Kathryn carefully crept across her living room, skillfully avoiding the floorboards she knew to creak. She peeked into the bedroom on her way down the hall to the bathroom, and by the glow of a small nightlight, she saw Jenny curled up in her bed. She smiled as she quietly pulled the door shut and then tiptoed down the hallway, glad the day was over.
She looked at her swollen red cheek in the bathroom mirror. Forrester’s heavy Masonic pinky ring left a welt just below her cheekbone, and she knew by morning, it would be a bruise. Her eyes swept up to the small scar above her eye from the car accident with Jenny and she shook her head.
“Why don’t you just take up boxing?” she mumbled sarcastically.
She unhooked the back of her dress and let if fall to the floor in a heap. She then removed the diamond studded cuff bracelet Forrester had given her as a peace offering for his violent outburst and threw it on top of the dress in disgust. For the first time, she noticed the finger marks around her wrist were already bruising where he had grabbed her arm.
“Bastard.”
His apology came as a complete surprise, as he had all but ignored her after he stormed out of the room. He went on networking to keep up appearances, and she dutifully joined him as commanded. There was only so much she could do to disguise her abused face, but she managed to conceal it with some foundation and a cascading wave of dark hair. Forrester barely acknowledged her presence as they stood side by side, and his indifference made her feel like an outcast—an outcast who had blown her assignment.
She couldn’t do anything but play his game and stew over her situation. Was he still angry? She couldn’t tell. She looked around for Smitty, but he was nowhere to be found. That wasn’t a good sign. She briefly entertained the notion that Forrester might have it in for her. If he was ready to discard her, she knew more than most, and most had been killed for less, but surely that was unreasonable. She knew him better than that—she was more valuable to him than that. On the other hand, she never would have predicted his violent response to her rejection, and she remembered Smitty’s comment about arrogance making one careless. Perhaps she should listen to him more often.
When the evening ended, Kathryn asked a passing valet to call a cab. That finally got Forrester’s attention, and he told the man to disregard the request.
Kathryn turned in controlled anger, aware of appearances and the other exiting guests. “I’m not going home with you, Marc,” she said in a low but firm voice. She didn’t know where he was emotionally, but she wasn’t spending the night with him, and she wouldn’t let him get away with hitting her without comment.
Forrester glanced at his driver, who was holding the backseat door open on the long black car.
“Take a walk.”
When the driver complied, Forrester turned back to Kathryn. “Get in.”
Kathryn balked. “I did as you asked, Marcus. I fulfilled my obligation to you this evening and I’m taking a cab home—on your dime.”
“Get in the car, Kathryn,” he said sternly.
“Or what?” she said, just above a whisper. “You’ll hit me again?”
Kathryn thought for a moment that he would. Instead, he set his jaw and quickly glanced at the passersby before softening his approach considerably.
“Please, get in the car.” She didn’t move. “I need to talk to you. Please.”
Kathryn looked around for Smitty again before she acquiesced. Forrester had sent him away, but she knew he was out there somewhere—watching.
Forrester followed her into the car, where they sat in tense silence for what seemed like an eternity. If Kathryn felt like an outcast before, she felt like an outcast in a vise now, as uncertainty and anger filled the confined space and pressed in on her.
“I’m listening,” she finally said, before the urge to get out of there overwhelmed her.
“I don’t know where to begin.”
“Then I’m calling a cab.” She attempted to slide toward the door to her left.
“No.” He grabbed her wrist again, but this time she pulled it away before he had a good hold on it and she sucked the inflicted pain through clenched teeth.
“Damn it, Marc!”
He was immediately remorseful and tried to comfort her, but she slid out of his reach and found her back pressed against the opposite door as she held her aching wrist defensively.
He put his head in his hands and then violently pounded the side panel of his door three times with his fist.
Kathryn was frozen, as she realized the door at her back was locked and she was trapped in the car with an unraveling madman.
