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Abby—
I stumbled down the stairs, rubbing bleary eyes. It didn’t seem to matter how much sleep I got, I was still exhausted. I hadn’t woken last night when Levi came home—whenever that was—slept straight through my alarm this morning, and this afternoon’s nap had gone from half an hour to two. Thank goodness I was between classes right now.
As I walked through the doorway into the kitchen, the smell of raw meat hit me like a slap in the face. I could literally feel the blood drain from my cheeks, it happened so fast.
“I know that look,” Leah said where she stood at the island, cutting chicken into slices for stir-fry, it looked like. “Go sit over at the table and let me get you something for your stomach.”
Relief eased the weight on my chest as I crossed the room, partly because the smell of the meat receded, partly because Leah was here. The only person who knew my secret. At least she had experience with this stuff; otherwise I’d be completely in the dark.
“Here.” A glass of light amber liquid, tiny bubbles lining the sides, appeared in front of me. I took a small sip. Ginger ale. “It’ll settle your stomach some.”
I watched as she went back to the island, but she didn’t stop this time. She moved to the bread near the toaster, pulled a couple of slices, and popped them inside. Taking care of me.
The way Levi should be doing.
Don’t. I couldn’t expect him to be worried about me when he had no idea what was going on.
And whose fault is that?
Leah brought over the toast. “Eat that slow,” she warned.
I gave her a weak smile. “So this is normal, then?”
“This early, yeah.” She braced her hands on the back of a chair, her eyes intent on me. “Lots of sleep and lots of tiny meals helps, but nothing will take it away but time. The hormone surge in early pregnancy is a bitch. It takes a while for your body to get used to it.”
I nodded absently, my brain stuck back on that word: pregnancy. I was pregnant. Just a handful of weeks, but...pregnant.
“Have you told Levi yet?” Leah asked, switching from nurse mode to friend mode in an instant. Had she seen the lost look in my eyes? Had Remi said something to her about Levi’s nightly absences? If anyone could recognize his old patterns resurging, it would be his middle brother, but there was a lot going on in Remi’s and Leah’s lives right now too.
Trying, and probably failing, to appear as if the question didn’t bother me, I shrugged. “It’s only been three weeks.”
Leah rolled her eyes, turning to hide the response but not quite succeeding. “A lot has changed in three weeks.”
Wasn’t that the truth? And yet not quite as much as I’d hoped. I mean, I got it. I’d committed myself to a man who was anything but normal. I wasn’t sure normal might have been a possibility even if he’d grown up like other kids. Had his family not been decimated. But he hadn’t had a chance to find out. His entire life from the time his parents were murdered had been a marathon of ruthless survival.
Yes, I understood that he wasn’t normal. That didn’t mean the way he dealt with issues tore my heart out any less.
At least I had Leah, or it might have been a lot longer before I figured out why I was feeling sick and tired, literally, all the time. You never think one broken condom is a big deal, right? But one broken condom had changed my life, big time. I eyed the ever-so-slight roundness of Leah’s belly as she crossed to the fridge to retrieve vegetables to cut up. Remi and Leah’s baby rested there, just a couple of months older than mine and Levi’s would be. If only I could be as carefree as Leah seemed right now, with her fiancé and her sweet six-year-old daughter, Brooke, and her nausea-free days and nights.
That’s definitely not me.
“Mommy!”
Speaking of Brooke, the little bundle of energy shot into the room, leaving giggles in her wake. Hot on her heels came Remi, grabby hands out as if he’d snatch her up at any second. The soft smile that lit Leah’s face as she watched the two chase each other around the kitchen sent envy shafting through me. I took a sip of the ginger ale and reminded myself that every couple had struggles. Remi and Leah’s road to this moment hadn’t been without its bumps either.
Remi settled at the island next to Leah, his big frame dwarfing her despite her average height. “You sit. I’ll take over.”
Leah claimed a stool on the other side of the island, and I watched as Brooke climbed up next to her and began a rapid-fire discussion, but my attention wasn’t focused enough to catch what. Instead I found myself listening hard for a door closing, the elevator dinging, footsteps. Anything to indicate the one presence I desperately needed at the moment. When they came, my stomach knotted, waiting for that first glimpse.
Would my first look at Levi ever not fill my throat with anticipation? I wasn’t sure; I only knew in the almost two years we’d known each other, the reaction had never lessened.
But it wasn’t Levi who walked through the door—it was Eli. And...was that a dog?
Brooke glanced at the door at the same time, and her squeal almost shattered my eardrums. Eli’s eyes went wide before he dropped to his knees, preventing the big black dog from taking more than a couple of scrambling steps backward to escape the noise. Leah scooped her daughter to her, preventing Brooke from sliding off her stool to run toward the obviously nervous animal.
I caught the sound of calm words spoken directly into Brooke’s ear as I rounded the table, moving slow, my gaze stuck on the trembling bundle of fur pinned in Eli’s arms. “Hey,” I murmured. Getting to my knees, I tilted my head, trying to make eye contact with the dog. “Who is this?”
