Half an hour later, the vertical-takeoff jet lifts into the sky again. Not a rebel craft after all, but Diego taking Paz’s backup away. Maybe to the same building where they kept me.
I’m alone for a while, letting the bash flow over me. That distant happy noise is like my feels trying to sputter to life again—as weak as watered-down bubbly.
A hoverboard climbs the hill toward me. I’d recognize the rider’s stance anywhere, because it’s my own.
A muted pulse of dread goes through my body. I haven’t told her yet.
I don’t even have Calm to help me.
‘Avoiding the bash, little sister?’ Rafi steps off her board, the feathers in her hair silhouetted against fireworks.
‘I lost crew today.’
‘So did our friends down there.’ She sweeps her arm across the party. ‘Some lost every scrap of tech they own. That’s why they need this. You do too.’
‘I don’t have to go to parties for you anymore,’ I say.
‘This isn’t for me—it’s for you.’ She sits, puts an arm around me. ‘What if you made yourself happy?’
So Rafi knew about my feels too.
I show her my wrist. ‘Not an option anymore.’
She stares closely, until a rattle of fireworks lights up the burned-away faces.
‘Oh, right. The nanos.’ Rafi takes my hand gently. ‘I’m so sorry, little sister. I really thought they’d help.’
I turn to face her, frowning.
‘Wait. You requested the surge in Paz. Did you want them to wind up on me?’
She gives me her sweetest smile, the one I’ve never managed to get right.
‘Seriously?’ I yell. ‘How did you even know I’d wind up in an autodoc?’
‘This is you we’re talking about, silly.’ Rafi laughs. ‘You’ve been injured once a week since we were seven years old.’
I can’t argue that one.
‘And you needed help, Frey. You put a bomb collar on—willingly!’
‘To save Col.’
She rolls her eyes—and in that moment, the difference between the two of us cuts through me, as cool and sharp as a touch of Philosophical.
Rafia will never risk herself for someone else.
Except maybe me.
I hand her the half-empty bottle. ‘If you thought I needed help, why not stick around in Paz? Why not be there for me?’
‘News flash, Frey: Your big sister is not a paragon of stability.’ She takes a swig from the bottle. ‘And I was furious at you for leaving me alone. Also this bubbly is warm.’
She throws it away. The bottle doesn’t smash, just rolls, wobbling out into the darkness.
Rafi looks disappointed. ‘Didn’t the feels work at all? Didn’t they make you happy sometimes? Fill you with Joy? Paz told me they’d help.’
‘They did, for a while. You should try them sometime.’
I expect her to argue, but she only says, ‘If you think I should.’
We’re silent for a while, and I realize it’s time.
‘Rafi, I have something to tell you.’
She groans. ‘Don’t tell me you’re going away again. Even when I’m furious at you, I hate us being apart! We can go wherever you want now. To the jungle with Col. Or somewhere with hot and cold running water, like Diego …’
‘It’s about our brother.’
That silences Rafia of Shreve.
The sky crackles again, filling with the glitter of a thousand small explosions while I choose my words.
Not carefully, it turns out.
‘Boss X knew him.’
‘Knew him?’ Her hand squeezes mine tight. ‘Frey, no …’
‘He was the assassin, when we were fifteen. I killed him.’
The words leave me like a shudder, tearing something along the way.
I turn to face her.
Other than my name, Rafi is all that I have that stretches back to my childhood. My sister is still half of who I am, even when she’s on the other side of the continent. If she decides to hate me, I’m not sure what happens.
She stares at me for a while, then turns to watch the bash.
The empty space where my feels used to be burns, and I imagine all the chords of emotions I could play now. Manic and Elucidation to tell her everything. Cherish to think what might have been if there were three of us.
Or maybe just a straight touch of Grief.
The only trace of Seanan left in the world was on Boss X’s pendant, and that was taken with him.
Finally Rafi sighs and puts an arm around me.
‘So we’re alone again.’
My mouth is dry. ‘You’re not mad at me?’