He stopped suddenly and clenched both fists in front of him, shaking as he tried to control his rage. He closed his eyes and slowly opened his hands, mumbling something indecipherable.
Kathryn didn’t dare move. In fact, for a moment, she wasn’t sure that Marcus Forrester was even aware of his surroundings. She knew he could be a brutal man, but she’d never seen him this way before, and she didn’t know what to do.
A long exhale seemed to bring him back to the present, and he shifted away from her, toward the window, resting his elbow on the door handle as he pressed his fist into his tight lips.
Kathryn slowly started breathing again, as it appeared his tirade was over.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he finally said into his knuckles. “I—” He shook his head. “Things are not going well. I—” He shook his head again and waved his hand dismissively, as if he knew anything he said would be a feeble excuse for his actions.
Kathryn remained silent and let him stumble through whatever was coming next.
“I didn’t think—” He looked her way with no trace of anger. “I thought you wanted him.”
“You were wrong.”
He acknowledged the obvious with a pitiful nod and stared into the empty front seat.
“I’m a very powerful man, Kathryn.”
“I know that.”
“I’m also a very insecure man.” He looked her way again. “I think you can understand why.”
Kathryn nodded respectfully, all the while marveling at the change in his demeanor.
“That being said,” he went on, “you can understand why a man such as myself would have a hard time believing that a beautiful, sensual woman like you would want to be with someone like me.”
Kathryn bowed her head and closed her eyes, partly out of relief that her assignment appeared intact, and partly out of loathing for what she was about to do. Twenty minutes, she begged herself. Just play the part for twenty more minutes.
In twenty minutes, she would be in a cab and on her way home, leaving this miserable night behind.
“Aren’t you tired of pretending to be strong, Marc?” she asked out of the blue. “Always looking over your shoulder?”
He delayed his response, but when he finally answered, his tone was that of a father to a naïve child. “I deal with very dangerous men, Kathryn. You know that.”
“There’s only one dangerous man in this car, and he doesn’t have to pretend with me.”
Forrester was silent as he looked her up and down. Kathryn watched his bravado disappear before her eyes. Hesitantly, he held out his hand, asking for forgiveness.
Twenty minutes.
She braced herself against his revolting touch and disguised her disgust as relief with a wanton smile. Her hand slid into his clammy palm, and he guided her to his side, where he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed his way down to her damaged wrist.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered between kisses.
“It was a misunderstanding,” she replied with a grimace. She was glad he couldn’t see her face. She was finding it harder than expected to endure his puerile attempt at reconciliation. Come on, just twenty minutes, she groaned internally. Unfortunately, part of her groan escaped, and Forrester mistook her disgust for desire, causing him to pull her closer, where he buried his head into her neck and kissed her throat on the way to her mouth.
Another groan escaped from deep within as Kathryn felt trapped in his arms. His hot breath on her skin encroached like a noxious fog, and she was repulsed by his lips seeking hers. His hold got tighter. She couldn’t move. Her struggle to pretend became a struggle for survival, as she suddenly lost her ability to play her part. She wanted to scream, wanted to fight her way out of his arms, out of the car, out of his life.
Not a moment too soon, he slowed his advances—stopped by his shortcomings—and brought her gently to his chest with a guiding hand on the back of her head. Kathryn closed her eyes and focused on calming her ragged breathing.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
She nodded shyly, using the added time to compose herself. She would blame the stress of the evening for her inability to perform her duty—admitting it was anything else would be an invitation to failure, and she’d come too far for that.
“I’m glad we’re okay,” she lied, as she ran her hand up his chest. “I was afraid you were through with me.”
“Through with you?” he said in a surprised chirp and resettled his arms around her. “Angel, you’re the best thing I’ve got.”
