Kneeling on the polished linoleum floor of the kitchen, Joanna held her breath and tentatively poked her head inside the foam-covered oven. Sharp, lemon-scented fumes made her grimace as she dragged the wet sponge along the sides, peeling away a layer of blackened crust. She’d felt unusually ambitious for a Saturday and had worked in the yard earlier, planning her garden. When she’d finished that, she’d decided to tackle the oven, not questioning where this burst of energy had come from. Spring was in the air, but instead of turning her fancy to thoughts of love, it filled her mind with zucchini seeds and rows of tomato seedlings.
“I’m leaving now, Mom,” Kristen called from behind her.
Joanna jerked her head free, gulped some fresh air and twisted toward her daughter. “What time will you be through at the library?” Kristen and Nicole were working together on a school project, and although they complained about having to do research, they’d come to enjoy it. Their biggest surprise was discovering all the cute junior-high boys who sometimes visited the library. In Kristen’s words, it was an untapped gold mine.
“I don’t know when we’ll be through, but I’ll call. And remember, Nicole is coming over afterwards.”
“I remember.”
Kristen hesitated, then asked, “When are you going out with Mr. Lund again?”
Joanna glanced over at the calendar. “Next weekend. We’re attending a dinner party his company’s sponsoring.”
“Oh.”
Joanna rubbed her forearm across her cheek, and glanced suspiciously at her daughter. “What does that mean?”
“What?”
“That little ‘oh.’”
Kristen shrugged. “Nothing…. It’s just that you’re not seeing him as often as Nicole and I think you should. You like Mr. Lund, don’t you?”
That was putting it mildly. “He’s very nice,” Joanna said cautiously. If she admitted to anything beyond a casual attraction, Kristen would assume much more. Joanna wanted her relationship with Tanner to progress slowly, one careful step at a time, not in giant leaps—though slow and careful didn’t exactly describe what had happened so far!
“Nice?” Kristen exclaimed.
Her daughter’s outburst caught Joanna by surprise.
“Is that all you can say about Mr. Lund?” Kristen asked, hands on her hips. “I’ve given the matter serious consideration and I think he’s a whole lot more than just nice. Really, Mother.”
Taking a deep breath, Joanna plunged her head back inside the oven, swiping her sponge furiously against the sides.
“Are you going to ignore me?” Kristen demanded.
Joanna emerged again, gasped and looked straight at her daughter. “Yes. Unless you want to volunteer to clean the oven yourself.”
“I would, but I have to go to the library with Nicole.”
Joanna noted the soft regret that filled her daughter’s voice and gave her a derisive snort. The kid actually sounded sorry that she wouldn’t be there to do her part. Kristen was a genius at getting out of work, and she always managed to give the impression of really wishing she could help her mother—if only she could fit it into her busy schedule.
A car horn beeped out front. “That’s Mr. Lund,” Kristen said, glancing toward the living room. “I’ll give you a call when we’re done.”
“Okay, honey. Have a good time.”
“I will.”
With form an Olympic sprinter would envy, Kristen tore out of the kitchen. Two seconds later, the front door slammed. Joanna was only mildly disappointed that Tanner hadn’t stopped in to chat. He’d phoned earlier and explained that after he dropped the girls off at the library, he was driving to the office for a couple of hours. An unexpected problem had arisen, and he needed to deal with it right away.
Actually Joanna had to admit she was more grateful than disappointed that Tanner hadn’t stopped in. It didn’t look as though she’d get a chance to see him before the company party. She needed this short separation to pull together her reserves. Following their dinner date and the drive-in movie afterward, Joanna felt dangerously close to falling in love with Tanner. Every time he came to mind, and that was practically every minute of every day, a rush of warmth and happiness followed. Without too much trouble, she could envision them finding a lifetime of happiness together. For the first time since her divorce she allowed herself the luxury of dreaming again, and although the prospect of remarriage excited and thrilled her, it also terrified her.
Fifteen minutes later, with perspiration beaded on her forehead and upper lip, Joanna heaved a sigh and sat back on her heels. The hair she’d so neatly tucked inside a scarf and tied at the back of her head, had fallen loose. She swiped a grimy hand at the auburn curls that hung limply over her eyes and ears. It was all worth it, though, since the gray-speckled sides of the oven, which had been encrusted with black grime, were now clearly visible and shining.
