CHAPTER 15

“Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveler, thousands of miles away, back to his own fireside and his quiet home.”

—charles dickens, “the pickwick papers”

He was going to do it. At least, Bethany was pretty sure he was. Ever since he’d first offered to walk her home, she’d been sure that Jeremy was going to ask her to the Christmas dance. She’d been listening intently, ready to hear what he had to say.

But so far, he hadn’t said much of anything.

All he’d done was talk about how much he had eaten at lunch.

And about the weather. Jeremy had talked for almost five full minutes about how it was really cold and supposed to snow again. She hadn’t known what she was supposed to say to that.

When Jeremy had finally taken a breath, he groaned. “So I guess I’ve been sounding like an idiot for the last ten minutes, huh?”

“Not an idiot.” Not exactly . . .

He ran a hand through his short dark hair. “Only like a guy who eats a lot and watches the weather channel obsessively?”

She giggled. “Maybe. But it’s okay if that’s what you like to do.”

“It isn’t.”

He looked so aggravated with himself, she teased him a little bit. “Are you sure? Because it’s okay if you are fixated on weather patterns.”

“I’m positive. I promise, I’m a lot more interesting than that.” He winced. “But there’s nothing wrong with it. You know . . . if you like watching the Weather Channel.”

“Actually, I’ve never watched that channel, Jeremy.” She barely stopped herself from giggling when he slapped a hand over his eyes and groaned.

“Sorry. I promise I don’t usually talk about the weather.” He frowned. “Or food.”

“What do you usually talk about?”

He winced. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Nothing all that important, I guess.”

She let that sink in as they walked a little more. He was making her nervous.

Actually, Bethany was starting to wonder if she even wanted to go to the dance with him. What if Jeremy acted weird and awkward the whole time? What if he only talked about weather and food to all of her friends?

She could totally see how they would react to that too. They’d egg him on and then share glances when they didn’t think he was looking. But of course he would notice, and then it would be awful. By the end of the night, everyone would be making fun of him.

And, maybe of her, too, because she was his date. Though it made her feel shallow, Bethany was old enough to realize that she wouldn’t care too much if people made fun of her if she believed in Jeremy and what he was about. But so far, she didn’t know him all that well. She only had a hunch that there was something about him that she really liked.

But that wasn’t enough.

Thinking that maybe she needed to take over the conversation, she decided to go big. “Hey, Jeremy?”

He cast her a sideways look. “Yeah?”

“Hey, can I ask you something that’s kind of serious? You don’t need to answer if you don’t want.”

He looked relieved that she was taking charge. “You can ask me anything. Promise.”

“All right. Um, what’s going to happen to you next year? Will you still live here in Bridgeport?”

His eyes clouded. “I think so. I mean, Gunnar is going to adopt me.”

That seemed really good, but maybe it wasn’t? “You don’t seem that happy. What’s wrong? Do you not want him to adopt you?”

“I do. I get a choice. The social workers and the judge and everyone makes sure of that. And there’s nothing wrong with Gunnar. He’s great.”

“Oh.”

He sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, to be honest. My parents weren’t great. My father was never around, and my mother was nice enough, but she wasn’t exactly what you’d call hands-on. Then she got shot at an ATM.”

“That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.”

“It was bad. She’d left me home alone, so when the police came to tell me, it was hard.” He took a deep breath. “But even though my mother wasn’t like some TV mom or anything, she tried her best. Now, sometimes I feel like . . . if I get adopted, it will mean that I’m getting rid of all traces of her.”

Bethany nodded.

“Some days I think that maybe she doesn’t deserve that, you know?” Before she could answer, he shook his head again. “Forget it. I know I’m not making any sense.”

“You are. I don’t think what you’re saying is wrong, Jeremy. I never thought about getting adopted from that perspective.”

“I hadn’t either until a couple of nights ago.” He looked down at his feet, then said, “Before I was at Gunnar’s house, I was with another couple of foster families. Some were fine, but there was one couple that was really special. The Robinsons were great.”

