I sat in one of the empty classrooms as I was directed to do by the receptionist. There was an entire waiting room full of plush chairs and fine wood tables, but I was asked to wait in a classroom far down the main hall. Only the oil lamps in the front half of the room were on, casting the rear of the room in deep shadow. Long tables arranged in rows filled the room; I took a seat at the one nearest the front. There was a lingering scent in the air—sour, almost chemical. Something I couldn’t quite place.
A few moments later, a short man with skin as pink as a naked mouse came in. He stared at me for several awkward moments before speaking.
“You must be Gabriel,” he said enthusiastically. I stood up, and he reached out and took my hand in his sweaty palm. “I’m Sir Hannibal Hastings. I oversee this fine establishment.” He narrowed his eyes at me and smiled. “You look quite like your father. Same strong chin.” He released me from his grip and immediately took out a handkerchief to wipe his hands before tucking it away again.
“My father asked me to meet you,” I said. “He said there was some paperwork I’m to retrieve for him regarding my enrollment.”
The man nodded and patted his leather briefcase. “Indeed. But I am glad we’ll have a chance to get to know one another before we get to the business of paperwork. Please have a seat.”
He walked to the front of the room where a giant map was plastered on the wall. “I come from a long line of very distinguished men. Members of Parliament, war heroes. My father fought against Napoleon himself.” He gave a long, heavy sigh and turned to me. “I must confess that when your father reached out to me, I was surprised. I hadn’t heard from him in quite some time. His mother—your grandmother—was the head cook on my father’s estate.”
My heart ticked up. My father had never been very open about how he knew Sir Hastings, other than to say that he had a relationship to our family that stretched back several generations. The nature of that relationship suddenly became painfully clear.
“After 1833, everything changed,” Sir Hastings said. “But I still saw your father quite often. Your grandmother stayed on with us for nearly ten years. She was an exceptional woman.”
All I could see in my mind at that moment was the image of her sunken face and wide, lifeless eyes.
Sir Hastings cleared his throat. “All of this is to say that I feel some kind of affection for your father in the way one does for a beloved pet or a prized racehorse.”
I bit my tongue to keep from saying anything. The taste of salty iron wetted my mouth.
He approached me with his hands clasped together in front of him. “I would have you here as a student so that you may find a station as a mortuary attendant or some such position to which you’re most suited.”
“My father wishes for me to practice medicine.”
Sir Hastings laughed until his face turned an obscene shade of crimson. Little tears collected at the corners of his eyes and frothy white spittle gathered at the corners of his mouth. He wiped his face with his hand. “Under whose employ? Come now. Let us be realistic. Your—your nature is built for hauling bodies, perhaps even assisting at the autopsy table. We’re always in need of good, strong men in that way.” He readjusted his coat. “Of course, you will be allowed to attend and take the classes you feel are best, as long as you can keep up with the program, which is quite rigorous. But understand that when you leave here, you will only be able to seek employment at establishments that permit Negroes. I’m sorry to say that not a single one of them would ever consider you for a position of physician’s apprentice.”
The anger in my belly was hot as a raging inferno. It burned through my chest, made me light-headed.
“We are who we are, young Gabriel,” Sir Hastings said. “There is no point in denying our true nature. I wish you all the best and I will of course keep my eye on you to ensure your enrollment does not cast any sort of blight on this fine institution.” He slapped me hard on the back. “You’ll be a shining star if you can make it through. A shining example of what your kind can aspire to if they simply had the will.”
He reached into his briefcase and retrieved a stack of papers, sliding them onto the desk in front of me. Then he turned on his heel and left me alone in the empty classroom.
“Do you really want to be a doctor?” A voice cut through the cloud of anger that had descended on me. Twisting around in my seat, I saw the young man from the boardinghouse.
Jekyll.
Heat rose in my face. “I—I didn’t see you. Have you been there the whole time?”
Jekyll stood and straightened out his jacket, but didn’t look me in the eye. “Yes. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I was sitting in the back here, taking a moment to myself. You came in and I—well, I can’t blame you for not noticing me.” He approached slowly. “Sir Hastings gives everyone the same speech. He thinks it’s best for us to know our place. As if we would ever be permitted to forget.”
He sank into the seat next to me. His skin was the color of the earth after a heavy rain, as were his eyes. The long lashes nearly touched the highest part of his cheek. His full mouth twisted into a soft smile. My heart nearly stopped.
“Henry Jekyll,” he said. He stuck out his hand and I took it.
“Gabriel Utterson.”
“Oh, I know.” He withdrew his hand, but let it rest on the pale white oak of the table. His fingers were long and slender, darker at the knuckles, the palm pale. “There’s always a lot of talk when Sir Hastings brings in another … student.”
He and I exchanged glances. We had an understanding.
“Your father wants you to be a medical doctor?” Henry asked, his voice soft. “Does he understand how difficult it will be for you?”
“Of course,” I said. “He was a medic in the war. He studied under James McCune Smith. But he wasn’t allowed to practice anywhere in London, not in an official way. He started his own practice and served our community, but he always felt like he could have done more.”
“More?” Henry asked as he stared down at the desktop. “You mean tending to white folks?”
He was right, but it still made me bristle. “It’s not as simple as that. He found his purpose in caring for our people, but the white hospitals had better equipment, better materials. He wanted access to that, too. He imagined himself working in a place like that and treating his patients there. They wouldn’t even allow him on the grounds when he went to inquire about a position.”
“I understand,” he said, glancing up at me with kind eyes. “My father is a doctor, too. A scientist. He works downstairs in the lab. Sir Hastings has been letting him teach, but won’t allow him an official title, and his wages are barely enough to live off of. If it wasn’t for my mother’s inheritance, we’d have nothing.”
“Your family is of means?” I asked, confused. “Why are you in the boardinghouse then?”
Henry shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean to be so forward.”
He waved it off with a tight smile. “Being at home is … difficult. And Laurie’s is the only place within walking distance of the school that allows anyone other than white students to stay there.” He sighed, and his warm breath blew against my neck. A ripple of excitement coursed through me. “My mother made arrangements for me there. I’d been upset with her. I wanted to stay home, but now…” He trailed off and from the corner of my eye I thought I saw him smile. He quickly pushed his chair back and stood up. “Your father wants you to follow in his footsteps, knowing that he himself had to endure such unfairness … but what do you want to do, Gabriel? Something tells me this is not a path you would have chosen for yourself.”
“It’s not,” I said. “I want to study law.”
Henry grinned and slid his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “A lawyer?” He looked me over from head to toe. “That suits you.” He walked to the door, then turned back to me. “I’ll see you in class then?”
I nodded and he disappeared, leaving me alone with my racing thoughts.