Joanna emptied the bucket of dirty water and hauled a fresh one back to wipe the oven one last time. She’d just knelt down when the doorbell chimed.
“Great,” she muttered under her breath, casting a glance at herself. She looked like something that had crawled out of the bog in some horror movie. Pasting a smile on her face, she peeled off her rubber gloves and hurried to the door.
“Davey!” Finding her ex-husband standing on the porch was enough of a shock to knock the breath from Joanna’s lungs.
“May I come in?”
“Of course.” Flustered, she ran her hand through her hair and stepped aside to allow him to pass. He looked good—really good—but then Davey had never lacked in the looks department. From the expensive cut of his three-piece suit, she could tell that his real-estate business must be doing well, and of course that was precisely the impression he wanted her to have. She was pleased for him; she’d never wished him ill. They’d gone their separate ways, and although both the marriage and the divorce had devastated Joanna, she shared a beautiful child with this man. If he had come by to tell her how successful he was, well, she’d just smile and let him.
“It’s good to see you, Joanna.”
“You, too. What brings you to town?” She struggled to keep her voice even and controlled, hoping to hide her discomfort at being caught unawares.
“I’m attending a conference downtown. I apologize for dropping in unexpectedly like this, but since I was going to be in Spokane, I thought I’d stop in and see how you and Kristen are doing.”
“I wish you’d phoned first. Kristen’s at the library.” Joanna wasn’t fooled—Davey hadn’t come to see their daughter, although he meant Joanna to think so. It was all part of the game he played with her, wanting her to believe that their divorce had hurt him badly. Not calling to let her know he planned to visit was an attempt to catch her off guard and completely unprepared—which, of course, she was. Joanna knew Davey, knew him well. He’d often tried to manipulate her this way.
“I should have called, but I didn’t know if I’d have the time, and I didn’t want to disappoint you if I found I couldn’t slip away.”
Joanna didn’t believe that for a minute. It wouldn’t have taken him much time or trouble to phone before he left the hotel. But she didn’t mention the fact, couldn’t see that it would have done any good.
“Come in and have some coffee.” She led him into the kitchen and poured him a mug, automatically adding the sugar and cream she knew he used. She handed it to him and was rewarded with a dazzling smile. When he wanted, Davey Parsons could be charming, attentive and generous. The confusing thing about her ex-husband was that he wasn’t all bad. He’d gravely wounded her with his unfaithfulness, but in his own way he’d loved her and Kristen—as much as he could possibly love anybody beyond himself. It had taken Joanna a good many years to distance herself enough to appreciate his good points and to forgive him for the pain he’d caused her.
“You’ve got a nice place here,” he commented, casually glancing around the kitchen. “How long have you lived here now?”
“Seven months.”
“How’s Kristen?”
Joanna was relieved that the conversation had moved to the only subject they still had in common—their daughter. She talked for fifteen minutes nonstop, telling him about the talent show and the other activities Kristen had been involved in since the last time she’d seen her father.
Davey listened and laughed, and then his gaze softened as he studied Joanna. “You’re looking wonderful.”
She grinned ruefully. “Sure I am,” she scoffed. “I’ve just finished working in the yard and cleaning the oven.”
“I wondered about the lemon perfume you were wearing.”
They both laughed. Davey started to tease her about their early years together and some of the experimental meals she’d cooked and expected him to eat and praise. Joanna let him and even enjoyed his comments, for Davey could be warm and funny when he chose. Kristen had inherited her friendly, easygoing confidence from her father.
The doorbell chimed and still chuckling, Joanna stood up. “It’s probably one of the neighbourhood kids. I’ll just be a minute.” She never ceased to be astonished at how easy it was to be with Davey. He’d ripped her heart in two, lied to her repeatedly, cheated on her, and still she couldn’t be around him and not laugh. It always took him a few minutes to conquer her reserve, but he never failed. She was mature enough to recognize her ex-husband’s faults, yet appreciate his redeeming qualities.
For the second time that day, Joanna was surprised by the man who stood on her front porch. “Tanner.”