“They were nice?”

“Yeah. But they were older, in their fifties. They were some kind of super foster family—they’ve been taking in kids for years. I went there right after my mom was murdered, so I was kind of a wreck.”

She couldn’t even imagine losing both her parents suddenly then being forced to live with strangers. “How long were you there?”

“Six months. That was their limit, I guess.” He sighed. “They did a lot for me and got me through a lot of sleepless nights and a couple of bad moments when I was freaking out.”

“Freaking out?”

“I kept saying stuff like ‘Why me?’ and then getting mad because there wasn’t an answer.”

“I would’ve been thinking the same things. I mean, how could you not?”

“A couple of days before I was due to leave, another kid showed up. A kid a few years younger than me. He was nine or ten.” Jeremy’s voice lowered. “He’d been forcibly removed from his house.”

“Because his parents were abusive?”

“Yeah. They’d screwed him up bad.” He stared at her. “But it had happened years ago, Bethany. He’d been floating around from home to home, pretty much acting up and being a little, uh, jerk. He came to the Robinsons’ as kind of a last resort.”

“Wow.”

“After being around him an hour, I kept my distance. The kid was twisted. But then one night after dinner, Mr. Robinson knocked on my door and asked to talk to me for a minute.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me how they felt that God meant for them to foster kids and not adopt them. But if things were different they would want to adopt me.”

“Wow.” Feeling like she was about to cry, Bethany attempted to control herself. But, it was hard, because she felt like that had been a cruel thing for them to say. None of what had happened was Jeremy’s fault.

Jeremy smiled. “Hey, it’s okay, Bethany. You look like you’re about to go hit someone.”

“But weren’t you upset? I mean, it sounds like kind of a mean thing to say.”

“I was kind of bummed, but what Mr. Robinson said next mattered more. He said something like it’s a waste of time wondering why things happen. That there’s nothing you can do about the past, only the future. He said that I was lucky because I lived most of my life with a decent woman and they’d heard that the couple I was getting sent to live with next was decent too.”

“And were they?”

“Yeah. They were fine. All the families were fine.” He brightened. “But then one day Melanie showed up and told me that she found someone for me, and that he was really different from everyone else I’d been with. He was doing it because he wanted to help a kid and one day adopt.”

“And that was Gunnar?”

“Yeah.” He smiled. After they walked a little bit more, he said, “I can’t believe I just told you all that. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad you told me some more about what happened to you.” She smiled up at him. “I’d rather hear about that instead of the weather.”

He chuckled. “I bet.” He released a ragged sigh. “Bethany, I’m going to be honest. I’ve been afraid that if you found out about my past, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. But then I started thinking that maybe it’s better you knew. In case . . .”

His voice drifted off.

“Jeremy, in case what?”

“In case I finally ever get the nerve to ask if you’d go to the Christmas dance with me.” Looking horrified, Jeremy stared at her for a long minute before looking down at his feet again.

He’d asked her! Elation filled her insides like she’d been deflated and she hadn’t even known what had been missing.

All Bethany did know now was that there was something about Jeremy that she really liked. She didn’t care how his mother died or that he was a foster kid. She didn’t even care that he was kind of shy and unsure of himself. She liked that. It was different. He was different in a lot of ways—ways that counted.

Though her palms were sweating a little, she said, “Jeremy, maybe you should go ahead and ask me.”

His chin popped back up and his blue eyes were bright. “You think?”

She pointed to the red-brick house with black shutters that was just up the road. “Well, yeah, since we’re almost at my house.”

He stared at her house, seemed to kind of shake his head, then collected himself again. “Bethany, will you go to the Christmas dance with me? I promise I won’t bore you with foster kid stories the whole time.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?” He looked kind of stunned, which was really cute.

“I don’t even care if you tell me a bunch of foster kid stories either.” She kind of liked them, but she didn’t want to tell him that. She was pretty sure he’d think that was weird.

