THROUGHOUT THE AFTERNOON, tension within the Malloys’ kitchen had steadily mounted.
Flo and Harry sat cross-legged by the fire, half-heartedly playing with a pile of wooden bricks, and along with the adults would glance up when their mother’s cries sounded. They understood what was happening, had watched Maggie’s stomach grow over the months with fascination and itched to meet their new sibling.
Con prayed their wait wouldn’t be much longer for an altogether different reason. Why, he didn’t know, but he couldn’t shake the feeling … No, he told himself firmly. All will be well. Merciful Jesus, please …
He glanced at Rose and Teddy Lynch, sipping tea. They’d ceased trying to distract him with conversation long ago. Another wail drifted through and Teddy laid a hand on his shoulder.
‘Let me take thee forra jar, lad. There’s no use you wearing the floor out. There’s no place for men at times like these; best to stop out of the way, leave the wenches to it.’
Con shook his head.
‘Teddy’s right, love,’ added Rose. ‘It could be hours yet. Babbies come when they’re good and ready and not afore. I’ll send for thee when it’s over.’
‘No. I’ll not leave my Maggie till I know all’s well. Sure, there’ll be time enough later to sup the child’s health. I’ll stay in case she needs me.’
Jonathan squirmed to get down from his grandmother’s lap and when he’d toddled to the twins she lifted the teapot. ‘I’ll brew a fresh pot then go up, see how things are progressing. I’m sure—’
‘Mam, we need you up here,’ Sally shouted. ‘Quickly, Mam.’
Blood drained from Con’s face. He made to follow, but Teddy stopped him.
‘Nay, lad. The wenches know what they’re about.’ His eyes softened when tears filled Con’s. ‘My Ellen won’t let nowt happen to her Maggie or the babby. Tha can be sure of that, lad.’
Ten torturous minutes later, a gusty cry rang through the house. Teddy grinned, and this time nothing stopped Con from rushing to the door.
He almost collided with Sally at the foot of the stairs. ‘Maggie, is she …?’
‘Mother and baby are fine.’
Closing his eyes, he heaved a sigh. ‘Can I see them?’
‘Soon. Let us make Maggie and your son presentable then they are all yours.’
A slow smile spread across his face. ‘The child’s a boy?’
‘Yes, and he’s huge.’ She wrapped her arms around him. ‘Congratulations, Con. I’m so very happy for you both.’
He kissed her cheek soundly and with a whoop, punched the air.
Making for the kitchen for hot water, Sally let her smile slip.
The strapping child had become stuck and blind terror had rendered her and Ellen senseless. Without her mother’s intervention, events could have taken a devastating turn. Worrying Con now was pointless; glory be to God, Maggie survived. Some were not so fortunate …
Forcing a smile, she got on with the task in hand.
Later, the bedroom made a beautiful scene. The proud father, perched beside his wife, gazed adoringly at his son and, exhausted but smiling, Maggie lay listening to the twins’ name suggestions. At the foot of the bed, Ellen wiped away happy tears and Teddy, arm around her, looked as proud as Con, his joy at being part of this lovely family evident.
After a last look around at the people she adored, Sally took leave with her mother and Jonathan. They were nearing home when she noticed Rose scrutinising her.
‘What’s troubling you, lass?’
To her horror, tears welled and she quickly busied herself with Jonathan.
‘Sally?’
‘I’m just tired. It’s been an eventful day.’
‘Lass, I’ve missed out on so much of your life but I’m here now. If owt’s troubling thee, owt at all, I’m here to listen, to help.’
Guilt stabbed at Sally but saving her mother worry remained her focus. ‘I know. I’m fine, Mam.’
‘If you’re sure …?’
‘I’m sure.’
‘Right, well, I’ll take a walk to our Grace’s. I’ll take Jonathan, let you rest awhile.’ Rose smiled down. ‘Shall we visit Aunty Grace, lad?’
He grinned and prodded his chest. ‘I come! I come!’
Sally watched them go, smiling when her son turned to flap a podgy hand. She waved back then turned into Pollard Street.
Inevitably, her thoughts returned to the man never far from them. Had he been as excited as Con the day he became a father? she wondered sadly. She pictured his smiling face, grey-blue eyes alight with anticipation.