“Hi,” he said with a sheepish grin. “The girls got off okay and I thought I’d stop in for a cup of coffee before heading to the office.” His eyes smiled softly into hers. “I heard you laughing from out here. Do you have company? Should I come back later?”
“N-no, come in,” she said, her pulse beating as hard and loud as jungle drums. Lowering her eyes, she automatically moved aside. He walked into the living room and paused, then raised his hand and gently touched her cheek in a gesture so loving that Joanna longed to fall into his arms. Now that he was here, she found herself craving some time alone with him.
Tanner’s gaze reached out to her, but Joanna had trouble meeting it. A frown started to form, and his eyes clouded. “This is a bad time, isn’t it?”
“No…not really.” When she turned around, Davey was standing in the kitchen doorway watching them. The smile she’d been wearing felt shaky as she stood between the two men and made the introductions. “Davey, this is Tanner Lund. Tanner, this is Davey—Kristen’s father.”
For a moment, the two men glared at each other like angry bears who had claimed territory and were prepared to do battle to protect what was theirs. When they stepped towards each other, Joanna held her breath for fear neither one would make the effort to be civil.
Stunned, she watched as they exchanged handshakes and enthusiastic greetings.
“Davey’s in town for a real-estate conference and thought he’d stop in to see Kristen,” Joanna explained, her words coming out in such a rush that they nearly stumbled over themselves.
“I came to see you, too, Joanna,” Davey added in a low sultry voice that suggested he had more on his mind than a chat over a cup of coffee.
She flashed him a heated look before marching into the kitchen, closely followed by both men. She walked straight to the cupboard, bringing down another cup, then poured Tanner’s coffee and delivered it to the table.
“Kristen and my daughter are at the library,” Tanner announced in a perfectly friendly voice, but Joanna heard the undercurrents even if Davey didn’t.
“Joanna told me,” Davey returned.
The two men remained standing, smiling at each other. Tanner took a seat first, and Davey promptly did the same.
“What do you do?” her ex-husband asked.
“I own half of Spokane Aluminum.”
It was apparent to Joanna that Davey hadn’t even bothered to listen to Tanner’s reply because he immediately fired back in an aggressive tone, “I recently opened my own real-estate brokerage and have plans to expand within the next couple of years.” He announced his success with a cocky slant to his mouth.
Watching the change in Davey’s features as Tanner’s identity began to sink in was so comical that Joanna nearly laughed out loud. Davey’s mouth sagged open, and his eyes flew from Joanna to Tanner and then back to Joanna.
“Spokane Aluminum,” Davey repeated slowly, his face unusually pale. “I seem to remember reading something about John Becky taking on a partner.”
Joanna almost felt sorry for Davey. “Kristen and Tanner’s daughter, Nicole, are best friends. They were in the Valentine’s Day show together—the one I was telling you about….”
To his credit, Davey regrouped quickly. “She gets all that performing talent from you.”
“Oh, hardly,” Joanna countered, denying it with a vigorous shake of her head. Of the two of them, Davey was the entertainer—crowds had never intimidated him. He could walk into a room full of strangers, and anyone who didn’t know better would end up thinking Davey Parsons was his best friend.
“With the girls being so close, it seemed only natural for Joanna and me to start dating,” Tanner said, turning to smile warmly at Joanna.
“I see,” Davey answered. He didn’t appear to have recovered from Tanner’s first announcement.
“I sincerely hope you do understand,” Tanner returned, all pretence of friendliness dropped.
Joanna resisted rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. Both of them were behaving like immature children, battling with looks and words as if she were a prize to be awarded the victor.
“I suppose I’d better think about heading out,” Davey said after several awkward moments had passed. He stood up, noticeably eager to make his escape.
As a polite hostess, Joanna stood when Davey did. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
He sent Tanner a wary smile. “That’s not necessary.”
“Of course it is,” Joanna countered.
To her dismay, Tanner followed them and stood conspicuously in the background while Davey made arrangements to phone Kristen later that evening. The whole time Davey was speaking, Joanna could feel Tanner’s eyes burning into her back. She didn’t know why he’d insisted on following her to the door. It was like saying he couldn’t trust her not to fall into Davey’s arms the minute he was out of sight, and that irritated her no end.
Once her ex-husband had left, she closed the door and whirled around to face Tanner. The questions were jammed in her mind. They’d only gone out on one date, for heaven’s sake, and here he was, acting as though…as though they were engaged.
