‘YOUR AUNT’S FRIEND came to see thee at work? What did she say, lass?’
‘Mrs Knox was very understanding. She came to tell me …’ Sally blinked as tears welled up. ‘Peggy’s funeral is on Sunday. She said my aunt’s in a bad way. She’s not eating or sleeping. She’s dreading the funeral and … she’s pining for me. She wants me home.’
‘What will you do?’ Maggie asked softly.
It was Friday night and peaceful in the small kitchen. The twins were in bed, Jonathan asleep in his basket. Shield lay by the fire and, for a long moment, his gentle snores were the only sound.
‘I shall have to go and see her. Despite everything, I feel dreadful for leaving, what with Peggy … However difficult seeing my aunt and Stan will be, I cannot miss the funeral. I couldn’t do that to Aunt Grace. It’s too cruel.’
Ellen nodded. ‘Mebbe after, you can talk through matters. It needs airing, lass. Summat needs to give.’
‘What will I say? How can I look her in the face knowing she … they …?’
No one had the answer. Sipping their tea, they jumped when a knock sounded.
‘Who the divil’s that at this time?’
Maggie went to see. When she revealed the visitor, Sally gasped.
‘Con? What are you doing here?’ His smile brought a lump to her throat. She crossed the room and fell into his arms.
‘Easy now, acushla,’ he murmured, holding her close.
Resting her head on his chest, Sally closed her eyes. ‘Have you been to my aunt’s? Did she tell you I was here?’ Feeling him nod, she sighed. ‘How is she?’
‘You and your friend sit yourselfs down. I’ll brew a fresh pot.’
Ellen’s words brought heat to Sally’s cheeks. She disentangled herself from him. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. This is Con, a dear friend.’
‘You’re upset, lass, no apologies needed. Come and sit down. And you, lad. You’re more than welcome.’
Inwardly cringing, Sally resumed her seat. She hadn’t thought twice about embracing him – she had missed him since their last meeting. Fleeing here the other night, she’d half expected to see him, having grown accustomed to him appearing when she was in trouble. Of course, he hadn’t, but he was here now.
Though glad to see him, she couldn’t help worrying what Maggie and Ellen thought. She’d told them a little about her marriage; would they believe her to be loose, a wedded woman throwing herself at another man?
Thankful when Ellen handed back her refilled cup with her usual smile, she stole a glance at Maggie. Her friend raised an eyebrow, twinkling eyes flicking to the Irishman, and Sally blinked. Maggie wasn’t disapproving. She was smitten!
For the next hour, they talked quietly. Con expressed regret at Peggy’s passing and each of them shed a tear when, from his jacket pocket, he produced a pale-green ribbon, purchased for her that morning.
Gradually, the mood lightened and Con, Maggie and Ellen chatted easily. Only half listening, Sally fingered the silky strip, which she’d promised to give Grace on Sunday. She smiled when Maggie laughed at something Con had said. Why couldn’t others resist his charms yet she wanted only friendship? Why didn’t her feelings run deeper? Was something wrong with her? Had Joseph’s evil tainted any chance at love?
Tommy slipped into her mind and she quivered. She must visit Bolton, soon. She had to see that Ivy was well. And, however hard she tried denying it, she had to see Tommy, too.
Girlish giggles dragged her from her thoughts. Watching Con lean closer to Maggie, she sensed something between them; their laughter melted but their gazes lingered. Her chest swelled with pleasure. Then, to her disappointment, Con turned to her with his slow smile and the moment between him and Maggie was broken.
As Sally predicted, Pru and Maggie hit it off right away.
Throughout the day, laughter filtered upstairs and Agnes would cock an ear and frown. She was still unaware that Pru had employed her, and Sally would hold her breath, worried that she’d demand to be told what was going on, but she didn’t. Whether Agnes took the extra voice to be a customer’s, Sally didn’t know. She was certain, however, that Pru couldn’t conceal Maggie much longer.
It was minutes from finishing time. Preparing to leave, Sally sighed inwardly at the muffled laughter. It had evoked mixed feelings all day. And the reason wasn’t entirely due to Agnes.
Since Con’s departure last night, she’d sensed a cooling in Maggie. Walking to work, she’d been giddy about her friend’s first day and, though not snubbing her excited chatter, Maggie’s short responses and tight smiles were out of character.
