A New Page
had a hard time getting out of the house and, in the end, had secretly called a ride-share and sneaked out. His mom had been fixing lunch, and his father had been in the living room watching TV. The twins were sleeping, luckily. He knew they would freak out when they found out he was gone. However, at the moment, he didn’t care about them.
Healing had gone well for CJ. His face and jaw were better, though sometimes his jaw would pop painfully, and the doctor thought he might have TMJ. The damage from Joe and Walter had healed, and he’d been forced to see a therapist that his father had picked out for him. He despised him, a Dr. Thompson. He was haughty and asked him invasive questions CJ refused to answer. He wanted to know the details, and CJ felt it was morbid curiosity on his part and not anything professional.
He knew he needed a therapist. He just knew he didn’t want Dr. Thompson. He would find his own therapist, who he liked and got along with. Preferably a woman who understood his gender identity, too. He’d mentioned that to Dr. Thompson and commented that traumatized people sometimes felt like that. He didn’t get into the fact he’d always felt that way, so he skipped talking about it.
The sun was high, and he looked at his watch. He’d left the phone his parents gave him at home. He didn’t want to be found. He leaned against the support for the bleachers and waited. Michael would be here. He wouldn’t forget. He wouldn’t abandon him.
At 12:30, CJ started to worry. Maybe something stopped him from coming. He knew he was having trouble with his parents, too, but he didn’t know what to do. He had no phone and no car, so there was nothing for him to do. All he could do was wait.
It was almost one, and he was dozing against the bleacher support when he felt someone drop a hand on his shoulder. He screamed, jerking and scrambling away, only to look up and see a worried-looking Michael.
“Mikey!” he gasped, getting to his feet.
“I’m sorry I’m late, baby. I had trouble getting out of the house without being noticed,” he said, wrapping both arms around him.
CJ couldn’t stop the tears from coming. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“I know, so have I, baby, but I got things worked out. It took a bit, but I managed,” he said, smiling at him.
“What do you mean?” CJ frowned.
“Come on, did you get a bag?” he asked.
“As much as I could carry.” CJ pointed to a black duffel bag sitting nearby.
Michael took his hand and grabbed the bag. He led CJ to his car and threw the bag in the back. CJ got in the front seat and buckled himself into the car. Michael got in and they took off, headed out of the parking lot.
“Where are we going?” CJ asked.
“It’s a surprise.” Michael smirked at him and kept his eyes on the road.
CJ wondered what it was. They eventually came to a duplex. It was not far from the school, but it looked like a nice neighborhood. Some of the ones close to the school weren’t so good. Michael got out and came around to let CJ out. CJ frowned again, but Michael just took his hand, and they walked up to the front door. Instead of knocking, Michael unlocked the door. CJ looked at him and then walked into the duplex.
It was nearly empty. There was an old, beige sofa in the front room, a crate with a small TV sitting on it, and a game system of some sort. There were stairs leading up and a small kitchen with a little table and two chairs sitting in it.
“Welcome home, CJ.”
CJ blinked and looked at Michael. “What?”
“I know it’s not much, but they had to go with what I could afford on my new salary at the psych center. It was enough for this place. I started two weeks ago, so I don’t get paid for two more weeks, so we’re not going to have much yet. I borrowed a few hundred dollars from my buddy Jeremy, and he’s gonna let me pay him a little at a time. I got the furniture from some people who were giving it away online, and they even brought it over when I told them the situation.” He paused, grabbing CJ by the hand. “Is it okay?”
Speechless, CJ stared at him, eyes filling with tears. “It’s perfect,” he said at length.
Michael wrapped him up in a hug and held him as he started crying again. He cried so easily these days. He pulled back and wiped away his tears. “How’d you manage to get to work? I heard they weren’t letting you leave.”
“I told them it was my career, and I had to go to work. It took some convincing, but they finally agreed they couldn’t stand in the way of what I went to school for. And even more than that, the place I’m working for does tuition reimbursement. So, I can keep going to school and get my master’s degree in psychology while I’m working there.” He smiled at CJ. “It won’t be easy, but do you want to try and make it work?”
“I do! I’ll get a job, too, and help out!” CJ nodded.
“I want you to finish school,” Michael said, brushing a hand through CJ’s long hair.
He still hadn’t cut it, even though his mom had told him it was too long. Michael had liked it long, and he kept it that way. He adjusted his new glasses and sighed at Michael.
“I love you so much,” he admitted.
“You have no idea how much I love you,” Michael said in return. “Here, I’ll show you our bedroom.”
