Bible study was packed. I tried to balance my coffee and diaper bag without plowing a little old lady into the refreshment table. That would be stellar. I sipped my mocha with aggressive need, as I slept little last night. Chase was getting another tooth and was not willing to sleep through the pain. With a quick kiss on his head, I sat down and handed him to my mom, who was sitting beside me. Halfway through the speaker, I noticed Samantha come in late. Emily was standing beside her, and I carefully motioned for her to sit next to me. Thankfully we were in the back and had empty seats.
When the final prayer was offered, Samantha gripped my shoulder and spun me around to face her.
“Yes?” I asked, bewildered at her overly enthusiastic expression.
“So…”She began, but paused, looking around at all the women standing in close proximity to us.
“I’ve gotta use the restroom.”
“Okay…” I raised my eyebrows, clearly questioning her sanity.
“So do you.”
“I do?”
“Oh, yes, you do.” Her eyes conveyed a silent message of, Come with me, NOW!
“Oh, yes, I do.” I nodded with her as she encouraged me.
“Mom, I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, honey, take your time. I’m going to take sweet Chase over to get a snack.” She barely offered me a backwards glance as she moved over to show off her grandbaby. My face split into a grin as I watched her sashay over to the other grandmas and show off her prize. I was pulled by Samantha’s impatient tug toward the door and almost lost my balance.
“Hey!” I called, righting myself.
“You are so slow! My word, girlie, keep up, would you?”
“I’m coming! What did you drink? A whole gallon of water before you came to church?” I called, earning me a dark glare.
Samantha didn’t take me to the ladies’ room in front of the church but pulled me again, this time by the scarf, in another direction. I pulled on it trying to loosen the material so I could properly breathe and followed her lead. We went to the back of the church and into the rarely used handicap restroom. She opened the door and motioned for me to enter. I cast her a dubious glance before walking in and turning on the light.
“Ahhgggggg!” I screamed as I noticed a large hairy spider resting in the sink.
“What the...Ahhhhgg!” Samantha screamed with me. We scrambled out of the bathroom and landed in a heap on the floor. Shivers overtook my body as I thought about the evil creature in the sink, not more than three feet away.
“Get off of me!” Samantha shouted, and I stumbled off of her legs and helped her up. She dusted herself off and then shivered in disgust.
“You kill it.” I demanded. I did not kill spiders. I soaked them in spray and then vacuumed them up.
“No.”
“What if some handicapped kid comes into the bathroom—“
“Fine, but if it kills me, I’ll take my news to the grave with me.”
“Okay by me!” I teased, pointing to the doorway.
With a straightening of her spine, she marched in like she was heading to a firing squad and paused, taking off her shoe. I turned away, unable to watch.
Thump, thump, scream, thump, thump, thump. “Ah ha! Done! I dispatched the wretched creature to Lucifer himself.”
“Thank you.” She bowed a few times, causing me to laugh.
“Okay, now, we have something we need to discuss.”
“In there?” I nodded my head towards the bathroom.
“Oh, no. I doubt I’ll ever go in there again. Let’s walk out around the back.”
I agreed and dutifully followed her out the doors and around to the back of the church.
“So, I thought you had to use the bathroom?” I teased.
“Whatever, now.” Her eyes were vibrant as she glanced at me, halting her steps and grabbing my hands. “I spoke with Frank.”
Oh, no.
“And he said the strangest thing.”
“He did?”
“Oh yes…”
“Are you going to tell me, or do I have to try and read your mind, Samantha?” I gave her a wry grin.
“Oh, I’m just having a little fun. I’ve been waiting all day to do this.”
“It’s noon.”
“Half of a day, you understand.”
“Soooo…”
“Soooooo, Frank said that he had been thinking the very… same… thing.”
“About…”Oh, I knew where she was going, but I wanted to bug her a bit. It worked.
“You are exasperating! About Levi, who else? Frank wanted me to talk with you about Levi but didn’t know if you were ready.”
This was certainly a different turn of events than I had anticipated.
“Okay, so…?” I questioned.
“So well, aren’t you wondering why I was late to Bible study? I mean, I have eight children and have I ever been late?”
As I thought about it, I realized that no, she hadn’t ever been late.
“Now that you mention it, why were you late?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?"
“Um, yes, I think.” I offered hesitantly.
“I happened to catch Levi as he was coming out from the hospital—“
“He’s injured?”
“Oh, heavens no. The hospital for the cows. He was in the maternity ward. Checking on the mom cows and their babies. You’ve been around me long enough to know the dairy lingo haven’t you?” She rolled her eyes and continued.
“Well, I just subtly mentioned you and asked if he would perhaps—“
“Nothing about you is subtle. Samantha, what exactly did you say?” I asked, concerned.
“Well, I did exactly what you asked and told him that I had a beautiful, godly, Christian woman friend who I wanted him to meet—“
“That’s sweet, Samantha, but a lie. Honestly! The poor guy! He needs to be told the truth—“
“Honey, I was getting to that part. Patience. Anyway.” She waved her hand. “I told him that you were on the unfortunate end of a divorce and were blessed with two adorable little boys. I asked him if he would be interested in meetin’ you.”
“Okay, how did you do that? You somehow sugarcoated everything I said and made it sound much better. Isn’t that somehow misleading?”
“Honey, I didn’t do anything of the sort. I just see things a little clearer than you.”
I huffed and rolled my eyes.
“Well aren’t you interested in what he said?”
“Should I be?” I offered, popping my hip out, expecting a polite decline with a little compliment to soften the blow.
“He said he’d pray about it.”
“Oh, all right. So instead of turning you down quickly, he’s going to be slow about it…” I teased her, not at all concerned or offended.
“Oh, honey, if God’s plans and mine are the same, he won’t be turning you down.”
Her eyes twinkled, and I shrugged and smiled. At least Samantha had a project and was enjoying herself. I knew nothing would come of it. Who would want someone like me when they could choose from hundreds, or thousands, of untouched, beautiful, Christian women in our own town? I was all right with the idea, resigned myself to hoping in God rather than in a relationship. It would work out, somehow it would.