The journey to and from home at dinner wasn’t much better. And whenever she’d ventured downstairs to fulfil Agnes’s requests, Maggie would find a way to busy herself as an excuse not to talk. Something was wrong. She sounded her usual self with Pru.
Did Maggie suspect there was something between her and Con? she brooded, descending the stairs. Her friend had clearly taken to the handsome Irishman; was she perhaps jealous?
Bidding Pru goodnight, they drew their shawls tightly against the cutting wind and hurried home through the gloomy streets. Sally tried making conversation twice, and received short responses. After the third, she’d had enough. She forced her to a halt.
‘Maggie, have I done something to upset you?’
Her friend’s colour rose instantly. She lowered her eyes to the ground. ‘Nay, course not.’
‘Then what? I must have done something. You’ve been your cheery self all day with Miss Sharp.’
‘I’m sorry. You’re not to blame for, for what I … I made a fool of meself last night, didn’t I?’
Sally sighed. She’d known this was about Con. Was Maggie embarrassed at showing a liking for him because she believed he and she …? Linking her arm, she squeezed. ‘There’s nothing between Con and me. He’s a good friend, nothing more.’
‘Oh, lass, I know that! I never thought that forra second. Eeh, I’m sorry.’ Maggie turned her gaze to the leaden sky. ‘My late husband, my Danny, were the only man I ever had eyes for. His passing near killed me. Without a shadow of a doubt, if not for Mam and the little ’uns, I’d not be here. Last night, making cow eyes … I don’t know what the divil came over me.’
Sally smothered a chuckle with her hand. ‘I’m sorry. I’m simply relieved. I thought I’d upset you. Oh, Maggie, don’t berate yourself for being human. You’re a young woman with your life ahead of you. As for Con, my aunt swears he could charm the birds from the trees. Don’t be embarrassed nor harbour guilt towards your husband’s memory. Surely, he’d want you to be happy?’
‘Aye. Eeh, I am sorry, Sally. I couldn’t look thee in t’ eye, I were that ashamed.’
Sally squeezed her arm again, a wicked smile spreading across her face. ‘Lord, he is handsome, though, isn’t he?’
Maggie clicked her tongue but soon she too was grinning. ‘By, he is that!’
And as they hurried on, their giggles rang along the street.
As with her arrival in Manchester, the following morning Sally hesitated at her aunt’s door. She breathed deeply. Was it only three weeks ago she’d stood here, as uncertain of the outcome? So much had happened that it was difficult to believe.
She glanced inside the basket. A posy of snowdrops purchased on Carruthers Street lay by Jonathan’s feet. The flower seller, hearing what they were for, had added sprigs of baby’s breath at no extra charge and Sally sighed, wishing she were giving them in different circumstances.
Bringing a baby to a funeral wasn’t ideal but not knowing what today held, she’d declined Maggie’s offer of minding him. She’d need to be close by to feed him. And she knew Grace would be missing him.
Another deep breath did nothing to calm her as she knocked. In those seconds, the emotional storm, which had plagued her throughout the sleepless night, returned. How would she feel, seeing Grace? How would Stan react? She pushed her worries aside. Today was about Peggy. And whatever Grace had done, she needed her support. She’d soon have to bury her child. No woman deserved that.
Footsteps within sounded and the door creaked open.
‘Hello, Uncle Ed.’
His weary gaze widened. He leaned across the step and embraced her.
When they parted, she glanced over his shoulder. ‘Uncle Ed, I—’
‘I know, lass,’ he murmured. ‘Ta for coming. It’ll mean the world to your aunt.’
Grace’s eyes tore Sally’s heart. Agony had sucked her soul from their depths. As Sally crossed the kitchen, Grace lowered her head. Staring down at the slumped frame, her heart thumped but no anger arose. She felt nothing but heavy sadness.
She was relieved and dismayed that Stan wasn’t there. Part of her dreaded seeing him, yet she longed to. Spying him Thursday evening haunted her. She just prayed that time apart had diminished his anger and sense of betrayal towards her.
When her gaze rested on the cheap coffin in the corner, loss and regret almost broke her heart. She’d barely got to know the girl lying cold within. Why was life so cruel? she raged inwardly, screwing her eyes to block the sight. And imagining this mother’s pain, the last vestige of animosity faded. She stooped and put her arms around her.