“I thought he broke your heart,” Tanner said, in a cutting voice.
Joanna debated whether or not to answer him, then decided it would be best to clear the air. “He did.”
“I heard you laughing when I rang the doorbell. Do you often have such a good time with men you’re supposed to hate?”
“I don’t hate Davey.”
“Believe me, I can tell.”
“Tanner, what’s wrong with you?” That was a silly question, and she regretted asking it immediately. She already knew what was troubling Tanner. He was jealous. And angry. And hurt.
“Wrong with me?” He tossed the words back at her. “Nothing’s wrong with me. I happen to stumble upon the woman I’m involved with cosying up to her ex-husband, and I don’t mind telling you I’m upset. But nothing’s wrong with me. Not one damn thing. If there’s something wrong with anyone, it’s you, lady.”
Joanna held tightly onto her patience. “Before we start arguing, let’s sit down and talk this out.” She led him back into the kitchen, then took Davey’s empty coffee mug and placed it in the sink, removing all evidence of his brief visit. She searched for a way to reassure Tanner that Davey meant nothing to her anymore. But she had to explain that she and her ex-husband weren’t enemies, either; they couldn’t be for Kristen’s sake.
“First of all,” she said, as evenly as her pounding heart would allow, “I could never hate Davey the way you seem to think I should. As far as I’m concerned, that would only be counterproductive. The people who would end up suffering are Kristen and me. Davey is incapable of being faithful to one woman, but he’ll always be Kristen’s father, and if for no other reason than that, I prefer to remain on friendly terms with him.”
“But he cheated on you…used you.”
“Yes.” She couldn’t deny it. “But, Tanner, I lived a lot of years with Davey. He’s not all bad—no one is—and scattered between all the bad times were a few good ones. We’re divorced now. What good would it do to harbour ill will toward him? None that I can see.”
“He let it be known from the moment I walked into this house that he could have you back any time he wanted.”
Joanna wasn’t blind; she’d recognized the looks Davey had given Tanner, and the insinuations. “He’d like to believe that. It helps him deal with his ego.”
“And you let him?”
“Not the way you’re implying.”
Tanner mulled that over for a few moments. “How often does he casually drop in unannounced like this?”
She hesitated, wondering whether she should answer his question. His tone had softened, but he was obviously still angry. She could sympathize, but she didn’t like having to defend herself or her attitude toward Davey. “I haven’t seen him in over a year. This is the first time he’s been to the house.”
Tanner’s hands gripped the coffee mug so tightly that Joanna was amazed it remained intact. “You still love him, don’t you?”
The question hit her square between the eyes. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she struggled for the words to deny it. Then she realized she couldn’t. Lying to Tanner about this would be simple enough and it would keep the peace, but it would wrong them both. “I suppose in a way I do,” she began slowly. “He’s the father of my child. He was my first love, Tanner. And the only lover I’ve ever had. Although I’d like to tell you I don’t feel a thing for him, I can’t do that and be completely honest. But please, try to understand—”
“You don’t need to say anything more.” He stood abruptly, his back stiff. “I appreciate the fact that you told me the truth. I won’t waste any more of your time. I wish you and Kristen a good life.” With that he stalked out of the room, headed for the door.
Joanna was shocked. “Tanner…you make it sound like I’ll never see you again.”
“I think that would be best for everyone concerned,” he replied, without looking at her.
“But…that’s silly. Nothing’s changed.” She snapped her mouth closed. If Tanner wanted to act so childishly and ruin everything, she wasn’t about to argue with him. He was the one who insisted they had something special, something so good they shouldn’t throw it away because of their fears. And now he was acting like this! Fine. If that was the way he wanted it. It was better to find out how unreasonable he could be before anything serious developed between them. Better to discover now how quick-tempered he could be, how hurtful.
“I have no intention of becoming involved with a woman who’s still in love with her loser of an ex-husband,” he announced, his hands clenched at his sides. His voice was calm, but she recognized the tension in it. And the resolve.
Unable to restrain her anger any longer, Joanna marched across the room and threw open the front door. “Smart move, Tanner,” she said, her words coated with sarcasm. “You made a terrible mistake getting involved with a woman who refuses to hate.” Now that she had a better look at him, she decided he wasn’t a prince after all, only another frog.