“I won’t. But thanks.”

Glad that he’d asked her at last, relieved that she knew more about him, and so happy about a lot of things, she giggled. “I better warn you—you’re going to have to meet my parents before the dance. They don’t let me go out with anyone before meeting them first.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” He frowned at her home like he expected her mother to come running out the door. “You’ve got a really big house.”

“It’s not that big.”

“It looks like it to me.”

Embarrassed now, she shrugged. “I’ve lived there all my life. I guess I don’t think about it much. And don’t worry about my parents. You don’t have to meet them today.”

“Good. I don’t know if I could take it.”

She giggled again as they walked to the foot of her driveway. “Well, um, I guess I better go inside. Thanks for walking me home.”

“Wait. Can I have your number?”

At last! She called out the numbers when he pulled out his cell, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction as she watched him punch her phone number in. A couple of seconds later she heard her own cell beep.

“I just texted you so you’ll know my number too.”

“Thanks.” She wondered if he was going to text her later. She kind of hoped he would.

He smiled at her. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, Jeremy.” She smiled at him before walking up her driveway. Even though she didn’t dare look back, she was pretty sure he didn’t move until she was almost at her front door. It was strange, but she was glad that he did that. He was so different from any of the other boys she knew. None of the other guys she’d dated had ever acted like she was anything special to them.

Unable to help herself, she started humming some song they’d been practicing in choir. She hadn’t really liked it at the time, but now it seemed like it was the only thing that could sum up her feelings.

“Who was that?” her mother asked the moment she tossed her backpack on the floor inside. “He watched you until you were halfway up the drive.”

Bethany was feeling so happy she didn’t even care that her mother had watched her out the window. At least she hadn’t opened the door or anything. “That was Jeremy Widmer.”

Her mother folded her arms across the front of her gray sweater. “Jeremy Widmer? I don’t remember you mentioning him before.”

“I haven’t mentioned him because he’s new.”

“And he walked you home? Maybe you’d better tell me something about him.”

Oh, her mother and her twenty questions! “Mom, there isn’t much to tell.” Which was a lie, of course. There was a ton to tell but she wasn’t going to share it.

“How about some basic facts, then. What grade is he in?”

“He’s a junior like me.”

“He looks pretty cute.”

“Jeremy is cute. And . . . he just asked me to the Christmas dance.”

Her mom raised her eyebrows before smiling. “What did you say?”

“Yes.”

Her smiled wavered. “Even though you just met him?”

“Jeremy is really nice, Mom. I promise. And he’s different from all the other boys.”

“Different? That’s kind of a funny way to describe someone you like.”

She figured her mother had a point but she wasn’t going to explain what she meant. “Don’t worry. I already told Jeremy that he’s going to have to meet you and Dad, and he said that was fine.”

“I see. Now, there’s about a dozen questions in my head but I’m going to give you a break and not ask any of them.”

“Thanks, because I’ve got to go get ready to go to the Upchurchs’ house in an hour.” There was also a pretty good chance that she wouldn’t have answered any of her mom’s questions anyway. No way did she want her mom to start classifying Jeremy into some kind of neat little box.

“Are you watching kids or dogs?”

“Both.” Even though she didn’t really mind, she frowned.

As she’d hoped, her mother flew into action. “Three kids and four dogs? How many hours?”

“Three. Just until Mr. Upchurch gets home from a late meeting.”

“Oh, Bethany, I better go fix you a snack. You’re going to need it if you’re going to be over there for so long.”

“Thanks, Mom,” she said, even though Mrs. Upchurch always left her the best snacks. “I’m going to run upstairs and change.” And check her phone. Maybe Jeremy had already texted her. Then, of course, she was going to have to tell all her friends. Karyn and Jules were going to be beyond jealous. Jeremy might be kind of awkward but he was nice—and so cute.

She was pretty sure that tomorrow she was going to be the most envied girl in the junior class.