Grace’s shoulders heaved. Her arms flew around Sally’s waist and she held on tightly, as though afraid if she let go, she’d take flight.
‘I love you, Aunt Grace.’
The low cry was of sheer relief. ‘Eeh, I’m that glad you’re here. I’ll get through this day a little easier with you by my side. Oh, I have missed you, love. I wanted to tell you … But I were frickened to death of losing you. My wickedness lost me my Rose. I couldn’t lose thee, an’ all. Not again. I couldn’t, lass.’
Sally wiped Grace’s tears. ‘Let’s not talk about that. I’ll not make this day harder for you. I cannot begin to imagine what you’re going through.’
‘What’s she doing here?’
They turned to find Stan in the doorway.
Ed rose from the table. ‘Now then, lad—’
‘You should’ve stopped away. In fact, you should’ve never returned to Manchester. We were all right till you turned up like a bad penny.’
The degree of resentment cut Sally to the quick. She moved towards him and frowned sadly when he stepped back. ‘Don’t hate me, Stan. I never meant to hurt you. It wasn’t my place to tell you. Please try to understand.’
His eyes flared with pain. ‘I thought we were friends.’
‘Oh, Stan.’ She took another hesitant step, heart fluttering with hope when he didn’t move. ‘What we’ve learned … To discover I have a brother – that you are my brother … I’m as shocked and confused as you. But let me tell you something: I will not allow this to come between us. The moment I arrived, I liked you. Since then, as with Peggy, I’ve grown to love you. I’ve lost her, Stan. I won’t lose you, too.’
The room was still, all of them awaiting his response. When his lower lip trembled, she forced herself not to go to him. She must let him decide in his own time, his way.
A lone tear splashed to his cheek. He turned and left the room.
She stared at the door for a long moment then closed her eyes in despair.
Until this day, Sally wouldn’t have believed it possible for a body to shed the tears her aunt had. Her level of grief was distressing to witness. When Peggy disappeared into the ground her mother’s beast-like cries drew sobs from everyone.
They hadn’t seen Stan again until leaving for Christ Church on Every Street. He’d slipped into the kitchen at the last moment without a word to anyone. Sally had felt his eyes from the doorway as, tears streaming, she laid Thunder beside her cousin. She’d then produced Con’s ribbon and Grace tied it in Peggy’s hair.
When Ed secured the lid and drove the nails through, shutting away their daughter for ever, Grace had wept herself hoarse. He’d held his wife tightly and Stan had screwed up his face in anguish. Sally made to comfort him but he turned away, and she’d had no choice but to leave him be.
Now, as Ed and Grace clung to each other by the graveside, Stan stood alone. Tears dripped from his chin on to the cap he clutched to his chest and Sally gripped the basket’s handle, aching to go to him. However, he’d made his feelings clear. She must respect his decision.
The mourners drifted across the churchyard to allow the family private goodbyes. Sally said a silent prayer and dropped the delicate white flowers beside the small wreath atop the coffin.
‘How you bearing up, lass?’ asked Winnie when she came to stand beside her.
‘My heart breaks for them. And Stan … I don’t know what to do. He detests me.’
‘The lad’s just looking for someone to blame. He lost a sister and gained another in t’ same day. He’s hurt, confused, but he’ll bear it, somehow. Give him time. He’ll come round.’
Shortly afterwards, the small procession meandered back to Boslam Street. Sally walked in front with her aunt and uncle, Stan following with Winnie and the rest. Reaching the entry, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She thought it was Stan but, turning, had to swallow her disappointment.
Winnie drew her aside. ‘Can you lend a hand with summat, lass?’
‘Of course. What is it, Mrs Knox?’
Grace’s friend explained how in the days following Peggy’s death, she’d knocked at every house and, as the poor did in times of need, neighbours gave what coppers they could spare. After purchasing the wreath, she’d spent the remainder on the funeral tea, which she’d prepared at home last night.
Within minutes, they had carried the meagre spread to Grace’s. As they placed the last dish on the table, gratitude and shame filled Sally. She fumbled inside the basket then pressed coins into Winnie’s hand.
‘What’s this?’
‘My belated contribution. With all that had happened, I … I feel dreadful. You’re an angel to my family, Mrs Knox.’
