Jenny leaned against the doorjamb of the bathroom and crossed her arms. Kathryn was submerged in the tub, her long dark hair languidly swirling about her face like Ophelia descending to the depths. Her leg was casually draped on the side of the porcelain tub, her foot tapping out a tune only she could hear.
Jenny smiled and looked at her watch, wondering how long Kathryn could hold her breath. Quite some time, apparently, and Jenny thought she should make her presence known before she startled her and she reflexively used the bar of soap as a lethal weapon, which she had no doubt she could do.
She lifted her foot and let her shoe fall to the floor before slipping out of the other.
Kathryn sat up with a whoosh and a splash as she guided her hair from her face.
“Hey, you.”
Jenny grinned and greeted her drowned rat with a kiss. “Hi, baby.”
She unbuttoned her suit jacket and looked at Kathryn’s wet, dirt-stained clothes, piled in the corner. “You’ve been playing in the mud again.”
“Yeah, we got caught in the storm this afternoon at the center. I was soaked to the bone.”
Jenny slid the vanity bench over to the edge of the tub and pushed up her sleeves. “Warm bath feels good, I bet.”
Kathryn slid further into the tub. “Mm … divine.”
Jenny loved coming home to find Kathryn’s car in the drive. They’d been living together for over a month, and she marveled at the smooth transition. She’d been kidding about the shoebox and a few white shirts, but the totality of Kathryn’s possessions amounted to little more than a few boxes and a garment bag filled with clothes. On moving day, as they covered the furniture that was left behind in her apartment, Jenny asked if she was sure there was nothing else she wanted to bring. Kathryn merely smiled and said, “I know where to visit it should I get nostalgic.”
Kathryn seemed anything but nostalgic in the big house. Jenny was delighted at how easily she made herself at home. She even reorganized the art studio upstairs. She hadn’t used it, but Jenny sensed a new calm and renewed interest that told her she might.
They cherished their weekend afternoons down at the dock and their late evenings together. Even lost in their own worlds, they were only a random thought away. When Kathryn played the piano in the study, Jenny would stretch out on the couch in the living room with a book. Soon, her imagination would turn to Kathryn’s beautiful hands moving gracefully over the keys, which would lead to imagining her hands moving gracefully over her. The book would be abandoned, and the piano would become a silent bystander, as they’d wonder why they just didn’t make love all day, every day.
It seemed they’d been together for years, as they fell into each other’s routine with ease. Today was a Monday, and it was Jenny’s favorite day because the club was dark and Kathryn would be home at a reasonable hour to greet her. Finding her naked in the tub was almost as good as last Monday, when she came home to find her on the couch wearing nothing but a fashion magazine.
She smiled at the memory and picked up the soap, holding out her hand for Kathryn’s long leg, which was given without hesitation. Jenny lathered up the toned limb and picked up the razor and shaved slow, precise paths through the suds on Kathryn’s calf.
“Mmm,” Kathryn purred in delight. “I don’t think I’ve ever had someone else shave my legs before.”
Jenny grinned. “Better not have.”
Kathryn laughed, but that laugh quickly became a rapturous exhale when Jenny ran her hand up her leg to check her handiwork. She met Kathryn’s darkening gaze, and Jenny’s wistful grin turned into a full-faced smile.
“This reminds me of the first day we met, when I straightened your seams in the ladies’ room at The Grotto. Do you remember?”
Kathryn momentarily closed her eyes. “Mmph … do I ever.”
Jenny shook her head and chuckled. “Jeez, that made me hot.”
“Me too,” Kathryn admitted.
Jenny stopped what she was doing and shot her a disbelieving glance. “It did not.”
“No … it really did.”
Jenny’s jaw dropped, and she playfully splashed Kathryn with water. “You did moan!”
Kathryn laughed and wiped the dripping water from her blushing face. “I did. I shouldn’t have, but, mmph, those hands.”
Jenny grinned seductively and carefully set the razor on the floor.
“These hands?” She eased them onto Kathryn’s ankle, guided them past her knee, and finally slid them up her firm thigh with definite intent.
Kathryn moaned and parted her legs in anticipation. With eyes ablaze, she leaned forward and reached out to capture Jenny’s lips. “It still makes me hot,” she said.
Jenny agreed wholeheartedly, and as their kiss intensified, she found herself heading for the bathwater. She pulled back just in time and issued a playful warning.
“Kathryn Hammond, if you ruin this suit, you’re buying me a new one!”
“That’s one way to get a new suit,” Kathryn said with an evil grin.
Jenny wiggled from her wet grasp and shed her clothes into a heap by the door. She cursed under her breath as the zipper on her skirt jammed. Kathryn motioned her over with an impatient hand. Jenny eagerly sat on the edge of the tub, expecting help with her zipper, but wasn’t surprised at all to find herself dragged into the water, skirt and all.
Happy Monday!
Kathryn cradled Jenny’s head on her shoulder and mindlessly traced the tight muscles across her back as they lay in bed, limbs entangled. She sensed an urgency to their lovemaking that went beyond passion and pleasure.