That day would have begun as the happiest he’d known. Yet fate’s cruel hand turned it into the worst of his life.
Tommy’s suffering had tortured her; her very soul had ached to comfort him. She’d worn a brave face for friends and family but at night cried herself to sleep for many months. She’d imagined the scene repeatedly, saw him pacing the floor, anxiously awaiting the first cry. And hearing it, rushing upstairs, giddy with joy, only to discover that his wife of barely a year hadn’t survived the birth.
Dwelling upon his plight had almost consumed Sally and for sanity’s sake she’d had to force him from her mind.
After Maggie’s brush with death today, however, he’d returned with a vengeance.
She paused to regain her composure but it was useless. She may have fooled her mother but Anna saw through her immediately.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked the moment Sally entered the kitchen. ‘Maggie, the babby …?’
‘We delivered her of a healthy boy. Both are well. Is there tea in the pot?’
‘Aye. So what’s troubling you? You look like you’ve lost a sovereign and found a penny.’
Sally’s fragile facade crumbled. ‘Oh, Anna. I’m so wretchedly ungrateful. I have so much and yet …’
‘Yet what?’
‘It’s not enough,’ she whispered. ‘It’s just not enough.’
‘Eeh, lass, what’s up?’
Sally dropped into a chair and held her head in her hands. ‘So much has happened these last years. They have been full of highs and lows but for every negative, a positive occurred to lessen the blow. I discovered Dicksy was dead; I lost her, yet gained a new friend in you. I suffered that final encounter with Joseph, yet from it, got my mother back. Do you see, Anna? Good always follows bad.’
She nodded thoughtfully. ‘Aye, I suppose it does. I cursed the day I applied for a position as Mrs Sharp’s companion but if I hadn’t, I’d never have met thee. Aye, Mrs Sharp’s assault upon me were the bad. My appearance stopped me finding employment, yet good followed – you gave me a position. And when my dear mam passed away and I couldn’t bear living alone – the bad – you offered me a home – the good.’
‘You see? Good does follow bad, for everyone.’
‘So what’s bothering thee?’
‘The balance has shifted.’
Anna frowned. ‘How?’
‘I’ve had my mother back over two years and they’ve been the happiest of my life.’
‘That’s good, surely?’
‘I’m not so sure, Anna. Look.’ She counted on her fingers: ‘I got my mother back. Joseph died. You moved in and have been a wonderful friend. Then Maggie and Con married; as did Ellen and Teddy the following month.’
‘Sally, I don’t—’
‘Today, I helped bring a beautiful little boy into the world. He’s perfect, Anna, in every way. And moments ago, I watched my mother with Jonathan. She walks tall, now. You remember her dreadful state in the beginning. Those dark days were not easy, for any of us.’
‘She came through it, though, love. You built her strength, gave her a happy home same as you did me. I cope with my looks, now. The ignorance of some can’t hurt now I’m accepted by so many. Tha brought me back to life and same with your mam.’
A small smile stirred. ‘Her reconciliation with Aunt Grace aided her recovery.’
‘Aye. She’s strong and she’s happy. When did you last hear her crying in t’ night? The nightmares, they’ve left her.’
‘Yes. Yes, they have.’ Sally stared into the fire and sighed.
‘What’s wrong, lass? This ain’t like you. What’s this ungrateful nonsense? What d’you mean with the balance shifting?’
‘It’s not enough.’
‘What’s not? Sally, please, you’re fair worrying me—’
‘How many items did I list just now? Seven, Anna. Seven.’
‘Aye. Seven happy events—’
‘Precisely. Seven good and only a single bad between.’ She lowered her gaze. ‘Do you recall Mrs Morgan and Mrs Smith visiting last spring?’
‘Aye. Con bumped into Mrs Morgan and gave her your address, didn’t he?’
‘At the market, yes, when calling on his cousin at his Bolton stall. Oh Anna, it was so very lovely to see my dear friend after so long. I scarcely believed my eyes when I saw her on the step. What I told no one afterwards was, Mrs Morgan imparted something that day. Her son, Tommy … His wife had died the previous summer during childbirth. Their daughter survived – one small mercy – but Dolly … She was so young, so pretty. Such a dreadful waste of life.’