‘Now, don’t be daft. What you’ve had to deal with, it’s no wonder. Eeh, try and talk with Grace, won’t you? You’ll both feel better for it. She made a mistake but in my opinion, she’s paid for it a hundred times over. Go on, lass. I’ll mind the babby.’
Glancing across, Sally frowned. Could she bear it?
‘The wench needs her family round her, now more than ever.’
She nodded. Brushing this under the mat wouldn’t solve anything. Whatever the outcome, she must try, for all their sakes.
When she slipped into the chair opposite her aunt, she knew foreboding shone from her eyes – Grace’s dimmed in response. A thousand questions whirred in her mind but her tongue stuck to the roof of her dry mouth.
‘You ready to hear it, lass?’
Raw pain behind the words made Sally look away. ‘I’m sorry, it can wait. I promised I wouldn’t upset you with this today—’
‘I want to. I’ve explained to Stan; I need you to understand, too. I know nowt can excuse what went on but if you hear it, you might just find it in your heart to forgive me. And your father. He weren’t a bad man, love.’ Grace rose and motioned for her to follow.
Passing Ed, Sally was struck by the tender look he gave his wife. If nothing else, this sorry mess had united her aunt and uncle.
Grace led the way to the backyard. She leaned against the crumbling wall and folded her arms. ‘I know this is selfish but I feel nowt but relief. My wickedness, it’s been a black shadow, allus there, following me through the years wherever I went. It’ll be a blessing to shift some of it.’
Sally went cold with dread but Grace clearly needed this release. ‘I’ll admit the thought of hearing this makes me shudder. However, if it will help you heal a little … I don’t know how I’ll feel afterwards but shall try my best to understand.’
‘It’s probably the owdest excuse in t’ book but in our case, it really is true – we never planned it. At the time, I still dwelled with Father. Mam had cleared off years afore with the tripe dresser down the road. Did you know about that, lass?’
‘I didn’t. I don’t remember my grandparents.’
‘Aye, you’ll not. Mam scarpered long afore you were born, and Father … Well, Rose didn’t see much of him after she wed.’
‘No?’
‘Nay. She didn’t know how lucky she were.’
Frowning, Sally waited for Grace to continue but she remained silent, as though lost in thought. ‘Aunt Grace?’
‘I knew what were to happen. It were the same every weekend. When I heard the door go, I shot upstairs but only got halfway. Father spotted me, ordered me back. My pleading usually worked; he’d leave me be and I’d escape to bed. That night, he were having none of it.’
Sally’s frown deepened. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘When Mam scarpered, it were left to me and Rose to look after him. I did the donkey’s share to save her the burden; she were nowt but a babby. Father weren’t mithered so long as the house were clean and a meal were on t’ table of an evening.
‘Anyroad, eventually, she met Jonathan. Father were dead set against them courting. He didn’t want her marrying, same as he didn’t me. He were frightened of being alone, you see, with no one to wash his clothes, clean his house and fill his belly. I begged him to give permission, promised him I’d never wed, would look after him all his days if he let her.
‘She were smitten and I loved her more than owt in t’ world. I’d have done anything for my Rose. Well, he agreed. I were that happy for her, lass, I can’t tell thee. Eeh, but it were lonely in that house, after. Father’s drinking were as bad as ever and she kept her distance. I can’t say I blamed her. He’d never been a good ’un, really. His needs allus come afore owt else.’
‘What happened, Aunt Grace?’ she asked gently. ‘What did your father do after ordering you downstairs?’
‘He’d harp on summat shocking when at the drink. He’d shout and curse till the early hours, convinced I planned to run away with some fella or other. I’d promise I’d not leave, plead with him to stop, but nowt worked. I’d cry with relief when he finally passed out.’ Grace’s eyes burned with the pain of remembrance. ‘I thought he’d go on as usual, thought I knew what were coming. Not that night.
‘I could see in his eyes summat were different. I’d reached the bottom stair when the first blow came. Honest to God, lass, my head near left my shoulders. There weren’t no pain at first; the shock, you know? His sniping I were used to but he’d never struck me afore. He dragged me across the room by my hair and like a man possessed, beat me black and blue.
‘Someone had told him about Ed. We’d met the month afore. He’d started work at the tobacconist’s where I went for Father’s bacca. I knew he’d be furious but I fell for your uncle at first sight. I thought we’d been careful but some swine must’ve spotted us.’