Kathryn climbed into the bath, eager to wash the evening, and Forrester, from her memory—there would be time enough to examine that disaster in the morning. She turned her focus instead to the fact that she had a beautiful woman in her bed. A relaxed grin spread across her face as she sank into the warm water. She washed her face and winced, as her swollen cheek protested the action, but no matter, all that was over now. She was home, where she had someone she loved waiting for her.
She quietly entered the bedroom, turned off the nightlight, shed her robe, and carefully slid under the cool sheets. Jenny was sleeping on her side with her back to her, so she leaned over and carefully peeled back the corner of the sheet, revealing a bare shoulder. She gently kissed the warm exposed skin and inhaled the sweet smell that was uniquely Jenny.
She smiled and lay back on her pillow, trying hard to contain a relieved sigh. The darkness leached a universal reverence from all it enveloped, and the stillness drained the tension of the evening away.
“How’d it go?” Jenny said softly.
Kathryn noticed her voice sounded as weary as she felt.
“I’m sorry, honey,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”
“How’d it go?” Jenny repeated.
“Same ol’, same ol’,” Kathryn said on an exhale, as she rolled over and kissed Jenny’s shoulder again. “Go back to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”
Jenny was still for a beat. “What does that mean?”
Kathryn put a calming hand on the tense shoulder before her. “That means you close your eyes and—”
Jenny rolled over to face her, and Kathryn was glad the darkness hid her face. Jenny didn’t say anything, but she could feel the tension of her silent stare.
Finally, Jenny said, “I was worried about you. I didn’t know you were going to be so late.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Things just … well … things just dragged on and on.”
Jenny shook her head. “Don’t be sorry. I know it’s your job. It’s none of my business.”
Kathryn propped her head up with one hand as she leaned on her pillow. She reached out and laid a hand across Jenny’s abdomen. “You’re upset with me.”
“No.” Jenny raised a hand and let it fall back on the bed.
Kathryn sensed she was sorry she’d said anything.
“I’m not upset with you.” The hand went up and down again. “I hate this … this whole situation. I hate that we can’t spend time together. I hate that you have to be at his beck and call. And I hate that he touches you.”
She covered her face with her hands. “I hate that I’m even bringing this up.”
Kathryn tried to formulate the right thing to say, but Jenny, obviously disgusted with herself, suddenly threw the sheets back and slid to the edge of the bed.
“This is certainly not what you needed to come home to.” She paused. “I think I’m going to go.”
Kathryn stretched out and put a hand on Jenny’s hip.
“If you leave this bed, it’s because you want to, not because I want you to.”
Kathryn felt Jenny relax under her touch.
“I don’t know how you put up with me,” Jenny said meekly.
Kathryn sat up and slid in behind her. She wrapped her arms around her and buried her face in the cascading waves of blonde hair.
“Likewise, I’m sure.”
Jenny leaned into her. “I need to bottle this moment and keep it with me so that I can uncork it whenever I start acting like a spoiled child.”
Kathryn leaned back and pulled them down onto the bed. “Does this mean you’re staying?”
“For as long as you’ll have me.”
“Hm. That could be a while. Are you sure you’ve got the time?”
Jenny exhaled a chuckle and, with it, the last of the tension. “I’m really sorry,” she said quietly. “I missed you. It was dark. It was late.” She turned her head. “You know how the dark magnifies everything?”
“Mm,” Kathryn drew out. “Quite familiar with the dark.”
“Anyway,” Jenny continued, “I tried to sleep, but I kept wondering what you were doing. I couldn’t imagine what you were doing.” She paused. “Okay. I could imagine what you were doing … and I can imagine quite a lot.”
Kathryn kissed her before easing her mind. “We went to a—”
“Kat,” Jenny interrupted with a raised hand. “You don’t have to explain.”
Kathryn captured the raised hand and kissed it. “We went to a cocktail party, which was typically boring, then there was a meeting of global lowlifes, which is always interesting, and then I came home.” She was too tired for the sordid details. She did, however, know what was really bothering Jenny. “I told you I don’t have sex with him.” It felt good to say it without it being a lie.