‘Oh, love. Why didn’t you say owt?’
After a long moment, Sally met her gaze. ‘Because I love him, Anna. I love him with every part of me.’ She dipped her head, cheeks burning. ‘That’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. I barely held it together while Mrs Morgan was here; I couldn’t have spoken of it afterwards without breaking down and revealing my feelings.’
‘Eeh, Sally. I don’t know what to say.’
‘I simply cannot keep this inside any longer, Anna. My God, how I’ve tried to forget him! I cannot. Con and Maggie today … I’m so happy for them, truly I am. To love and be loved …’ Her eyes misted with longing. ‘I’m so very lonely at times. And that’s why I’m ungrateful. I’ve had a clear run of good fortune – happy, happy, happy. I have wonderful friends, family and a beautiful, healthy son. I’m free of Joseph. I have the business, a home, and still …’
‘It ain’t enough.’
‘And never will be without Tommy. But he feels nothing for me, Anna, in that way. And the balance between good and bad shall, I believe, ensure he never does. Besides Dolly’s tragic passing, the road has been smooth. I fear I’m set for a series of unhappy occurrences to even things. Or perhaps that one torturous truth, that the only man I’ll ever love will never be mine, shall mar life instead. Yes. Just that one to even the balance.’
Anna drew her into her arms. ‘Oh, Sally. Ain’t there a chance? Couldn’t you speak to him? Tha can’t be certain otherwise. You’re free to love again, as is he. The time what’s passed would’ve eased the worst of his grief. Couldn’t you visit Bolton, see how matters stand?’
‘I ache to see him more than I can express. I’ve worried myself into terrible states, yearn to know how he’s faring. But I cannot see him. Being apart is hurt enough. To be in touching distance yet unable to be with him … That really would be too much. I cannot do it.’
Sighing, Anna held her closer.
‘It pains me greatly keeping Mrs Morgan at a distance. Joseph’s death gave me freedom to see her again but I have just that once – only then because she sought me. I pray things could be different but they cannot.’
‘Does anyone else know of your feelings?’
‘Con guessed long ago.’ She pulled back to look at her. ‘You won’t speak of this to anyone, will you? Please. I, I couldn’t—’
‘I’ll not breathe a word.’
Sally wrapped her arms around her once more.
‘Aye, don’t fret, lass,’ Anna murmured. ‘Don’t you fret about a thing.’
The following days brought little change to Sally’s mood and by Sunday Anna was in no doubt she’d done the right thing. Seated beside Sally by the lodging house step, she glanced left frequently, awaiting the familiar figure turning the corner.
Clement weather had brought Pollard Street’s residents from their dank homes, eager for the sun’s touch on their pallid faces. Men lounged on corners, sleeves rolled to their elbows, talking quietly, whilst their womenfolk, having abandoned their chores, sat on stools by their doors, gossiping and drinking tea.
Barefoot children of all ages filled the narrow street, their shouts and laughter ringing across the cobbles.
Boys raced or fought with imaginary swords and girls free to indulge in games collected stones, which they used as coins to play shop or create drawings on the flagstones. Those with harassed mothers played as best they could while lugging baby brothers or sisters in their small arms. Toddlers were left to their own devices to frolic in the gutter.
Whispering and laughing, lads too old for play stole glances at elder girls sitting on windowsills and flagstones who, mindful of their mothers’ inevitable clouts for loose behaviour, mostly ignored the attention and instead half-heartedly watched younger siblings for squabbles breaking out.
Sally stroked Jonathan’s hair as he played quietly with Shield. She gave Anna’s conversation attempts brief responses and occasionally even managed a smile. But it didn’t reach her eyes and too soon her morose expression returned.
Preoccupied, watching for Con, Anna jumped when Sally touched her shoulder. ‘Sorry, lass. What did you say?’
‘Would you mind Jonathan while I brew some tea?’
She nodded and when Sally disappeared inside, returned her attention to the corner.
He appeared and she rose, stomach fluttering in anticipation. ‘Well?’ she whispered. ‘Will he come?’