Sally tore away her gaze. To think her grandfather … He’d been no better than Joseph. ‘And my father?’ she asked tentatively.
A red hue covered Grace’s face. ‘He were homeward bound from the tavern, been forra dram of brandy for Rose’s toothache. Passing ours, he heard my screams. Next thing I knew, he were dragging Father off me. Well, they argued and Father staggered to bed threatening he’d never let me marry, would murder Ed if I saw him again.
‘Jonathan sat me by the fire and, while he brewed tea, I prayed. I prayed Father wouldn’t return to the kitchen. I prayed for strength. Most of all, I prayed for God’s help to endure life without Ed. Anyroad, Jonathan adds some brandy to the tea for my nerves. Whether that … Nay, I’m making excuses.
‘Brandy or no … He tried comforting me and I … Oh, Sally, I’m the wicked ’un. I threw meself at him, desperate forra bit of love. I thought I’d lost my Ed, were destined forra life of misery with Father. It’s no excuse, I know. I don’t know what I were thinking. I just, I just …’ She burst into sobs. ‘I begged him to stay awhile. I seduced him, lass. How could I do that to my Rosie?’
Hugging herself, Sally stared at nothing. ‘What followed?’
‘I disobeyed Father and continued courting Ed. When I realised I were with child, I went fair daft with fear but told Ed straight away. To my amazement, he vowed to stand by me. We told Father together and Ed made out the child were his. I were scared sick but besides shouting, then getting blind drunk, there weren’t much Father could do. He’d not have wanted a bastard beneath his roof.
‘We promised to dwell with him after we wed, save him being alone.’ Grace’s face contorted in pain. ‘Rose were over the moon for me. I tried putting the betrayal to the back of my mind, but Jonathan were a wreck. He wanted to tell her but I pleaded with him. I knew it’d kill her, that she’d never forgive me. I were right on both counts.’
Sally closed her eyes. ‘How did she discover the truth?’
‘Jonathan, lass, confessed on his deathbed. As with me, it’d haunted him; he were never the same. He lived and breathed for Rose. That one act of weakness fair sucked the soul from him.’ Glancing up, Grace winced. ‘Your expression … It’s like stepping back in time.
‘Rose begged me to say it weren’t true. And looking at her, widowhood but an hour old, I’d have given owt to. The lie were on my tongue – I were this close to uttering it.’ She held thumb and forefinger an inch apart. ‘But I couldn’t. I looked down to our Stan, the result of my wickedness, near full-grown, and knew the time for honesty had come. She deserved the truth and I deserved to pay for my sin.
‘My punishment were losing the best sister a body could wish. She swore she’d never forgive me, and she didn’t. In the space of an hour, she lost not only her husband but her only sibling, for when them words left me, I were dead to her, an’ all.’
Tears streamed down Sally’s face. ‘Was that the last time you saw her?’
‘I plucked up courage and went round weeks later, but my knock went unanswered. Looking through the window, I wanted to die. Norra soul nor stick of furniture remained. You’d gone, taking my heart with youse.’
‘Did she realise who fathered Stan?’
‘I don’t know, lass, and that’s the truth. If she’d asked, I’d have had to tell her. She didn’t. Whether she put two and two together, later, I can’t say.’ Through hooded eyes, Grace peered at her. ‘There’s nowt more to add but sorry. I’m so sorry, lass. Please tell me you forgive me, that things will be well betwixt us.’
Uneasy silence descended.
Part of Sally wanted to scream no, everything wouldn’t be well. Her mother had been unable to forgive the sister she loved – would her doing so be betraying her? Would it make a mockery of all she’d suffered?
Yet anger and bitterness couldn’t quell another emotion. She loved this woman. Grace had bent over backwards for her. She’d put a roof over their heads, food in their stomachs. She’d been a shoulder to cry on, her kindness knowing no bounds, despite her own burdens. Moreover, why must she carry the blame? Her father was as much at fault.
Could she cut from her life one of the precious few she had left, as had her mother? She couldn’t deny the answer.
‘I forgive you,’ she heard herself say.
Slowly, Grace’s expression melted into one of sheer serenity. As she heaved a long sigh, years of grief seemed to rise from her. She opened her arms.