“Diesel,” Eli said, voice gravelly. He cleared it, then tried again. “This is Diesel.” He looked to where Brooke sat, trembling almost as much as the dog, with excitement rather than fear. “He’s kind of scared right now. Like you were when you first came to live with us, remember, Brooke? He needs a little time to get used to everybody.”
I inched closer. “Where did you find him?” No way had Eli bought Diesel—the dog was obviously a mutt, his head and body resembling multiple types of dogs rather than one clear breed. He was also terrified and, if the gray on his muzzle was telling the truth, older than any breeder would sell.
“Behind the bar.”
Abe’s Place. It still amazed me that until I moved into the mansion with them seven months ago, Eli’s brothers hadn’t known he was part owner of a bar. They’d seen him as a boy—usually a playboy—when he didn’t have a weapon in his hand, but Eli had so much compassion inside him too. Hence the bar and, now, a dog.
A dog in the Agozi mansion. A silly grin tugged at my lips.
I held my hand out carefully, palm up, and scooted slightly closer. Diesel shifted his attention to me, a vee of concern appearing between his gray eyes. Eli continued to murmur to the dog, reassuring him until Diesel eased forward the slightest bit to sniff my fingers.
I didn’t try to touch him. He needed to be coaxed, to relax before he could endure us that close. “It must have taken you weeks to get him to come to you,” I said, eyes on Diesel.
“He’s worth it,” Eli told me. “Brooke, come sit by Abby, nice and slow. Let him get used to your scent.”
Leah helped her daughter down. I could sense the little girl’s excitement, the quivering need to get closer, but she held herself back, merely extending her fingers for Diesel to sniff just as I had.
“Maybe you could help me feed him?” Eli asked.
Wide eyes searched out her mother’s permission. When Leah nodded, so did Brooke. “I want to help.”
“Start here.” Eli fished a treat from his pocket and placed it in Brooke’s hand. “These are his favorite.”
We all held our breath, I think, as Brooke offered the little brown square to Diesel. The moment was broken just as he licked up the treat, by hard footsteps heading toward the kitchen.
My stomach fluttered, this time in a good way. I stood, grateful the nausea—and the smell of raw meat—had dissipated. “Levi.”
He turned his head as he entered, his gaze landing on me, his body following in a beeline that never failed to make me feel special. Only this time that path was obstructed by a kneeling brother, a six-year-old, and a skittish dog. One glimpse of Levi and Diesel pulled at Eli, backing away from the room’s new occupant.
Eli shot his brother a dirty look. “I need a sit-down with you. Both of you,” he told Remi.
“It’ll have to wait,” Levi said, turning his back on Eli and the dog.
Diesel barked, the first aggressive move I’d seen from him since he’d come in. When Levi jerked around, glaring at the animal, Diesel tore away from Eli and darted out of the room.
“Fuck it,” Eli muttered. “Do whatever you want.” He ran after his new pet.
“You’ve got some people—and dogs—riled up, it seems, brother,” Remi observed.
Levi grunted, narrowed eyes on the door, and I swear I saw a hint of guilt pass behind the irritation evident there. Then his expression cleared and his steps continued until he gathered me against his side. The warmth of him soaked into me, easing the tension and fear that had filled me for three weeks.
“You were asleep. Everything okay?”
I opened my mouth to tell him...something. Yes, no, I don’t know? I wasn’t sure, but before I could get a syllable out, Levi’s phone pinged with an incoming text. At the same time, Remi’s phone echoed the sound.
The brothers looked at each other, then their phones. Levi’s grip on me loosened. Remi set down the knife he was using to cut the vegetables. While Levi stared at his screen, unmoving, Remi read from his, “‘Don’t care if you’ve got a stick up your—’” He glanced at Brooke’s avid eyes and skipped a word or two. “‘Come downstairs now or I’ll shove it—’ Hmm. Not sure that’s physically possible.”
“What’s fizzally possible?” Brooke asked.
Leah choked back a laugh. “Never mind, baby.”
“I’m not a baby, Mommy. Our baby’s in there.” She pointed at Leah’s stomach.
“Too right, little one,” Remi said.
I felt the hated tears that never seemed far away creep up behind my eyes but refused to let them fall. “So you’re headed downstairs, then,” I asked Levi’s chest.
Levi grunted. Whether it sounded like agreement or not, whether he was pissed about Diesel or not, I knew he wouldn’t leave Eli hanging.
“You’ll be home tonight, though.”
I made it a statement, but when I glanced up, Levi’s eyes didn’t quite meet mine despite his nod. “Of course.” He leaned down for a quick kiss, but I didn’t need quick—I needed him. I gripped his head, let my fingers slide into his hair, and held him close until I sensed restless energy taking over his attention. I need you. Us. This.
When I let go, he stared down at me a moment. “You sure you’re okay?”
Had I ever said I was?
My voice came out a mere whisper. “I... I need—”
“Let’s go,” Remi called as he crossed to the foyer. Levi gave me another kiss, this one soft and lingering, then followed his brother out.
Every ounce of energy in my body left with him. I sagged onto a chair, eyes on the door he’d walked through. I need to tell you I’m pregnant.