Jenny didn’t immediately say anything, but Kathryn sensed that wasn’t the end of it.
“Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask. I’ll answer if I can.”
“How do you manage not to sleep with him? I mean, how can you avoid that?”
“I’m just there to make him look good.”
“And he doesn’t want to have sex with you?”
Kathryn chuckled. “He couldn’t have sex with me even if he wanted to.”
“I don’t get it.”
“He …” How could she put this? She tried to think of something clever, but she was just too tired. “The bastard’s impotent.”
A beat of silent astonishment passed, and then Jenny said, “Oh, my God.” She covered her mouth, shocked and oddly amused at the same time. “I don’t think I needed to know that.”
Kathryn smiled. “You asked.”
Jenny gently placed the cup of coffee on the nightstand and fanned the steam from the aromatic brew toward Kathryn, who was still sleeping. She looked so childlike, curled up on her side with the covers tucked protectively under her chin. Jenny hated to go, hated even more that she had to wake up early to go to class. Saturdays were for sleeping in, or so it used to be. Lately, she’d found there are no days off in the life of an agent in training.
She begrudgingly finished tucking in her blouse and zipped up her skirt.
“The next sound I hear better be that skirt hitting the floor,” Kathryn mumbled, slowly coming to life.
“Morning, baby,” Jenny said with a grin, as she leaned over with a kiss. “I’d love to stay, but I’ve got a date with a code cruncher.”
“That’s a crying shame,” Kathryn said, pulling her arm from its cocoon to wipe the sleep from her eyes. “I was going to make you breakfast.”
“I’ll take a rain—” Jenny’s eyes went round. “Kathryn! What happened to your wrist?”
Kathryn pulled her hand away from Jenny’s stunned fingers and quickly tried to cover her bruised wrist. “It’s nothing.” She got up and turned her face away. “Why didn’t you tell me it was so late?” She put on her robe as she tried to sneak past.
Jenny grabbed her sleeve. “Look at me.”
Kathryn stopped with an exasperated exhale but didn’t turn around.
Jenny impatiently peered around her, seeking Kathryn’s downturned face. Kathryn reluctantly raised her chin. Jenny anxiously guided her hair out of the way and then gasped.
“Oh, God.” She reached for the dark bruise coloring the high cheekbone, but Kathryn moved away. “Kat, what happened?”
“A misunderstanding.”
“What kind of misunderstanding puts bruises all over your body? Where else did he hurt you?” She searched for evidence.
“Nowhere else, I promise.”
“What happened?”
“We had a difference of opinion. It was nothing.”
“Was it a misunderstanding or a difference of opinion?” Jenny asked, irritated at the evasion.
“A little of both,” Kathryn said curtly. “Look, can we drop this? It’s over.” She headed for the hall.
Jenny followed her. “What was it about? Was it about me?”
“What?” Kathryn stopped short and turned. “No, it wasn’t about you. It had nothing to do with you.”
“Then what was it?”
“Jenny—”
“Jenny, what? Don’t keep things from me, Kat. You’re not as good a liar as you think you are.”
The comment obviously struck a nerve, because Kathryn leaned toward her with fury in her eyes. “You are not privy to everything that goes on in my life.”
That brought a familiar sting. It reminded Jenny of the argument they’d had in the French restaurant after she admitted pressing Smitty for details of Kathryn’s past.
They’d come too far for a repeat of that scene, and she would stand her ground this time, because she refused to be dismissed so easily. “I’m not privy to things in your personal life. I’m not privy to things in your professional life—” She threw her hands up. “What the hell am I doing here, Kat?
Kathryn bit down on whatever she was about to say and continued toward the bathroom.
Jenny followed her. “Stop running away from me!”
Kathryn stopped and turned. “I just need a minute to myself, Jenny.”