‘He will. Is Sally inside?’
‘Aye. When will he be here?’
‘Soon. When he appears, I’ll make my excuses and ye do the same.’
‘It’ll work, won’t it? Does he …?’
The Irishman winked. ‘Oh aye. Head over heels.’
‘Who is head over heels?’
Neither had heard their friend emerge. They jumped apart guiltily. Anna opened and closed her mouth but Con recovered quickly.
‘Me. I’m head over heels for my Maggie, for life, for the beauty that is God’s green earth!’
Sally smiled. ‘Is Maggie well? Baby Brendan?’
‘Both are grand.’ Suddenly, someone caught his eye at the end of the street. ‘Well, I’d best be away.’
‘But you’ve just arrived.’
‘Sure, ’twas just a quick stop to say hello. Maggie’s expecting me.’
Anna avoided Sally’s gaze. ‘I’ll walk with thee, Con, stretch my legs. You want to come, Jonathan?’ He nodded and she took his hand. ‘We’ll not be long, Sally.’
‘Oh, Shield and I will come. We could call in at Aunt Grace’s. My mother’s there; perhaps they would care to join us.’
‘Nay, you can’t.’
She frowned, surprised. ‘Why, Anna?’
‘Someone needs to be here for folk wanting beds. You stay, lass. We’ll be back soon.’
Disappointment glimmered in Sally’s eyes but she smiled and nodded.
When they reached the corner, they glanced back. Sally and Shield were gone, and Con gave a wink to the man across the road.
‘Well, we’ve done all we can, Anna. ’Tis up to them, now.’
‘There may be some boiled ham from yesterday. Come, let’s see if we can find you some scraps.’
Shield didn’t need telling twice and eagerly followed Sally down the passage. Reaching the kitchen, however, he stopped. He looked back to the front door, lifted his nose and sniffed.
‘What is it?’ she asked when he whined. ‘Is the bitch from number twelve waiting for you? Let’s find you that ham and you can go back out.’
Shield gave a last, long sniff then obeyed.
After feeding him and pouring herself tea, she stared around and sighed. The house was so quiet these days. Mercifully, her mother and Anna remained but she missed the early days when Maggie, Ellen, the twins and Teddy dwelled here. Then, the house buzzed with life and laughter.
Anna had taken over their room, and Rose, who had shared Sally’s since arriving, joined her to give her daughter and grandson more space. Sally’s room seemed so empty afterwards and she thanked God she had Jonathan’s company. The nights would be unbearably lonely when he grew and required his own.
‘Stop these self-pitying thoughts,’ she scolded herself now. Her loved ones were happy. That’s what mattered.
She saw Maggie and Ellen at least once a week; Aunt Grace, Uncle Ed and Stan frequently. And she had her neighbours, who had accepted her into their community from the start. Their children were company for Jonathan, the women friendly, and there were any number of men to call upon for assistance with troublesome lodgers. She was by no means alone, and had much to be thankful for.
‘Yet it’s not enough,’ she whispered to the emptiness.
The Morgans – one in particular – were the missing piece, their absence a yawning cavern nothing could fill.
‘Oh, I must stop this!’ she told the dog. ‘No wonder Anna didn’t want me accompanying them, souring the mood. What’s wrong with me, boy? Why can’t I free my mind of him, however hard I try?’
Shield peered down the passage. His ears pricked and his tail wagged furiously.
Moments later, there came a knock.
Winter brought lodgers to her step in droves, yet milder months still saw a steady flow. Anna was wise in insisting she stay behind. Customers’ needs must come before her own pleasures. After tidying her hair and apron, she fixed a welcoming smile and opened the door.
‘Good after—’ The greeting caught in her throat.
‘By, it’s good to see thee, Sally.’
If a feather had blown through, it could have knocked her to the ground, so absolute was her shock.
Mesmerised, she watched Tommy sweep hair from his forehead, shoulder muscles rippling beneath his shirt. When he smiled, her own lips parted and a sigh escaped.
‘Can I come in?’
