Whatever we have done with our lives makes us what we are when we die.
And everything, absolutely everything, counts.
—SOGYAL RINPOCHE
Jack had been a heroin addict for fifteen years, living out of his car. Thinking he had a chest cold one day, he went to the emergency room at San Francisco General Hospital. He was diagnosed with lung cancer. Three days later, he moved into Zen Hospice Project. He never went back to his car.
Jack kept a journal, which he occasionally shared with me and other volunteers. He wrote:
Over the years, I’ve put things off. I figured there was always plenty of time later on. At least I’ve managed to do one major project: I finished that training to be a motorcycle mechanic. Now, they tell me I got less than six months. I’m gonna fool them. I’m gonna make it longer than that …
Ah, who am I kidding? To tell the truth, I’m scared, angry, tired, and confused. I’m only 45 years old and I feel like I’m 145. I have so much that I want to do, and now there isn’t even time to sleep.
When people are dying, it is easy for them to recognize that every minute, every breath counts. But the truth is, death is always with us, integral to life itself. Everything is constantly changing. Nothing is permanent. This idea can both frighten and inspire us. Yet if we listen closely, the message we hear is: Don’t wait.
“The problem with the word patience,” said Zen master Suzuki Roshi, “is that it implies we are waiting for something to get better, we are waiting for something good that will come. A more accurate word for this quality is constancy, a capacity to be with what is true moment after moment.”
Embracing the truth that all things inevitably must end encourages us not to wait in order to begin living each moment in a manner that is deeply engaged. We stop wasting our lives on meaningless activities. We learn to not hold our opinions, our desires, and even our own identities so tightly. Instead of pinning our hopes on a better future, we focus on the present and being grateful for what we have in front of us right now. We say “I love you” more often because we realize the importance of human connection. We become kinder, more compassionate, and more forgiving.
Don’t wait is a pathway to fulfillment and an antidote to regret.