The words felt like a knife plunged into her heart. It was a reminder that she was still an outsider looking in. Maybe she always would be. Jenny turned on her heel with tears in her eyes and started for her jacket. She heard Kathryn’s quick stride coming toward her and felt her fingertips claw at her shoulder.
“Jenny, wait. Please. I’m sorry.”
Jenny could have gotten away easily, but she stopped and waited, her labored breathing the only sound in a room silenced by the lingering echo of frustration and pain.
Kathryn placed her hands gingerly on her shoulders from behind and exhaled a shaky breath when she didn’t step out from under them.
“I’m sorry, Jenny. Sometimes, I just need a minute.”
“Keep it up and you’ll have all the time in the world.”
Kathryn came around to face her. Jenny meant for the retort to sting, but she was unprepared for the fear and regret in Kathryn’s eyes when she took her hands in hers.
“And I would deserve it, and more, for hurting you. I’m sorry.”
Jenny wanted more than anything to forget the last few minutes and fall into her arms, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Kathryn’s disastrous night had something to do with their relationship. “He hit you, Kat, and you’re lying about why.”
“Jenny—”
“Don’t you dare say it was nothing! Have a little more respect for yourself than that.”
Kathryn backed off. “I can’t afford to!”
They were interrupted by a quick rap on the cellar door, followed by the turning of the key in the lock, and then Smitty, as he stuck his head in. “Say, what’s all the noise? I could hear you two yelling all the way down in the—”
“Ugh,” Kathryn groaned, as she raised her hand and stormed toward the bathroom.
“Love you too, doll,” Smitty replied sarcastically. He removed his hat and turned to Jenny. “What gives?”
Jenny put her hands on her hips. Maybe Smitty could talk some sense into her. “He hit her last night.”
Smitty’s eyes narrowed. “That son of a bitch. Kathryn!”
Jenny sat on Kathryn’s couch and wiped a tear from her cheek. She could hear Kathryn and Smitty arguing in the bathroom. She wasn’t eavesdropping exactly, but it was a small apartment, and shouting didn’t lend to a private conversation.
Kathryn was getting it from both barrels this morning, and Jenny regretted her part. Shock had turned her concern to anger, and she realized patience, rather than pushing, would work better with Kathryn, considering the pressure she was under.
Jenny felt terrible. She had promised she could handle the business end of Kathryn’s life, and she had broken that promise. She realized it had been naïve to make such a promise in the first place.
The shouting from down the hall eventually stopped and the loud voices became murmurs. Soon, Kathryn emerged with Smitty close behind, hat in hand. He looked sympathetically at her and announced he’d wait in the car. He took the cellar exit, and Kathryn locked the door behind him. She slowly made her way to Jenny’s side on the couch, where she collapsed with a weary sigh.
“You heard?”
“Most of it.”
Kathryn nodded but had nothing to say. Jenny noticed she’d taken the time to cover the bruise on her face, but she knew the makeup was an illusion and that the bruise remained as a painful reminder of the price of their love.
“You refused because of me.”
Kathryn remained silent. It was the same accusation Smitty had leveled, though his was a few decibels louder. Kathryn vehemently defended her decision to him, much as she had to Forrester, she imagined, but there was no denying the truth.
“I made a mistake.”
Jenny could see by the firm set of Kathryn’s jaw that it was a tough thing to admit, especially when she knew it was unacceptable.
“You can’t make mistakes, Kathryn. And I won’t let you make one because of me.”
“Maybe I have some self-respect after all,” she said with a half-hearted grin, trying to put the debacle behind her.
Jenny would have smiled too if the outcome of the evening wasn’t so serious. Clearly, Kathryn had literally taken one on the chin for the sake of their relationship. That was noble but not very smart. She took Kathryn’s hand and kissed it, acknowledging her sacrifice.
“As you said … you can’t afford to.”
Kathryn agreed with a downturned nod, and Jenny knew that doing her job meant compromising something dear to her—the sanctity of their love.
“You knew this would happen. This is why you didn’t want to start our relationship.”