He took CJ’s hand and led him up the stairs. It was a small bedroom with a closet and a bathroom. On the floor was a double mattress covered with sheets and covers. There were dark curtains on the one window in the room, and Michael flicked the light on. The only furniture was an old chest of drawers sitting against the wall. CJ walked in and looked around.
“Perfect.”
The sound of the phone ringing woke CJ and Michael. Michael groaned and was tempted to send it to voicemail, but he saw it was Jeremy. He clicked the speaker.
“What? You know what time it is?” he said.
“Look, man, I’ve been visited by the cops twice in the last three days looking for your ass. When are you going to tell your parents where you are?” Jeremy asked.
CJ watched him, a slight frown pulling at his lips. “Well, I guess I should do something, huh?”
“Yeah, and they’re asking about CJ, too. I think they know you two are together.”
“What’d you tell them?” Michael asked, propping himself up on his arm.
“Just that last I heard, you were working in St. Louis full time at the rehab center. They were going to look for you there, so be ready.” Jeremy paused. “But really, where are you anyway?”
“I’ll send you a text,” he said. “I’ll call the parents. Get it over with.”
“Okay, take care of it, man. Please.”
Jeremy cut the line and Michael flopped on his back. “Well, we can’t put it off any longer. My off days end tomorrow anyway. I’m surprised they let me take off to move, especially since I just started.”
CJ was lying on his stomach, propping his head up on his hands. “We should do it.”
“What?” Michael blinked. “It?”
“Sex. We should have sex again,” CJ said.
Concern lined Michael’s face. “CJ, are you sure you want to? It hasn’t been that long. I want you to be ready for it.”
“You’re not him.” CJ didn’t look at him as he spoke. “You’re not going to hurt me. I know that. And maybe I just want to have some good memories to replace the bad ones.”
Michael wasn’t sure about it. After what happened to CJ, he had to be bothered by the thought of sex. He couldn’t be ready, could he?
“It wasn’t just him,” CJ said after a few moments of silence. “That other guy, Walter, the one Joe shot, he had a turn with me, too. He made me ride him. It was so degrading, being such an active part of something like that, you know.”
Michael didn’t know what to say. So far, CJ had not talked at all about what happened. To hear it was hard, but to say it must have been even harder. He reached over and took his hand, squeezing it to make it clear that he was there for him. CJ took a shuddering breath.
“But that wasn’t the worst.”
Michael didn’t want to hear it, but he had to. He didn’t say anything, just was there. He held tight to his hand, even though he could feel CJ shaking now.
“They made me come. They made me enjoy, and that was the worst part of it all.” CJ swallowed thickly beside him. “To be forced to enjoy and feel pleasure at the hands of someone like that, I can’t tell you what that was like. For a while, I thought I could never pleasure even myself again.”
CJ put his head down and laid on his side to face Michael now. “Then one night, I was thinking about you and how much I wanted to see you again. I got hard, and at first, I was scared, you know, because that was the first time in a while. So, I played with myself, stroking myself and then I pressed my finger inside and thinking of you, it felt good again. So, I want to be with you again.”
“Well, do you want to do that, or call our parents first?” Michael reached out and caressed his head.
“I want you,” CJ whispered hoarsely.
Michael had an instant hard on at that, and he growled, petting CJ’s hair a little more aggressively. He was careful, though, not wanting to be too rough.
“It’s okay to be a little rough,” CJ said, eyes wide and centered on Michael’s. “I like that.”
It didn’t take much to flip the switch, because that go ahead meant he wrapped his hands in CJ’s hair and pulled gently on his head, baring his throat. He leaned in and began kissing him, biting gently on his neck. CJ moaned in response and Michael reached for his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. He then began kissing his chest, pausing to suck on each of his nipples. It apparently was good, because CJ grabbed his head and moaned low in his throat.
“Lemme get somethin’,” Michael said, getting up and going to the chest of drawers.
He opened the top and grabbed a bottle and brought it back. CJ smirked. “You planned this?”
“You’re the one who initiated. I bought it just in case,” Michael said, kneeling on the mattress.
CJ rolled onto his back, and Michael reached for his shorts, pulling them off, baring him completely. He took in his body. Perfect, he thought. Smooth, unblemished skin on his chest and stomach led down to a trail of dark hair that led down to his pubic bone. His cock was already erect, leaking pearls from the tip. Michael licked his lips and then went down on him without warning. CJ buried both hands in Michael’s blond mess of hair and groaned loudly.
“Oh, oh, yes,” he managed.
Michael wasn’t used to doing this yet, so he wasn’t the best at it, though he tried. He sucked him down as far as he could, using his tongue to swirl around the tip and under the glans. It seemed to work on CJ because he kept pressing down and mumbling under his breath. He slipped one hand down and moved to press against his entrance, waiting to see if he stopped him. Instead, he just kept moaning and encouraging him. He grabbed the lube bottle, put some on his fingers, and slipped one inside his tight, hot body.