Tanner didn’t say a word as he walked past her, his strides filled with purpose. She closed the door and leaned against it, needing the support. Tears burned in her eyes and clogged her throat, but she held her head high and hurried back into the kitchen, determined not to give in to the powerful emotions that racked her, body and soul.
She finished cleaning up the kitchen, and took a long hot shower afterward. Then she sat quietly at the table, waiting for Kristen to phone so she could pick up the two girls. The call came a half hour later, but by that time she’d already reached for the cookies, bent on self-destruction.
On the way home from the library, Joanna stopped off at McDonald’s and bought the girls cheeseburgers and chocolate milk shakes to take home for dinner. Her mind was filled with doubts. In retrospect, she wished she’d done a better job of explaining things to Tanner. The thought of never seeing him again was almost too painful to endure.
“Aren’t you going to order anything, Mom?” Kristen asked, surprised.
“Not tonight.” Somewhere deep inside, Joanna found the energy to smile.
She managed to maintain a light-hearted facade while Kristen and Nicole ate their dinner and chattered about the boys they’d seen at the library and how they were going to shock Mrs. Andrews with their well-researched report.
“Are you feeling okay?” Kristen asked, pausing in mid-sentence.
“Sure,” Joanna lied, looking for something to occupy her hands. She settled for briskly wiping down the kitchen counters. Actually, she felt sick to her stomach, but she couldn’t blame Tanner; she’d done that to herself with all those stupid cookies.
It was when she was putting the girls’ empty McDonald’s containers in the garbage that the silly tears threatened to spill over. She did her best to hide them and quickly carried out the trash. Nicole went to get a cassette from Kristen’s bedroom, but Kristen followed her mother outside.
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, sweetheart.”
“You have tears in your eyes.”
“It’s nothing.”
“You never cry,” Kristen insisted.
“Something must have got into my eye to make it tear like this,” she said, shaking her head. The effort to smile was too much for her. She straightened and placed her hands on Kristen’s shoulders, then took a deep breath. “I don’t want you to be disappointed if I don’t see Mr. Lund again.”
“He did this?” Kristen demanded, in a high shocked voice.
“No,” Joanna countered immediately. “I already told you, I got something in my eye.”
Kristen studied her with a frown, and Joanna tried to meet her daughter’s gaze. If she was fool enough to make herself vulnerable to a man again, then she deserved this pain. She’d known better than to get involved with Tanner, but her heart had refused to listen.
A couple of hours later, Tanner arrived to pick up Nicole. Joanna let Kristen answer the door and stayed in the kitchen, pretending to be occupied there.
When the door swung open, Joanna assumed it was her daughter and asked, “Did Nicole get off all right?”
“Not yet.”
Joanna jerked away from the sink at the husky sound of Tanner’s voice. “Where are the girls?”
“In Kristen’s room. I want to talk to you.”
“I can’t see how that would do much good.”
“I’ve reconsidered.”
“Bravo for you. Unfortunately so have I. You’re absolutely right about it being better all around if we don’t see each other again.”
Tanner dragged his fingers through his hair and stalked to the other side of the room. “Okay, I’ll admit it. I was jealous as hell when I walked in and found you having coffee with Davey. I felt you were treating him like some conquering hero returned from the war.”
“Oh, honestly, it wasn’t anything like that.”
“You were laughing and smiling.”
“Grievous sins, I’m sure.”
Tanner clamped down his jaw so hard that the sides of his face went white. “All I can do is apologize, Joanna. I’ve already made a fool of myself over one woman who loved someone else, and frankly that caused me enough grief. I’m not looking to repeat the mistake with you.”
A strained silence fell between them.
“I thought I could walk away from you and not feel any regrets, but I was wrong,” he continued a moment later. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you all afternoon. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I behaved like a jealous fool.”
“Maybe?” Joanna challenged. “Maybe? You were unreasonable and hurtful and…and I ate a whole row of Oreo cookies over you.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I stuffed down a dozen cookies and now I think I’m going to be sick and it was all because of you. I’ve come too far to be reduced to that. One argument with you and I was right back into the Oreos! If you think you’re frightened—because of what happened with Carmen—it’s nothing compared to the fears I’ve been facing since the day we met. I can’t deal with your insecurities, Tanner. I’ve got too damn many of my own.”