She laughs.
‘At you, little sister? You were just protecting me, like always.’ A shrug. ‘Besides, the little fool might’ve shot us.’
‘He was our brother, Rafi.’
‘Exactly—our father’s son.’ And just like that, the sadness leaves her face, as if drained by a long touch of Philosophical. She starts pulling off her rings one by one, throwing them into the darkness.
The metal strikes the stones out there with little pings.
I can only watch, dumbfounded. When X was angry at me for killing Seanan, it made sense, even if it was logic-missing.
This is the other way around.
Maybe I won’t ever understand my sister.
‘It really felt like there were three of us.’ She takes off the last ring. Drops it on the ground. ‘But I suppose you can’t always trust your feels.’
‘I’m sorry, Rafi.’
‘It was supposed to be a surprise for you,’ she says softly. ‘The best present I could ever give. A way to make you happy. You’re always so sad.’
Languish moves in me, muted, but as vast as the fall of Paz.
‘Oh, Rafi.’ I take her hand.
‘At least I can stop being a rebel now.’ My sister pulls a feather from her hair, holds it up to my face. ‘Do you want my crew, little sister?’
‘Your crew?’
‘Yes, take them all.’
She’s right—I could become Boss Frey, with my own loyal rebels to fight against our father. Flush with this victory, all the assembled crews down there would follow me.
With the resources of a dozen free cities behind us.
‘Maybe that’s a better present,’ Rafi says. ‘Instead of one rebel sibling—hundreds.’
She slides the shiny feather behind my ear. Exactly where she was wearing it.
‘We’ll need a wig,’ she says. ‘Or I can shave my head in solidarity, just before we switch. I’d do that for you, little sister.’
Of course—to pass as Boss Frey, I’d have to become my sister again. Walk like her, talk like her. Play the dark queen on Rafi’s underground throne, full of charm and guile.
I shake my head. ‘All I want is my name back. Just stop being me.’ ‘Really?’ She rolls her eyes. ‘I offer you an army, and you want your name?’
‘It’s the only thing I have that’s really mine.’
She groans a little. ‘You don’t even remember where Frey came from, do you?’
I look at her. ‘It’s what they called me. Same as any name.’
‘Oh, Frey.’ My big sister stands up, straightens, like she’s giving a speech. ‘All right, let this be my present for you—the story of Frey.’
I stare up at her, confused.
‘You had some other name until we were four,’ she says. ‘I can’t recall what. Just some word Security came up with.’
‘You mean Mirror. That was my code name, like you were Gemstone.’
‘Of course! Except Mirror was your name, little sister. At least until Sensei Noriko started to teach me the ancient art of handwriting.’
My fingers reach for Focus, but it’s not there.
‘I don’t understand.’
‘The first thing Noriko taught me to write was Rafia. I tried to teach you too, under the covers that night. Only you weren’t very good at it.’
I frown. ‘My handwriting’s still terrible.’
‘True. But at least you can get the letters in the right order now.’
Something passes through me. ‘Stop, Rafi. This isn’t true.’
‘It’s not only true, it’s wonderful,’ she says, her eyes wide. ‘You named yourself, little sister—even if it’s just my name, sideways and misspelled. I can’t believe you forgot. It was your first victory.’
I stare at her, uncertain if she’s lying.
I remember being called Mirror. But at some point they stopped, even though they still called my sister Gemstone during lockdowns and emergencies.
There’s no way to find out if she’s lying. Everyone who would know the truth is my enemy now, in a fortified city half a continent away.
‘I love you no matter what you call yourself, little sister.’ Rafi turns to face the party. ‘But this is my last rebel bash—you should enjoy it. Please, for me?’
‘I don’t want to.’
I am Frey.
‘Suit yourself.’ Rafia lets out a frustrated sigh. ‘By the way, Diego was looking for you, just before they left. Seemed important. Did they find you?’
As I open my mouth, the smallest tremor of warning goes through me.
‘No,’ I say.