Without hesitation, Sally walked into them.
Winnie was seeing out the last neighbour when Grace and Sally emerged from the backyard. Her eyebrows rose in trepidation. ‘All well?’
Grace nodded. She turned to smile at Ed but catching Stan’s eye, it slipped from her face. ‘Don’t look at me like that, son. Can’t we put this behind us, start afresh?’
Sally looked away. Today had sucked all energy from her. She didn’t have the strength to fight.
‘Stan,’ Ed prompted. ‘Your mam’s right. We shouldn’t be tearing each other to bits. This day should be about those lost and those still here. We’re a family, lad, and families stick together. For better or worse,’ he finished to Grace, eyes gentle.
Stan rubbed the fine stubble on his chin. He ignored Winnie’s encouraging smile and Ed’s nod, also his mother’s pleading stare. When his gaze rested on Sally, emotion flickered across his face then vanished as quickly. He shook his head.
Grace raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Please, son.’
‘I can’t. Can’t … even look at her! It weren’t meant to be like this. She were my cousin, not my …’ He leapt to his feet. ‘Peggy were my sister, not her. I don’t want her as a sister. And I don’t want her here. Either she leaves or I do.’
Grace and Ed made to protest but shaking her head, Sally stopped them. Returning Winnie’s sad smile, she took the basket from her.
‘Goodbye, Mrs Knox.’ Stan’s glare bore into her as she crossed the room. ‘Goodbye, Aunt Grace, Uncle Ed.’ Their looks of helplessness and despair cut her to the bone. As she opened the door, her step faltered. Unable to stop herself, she rushed to Stan and kissed his cheek. ‘Goodbye, Stan. I love you – always remember that.’ She turned and ran from the house, Grace’s weeping ringing in her ears.
Blinded by tears, she passed through the maze of streets in a daze. Once again, she’d lost her family. Years of yearning, her efforts to find them, countless emotions she’d endured to maintain a relationship and for what? To have it all snatched away within weeks?
Was it worth it? Was her love for them enough for such upset, worry, pain of rejection? She didn’t need to think about it – of course it was. What she carried in her breast for those people was beyond measure.
But what do I do? she asked herself.
Stan wouldn’t come round, she realised that, now. He’d said he couldn’t bear to so much as look at her. She dashed away fresh tears with the back of her hand. She understood, despite the pain it brought. His anger was a natural response, she accepted this. But as far as she could see, she’d had no choice. She’d promised Grace.
Should she have broken her vow? she agonised, walking on aimlessly. Deep down, she knew she’d made the right decision. However much she believed Stan deserved the truth, she couldn’t have gone back on her word.
As she and Grace had resolved matters, her despondency diminished somewhat. They had eked one positive thing from this dreadful day at least.
Passing through Bradford Road, she glanced to the pawnshop and heaved a sigh. She seemed to roll on a continuum of worry and uncertainty. Complications followed her everywhere. Was a simple life too much to ask? Escaping, she’d craved calmness, security. The beatings were in the past but her future was as precarious as ever.
Drawing level, she looked up to Agnes’s window. An unexpected sight chased away her troubles: Pru stood motionless, staring back.
She raised a hand and when Pru nodded slightly, then disappeared, she shrugged. Though surprised – Pru steered clear of Agnes whenever possible – at this moment, whatever the reason, Sally neither knew nor cared. She couldn’t deal with further worries today.
None the less, heading for Maggie’s, guilt spiked and she resolved to make it up to Pru tomorrow. Whatever was amiss, she’d bet her life Agnes was at the centre. She would set off early; they’d talk before work. She’d think up some reason to leave before Maggie. She just wished she didn’t have to.
She couldn’t continue lying. She’d learned a harsh lesson this week. Hiding truths had lost her Stan. She wouldn’t lose Maggie, too.
Tommy flicked his wrist. The stone skimmed the water several times before sinking to the riverbed. Watching the ripples left behind, he heard footsteps approaching. He smiled as Dolly, curls poking from her bonnet and bouncing about her shoulders, rushed towards him.
‘I didn’t think you’d show,’ she breathed, pink-faced with pleasure.
He pulled lightly on a curl. Released, it sprang back into shape and he smiled again. ‘I promised, didn’t I?’