Kathryn tenderly squeezed her hand but remained silent. She didn’t have to say anything. Jenny understood. None of that mattered now. She also understood she would have to do better.
“I let you down, Kathryn. I’m sorry. I told you I could handle it.”
Kathryn tugged on her hand and smiled, as if it were nothing. “Well, apparently, I can’t handle it very well either, so I won’t hold it against you.”
Jenny tried to smile, but she knew Kathryn was hurting. She needed comfort, not recrimination, especially from her.
“Are you disappointed in me?”
Kathryn shook her head and stared at their clasped hands. “I’m disappointed in myself, honey. I’m sorry I hurt you—I didn’t mean to. I just need to handle myself better in those situations, and that’s got nothing to do with you.”
“I’m sorry, Kat, but if you’re compromising your safety because of our relationship, that certainly does have something to do with me, and I’ll not have it. If we’re to go on, there is no other choice. You do what you need to do. That’s all there is to it.”
Kathryn looked up, alarmed. “What do you mean, if we’re to go on?”
“You need to promise me you’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Or what?”
Jenny became still and tears filled her eyes. “This is killing me,” she said, as she eyed Kathryn’s abused cheek and lightly stroked her bruised wrist. “If something happened to you—”
“Jenny—”
“No, Kat,” Jenny said firmly, lifting her chin and getting a hold of her emotions. “If something happened to you because of us … because of your silly romantic notion of fidelity …” She almost choked on the thought of it. “I couldn’t bear it.”
Jenny saw Kathryn flinch when she reduced fidelity to a silly romantic notion, but considering their situation, she knew she couldn’t disagree. She supposed it was disheartening for Kathryn to see her so callous about love, especially when it was her idealistic exuberance that taught her the beauty of it. But things had changed now, and she saw Kathryn buckling under the weight of it.
Jenny steeled her resolve. It was the only thing that would save them. “You’re trying to hold on to something we can’t have right now.”
For the first time, Jenny saw that Kathryn recognized the change in her. The idealistic ingenue was gone, replaced with someone hardened by reality.
“When did you get so wise?”
“I’m not a child.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Promise me.”
Kathryn took a deep breath and exhaled in resignation. “I promise.”
“Okay.”
The room filled with silence again. Jenny checked her anger and wondered if Smitty could do the same the next time he saw Forrester.
“Smitty won’t do anything stupid, will he?”
“No. He’s too smart for that.”
Jenny nodded and hoped for his sake that was true.
Kathryn had nothing more to say. She went from staring blankly at the floor to checking the clock on the bookcase. “You’re going to be late.”
Her announcement seemed cold and abrupt, and Jenny wondered if things were indeed okay between them. “They can start without me.”
“You don’t want to fall behind. It’s important.”
“You can give me private lessons at the penthouse this afternoon.” She grinned, hoping Kathryn would too. She didn’t. She was deadly serious as she stared at their clasped hands.
“I’m sorry, honey. I can’t.”
Jenny didn’t need to ask, but she did anyway. “Him?”
“We’re going away for a few days.”
Jenny closed her eyes and swallowed the curse on the tip of her tongue. This was her chance to be strong, and she wouldn’t let Kathryn down again.
“Will Smitty go with you?”
“No. Just the two of us.”
“Will you be all right?”
Kathryn’s eyes met hers, and Jenny saw longing, fear, regret, and love, all woven into a watery gaze, swimming with exhaustion.
“No,” she said, as she reached up and tangled her hand in her hair. “I’ll miss you like crazy.”
Jenny quickly found herself in Kathryn’s arms, engaged in a passionate kiss.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Jenny said.
Kathryn’s pleasurable moans agreed, as she guided her to a prone position on the couch and unbuttoned her blouse.
“I’m going to be late,” Jenny said with a grin.
“I’ll write you a note.”
“What about Smitty?”
“Smitty can find his own girl.”