Chapter 28
After pulling myself out of my country fairy tale, I leave Jake and go to my room, only to toss and turn for hours. My mind races with thoughts of Jake and me at the creek, Martin’s, and the trestle. What am I doing? Right now, I feel as if I’m playing a game with my heart. One piece wants the country music god, but the other piece wants the small-town boy that knows me better than I know myself.
Giving up on sleeping, I throw on a pair of cutoffs and tank top and quietly sneak outside to the tire swing in the front yard. As I swing, I get lost in thought. My brain wanders to all the thoughts that had me tossing and turning. Do I want to come back here? Can Beau go with me? Is Jake the one? Should I give Chase a chance? Do I forget guys all together and become a nun? Nah, that’s out, but maybe I should focus on me like I had originally planned. Ever since I can remember, this is where I would go to clear my mind. It followed all the rules growing up. I wasn’t leaving our property or sneaking off somewhere, but it felt like an escape. Taking a moment, I push all thoughts aside and swing like a little girl under the moonlight and diamonds in the sky.
As I swing higher and higher, I jump out of my skin when I hear Chase’s voice behind me. “Don’t jump.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I see him. “What the world, Chase?”
“I wondered if you were having the same problem as me.”
“And what would that be?” I come to a complete stop.
Chase approaches me and begins to push me on the swing. As he pushes me, I relax and think about all the times we used to do this. “The thought of you and me.” Planting my bare feet on the ground, I abruptly halt myself mid-swing, jump up, and face Chase.
“No, that’s not what I was thinkin’ about! Not you and me! More like Jake and me!”
Hurt flashes in Chase’s eyes and the anger bulges from his veins. As he gathers his thoughts, he doesn’t look at me. Once he has his feelings and thoughts in check, he tells me exactly what he’s thinking. “When are you going to wake up and realize that this is just a getaway for him, Bella Blu? Did you not see him checking out Laurel tonight? Lord only knows what happened when they jumped, if you know what I mean.”
Taking a step toward him, I refuse to back down. “You jerk! Don’t you dare say that! He’s different. I know I shouldn’t have crossed that line, but it’s been crossed whether you like it or not.” Backing away, I leave Chase standing there. I don’t give him a chance to say anything or if he tries, I’m not listening as I walk toward the house, leaving Chase standing there alone.
Once I’m in my bedroom, I glance out the window toward the swing. Chase is sitting there, but not swinging. Knowing I should apologize, I decide against it. Instead, I crawl into bed, only to toss and turn even more than before. Why did I say that to him? It was spiteful, hurtful, and a complete lie. Letting my conscience get the best of me, I grab my phone and send him a quick text to tell him I’m sorry and I hope he’ll still save me a dance tomorrow night at Joe’s. When he doesn’t respond, a tear falls from my eye and eventually I drift off to sleep. Tonight has ended in disaster.
Chase
The moment she turned and walked away, my heart shattered. I sound like a pansy, but it’s the truth. She might think she wants Jake, but everything about her eyes tell me differently. Sitting on the tire swing, I want to leave, walk away and never look back, but I know that will never happen for me.
Standing, my phone pings and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know who it is. Glancing down, I see her name on the screen. Opening my home screen, I stare at the words in front of me and glance up to her window. If it was ten years ago, I’d have climbed this tree right to her window, but we aren’t kids.
Looking at my phone, I debate if I should reply. I know she’s sorry, but I also know that if I don’t move on in some way, neither of us are going to find happiness. Taking my phone, I put it in my pocket and walk toward the truck as a drop of rain falls from the sky. Looking up, I pray that I’ve not made her cry because even if she breaks my heart, I'd never want to hurt her.