She nodded and he kissed her plump cheek. She smelt of fresh butter and cream and when she slipped her hand in his, it was soft and warm. She was a lovely lass, too good for him. He’d treated her shockingly the past weeks. He didn’t deserve her.
As though sensing his despair, she frowned. ‘What’s wrong, Tommy? Is it your mam? Has summat else occurred?’
He looked away, guilt rising. He wondered what would happen if he told her he was thinking of someone else entirely. Someone who, for the life of him, he couldn’t forget. A woman who, if she returned tomorrow and declared her love for him, he’d drop Dolly for in a heartbeat.
He knew what. Dolly wasn’t like other lasses. She wouldn’t scream and curse or claw his face, much as he’d deserve it. She’d let him go without much fuss because she’d want him to be happy, even if that meant with someone else. She loved him, always had. Why couldn’t he share that devotion? Why wasn’t she enough any more?
He imagined the boot on the other foot – how would he feel if she admitted loving another man? The answer was like a blow to the stomach. He’d feel only relief.
‘What is it? Has that divil been back?’
Letting her hand go, he ran his through his hair. ‘He’d not dare. We searched for him Tuesday night but—’ Her horrified gasp interrupted him. ‘Nay, lass, don’t fret. He’s no match for us. Anyroad, we couldn’t find him.’ He didn’t mention that he and his father wouldn’t rest until they did, however long it took. ‘And Mam’s on t’ mend. Tough as they come, she is.’
‘Thank the Lord for that – and not just about Ivy. He’s dangerous, he is.’
Tommy crossed to the knoll by the river. He patted the stubbly grass and when she sat beside him, asked, ‘Dolly, are you happy?’
She cocked her head, considered this. ‘Aye. Some folk are far worse off. I’ve a steady job, a good family and my health. And I have thee.’ She smiled, slipping her hand in his. ‘I’d say I’ve plenty to be happy about.’
‘I want to say sorry.’ She made to speak but he shook his head. ‘Hear me out, lass. I’ve been cruel standing you up of a Sunday. I’ve had … matters on my mind, is all.’ Sighing, he drew her towards him. She rested her head on his shoulder and he smiled sadly, gaze sweeping the meadows beyond. ‘You’re special to me. You know that, don’t you?’ He felt her nod. ‘I never thanked you proper on Monday, were too angry to think straight. I am grateful, Dolly. But for you—’
‘Don’t dwell on that,’ she cut in softly.
‘Tha fair saved Mam’s life. If I tried every day for the rest of mine, I couldn’t thank you enough.’ She curled into him. Her hand travelled up his chest, around his neck. Fingers played at his nape and he closed his eyes. ‘Dolly, I, I must—’
‘Shhh.’ She tilted her head to gaze at him. ‘Being with thee’s all the thanks I could want.’
Shame so acute it brought bile to his throat, stabbed. He tore up a handful of grass. She loved him so much, yet he … Chestnut hair tumbling around slender shoulders burned in his memory. He blinked furiously, longing and self-reproach giving way to resentment. He must stop this!
His arm tightened around Dolly. This was where his future lay; had all along. She wasn’t to blame for his mind turning. She wouldn’t suffer a second longer for his lapse in loyalty and common sense.
He didn’t realise he’d squeezed his eyes shut until he felt pressure on his lips. Opening them, the expression he saw in Dolly’s took him aback. They shone with love so true, it stole his breath. He read her thoughts in the liquid depths, knew she sensed something in him, that he was slipping from her. That she’d do anything to prevent it.
Here, entwined by the secluded river, innocent love he’d once held for her, unquestionably, stirred. The tip of her tongue tasted his lips hesitantly and his heartbeat quickened. Raised with high morals, they had always shown restraint; he’d never pushed his advances.
‘You’re happy, an’ all, ain’t you, Tommy?’
Fear tinged the gentle tone and all he desired was to reassure her, make her happy – free himself of the guilt consuming him from the inside out. He nodded.
There was an urgency to her kiss he’d never known. Fire low in his stomach smouldered and spread and when the swell of her breasts pushed against him, he could hold back no longer. He fumbled at the ribbon tied beneath her chin and tossed her bonnet to the grass. Burying his hands in her hair, he kissed her hungrily.
In that moment, he was powerless to resist. To feel wanted completely and loved so intensely was what his battered heart yearned for.