Dear Ms. Sincere Jones,
I love my husband, but he gets on my nerves. We have been married for two years, and I think I only enjoyed the first couple of days of marriage. It was like he changed after our wedding. He doesn’t participate in the things that I like anymore. I don’t know. My friends agree with me. They think he has changed. I talked to my mother, and she gives her advice. When I talk to my mother and friends about our marriage, he gets mad. What is the big deal? He tries to help, but he gets in the way. He thinks that I talk down to him. What? I am speaking plain English. If he doesn’t understand then that is his problem. I am used to doing everything on my own. My mom taught me how to be independent. My husband asks, “Why am I here?” That’s silly. He knows I love him. He knew I was independent before we got married. Why is he tripping now? I don’t know what to do with him. Do you have any suggestions?
Sincerely,
A Strong Woman
Dear A Strong Woman,
It is wonderful that your mother taught you how to be independent. That’s great, but it is okay to accept help. If you accept help, it doesn’t make you weak at all. Your husband probably didn’t change overnight. In the beginning of the relationship, most women overlook their man’s flaws. After he proposes, most women focus on the wedding. Most women think that men are going to magically change after the marriage. That is a myth. He hasn’t changed. He has always been the same. You have changed. He has to want to change himself.
You are involving too many people in your marriage. On the marriage certificate, it states your name and your husband’s name. It should be you and your husband working on your problems. It is okay to receive advice from your mom, but I would suggest you try to solve your marital problems with your husband. It sounds like he is being left out in the cold while you fix everything yourself. A marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship.
As for your friends, if they are not giving you solutions to help resolve your issues, then I wouldn’t listen to them. I don’t know your friends, but I know good friends do not degrade a marriage. They will help you build it up. If your husband is telling you that you are not communicating well, you might want to listen before it is too late. He needs to feel appreciated it. He needs your encouraging words to build him up. I would suggest marriage counseling and reading books on how to communicate in a relationship. I would suggest really talking to him about your issues. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a marriage counselor, then talk to your pastor. Marriage should be beautiful. Don’t allow your marriage to become a chore.
Sincerely,
Ms. Sincere Jones
Bible Inspirational Verse(s): The heart of her husband trust in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil. All the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 11-12