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Nix —
“We need to talk about it,” I said as Eli ushered me back into the shower. The damn thing was too big to be crowded, but at least naked and wet, he was less likely to run. The thought was actually amusing—Eli running. From me. And then I thought about the horrified look on his face when he realized he had come inside me without a condom, and all amusement fled. I should be glad that he worried about it, about me, but some small part of me felt like he’d slapped a DEFICIENT tag on my forehead with that look.
It was utterly ridiculous. I was in no place to, and definitely was not interested in, having a baby, whereas Eli was, in many ways, perfect father material. He probably wanted kids someday. Just not with me.
Jesus Christ, Mikaela, stop! It doesn’t matter what he thinks or wants. You are who you are, and if that’s not good enough, fuck him.
I rolled my eyes at my inner bitch. That’s what got me in trouble in the first place.
Water splashed nearby, and then Eli was pulling me beneath the spray. I closed my eyes to keep the water out—and to keep Eli from seeing the absurd emotions duking it out in my gaze. At least until soft lips settled on mine and forced them apart. Eli pushed his tongue into my mouth, and I had to look, had to see if he was kissing me because he wanted to or because he’d seen something I’d desperately hoped to hide.
But his eyes were open too. Long, dark lashes holding fat water droplets framed eyes of amber fire. Hungry eyes. Desperate eyes. But not bad desperate. No, Eli looked like I was the air he breathed, not something he needed to get away from.
We kissed until the desperation for air drove us apart. I tipped my head back and let the water take over, let myself hide even while cursing the fact that my hair would be back to wet and tangled and I wouldn’t be able to escape into sleep.
Maybe Eli will brush it again.
Just the thought threatened to buckle my knees. The man had magic hands, whether they were working my body or a hairbrush. In fact, Rhys should have worried more about Eli’s hands than his cock, though that was magic too.
Speaking of hands... Eli sluiced water over my body, even nudging my legs apart and directing a handheld nozzle to blast a warm spray between them. I squeaked at the intimate invasion and opened my eyes to stare down at him on his knees, intent on cleaning my pussy. “Eli—”
“Shhh.” He leaned forward, placed a tender kiss on my thigh, my lower belly, the opposite thigh. “Let me take care of you. I didn’t before, but—”
He broke off with a muttered curse, a vee digging between his brows, and I knew then... It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about what had happened between us. It was that he was too busy beating himself up to find the words to say.
Stepping back, I took the nozzle from him, gripped his bicep, and urged him to his feet. He came, but this time he wouldn’t look at me. Even as I rinsed him, even with my hand between his legs, cupping him to hold him steady for the water, he stared at the floor, no reaction. Well, some reaction—his cock hardened again, and the balls hanging below firmed at my touch. He liked my hands on him, my mouth. He liked being inside me. And I liked all those things with him too, more than I’d ever expected. Which meant we had to talk this out.
“I’m on a birth control shot,” I finally said. Eli’s eyes jerked up to meet mine. “It’s okay, Eli. I can’t get pregnant.”
I could see the denial form on his lips, knew he was focusing on the small percentage of cases where pregnancy occurred anyway. I placed my fingers on his lips to hold the words back. We were adults; both of us knew the stats.
Eli sighed hard and pulled me against him, his big cock pressing firmly into my belly. I snuggled closer, needing to feel him there, feel his hard chest cushioning my breasts.
“We both know pregnancy isn’t the only thing to worry about,” he said quietly, “although I will admit with Abby... Well, it was where my mind went. But—” He shook his head, his chin nudging my temple, his stubble scraping my skin. “I should have thought, should have protected you. I’m sorry.”
I set my palms on his cheeks and forced him to look at me. “I’m sorry too. Because it’s not just about protecting ‘the little woman.’ Disease goes both ways. But...I can tell you I’m clean. My team may be covert, but we make sure we stay healthy, no matter what.” I quirked a grin. “Can’t fight if you’re sick.”
Eli closed his eyes and kissed me then, though I’m not sure why. Because I took care of myself? Because I was realistic about sex and its consequences? I didn’t know or care; I opened my mouth and kissed him back, reveled in the feel of his hands gripping my head, feeling his cock bump against me as my nipples got hard.
Eli finally broke the kiss. “I’m clean too, and yes, we do check regularly.” He gave a half-hearted chuckle. “And yeah, for the same reason you do.”
“We are so much alike it’s a little scary.”
Eli traced the water running down my shoulders, across the curves of my breasts, all the way down to the droplets dangling from my nipples. “Not too alike.”
I sucked in a breath as his fingers tightened, sending a zing through my body. “No,” I croaked. “Thank fuck for that.”
His smile was dark, intent. Step by step he slowly backed me up until my spine met the cool tile wall and I cried out. A hard, tangled-tongues kiss stole the sound from my mouth. I loved how he kissed—with emotion, with honesty. With greed. I didn’t ever feel like his attention was elsewhere, like he was only kissing me to hurry me along to the good stuff. No, his mouth was focused on me, his intent and his hunger obvious in every move of his tongue and lips, every breath that filled my mouth. I lost all track of time, my senses zeroed in on Eli, nothing else.
Until he broke the kiss to lift me against him. His hard arms hooked beneath my legs to lift and part them, and his hard pecs pressed me into the tile. Eli cursed, reached a hand to a spot near the shower door where I hadn’t realized he’d stashed a condom. I balanced carefully on one leg while he sheathed himself one-handed, and then he was back and the breath slammed out of both of us as he lifted my leg and pushed deep inside me, all in a matter of seconds.
“So full,” I gasped in his ear as he bent to bite along my collarbone.
“Damn right,” he growled. A small adjustment and he sank even deeper. I dug my nails into the thick muscles of his shoulders.
“That’s right, Beautiful,” he rumbled against my skin before he licked the water trailing along it. “You mark me. Mark what’s yours.”
I closed my eyes tight, unable to answer, to even consider the possibility of him being mine. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. So I moaned his name as I used my muscles to slide myself up his cock before dropping back down. A sound almost like a howl left him, and then he was leaning back, staring down at me as he started to lift and lower me on his stiff length. His eyes narrowed and he breathed hard, not from the strain but from desire—I knew because he swelled inside me, his cock pushing against tissues already swollen from before. And God, the friction... I felt almost raw, but if he’d tried to stop, I might have cut him. I needed him inside me, working, driving me closer and closer and closer to the edge I so desperately craved.
“Eli!” The sensation was almost there, so close. Without thinking I brought my hands to my breasts, squeezing against the ache growing inside them. Inside me.
“That’s it,” Eli growled. “Squeeze those tits, Beautiful. Let me see you pinch your nipples.”
I clamped down at his words, and his eyes rolled back in his head. The hard rhythm he’d set sped up even more. “Let me see it, Mikaela. Now.”
I didn’t know if I could stand it, but I did as he asked. The zing of every pinch shot straight to my clit, and I tilted my pelvis, catching the heavy slam of Eli’s cock there, adding to the desperate pleasure. My eyes were open; so were Eli’s. I watched as his gaze narrowed on my nipples, dropped to the place where my body rode his. Back and forth, down and up, he watched as the world and my heart sped up and it felt like I might lose myself any minute. Tighter. Hotter. Faster. Again and again until it all coalesced into a hard ball of pleasure that drew in, in, in—
And then exploded out. My body broke into a million pieces with a scream I had no ability to hold back. Eli’s cry joined mine as he forced my clenching body down on his and followed me right over the edge.