Jenny seemed distracted. She was focused on their lovemaking, but the lust in her eyes was more searching than wanting. Kathryn couldn’t place the emotions behind it. She thought maybe she’d imagined it. Jenny wasn’t one to hide or redirect her feelings, but her blank stare and unusual silence afterward confirmed something was bothering her.
Things had never been better between them, Kathryn was sure of that, so, secure in their happiness, she could only assume it had something to do with work.
Well aware that details were suffered in silence, Kathryn thought Jenny might need a gentle reminder that, whatever her struggle, she would never be alone in it. She outlined Jenny’s shoulder blade with a slow, deliberate finger.
“Where are you?”
Jenny blinked and settled deeper into her embrace. “Sorry. It was a day.”
“What kind of day?”
“Just—” Jenny let her hand rise and fall back onto Kathryn’s chest. “A day.”
Kathryn kissed her head and let the silence do its work.
“I think one of our field agents was compromised,” Jenny finally said. “He sent an incomplete code to his handler.”
Kathryn knew it wasn’t the first such occurrence and wondered what really had Jenny so out of sorts.
“Maybe he got interrupted.”
“Well, at any rate, that’s never good. It got me thinking. I hope he’s all right. We rely on each other so much, yet we’ll never even know each other’s names.”
Kathryn made comforting circles on the shoulder under her hand. “Don’t get too attached to those agents. Things … well, things happen.”
“I know.”
Kathryn intertwined her fingers with the hand on her chest and brought it to her lips, where she tenderly kissed it. There would be more to Jenny’s confession, and she would patiently wait.
Soon, out of left field came, “What would have happened had Forrester gotten wise to you?”
Kathryn was pretty sure Jenny wasn’t looking for the obvious answer, which was I’d be dead.
“I’m not sure what you’re asking.”
“Where would you go? Where would you be safe?”
Forrester would have killed her on the spot for such a personal betrayal, but on the off chance she survived his initial confrontation— “I would have been given a new life. New name, new place to live … you know, new identity … the works.”
“You could do that? Just drop out like that?”
“It’s really not a matter of choice, is it?”
“Mm.”
Jenny was silent for too long after that, and Kathryn imagined her pondering the reality of it. In many ways, she probably felt she was living a new life. Her name was the same, and she lived in the same place, but so much had changed between finding out her father wasn’t her father and her family’s ties to the enemy that she may as well have picked up and started over. It probably would seem easier than the constant daily reminders that what used to be would never be again and what she knew to be the truth was anything but.
“That almost sounds appealing, if it weren’t for missing Bernie and my aunt and uncle, I guess.” She tightened her embrace. “You would have to come with me, of course.”
Kathryn smiled and played along. “Of course.”
“So, how did you wind up exposed? Aren’t you supposed to use an assumed name or something when you go undercover?”
Kathryn shrugged. “Who says my name is Kathryn Hammond?”
Jenny snapped her head up, clearly hoping to see a humorous twinkle in Kathryn’s eye. She found it and exhaled a sigh of relief, dropping her head back to its comfortable spot. “Don’t do that to me.”
Kathryn laughed and kissed the top of her head again in apology. “I didn’t plan to be undercover. I was a desk jockey in D.C., working for the COI when, thanks to Luc, Dominic contacted me and offered me the job at the club. I transferred to the offices here and was minding my own business at The Grotto when Forrester took a fancy to me. I was asked by the OSS to take the assignment, and I agreed.”
She was grateful, actually. Having been home for more than half a year, she felt stable enough to do more than push papers in the fledgling offices of the newly formed OSS. She wanted to get back into the thick of it—needed to get back into the thick of it. She was wasted in D.C. All her knowledge and experience, and they treated her like mended porcelain, held together with suspect glue. They dare not tax her strengths for fear the pieces would crumble. At one point, that may have been true, but she had worked hard to get well, and she was better, much better.
She was thrilled when given the opportunity to relocate. With Luc’s recommendation, and a stellar audition, she easily landed the job at the club, and circumstances did the rest, pulling her back into active service, where at least she could begin to repay her debt to the men whose lives she lost.
“What did you do when you worked downtown?” Jenny ventured on.
Kathryn had no idea where Jenny was going. “I worked in Research and Analysis.”
Jenny made a small noise of recognition. “That’s right.” She waited a beat and then asked, “Where do they put all that information when they’re through with it?”
“Archives, I suppose.” Kathryn furrowed her brow. “You know that.”
“Well, what about things they’re storing? Like objects they’ve acquired, outdated information. That sort of thing.”
Kathryn craned her head to the side to get a good look at her inquisitive friend. It seemed her meandering questions were not a roundabout path to a confession but, rather, a fishing trip. “Say, what is this? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re trying to get something out of me.”
Jenny remained silent. Inner turmoil had been plaguing her, and the last thing she wanted to do was involve Kathryn in something that could get her in trouble. She couldn’t involve her without revealing the discovery of the storage unit and how she’d disobeyed orders to stay away from it. So, there she was, stuck in her own thoughts, wishing Kathryn could read her mind so that, technically, she wouldn’t have to divulge anything but could still seek her advice.
