her. Trying not to think about sex, because it’s all I can concentrate on when Lilly’s in my line of vision. The coat makes her look taller and longer. It belies, yet adds to, her curves.

As usual the classroom is laid out in a semi-circle for an informal seminar. Lilly sits opposite me and out of politeness I nod but look away again immediately. I feel Carolyn smile across at her. They are friends now; Carolyn has me and doesn’t doubt my devotion. Out of the corner of my eye I watch her remove a beige coloured scarf that matches her outfit. Lilly never tries to blend in with the others; she is way too sophisticated for that and as a result she is much too well dressed to be taken as an ordinary student.

The white board pen squeals as Professor David Francis writes. My attention is once more drawn to him, in his grey baggy suit that matches the colour of his thick moustache. Facial hair is so dated.

I look around trying to ignore the flash of thought I’d received, denying to myself that it came from directly across from me and it had been so similar to my own thoughts I was not too sure if I had just imagined it.

‘Needless to say, Freud would have a field day with the work of Anne Rice. Her obsession with immortality could be attributed the death of her first child or her fear of her own mortality. As for the homo-erotic element ...’

Francis’ eyes sweep the room, landing on Lilly’s golden blonde head. Experience has made me an excellent observer and I note the swift flick of his gaze as it lands on her full chest. I receive a flash of irritation as Lilly also notices the Professor’s attention. The beam of her eyes sweeps the room like a search light or the intensity of an interrogation lamp; I can’t help looking at her even though her luminosity threatens to burn my vision. Her hand goes to her throat and she looks terrified. The colour drains from her cheeks; she is holding a book, half-open in her trembling hand - Dracula.

Sitting with her head between her knees is undignified, but I can’t help but react to the nausea she is feeling. After the stray thought of sickness had entered my head I block her feelings. I don’t dare check on her. I still have not severed the connections we made during our encounter and I am afraid to feel her emotion.

‘I need some air. That’s all,’ she protests.

I help her to her feet and lead her outside and down the steps to the front of the building.

‘I’ll go and get some water from the refec,’ Carolyn offers.

‘Thanks.’ Lilly nods, looking green.

I sit her down on the oak bench underneath the vast tree that smothers the small lawn.

‘What was wrong in there?’

The shocked pale expression leaves her face immediately and it is as though she has been wearing a mask.

‘Nothing. Francis was boring my arse off. Does he think we don’t know all that Freudian shit? He makes me want to puke.’

‘You mean ... you were faking?’

‘Yes. Worked didn’t it? I took drama in college. I was good too.’

‘Why?’

‘Why was I good?’

‘You know what I mean.’ She’s so damn irritating.

‘I wanted to see what you’d do. You didn’t disappoint me, Jay.’

‘I’m ... speechless.’

‘Then don’t talk. Here comes your girlfriend.’

The mask is back in place and the sickly expression returns as Lilly gratefully takes the water from Carolyn’s outstretched hand. Extraordinary!

‘Thanks. You’re both such good friends.’

‘Jay. You go back in. I’ll look after Lilly now,’ Carolyn suggests.

‘No. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’ve just been a bit under the weather lately. You two go back in.’

‘I suspect you need more vitamins,’ I say, taking Carolyn’s hand. ‘If you’re sure you’re okay, we’ll get some notes for you?’

I pull Carolyn away, though she is reluctant. Frowning over my shoulder I see Lilly, smiling her sweetest smile - and I can’t decide whether I want to kiss her or kill her. What a dilemma.

We return to the seminar and Lilly soon follows. The atmosphere in the room cools when she enters. My eyes follow her secretly. I enjoy the little pout of her red coloured lips.

‘You’ve got to look after yourself.’ Francis leans over her.

He wants to get a peek down the opening of her top and the gleam in his eyes confirms that he reaches his objective. The pen in my hand snaps sharply in two. Francis looks over at me. Then he returns to his desk, quickly picking up a spare pen.

‘Try this,’ he offers. ‘Those cheap biros are so flimsy.’

‘Thanks.’ I visualise ramming the nib into his groin.

Carolyn nudges me, a coy smile lighting her face.

‘It was great last night.’ Where’re you taking me later?

Her motives are more obvious and her punishment more deserving than any I’ve encountered and it is my turn to feel sick. I am now more certain than ever that Steve was nothing more than a ‘stop gap’. I am the ‘something better’ that has come along. Carolyn is not a woman of her time; she is like all women through time. They constantly look for a beneficial union. However Lilly ... She is ...

Lilly crosses her legs; I blink but her lovely calves have me. I bow my head in Carolyn’s direction but can’t take my eyes from Lilly’s lovely limbs opposite and just when I manage to look away, I hear a short snip as a pen drops to the floor and bounces. Lilly bends down under the desk, scoops up the pen and winks at me. Francis barely looks up. Carolyn is concentrating on the extract we are supposed to be reading. No one but me notices - that Lilly is playing with me.