“Joanna, I’ve already apologized. If you can honestly tell me there isn’t any chance that you’ll ever get back together with Davey, I swear to you I’ll drop the subject and never bring it up again. But I need to know that much. I’m sorry, but I’ve got to hear you say it.”
“I had a nice quiet life before you paraded into it,” she went on, as though she hadn’t heard him.
“Joanna, I asked you a question.” His intense gaze cut straight through her.
“You must be nuts! I’d be certifiably insane to ever take Davey back. Our marriage—our entire relationship—was over the day I filed for divorce, and probably a lot earlier than that.”
Tanner relaxed visibly. “I wouldn’t blame you if you decided you never wanted to see me again, but I’m hoping you’ll be able to forget what happened this afternoon so we can go back to being…friends again.”
Joanna struggled against the strong pull of his magnetism for as long as she could, then nodded, agreeing to place this quarrel behind them.
Tanner walked toward her and she met him halfway, slipping easily into his embrace. She felt as if she belonged here, as if he were the man she would always be content with. He’d once told her he wouldn’t ever hurt her the way her ex-husband had, but caring about him, risking a relationship with him, left her vulnerable all over again. She’d realized that this afternoon, learned again what it was to give a man the power to hurt her.
“I reduced you to gorging yourself with Oreos?” Tanner whispered the question into her hair.
She nodded wildly. “You fiend. I didn’t mean to eat that many, but I sat at the table with the Oreos package and a glass of milk and the more I thought about what happened, the angrier I became, and the faster I shoved those cookies into my mouth.”
“Could this mean you care?” His voice was still a whisper.
She nodded a second time. “I hate fighting with you. My stomach was in knots all afternoon.”
“Good Lord, Joanna,” he said, dropping several swift kisses on her face. “I can’t believe what fools we are.”
“We?” She tilted back her head and glared up at him, but her mild indignation drained away the moment their eyes met. Tanner was looking down at her with such tenderness, such concern, that every negative emotion she’d experienced earlier that afternoon vanished like rain falling into a clear blue lake.
He kissed her then, with a thoroughness that left her in no doubt about the strength of his feelings. Joanna rested against this warmth, holding onto him with everything that was in her. When he raised his head, she looked up at him through tear-filled eyes and blinked furiously in a futile effort to keep them at bay.
“I’m glad you came back,” she said, when she could find her voice.
“I am, too.” He kissed her once more, lightly this time, sampling her lips, kissing the tears from her face. “I wasn’t worth a damn all afternoon.” Once more he lowered his mouth to hers, creating a delicious sensation that electrified Joanna and sent chills racing down her spine.
Tanner’s arms tightened as loud voices suddenly erupted from the direction of the living room.
“I never want to see you again,” Joanna heard Kristen declare vehemently.
“You couldn’t possibly want to see me any less than I want to see you,” Nicole returned with equal volume and fury.
“What’s that all about?” Tanner asked, his eyes searching Joanna’s.
“I don’t know, but I think we’d better find out.”
Tanner led the way into the living room. They discovered Kristen and Nicole standing face to face, glaring at each other in undisguised antagonism.
“Kristen, stop that right now,” Joanna demanded. “Nicole is a guest in our home and I won’t have you talking to her in that tone of voice.”
Tanner moved to his daughter’s side. “And you’re Kristen’s guest. I expect you to be on your best behaviour whenever you’re here.”
Nicole crossed her arms over her chest and darted a venomous look in Kristen’s direction. “I refuse to be friends with her ever again. And I don’t think you should have anything more to do with Mrs. Parsons.”
Joanna’s eyes found Tanner’s.
“I don’t want my mother to have anything to do with Mr. Lund, either.” Kristen spun around and glared at Tanner and Nicole.
“I think we’d best separate these two and find out what happened,” Joanna suggested. She pointed toward Kristen’s bedroom. “Come on, honey, let’s talk.”
Kristen averted her face. “I have nothing to say!” she declared melodramatically and stalked out of the room without a backward glance.
Joanna raised questioning eyes to Tanner, threw up her hands and followed her daughter.