Since moving in together, things had leveled to an even pace, and Jenny had begun to take stock of her recent past and the radical changes that had taken place in her life. She’d lost and found Kathryn—this time to stay—and in that regard, couldn’t be happier, but she’d lost a part of herself when she learned about her family. Self-confidence that had always been a given had taken a blow, and finding the one thread back to something real about herself led her to thoughts of her mother and the mysterious box of her belongings.
For the past few weeks, she’d been nonchalantly asking around about record archives and storage buildings, only to realize, without some direction, her search was futile.
“What’s going on, Jenny?”
Jenny had to plot her course carefully. She was hoping she could just casually lead Kathryn into an answer, but that unrealistic goal fell away quickly. To explain her situation without breaking protocol would be a neat trick, but she had to try. She’d reached a dead end and turned to the one person she knew she could trust. Kathryn couldn’t read minds, but she was pretty good at connecting the dots.
“Something was taken from me.”
Concern knit Kathryn’s brow as she slid out from under her and propped herself up on one elbow. “Literally or figuratively?”
Jenny sat up. “Both, but I’m hoping the return of one will restore the other.”
“And who is this thief?”
The tap dancing would begin. “The government.”
Kathryn’s first response was a logical one. She worried someone had broken into the house and stolen something. Jenny assured her it was nothing like that and that she had actually given them the items. Naturally, Kathryn was confused, until Jenny explained that the property in question belonged to her mother and that she was unaware they were among the other possessions. The next logical question was why didn’t she ask for the items back? She was forced to explain she had done something she shouldn’t have and that acknowledging their existence would expose her disobedience.
Kathryn shook her head. “I don’t know what to say, Jenny.”
“Say you know where to find this stuff,” Jenny said breezily. She was hoping humor would cut the grim expression on Kathryn’s face, but it seemed only to make matters worse.
“I haven’t any earthly idea where those things might be kept. I’m still trying to process your blatant disregard for orders.”
Disregarding orders wasn’t really the point, and Jenny was a little disappointed at the lack of understanding and support.
“Would you tell me where they were if you knew?”
“That’s not fair.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just so—I’m at my wits’ end.”
Kathryn pressed her lips together in sympathy, and Jenny was glad she didn’t scold her for her lack of judgment or remind her that she wasn’t thinking ahead. Instead, she sat up and put her hand on her shoulder.
“Jenny, suppose I knew where to find what you’re looking for, and suppose I told you where to find it. Then what? Are you going to break into a secure government facility and steal it?”
Jenny was silent. It sounded like a good plan in her head.
“Jenny?”
“I just want to look at it.”
Kathryn’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Jenny, you cannot just break—”
“I’m never going to find it anyway,” Jenny snapped in frustration, “so you can save your lecture.” She threw the covers back and left the bed, stalking over to the window, where she leaned on the sill and hung her head.
Kathryn came up behind her and ran a comforting hand up her tense back.
“I’m sorry, honey. I just worry about you.”
Jenny turned into her arms. “I know. I’m sorry I barked at you.”
They sat on the window bench and Kathryn took her hand. “What’s all this really about?”
“I just need to find my mother’s belongings. I know that sounds simplistic, but I just need a touchstone to her. To find myself. To fill this awful void the truth about my family has left.”
The empathy in Kathryn’s eyes nearly made her cry, but ever the realist, she tried to temper her expectations.
“Honey, I don’t mean to downplay the importance of what this means to you—”
“But …”
Kathryn held tight to both hands. “Whatever you find out about your mother may satisfy your curiosity, but it won’t change who you are. Everything your mother had to give you, she’s already given you—it’s inside you, in the same way finding out about your family doesn’t change what they’ve already given you.”
“I just want to know who I am. She’s the only real connection I have.”
“Jenny, the fact that Daniel Ryan was not your biological parent does nothing to refute the fact that he was your father, who loved you and raised you to be the outstanding person you are. You know you were loved, and nothing will change that.”
Jenny knew it was true. It was something she felt still. No matter how much she tried to deny its value because of what her family did, every memory of them led to love. Why wasn’t it enough?
“Besides,” Kathryn went on, “you’re the most self-assured person I know. If you don’t know who you are, there’s absolutely no hope for the rest of us.”
Jenny smiled because she knew the statement was meant to comfort her, but she couldn’t help the emptiness she felt. She looked into Kathryn’s eyes and saw herself reflected in her love. She was strong and whole in that sea of blue, but she feared Kathryn admired a strength she didn’t possess any longer.
That strength was out there. Her mother was out there, her legacy at least, waiting for her daughter to claim her and breathe life into her memory.
She would be strong for Kathryn and would continue to find herself in her eyes, hoping one day to justify the faith she found there.
Kathryn tenderly laid a hand on her cheek.
“Honey, so much has changed for you. Give yourself a chance to catch your breath. You’ll find you’re still the same strong, confident person you’ve always been, ready to take on any and all comers for what you believe in. That’s who you are, who you’ll always be. And if you forget, I’m here to remind you, because I see it so very clearly.”
Jenny nodded and would rely on that until she could find her way. She snuggled into Kathryn’s waiting arms. “I love you. Thanks.”
“Anytime.”