“Please, more!” CJ begged, and Michael obliged, pushing a second finger inside and then thrusting them back and forth as he sucked him.
He found the spongy spot and began playing with it. It put CJ into a fit of mumbling that Michael realized had to be Korean, because he couldn’t understand a word he was saying. He’d never heard him speak Korean before, so perhaps that was a good sign. After a little while, CJ bucked his hips, forcing his cock down further in Michael’s throat. Michael suppressed his urge to gag, instead swallowing against him. CJ’s groan turned into a soft scream as he exploded into Michael’s mouth. Michael sucked until his cock quit throbbing and came up, wiping his mouth with his hand.
“Well, you certainly liked that,” he said, mostly to himself.
CJ was staring at him, eyes hooded, and he’d drooled on himself. Michael moved up on his body and licked his face, tasting him, and then got to his mouth. He slid between his legs, pressing his own clothed erection against his body. He delved into his mouth with his tongue, and CJ responded, twining his tongue around Michael’s. Michael sucked on his tongue, bringing it into his mouth, and he reached down and began stroking him.
“Do you feel good, CJ, baby?” he breathed into his mouth.
“Yeah,” he answered, arching as Michael played with his cock. It was slowly coming back to life. “Please, I want you inside me,” CJ begged, looking at him with teary eyes.
“Oh, god, CJ, I can’t say no to that,” Michael muttered, sitting up on his knees and pulling himself out of his pajama pants.
He grabbed the lube and slicked himself up, using plenty. He didn’t want the first time in a while to hurt him. He looked down at CJ.
“Baby, spread your legs wide for me. Show me your need.”
CJ spread open his legs, reaching down and stroking himself as he watched Michael. “Put it in, please. Make me feel you.”
Positioning himself between his legs, he pressed down against his entrance, then slipped easily inside.
“Ahh…” CJ exhaled, arching a little. “More!”
Michael swallowed and leaned over him, then thrust his hips, burying his cock in all the way in one motion. CJ moaned loudly, pressing back against him. Michael leaned over him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him in for a consuming kiss as he thrust slow and deep.
“Baby,” he muttered against his lips. “You’re so sweet and hot inside. It feels so good,” he continued. “I feel you squeezing my cock hard, so I know it feels good. I want you to come while I fuck you hard and fast, okay, baby?”
“Hmm, yes, please, fuck me hard,” CJ managed, hands twisting in the sheet on the mattress.
Michael thrust into him hard and fast, just like he said he would. He wasn’t too rough but rougher than he thought he’d be. CJ was asking for it so that he would give it to him. He must have got a good angle because CJ started mumbling again, and there were tears in his eyes. Michael kept giving him long, deep kisses, never breaking the rhythm.
Finally, CJ gasped and came between them, tightening up on Michael so much he could barely move. He thrust a few times, feeling his own orgasm slam into him, releasing and filling CJ with his essence. After he was spent, he pulled out, rolling over and cupping CJ’s face.
“Oh baby, that was amazing,” he breathed.
“Uh huh,” CJ said, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He then turned to Michael. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Michael sat up and kissed him, another lingering kiss until they were out of breath. “Thank you, baby, for trusting me.”
They both got showered and changed individually since the shower wasn’t big enough for two. When they were done, they grabbed their phones and sat on the couch. CJ curled into the corner, pulling his legs up under him.
“You first?” he said to Michael.
“On speaker,” Michael confirmed and dialed his dad’s number.
“Hello?” came his father’s voice.
“Dad,” he answered.
“Michael! Where the hell are you? You’ve been missing since Sunday! You haven’t even been to work!” his dad exclaimed.
“No, I haven’t. I took a few days off to settle into my new place,” he answered.
“New place? What are you talking about?”
“I rented a place in St. Louis. I’m working at the rehab center still, and I’m going to be living here from now on.”
His dad was quiet for a time. “Don’t be ridiculous, son. Come home. We miss you. Things were fine until you left.”
“No, they weren’t. I had to fight you to get my job, and the only reason you didn’t stop that was because it’s my career. You didn’t want CJ and me to be together, but now we are.”
CJ nodded, encouraging.
“What do you mean? You’re with CJ?”
“I am. We’re living together, and eventually, we’re going to get married and adopt a couple of kids, and you’ve got a choice. You can either be in our lives or not. It’s up to you.”
“You can’t be serious!” his dad exclaimed. “This is wrong. CJ can’t handle a relationship right now, and you are too young to make this decision. You need to come home.”