She motioned to the kitchen. He led and her gaze travelled the length of him in wonder. She was dreaming, must be. Fuzziness overtook her. She felt weightless, as though she might flutter away like a leaf on the breeze.
He sat at the table and she drifted to the fire for the kettle. After filling it, she busied herself with cups and saucers. All the while, she felt his stare. Her hands began to shake and, abandoning the crockery, she went to fetch the caddy. As she passed him, he caught her arm.
Her every nerve leapt. She was as powerless to break free as if he had held her vice-like. She gazed at his hand, heart racing.
‘Sally, leave the tea. I don’t want tea.’
‘Then what do you want?’
She held her breath as his hand strayed. His fingers closed around hers and her legs threatened to buckle. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t real.
‘You, Sally. I want you. I’ve only ever wanted you.’
He rose and she saw his mouth move to hers. His lower lip grazed her own with the softest of touches and she closed her eyes. ‘Am I dreaming? Are you really here?’
‘Could I do this in a dream?’ He wrapped his arms around her waist. ‘Or this?’ he asked, brushing his lips across her throat and jawline. Slowly, slowly, they returned to hers. ‘Or this?’
His kiss stole her breath.
‘Yes,’ she breathed. ‘In my dreams, yes.’
‘Oh, Sally.’ Her body dissolved against his and he sat and lifted her into his lap. ‘It’s always been you, only you. Lord, how I love thee.’
‘But … when did you …? How …?’
‘Explanations can wait for later, my love.’ He removed the pins from her hair. Chestnut locks cascaded over her shoulders and he buried his hands in the silken mass. ‘Marry me, Sally. Be my wife and make me the happiest man on earth.’
Gazing into the grey-blue eyes of the man for whom she’d yearned with all she was for years, pain stabbed her.
‘You want to marry me? But I … I’m spoiled, Tommy. Joseph … the things he’s done to me … I’m, I’m—’
‘Perfect, d’you hear? Perfect. That’s over with, finished. I swear to thee, Sally, with every piece of my heart, you’ll never know a moment’s sadness as my wife. All I’ve ever wanted is to make you happy. I’d deem it an honour to spend the rest of my days doing just that. You have me, mind and soul, allus have. Please say you feel the same.’
‘I feel the same and more,’ she choked. ‘I’ve never wanted anything more than to be your wife.’
Their lips found each other again and the world faded.
When he carried her to her room, she gave herself completely. He took her tenderly, with understanding, and she loved him all the more for it. Afterwards, as they lay entwined in each other’s arms, their soaring hearts beating in perfect rhythm, she wept with sheer joy.
Finally, she knew how it was to be loved. And it felt wonderful.
Upon the others’ return, Sally knew not a shred of shame for how she and Tommy had spent the afternoon. What they had shared was the most natural thing in the world and she regretted nothing.
She was no slip of a lass whose head had been turned with passion. She was a widow, mother, a woman who had endured more than most twice her age. She’d harbour no guilt for loving and being loved by the man she adored.
When she’d informed her mother and Anna of Tommy’s proposal, and their tears and congratulations died down, she took Jonathan into another room. In terms he’d understand, she explained how the future was to be, that he’d have a new friend – Jenny, Tommy’s daughter – and that they would all live together.
He thought for a moment then pointed to Shield, and when she assured him yes, him too, he clapped his little hands excitedly. And she laughed through blissful tears for her beautiful boy. For the first time in his short life, he’d know a father’s love.
After the evening meal, her mother drew her aside and said she’d have Jonathan in with her tonight. A hint of embarrassment touched Sally’s cheeks, then, but Rose’s eyes told of her understanding, her pleasure that she’d finally found what she’d searched so long for. Sally couldn’t have been more grateful or loved her more if she tried.
That night, she and Tommy talked and made love until the sun peeped over the grey rooftops.
They spoke of Dolly and Joseph, Con, their children and families. They discussed their future, hopes and wishes. They cried, laughed, kissed, their bond strengthening with each minute, hour, that floated by. And they loved as neither had nor thought possible. They were one. Their unity had made them whole.
After a lingering goodbye the following afternoon, Sally watched him walk away with a peaceful heart. Once he’d seen to business in Bolton, he’d be back. And she’d be counting the seconds.