“I refuse,” Michael said,.
“You refuse? You can’t refuse! I’m your father!”
“And I’m an adult. You don’t control me. I’m turning twenty-two in December of this year. I’m a college graduate with a career now. Now, are you going to accept this, or not? Because if you aren’t going to accept it, I don’t have to see you, no matter how much you bluster and blow.”
There was silence. Michael let it go on for a while.
“You have my number. I got a phone plan of my own for CJ and me, so when you decide to talk like an adult and quit demanding, I’ll be around,” he said and tapped the phone off.
Michael sighed. “I guess that could have gone better,” he muttered.
“I guess I’ll call mine,” CJ said, taking out his phone and dialing the familiar number.
Like Michael, CJ’s dad answered, “Hello?”
“Dad, hi,” CJ spoke quietly.
“CJ, where are you? You’ve been gone since Sunday! I called Richard at the FBI, and he’s been looking for you! What happened?”
“You weren’t being reasonable, so I left.” CJ chewed his lip for a bit. “I had no choice. I wanted to be with Michael, and you kept me away from him and everything else.”
“What? Michael? Are you with him? Is that where you’ve been?”
“Yeah. We met up and now live in a little place in St. Louis. I’m going to finish school, and he’s going to work on his master’s program at the place he’s working.”
“CJ, please, just come home. We can work this out,” his dad said. “I know we were being too protective, I get it, but after what happened, can you blame us? I didn’t want to see you hurt again.” CJ’s dad cleared his throat. “Please, son. You can’t just live with a guy you’ve known for a week or two.”
“You don’t understand it, Dad. I love Michael, and we will be together, whether you agree or not. So, it’s up to you. We want to have a family, and we’re going to. If you want to be in our lives, you can, but you will have to accept this.” CJ let a couple of tears slip. “I love you, Dad, and I want you to be in my life, but I can’t leave Michael. I love him, too.”
“CJ, I don’t know if I can accept this.”
“Either accept it, or I’m not coming home again,” CJ said. “This is my new phone number. I’ll let you talk to mom and think about it. But I hope you come to the conclusion that’s best for everyone.”
CJ cut off the phone before he could say anything else. He wiped his eyes, and Michael leaned over and hugged him.
“We don’t need anyone else. We’ve got each other,” Michael pointed out.
“I’ll be out here,” Michael said as CJ got up from the chair beside him.
“I know. I hope I like this one.” CJ nodded to Michael and followed the nurse to the therapist’s room.
CJ had canceled his appointments with Dr. Thompson. The receptionist had tried arguing with him that he wasn’t allowed to cancel. CJ informed her that he was looking for another therapist, and she could go directly to hell. She hadn’t liked that. CJ went through several pages of therapists in the St. Louis area and finally found one that sounded like a fit.
This therapist was a counselor, not a psychiatrist. Her name was Nadia Primrose, and she was a specialist in PTSD and was LGBTQ friendly. So far, she seemed like the type that would work with CJ’s situation.
“Have a seat here. Nadia will be right with you,” the nurse said, leaving the room.
A few seconds later, a woman came into the room. She was tall and wore her hair up in a bun. Her skin was darkly tanned, and her hair was black. She had big, brown eyes. She sat down and smiled at CJ.
“Hi, CJ. I’m Nadia.”
CJ swallowed a ball in the back of his throat and spoke shakily. “I’m glad to meet you,” he said.
“I requested records from Dr. Thompson, so I know a little bit about the situation. I understand you were kidnapped and raped?” she asked.
CJ nodded. “Well, more than that. I mean, it wasn’t just once.” CJ felt more comfortable with her already.
She nodded. “Tell me what happened if you’re able.”
CJ started at the beginning, telling her everything in one long explanation. He didn’t stop once he started. He just kept going, even describing what Walter and Joe had done, and telling her about the vibrator. He expressed his shame at having received pleasure at their hands, and then he told her about how his family had acted and leaving to live with Michael.
“That’s a lot, CJ,” Nadia said when he was done. “I mean, to go through all that, and then have your family be against your wishes, that had to be terribly hard.”
“It was,” CJ said.
“What you went through was terrible,” she started. “But you’ve come through it. And that’s the important part of the story. You survived.”
“I guess,” he looked at her, and he didn’t see judgment on her face. She appeared genuine, which Dr. Thompson had never seemed that way.
“We’ll work on these things if you want to come back and see me. But I want you to work on first realizing you’re not a victim.” She smiled and stood up.
CJ frowned. “Not a victim?” He stood up as well.
“You’re a survivor,” she explained. “Keep that in mind.”
CJ walked out and saw Michael waiting for him, and he smiled. It was true. He was a survivor.